Greeting Dear Readers,
How often do we find ourselves looking for a reason not to do what we have said we will do. It is one thing if for health reasons or an emergent crisis we have to change our plans but often we just do not want to follow through and we make up a reason or just back out of what we have promised. So often I say aloud what I wish to do as if I am going to do it. It is not that I do not intend to, it is rather that I think I am in control. I am not.
I find myself wondering where the line is. At what point have I committed myself to something? At what point am I using a backdoor that I cleverly left because I knew all along I was not going to do what I said I would do? Some things are conditional. It is one thing to say, “I will go to the game unless it rains.” It is another altogether to say, “I would like to go to the game,” leaving the impression that you are when you do not intend to.
We have become a society of caveats and loopholes. We do not say what we mean and often do not mean what we say. I know that I need to work much harder at clarity and directness. I have heard someone say that once they have broken a commitment that they are no longer bound by it. I do not believe this. Christ’s intent when he said, “let your yes be yes and your no be no,” was simple. Our yes is a contract that we cannot break. We can go to another and ask for release from our word, but once we have said yes, we have given the power over to them.
From the request for help with a chore to our marriage vows, we as a nation have found ways around doing what we say we will do when things get hard. I have to be clearer , say what I mean, and follow through. How about you?
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
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I have to say there's a real point in your musings about being simple when it comes to promises, and people have become very lackadaisical when it comes to saying one thing when they mean another. My entire life I have been caught between what I know to be true and what others demand is the truth. I have been lied to, and I have lied a great deal. I have learned quite the opposite of what you say about giving a promise and handing over power to a person though.
ReplyDeleteThis is true: People often try to get out of things that they don't want to do. We lie, use deceit, and carefully forget when we like to do so. I do think, however, that you're talking about something different than that when you title this loopholes and caveats. People cannot always commit to everything in the first place. Practically, you might have something come up that makes it impossible to do another thing. Is it only in crisis that plans can change? Personal concerns can be just as valid though. The bible teaches us that there is a time for all things, and wisdom teaches us the same thing. I cannot pressure a person that is bleeding to death to come to grips with their alcoholism. It isn't right to do that; one concern is of much greater import than the other. We cannot always say exactly what we feel to a person in a very fragile state, or we might only do more harm. You have taught me that a great deal through my relationship with you. These aren't loopholes at all. This is thoughtfulness about what is truly right given circumstance, and given the philosophy of speaking the truth in love.
I also think that you're saying a whole lot about your view on promises when you talk about giving power over to the other person. To be perfectly graceful about promises don't we have to assume that we have no power to enforce them, and that only God does? To be perfectly righteous about promises we have to keep ours. We can pray and admonish others to keep their word. We can feel the need to seek truth and to uphold what is truthful, but what power does anyone have over another person? Rather, what power is given to the other person when a promise is made? I think that Christ might teach us that the power we are given over another when a promise is broken is to show them once again what grace is.
What do you think?