Sorry Is Not Good Enough – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

The words we use matter so much more than we realize.  What we choose to say when someone is wronged injured, or when we simply need to pass matters greatly.  This particular social contract is one that I must avoid.  Using “I’m sorry” for anything is a risk. 

I risk not communicating what must be communicated.  I risk not showing compassion or repentance.  I am in danger of avoiding responsibility or failing to show love.  It is the actual participation in honest meaningful communication with others that makes a difference.  It is in participating in the proper aspects of these things that can show others that I love them.

Being sure that I use the right communication for my offences and congress will make me more aware of the actions that lead up to that communication.  Since I am required to love everyone I must assure that I do not allow a passive participation in the watered down responsibility of “I’m sorry” to be a part of my life.

My first duty is to follow Christ with all my heart.  In fulfilling that I must choose words that communicate over words that are easy and empty.  My words must show my compassion for others even if it means taking responsibility for my own wrongs.  I must engage with the hurts of others and feel genuine sorrow. 

Rebuilding who I am in Christ requires intentional captivity of every thought.  This part of the process is difficult because it takes meaningful engagement with others.  Although I desire that it is always a risk.  After all, social contracts exist to make others comfortable.  Comfort with the dismissal of the needs of others is never acceptable.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

Sorry Is Not Good Enough – Genuine Apologies

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the reasons we use “sorry” instead of better communication is that we have not been taught or have forgotten how to give a genuine apology.  While we think of an apology as “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another,” it was originally “a defense, excuse, or justification in speech or writing, as for a cause or doctrine.”

We have reversed the use of apology from defending or justifying our actions to expressing regret for them and hopefully seeking forgiveness.  If we are to do this well then there are steps to follow.  We need to begin with the internal.

This is the place where “sorry” has a place.  We must allow genuine sorrow for our wrongs, intentional or accidental to be realized.  If we fail to engage with those feelings then we may no grasp the impact of our failures on others.  We do damage to others and think we can dismiss it with “sorry” without feeling any genuine sorrow.  This makes our offering more than a platitude.  It creates a lie.

Once we acknowledge the impact of a wrong internally we need to address it outwardly.  We must admit our wrong.  We must accept responsibility and fault.  Because this is not as common as it should be people will try to help you justify your actions or be dismissive of their own injury.  It is imperative that we accept fault for our failures to others.    

The third step is to make it right.  The parts of this are simple.  We must ask for forgiveness, refuse to accept a dismissal of fault, and offer restitution where possible.  The last part is so neglected.  When we wrong others we fail to make it right.  We have incurred a debt and we must pay it.

Too often we dismiss this great opportunity to do right by others.  If I assure that I take this seriously I can show a richer love to those I offend.  I can have a clearer conscience knowing I have given my best.  I must not allow a simple “I’m sorry” to excuse me from my obligations when I have wronged someone.  If I genuinely engage with this process I can treat others better even when I fail. 

If I am to follow Christ with my whole heart I cannot conceal my heart from my obligations when I have wronged someone.  I must be especially careful to bring my accounts to right with others.  I can make no apology for doing less.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sorry Is Not Good Enough – In Place of Compassion

Greetings Dear Reader,

When someone shares a misfortune, hurt, or loss with we often respond with “I’m sorry.”   Our desire is to communicate compassion but we often do not know how.  We have developed this social contract of saying that we are sorry. 

I have tried to intentionally remove this from my conversation and instead engage with the person’s current crisis.  We gain so much more when we have genuine compassion for the needs of others.   Learning to choose words that communicate that compassion for others will be noticed.

When one communicates genuine compassion it stands out from platitudes and other common responses.   It is compassion that makes a difference.  It is genuine engagement with the hurts of others that makes us healers.  It is our example of this that will help draw others to Christ.

If I am to follow Christ then I must not fall into the trap of delivering platitudes when others are in need.  I must take the risk of engaging with the need.  I must put myself on the line to walk with them through grief, pain, illness, or loss.   This is how loved gets worked out in the lives of those with whom we travel.

Doing so will also take my eyes off of my concerns and remind me that I have it pretty good.  It may not be easy to find the right things to say but the effort is worth it.  The results are genuine.  The impact can be eternal.

Less of Me – Glenn Campbell

Let me be a little kinder. Let me be a little blinder.

To the faults of those about me, let me praise a little more.

Let me be, when I am weary, just a little bit more cheery.

Think a little more of others and a little less of me.

Let me be a little braver when temptation bids me waver.

Let me strive a little harder to be all that I should be.

Let me be a little meeker with the brother that is weaker.

Let me think more of my neighbor and a little less of me.

Let me be, when I am weary, just a little bit more cheery.

Let me serve a little better those that I am striving for.

Let me be a little meeker with the brother that is weaker

Think a little more of others and a little less of me.

Think a little more of others and a little less of me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sorry Is Not Good Enough – We Need Forgiveness

Greetings Dear Reader,

 I see the depth to which this is disappearing in our culture.   We do not see the need to ask forgiveness from others.  We think we can dismiss the wrongs we do by saying, “I’m sorry.”  Even in that though, we often do not feel genuine sorrow over our sin.

When I hurt or wrong someone unintentionally I still need to ask for forgiveness.   The request for forgiveness has a power that saying sorry will never have.  It is a transfer of power.  It is an act of humility.  It is vital to healing the damage that we inflict with or without malice or intent.

I must not fall into the trap of a dismissive expression when I have hurt others.   I must not feel that I can be free of guilt if I do not humbly request forgiveness.  I must always ask for genuine forgiveness and allow the other person to choose.  I must feel genuine sorrow over my sin against others.  If I deny this then I am a liar.

I must also realize that this is one of the few things I can do as a Christ follower that Jesus did not need to do.  Christ has the power to forgive all sin but never had to seek forgiveness for sin.  In seeking forgiveness from others I get to follow in one of the few ways that he did not lead.

I must do all that I can to live at peace with others.  This includes assuring that I seek forgiveness when necessary.  It includes embracing the humility necessary for this.  Perhaps as important as saying “I love you.” Is the power to say “Will you forgive me?”

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sorry Is Not Good Enough – Pushing Through Crowds

Greetings Dear Reader,

This happens too often to ignore.  You will be in a crowd or a que and someone “needs” to get further to the front or there is a legitimate need to pass.  In either case we encounter individuals who will push through the crowd saying “sorry, sorry, sorry”.

By definition the individual likely feels no sorrow over the action.  In fact the impression is one of being rude and pushy.  I am not angry about this but it does contribute to the dilution of both civility and the effectiveness of the world “sorry” in our culture.  The dilution of civility does anger me. 

The larger problem is that we put our agenda ahead of being courteous to others.  We see it in driving, shopping, movie lines, and many other places.  What would it do to our culture if instead of being this way we truly made eye contact and something like “excuse me please” when in these situations?

There are factors that make this more important for me to observe care here.  I must always be aware of how I treat strangers.  I am required to show love to everyone.  It is imperative that I observe courtesy and kindness when moving through a crowed.  How I treat others when I am in a hurry or vying for position is vital to my following Christ. 

If I fail to show love and kindness in these situations then I am be selfish.  That is not allowed.  Even when I am in a hurry or in need of movement humility and kindness must guide my actions.  Just because someone it in my path does on mean that he or she is in my way.  Furthermore, if my every move is to follow Christ I cannot push aside others or treat them rudely and still be following.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sorry Is Not Good Enough – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I realize that the English language is one of a malleable nature.  We use words in ways for which they are not designed.  We shift the meaning of words to our own purposes.  Words are stolen from other languages forced into slavery in ours.

After a time words lose their meaning or their ability to communicate.  Words get overused or meanings become diluted from improper use.  This is the case with the word “Sorry”.  We use this word in too many situations where other words are necessary or preferred.   

Full Definition of sorry from Miriam-Webster:

1:  feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence

2:  mournful, sad

3:  inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule:  pitiful

I have fallen into this trap and need to rectify it.  I am accountable for every idle word.  I must communicate all the things that are replaced by this word in a way that is clear.  Using this word creates some social ease but may neglect some spiritual responsibility.  Over the next few days I will examine how I use this word and filter it through what I need to communicate.

I never wish to fail others by not using the word that is right for the situation.  Walk with me a bit Dear Reader as I examine this.  Please let me know your thoughts and questions as we follow.

I’m Sorry – Brenda Lee

I'm sorry, so sorry

That I was such a fool

I didn't know

Love could be so cruel

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-yes

You tell me mistakes

Are part of being young

But that don't right

The wrong that's been done

I'm sorry

(So sorry) So sorry

Please accept my apology

But love is blind

And I was too blind to see

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-yes

You tell me mistakes

Are part of being young

But that don't right

The wrong that's been done

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-yes

I'm sorry, so sorry

Please accept my apology

But love was blind

And I was too blind to see

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)