17 August 2015

Home to House – Solitude Unaware

Greetings Dear Reader,

At some point yesterday during my lifting and carrying I injured my already damaged shoulder.  A slip and fall on ice several winters ago has left the shoulder damaged and I pulled or pushed too hard and it is making its presence known in a very unfriendly manner.

Self & Solitude by Nathan Wirth 
When it first happened I thought that I should call one of the children and let him or her know.  It struck me like a thunderbolt that all three of them were not in town.  They are not even in Wisconsin.  The depth of my solitude enveloped me like a shroud. 

At the crux of my sorrow over this change is being alone.  I do not do well with solitude.  Since Avalon left I have not had good results even with a few days on my own.  I am working to assure that I do not do anything improper in my dealing with my fear.  I also am finding moments where the feelings overwhelm me. 

I know that my security must be found in Christ.  In most areas I can do this.   In this thing I am weak and fearful.  I am sure I will become “better” at it but I have little hope that I will get over it.  I will not violate the hard deck of my hope and faith.  I will also not fool myself into believing that there is not some great difficulty in the near future.

I find few who get how broken this part of me is.  It is at the center of my waking fear and my deepest nightmares.  As with all things this broken part of me must be entrusted to Christ.  I will do this but today I feel very little hope and most of my energy is going to fighting the fear. 

Broken – Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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