Empty Moments

Greetings Dear Readers,

I try to be real here. Sometimes I feel that I may be seen as just complaining or whining. My intent is to share what goes on with me in hopes of being of aide to others. There was a beautiful rainbow in the sky yesterday as I came out of dinner with my children. Bezel spotted it first. He made sure I saw it and we marveled at the fleeting moments of colourful beauty.

Inside a small voice reminded me of the sharp and searing pain I still carry over the loss of Avalon. She and I always had time to marvel at rainbows together. We both bear the memory of a particularly vivid triple one witnessed on a Friday drive from Chicago to Madison. One of the continuing raw spots of divorce is the tainting of beautiful memories by the treachery of the one who left.

I refuse to lose the beauty of those moments. That rainbow back then was just as miraculous and amazing. They may be empty of her, but the moments are not empty. They are filled with a renewed understanding of how Christ can fill every void. Avalon’s presence added to its beauty as her wonder at things always enriches me. There is, however, still a corner in my smile and it Cheshire fades prematurely with her gone. Still, when I see a rainbow it gives me the chance to appreciate her and the Maker of Rainbows who allowed us to share a beautiful romantic moment during a mundane drive.

The moments that are empty of Avalon are still filled with her unique way of viewing the world. I hope I can always embrace those and refrain from embracing bitterness or anger.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."

Empty Chairs

Greetings Dear Readers

This morning as I was writing in another venue, I realized that some things have slipped into the past that I truly miss. As I sit here drawing on my pipe and musing on the encroaching winter, I wonder what God’s purpose in some of my wilderness time is. I feel a deep loneliness for some things that I often do not ponder.

Today I miss sitting in church with my oldest son as if I were losing a limb or someone had died. I have noticed of late that I look for him during the sermon, remembering how he used to get so intense about what was being said. Even when he was a small boy he knew that what came from the teaching pastor could be used to draw him closer to Christ.

His thoughts on church have changed. His walk with Christ is strong buy I rarely get to be in church with him. It is ironic as I attend a church that he asked me to go to with him. My longing is not for him in a spiritual way, but as a father who loves his son and benefits from his insights. I know that going to church is not the measure of your heart toward Christ, but today I feel and intense loneliness for the closeness he and I shared over this event.

My failures in life and his growth have lessened the time we share in this practice. With more Sundays behind me than ahead of me, I just feel that today’s would be much more beautiful with a conversation about the sermon with my son. Fathers I urge you to invest the time in your children now. Sooner that one can imagine, sons become men with families of their own. The void left when they grow up is vast and hungry, even when it is natural and the result them just becoming adults.

For today, I will look at the empty chair and remember the beautiful boy scribbling in my Bible and telling me what the pastor means. For today I will remember standing in the pulpit and him running up during the sermon to tell me he wanted to help. For today I will recall him reaching out to lost teen agers when he was only eight so that they could have what he had.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

The Long Dark

Greetings Dear Readers,

I love the Lord of the Rings movies, based on the Tolkien novels. I have loved the books since I was a young boy. One of my favorite moments is when Gandalf resigns himself to the traveling through the Mines of Moria. His simple statement is so foreboding; “And now, to the long dark.”

Facing the long dark is always daunting. I feel like I have been walking in the long dark and I can just see the first light up ahead in the long tunnel I travel. The thing is that Gandalf brings his own light with him and so have I. One of the things I have learned most clearly is that we carry the Light, Christ with us whenever we are in the dark. My problem is I forget He is there. I see the wilderness, the darkness, or the treacherous terrain instead of focusing on Christ and his warm, safe, guidance.

I can see the light ahead, but more importantly, the long dark, though filled with denizens and danger, has not been all that dark. Christ has been there every moment patiently showing me the next step along the way. What I must not fail to do is realize that there is a vital truth to carry into the bright sunlight as I exit the darkness. The light that I carry is to be my guide even in the warm sunlight. The Light, Christ shines far brighter and I must not depend on the light around me but rather on Christ and his guidance. As the Crusader’s Hymn reminds us, “Jesus shines fairer, Jesus shines brighter.” I must not fail to follow the light of Christ even though I think I am out of the darkness.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

How is that Following Christ?

Greetings Dear Readers,

So I had to make my way across town for something yesterday. Most of the journey was highway driving and the traffic was light. The cool sunny morning offered clear visibility and easy driving. All this should make for a pleasant journey to church. It should unless I get in my own way.

First there was the guy in the SUV. He tailgated me when there was no other traffic around us. He passed me and then pulled in front of me and slowed down. So I thought all my terrible thoughts and sped off around him.

Then there was the guy who merged right on top of me. Does anyone in this city know how to merge? What a jerk….Ah there it is. In haste to keep my place in my lane on my trip to church I had forgotten whose I was, who owned the world, and what my attitude should be in regard to all of this.

Following Christ for me is not just the big picture of salvation and a faith based life. It is making sure that I treat everyone as Christ would treat them. It is being nice to my waitress. It is forgiving the guy who cut me off because I cut people off sometimes too. It is the fact that the road, the car, and the drive all belong to Christ as much as anything else in my life.

I have no right to my anger, my pride, and my place on the road. Anything that I view as mine is my way of saying that it does not belong to Christ. Any time I assert my “rights” I am forgetting the grace that has been shown to me and that I in turn need to show to others. There are laws and they should be obeyed, but I am neither the law giver nor the enforcer. I am just a traveler on my way to God and my only hope is keeping focused on my guide, Christ.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

When Where How

Greetings Dear Readers,

A couple of weeks ago I shared my thoughts on how we are all a part of the story God is writing. I want to take some time to discuss just how we are a part of that story. You see, in my journey toward God (a journey I believe we all share), I find that I often forget that my readers do not know exactly what I believe.

I am going to lay out what I believe simply and hopefully succinctly. This may surprise some of you and for others it will just be a review. We already know who the “who” is in my faith. It is Jesus of Nazareth, the anointed Son of God. That is a lot of title and name but I am trying not to oversimplify in my simplicity.

You see God gave us an existence that was simple and good. We chose to break the peace in our relationship with him by thinking that we knew what was good for us outside of his stated ideal for us. When we did this we created a problem for not only ourselves but the entire world. God’s response to our rejection is to show us more love. Here is the when, where, and how of his demonstration of that love.

Once he saw that we were determined to be at enmity with him, he chose a family through whom he would build up a nation and through that nation and family he would enter into time and the world. He would allow us to kill him as the only needed payment to redeem us back to himself and he would ask us to follow him in faith.

The specifics, and realize there is much more than this, are that Jesus being full God took on the flesh of men so that he could be killed for our sins. It really is that simple and that complex. We put our faith in that and follow Christ so that we can be restored to a right relationship to God.

Most of the other things that Christ followers talk about are secondary to this discussion. No matter what specifics your faith holds, I leave you with the question of what you will do with this man Jesus. He is the beginning and the completion of my faith.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."

When my Faith is Idolatry

Greetings Dear Readers,

Please forgive my absence last week, I was working on a new writing venue that required all my writing time. I am writing for an online publication called the Examiner (www.examiner.com ). I will get blogging back into my cycle this week as I need the accountability.

I was challenged to go deeper this past week on my understanding of what idolatry is. Who is Christ? What image do you summon in your mind when someone mentions Jesus? Is it the Jesus who reached out to the poor and healed the sick?

I try most of the time to see the humble and obedient God who created us, loves us, and when it was time, died for us to buy us back to himself. Often, however, I find that I see Christ as less than this. I remake my image of Christ into the thing I need in the moment. I forget with whom I am dealing and use Jesus as my ATM for my needs or my personal weather consultant. On other occasions, much more serious, I remake my internal image of Christ into the buddy I count on to justify my own selfish behavior.

Too often I remake Christ into the image that I need in the moment, transforming my faith into idolatry. My intentions may even be good, but I forget with whom I am dealing. How can I be a serious follower of Christ when I transform him into that which I wish to follow instead following who he really is?
My journey is painful of late. Yet in the midst of it, as I find new bits of myself to discard I see new facets of Christ to love and embrace. If what I believe and practice has any purpose other than follow Christ more closely, it is me reforming Christ and not being reformed.

The results of remembering to see Christ as he is are wonderful. He is always there ready to forgive my idolatry, remind me of his love, and give me direction by gently whispering, “Follow me, we have a little farther to go yet.”

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Who What Why

Greetings Dear Readers,

As a writer, I am reminded constantly how important every step of the writing to publishing process is. It is not enough that I have conceived of and written a tale. It must be revised, edited (by my amazing editor RJ), and constantly perfected. Eventually you reach a stopping place and pull the trigger on publication. The work is never truly perfect. There are missed errors. There exist disagreements about how grammar is structured. No matter how much your perfect your writing there is always room for improvement.

As an author the story is mine. The characters in my stories have much to say to me about what they wish to become as their story unfolds, but that is not up to them. It is in my control. I listen to my characters. Sometimes one of them will wake me up in the middle of the night with an idea as to how I should help him out of a jam. One who is slated for death is trying to bargain his way out of it. Ultimately though, I must choose the fate of each of them. A secondary character in The Foster Father of God had much more to say, so the was given his own novel The Praetor. Another charter wanted to say more but what he had to say was not fit for my readers so I silenced him. In fact I killed him in both The Praetor and in Chronicles of Thanatos the Reaper.

Once the book is published, people will invariably show me the errors in my completed work. I am the author and I am the perfecter but in both of those roles, I am imperfect. In pondering this each day that I write, I realize that I must treat all of my characters with respect. They are all my creations and I am responsible for them and their well being. So as a pilgrim who is responsible for the creation of me? Who is my author and what is my place in the story? The simple Sunday school answer is the best one. It is Jesus.

The author of the book of Hebrews begins to conclude his letter with an admonition that we “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” In the story of ME, it is Jesus who is the author, editor, perfecter, and publisher. I am simply a character in his story who stands around telling him how to write, when instead I should be excitedly playing out the part he has created just for me. Not only did he create this part of the story for me, but he in a way no other has, suffered for his art. The author of Hebrews continues, “ (Jesus) who for the joy set before him endured the cross.”

Another translation, God’s Word says it this way, “We must focus on Jesus, the source and goal of our faith. He saw the joy ahead of him, so he endured death on the cross and ignored the disgrace it brought him.” In every writing there exist simple questions that must be answered. In this case we get the who, what, and why. The who is Jesus, the what is that he is both the author (creator) of our faith and the perfecter and goal of it. The why is that he died for the sheer joy of what lie ahead for him. That thing that lies ahead is the completion of our faith in our eventual summation of our relationship to and reconciliation with him.

I am far from perfected and hope to public let you watch Christ perfect me so that you can find some short cuts to your own reclamation. So I write, edit, and perfect. I strive to be what I am authored to be and often fail. Next time we will look at When, Where, and How.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."

The Last Day of Summer

Greetings Dear Readers,

As today dawns where I live the sky is grey. The sun is not expected to appear but its light drives away the darkness as I type. The air is chilled and it will likely rain. None of this is a complaint. Today is the last day of summer. Some places the sun is shining bright, but I commemorated the end of summer yesterday.

For lunch yesterday I had an almost perfect bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. The bacon was apple smoked. The lettuce was romaine. The bread was lightly toasted and the Miracle Whip® was oh so perky. The only thing that was lacking was that it was not on Sun Beam® bread. It is hard to find where I live. The star of yesterday’s celebration, though, had to be the tomatoes.

The tomatoes on my sandwiches were perfect red globes of captured summer sun and rain. They were bursting with juice and flavor. Some of the best tomatoes I have had since I was a boy. What made these tomatoes doubly special is that they were a gift. I do not know who to thank. They were left in a bag by my door. For two weeks now someone has left me tomatoes anonymously as a gift .

I never seek out the giver of anonymous gifts. I presume that if they wish to be known I will learn it naturally. I do, however, wish to thank them here. The tomatoes have been a daily blessing. I have made sandwiches and burgers with them. I have sliced some and eaten them with pepper and some sliced cucumbers. The best though was surely yesterday’s BLT’s.

It is not too late for the rest of you. Do something today to celebrate the summer. To my readers on the southern half of the planet I wish you a wonderful spring. You should celebrate too. Just as the sunshine slips away here and the air chills, it begins to warm and bring new life to the southern hemisphere. Perhaps one of you can celebrate with a BLT in six months.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Dancing in the Doldrums

Greetings Dear Readers,

I have watched several sea and ship related movies of late. I have noticed how intense the situation becomes when a ship flounders in the doldrums. The actual doldrums are an area between the Tropics of Capricorn and Cancer that often experiences periods of dead calm. In the days when wind was your energy for movement, this was disastrous and dangerous. In the movies we often see the frustrations and dissatisfactions of sailors boil over during times stuck in the doldrums.

So here I sit. No paying job. Looking daily for work that will fit who and what I am. I feel fear and spend time fighting off worry. I wrestle with the holes in my self-worth and my obligations to others. All I can do at this time though is to wait. I come to the question then, of what do I do whilst I am waiting?

The resounding answer is to wait. You see my wind is not the weather but rather my wind is the Spirit of God. He will fill my sails when it is time. He knows my skills and obligations better than any. He knows my heart and desire to serve only him. He knows my weaknesses, worries, doubts, and inabilities. He is good and kind and loves me more than I can imagine.

So I will mend my nets, see to my rigging, clean and polish the brass. I will wait for the wind and the compass reading that tells me where to head. As a show of faith, I will dance a little. My woeful heart will sing. You may join me if you wish.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Crossroads

Greetings Dear Readers,

I have spoken of milestones. I have written about the journey and always wish you to find joy in it. The truth is that there are also always forks and crossroads in the journey that require our attention as well. Most of these are distractions. Most of them offer danger and some even death.

Over the course of my life I have come to several of these crossroads and sometimes I have chosen properly, sometimes I have not. When I have chosen unwisely it has hurt my family, friends, and my walk with Christ. It has assuredly even harmed strangers people for whom I was supposed to be an example of good and instead became an example of failure.

Amidst all of this one thing remains a constant. I made choices. I am making choices today. I stand at a crossroads where everything seems dark and daunting. I am not alone, but I am terrified. I am not without hope but I can see no further than the next moment. There is a place of balance I am trying to maintain.

I am not supposed to worry about the future, but I am supposed to be honest about my options. Only God can give me enough grace to do this for when I look at both I feel little hope and great fear. I do not know what is next but I have responsibilities and I know that God will care for me but I do not see a way to go. You see it is all a balancing act of refusing to lose my faith and hope in God, owning my failures and continuing to chase my dreams. Today, however, I stand at this vast crossroad and only want to follow the narrow path.

Do I pursue my dreams or just take an everyday job that will meet my bills? I have tried this before and it does not work for me. I need time to work on the things that I know I am called to but need income to do the things I must. So here I stand, at a crossroads where I know I have the love and support of my children. My faith community is helping me. I know that Christ is with me. Today however, I am not sure where to step, so I wait and listen and hope.

Wishing you joy in the journey – especially when pausing to get your bearings

Aramis Thorn