Sorry Is Not Good Enough – Genuine Apologies

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the reasons we use “sorry” instead of better communication is that we have not been taught or have forgotten how to give a genuine apology.  While we think of an apology as “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another,” it was originally “a defense, excuse, or justification in speech or writing, as for a cause or doctrine.”

We have reversed the use of apology from defending or justifying our actions to expressing regret for them and hopefully seeking forgiveness.  If we are to do this well then there are steps to follow.  We need to begin with the internal.

This is the place where “sorry” has a place.  We must allow genuine sorrow for our wrongs, intentional or accidental to be realized.  If we fail to engage with those feelings then we may no grasp the impact of our failures on others.  We do damage to others and think we can dismiss it with “sorry” without feeling any genuine sorrow.  This makes our offering more than a platitude.  It creates a lie.

Once we acknowledge the impact of a wrong internally we need to address it outwardly.  We must admit our wrong.  We must accept responsibility and fault.  Because this is not as common as it should be people will try to help you justify your actions or be dismissive of their own injury.  It is imperative that we accept fault for our failures to others.    

The third step is to make it right.  The parts of this are simple.  We must ask for forgiveness, refuse to accept a dismissal of fault, and offer restitution where possible.  The last part is so neglected.  When we wrong others we fail to make it right.  We have incurred a debt and we must pay it.

Too often we dismiss this great opportunity to do right by others.  If I assure that I take this seriously I can show a richer love to those I offend.  I can have a clearer conscience knowing I have given my best.  I must not allow a simple “I’m sorry” to excuse me from my obligations when I have wronged someone.  If I genuinely engage with this process I can treat others better even when I fail. 

If I am to follow Christ with my whole heart I cannot conceal my heart from my obligations when I have wronged someone.  I must be especially careful to bring my accounts to right with others.  I can make no apology for doing less.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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