16 October 2015

Second Thoughts - Wanted: Cheese Police

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

A police officer friend of mine made me aware of a new drug problem that has been discovered.  Apparently cheese can be as additive as opiates reports a recent article on the matter.  I can see this spawning an entire new form of law enforcement.

We will need to be prepared to defend against cheddar pushers.  There will need to be a war on all forms of stinky cheese.  I am sure we need to appoint a cheese czar.  Perhaps customs agents will need to search all travelers for cheese contraband.  Who would have thought we would need to defend against cheese smugglers?

Grocery stores will need to close off the cheese sections and assign someone to control the substance.  I suppose the additive properties of various cheeses will need to be classified and cataloged.  There will need to be government funded studies to determine which cheeses do what to lab rats and monkeys.  A special cheese tax will be needed to fund these studies.

Since cheese is on the approved list for government funded subsidies those will need revision.  Wisconsin will likely have to become “The Dairy State (except for addictive cheeses)”.  Party trays and sub shops will need to redefine the contents of their offerings.   Swiss Colony would not be a drug cartel. 

Cannabis advocates can now rail against the legal status of cheese.  They can taut the benefits of grass over cheese.  Then again the proof of cannabis being a gateway drug could be stronger due to the number of cheese curls, nacho cheese chips, and pizzas consumed during “the munchies.”

Chucky Cheese and The Cheesecake Factory will have to close their doors.  All cheese based deserts will have to go.  Raids of illegal wine and cheese parties will be required.  Licensed cheese makers (yes they exist) will need to be registered with the DEA.  Cheese must be seen as the new heroin. 

There will be much debate in the near future.  Much of life will need to change for many of us.  Macaroni, ham, and crackers will need to find a new partner.  Calling someone “cheesy” will now be a deeper insult.  Life will go on but for now the cheese will have to stand alone.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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