Greetings Dear Reader,
This is the crux of the entire endeavor. This is the fire we light in the
crucible. So many of our difficulties
with other humans lie in our expectations.
Before I dive too deeply into this I want to draw a line.
There is a difference between placing and expectation upon
someone and in expecting someone to fulfill an obligation. The former is what I want to address
here. The latter is a matter of course
in honest congress between humans. If
you say, “I will be there at six for dinner,” it is just for me to expect you
to be there at six for dinner. This
falls under the simple understanding of “do what you say you are going to do
when you say you are going to do it.”
It is the expectations that we place on others without their
agreement or even inclusion that cause us heartache that is ours alone. I dated a girl for about fifteen minutes who
expected me to know how often to call her and how long to stay on the phone without
us ever discussing it. This was before
we all had instant access to each other via mobile phones.
She believed that I should call her every evening after
dinner and talk on the phone for at least half an hour. I did this by accident for three days. The fourth day I was out with some friends. My sister reported that the young lady had
called eight times wanting to know when I would be home. We had never discussed how often we would
talk. When we did talk that night, I received
a barrage of accusations and epithets that made it clear I was dealing with a difficult
individual.
Her own manufactured expectations led to false disappointment
and anger. This is what we do to each
other. I know that I do it and I must
not. We do the same thing in the larger
sphere. We expect those who do not
follow Christ to act like those who claim to follow him. We expect people to live by our morality even
when they do not share our beliefs.
We place expectations on others without knowing what they
think and feel. We all do this. It is at the core of our lack of showing true
love for each other. It is where we derail
our ability to show love. Imagine the
good that can be done when we lovingly treat others well without placing expectations
on them.
It becomes easy to do good things for others. It is more difficult to avoid doing so
without expectations. It is in that
expectation that we lose the unconditional nature of our loving acts. We place a post-kindness condition on
things. This erodes the good that love
can do for others. It occludes one’s
ability to see Christ in our kindnesses.
I must avoid placing unjust expectations on others. I must love without condition and only expect
what others guarantee. Even then, I must
be willing to forgive when they do not do as expected. The zero-sum here is to expect nothing
without being cynical. It is a narrow
balance that I must constantly seek.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer
who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner.
He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contacts for Aramis
Thorn:
Bookings at aramisthorn@aramisthorn.com
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