Second Thoughts – The Inner Light

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Last night I only slept briefly.  Yesterday was one of those days where old pain descended upon me with crushing certainty.  I only slept for about two hours.  In those two hours, however, I lived a great adventure.

It was like the Star Trek the Next Generation Episode “The Inner Light”.  In this episode Captain Picard is “assaulted” by a probe.  He passes out and lives the live of a man on an extinct planet.  It is one of my favorite episodes of all Star Trek.  It also provided my favorite piece of music of all time.

Back to my dream we go.  In the dream I was me but not me.  I had more wisdom and less failings.  Would that this were true.  I met a girl named Autumn and we shared a day of fun by happenstance.  We parted and in my dream twenty years passed as I worked as a professor teaching that which I love the most.  

I was at a turning point in my career and chose to take a sabbatical.  I rented a beach house for a calendar year and spent time crafting a new novel.  I would take daily walks on the beach early in the morning and just prior to sunset.  As the first few months passed I came to know by greeting others who wandered the sands at dawn and dusk. 

As spring approached the number of sand wanderers increased.  One morning I noticed an elderly woman being helped down the beach by someone younger.  I smiled in greeting.  They smiled back and waved. 

They became a regular part of my morning journey over the next couple of weeks.  We never passed close enough on the wide sand to really speak.  Then one morning things changed.  Just as I was approaching, feeling that warm smile rising to my face, the elderly lady fell to the sand.  The young woman cried out.  I was the only other wanderer present. 

I rushed to their side.  It turned out that the elderly woman had simply fallen and was embarrassed but unharmed.  I reached out a hand to help her up and the younger woman spoke.  That voice from that day twenty years ago was unmistakable.

I called her by name, looking and he lovely face framed in coal black hair with hints of silver.  She responded, hesitant, then also remembering.  I confessed that I had loved her for the last twenty years and that I was so happy to see her.  She responded with a warm smile and said that she had cherished that day always. 

Then I awakened.  I have no idea why this dream beset me but I feel the loss as if that had been my real life and this one was the dream.  It is with the heaviness of real loss and real joy that I end the day.  It is also with the knowledge that I understand how to love even when I am alone. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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