When Music Hurts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Friends and family will know that I love music.  It plays a great part in my emoting how I feel whether the emotions are joy or sorrow.  Even that part of my sustenance seems to be distant from me in this part of my journey. 

I have tried several times to listen to music that will get to the root of my raw feeling about the things that currently plague me.  Even the music hurts.  It has been years since I tried sleeping with headphones on and even that has not worked.  There is a piece of music that ALWAYS reaches the peaceful part of my spirit and even this failed.

What do I take from this?  Well yesterday I mentioned Job.  It has always seemed to me that God asked Job a single question in all that happened to him.  I believe that God was wishing to know from Job if God was enough for him. 

No matter how I think, feel, or believe I want God to be enough.  I want him to be “my soul portion and felicity” so that daily I can live up to his desire to be my only source of peace and provision.  I do not know why I am in this long dark but I will not give up my faith just because I cannot see.

Some of the pain, my Sons’ distance from Christ, the pressures of things that seem unjust, not being where I wish to be in life are all things that I feel I cannot carry.  Fortunately I do not have to carry anything alone. 

It seems unbearable that there is not even the solace that I have previously found in Jerry Goldsmith’s “The Inner Light”.  Then again, all things are bearable if God is enough.  For now the music hurts.  For now it is dark and I can only see far enough to take slow faltering steps.  I know that I am not alone.  I know that God has my Sons, my sense of justice, and my future well in hand.  For now, even though it does not lessen the pain, it is enough.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."