As Avalon Leaves Me – In the Heart of Darkness

Greetings Dear Readers,

Today I will stand in a room where a man in a black robe will give Avalon her way. He will use the law and pen strokes to tell my wife that what she vowed for life is not her responsibility. What God has joined together men will put asunder.

As I stand in that place I wish only to think, speak, and do things that Christ would have me do. I am not sure what they are but my thoughts on the Sermon on the Mount continue to reveal more and more to me. Here is what I have:

Mat 5:3 “Blessed are those who recognize they are spiritually helpless. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.” - If anything has finally gotten into my head it is the level to which I am truly helpless spiritually. Even that is not true for I do not think that as much as I have seen my need I do not realize its true depth.

Mat 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn. They will be comforted.” – Christ is comforting me in my pain and loss. I do not only mourn the loss of my wife but that she is so far from the truth in her choices. This is not judgment it is compassion. I do not wish anyone to judge her. I want her avoid the sins I have committed and the consequences that follow. I mourn that she walks a path that will harm her.

Mat 5:21-24 “You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, 'Never murder. Whoever murders will answer for it in court. But I can guarantee that whoever is angry with another believer will answer for it in court. Whoever calls another believer an insulting name will answer for it in the highest court. Whoever calls another believer a fool will answer for it in hellfire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember there that another believer has something against you, leave your gift at the altar. First go away and make peace with that person. Then come back and offer your gift.” – My anger is not mine to keep. And those I have angered deserve my attention to be heard and for me to make peace with them. Christ values my good relationships with others over my gifts to him.

Mat 5:31- 32 “It has also been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice. But I can guarantee that any man who divorces his wife for any reason other than unfaithfulness makes her look as though she has committed adultery. Whoever marries a woman divorced in this way makes himself look as though he has committed adultery.” – I know that my marriage should not end. I will keep my vows for they are a covenant with God not just with Avalon. I failed in this miserably in the past and I am sure that it has added to this current distress. What will be done today is wrong, but I am powerless to stop it.

Mat 5:37 “Simply say yes or no. Anything more than that comes from the evil one.” – We both told each other that that we would not part until death. It really is that simple.

So in a few hours I will be divorced. Someone I do not know will tell the woman I love with all my heart that she is free to do as she pleases. We really are not free no matter what the honorable judge says. I mean no disrespect to the court but it is God who owns our vows not the state. It is odd to me that we meet in church for the wedding and in court for the divorce. If one believes they are doing what is right perhaps they should have to gather all those who witnessed their vows and justify it to them.

No one will ever convince me that what Avalon is doing is right or even for right motives. Too many things have been said that prove the opposite. Nevertheless, I will ask you dear readers to pray that I live out my spiritual helplessness today. Specifically here is my prayer, posted yesterday by a long lost friend, written even longer ago by a man after God’s own heart. “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds.” Psalm 141:3-4

I will have more to say tomorrow but no matter what happens, things will be different.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn