Second Thoughts – Frustrated Intentions

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Today I had a great plan.  My intention was to have a relaxing breakfast with my younger Son, Bezel.  We were meeting at a place that we both like.  It offers free Wi-Fi, an endless breakfast buffet, and a large refillable Coca-Cola fountain.  Even though it was sleeting when I got to the car I drove carefully into town for the intended breakfast with a Son whose companionship I love.

I arrived early to get a little writing done and enjoy a Coke Zero to kick start my mind.  The Coke machine was not working.  Neither was the Wi-Fi.  The buffet was not up to its usual quality.  Then my Son called and we agreed it was better for him to get some more sleep than to drive tired on the icy roads. 

I helped the manager repair the Wi-Fi.  I had some coffee instead of Coke.  I was kind to the people making the buffet and it filled me with joy to let my Son know that his rest mattered more than his being at breakfast.  Perhaps this exercise I am undergoing in seeing a rejecting the sin in my nature is helping me be kinder. 

I love the people at the places I go to for breakfast.  It was good to help them serve the rest of their customers.  It was joyful to reassure the manager that he had not inconvenienced me in any way.  It was beautiful to hear my Son hear that I really understood.  None of these feelings come from pride.  Instead they come from the sincere recognition that I was able to set aside my selfishness and reach out to others.  My frustrated intentions became opportunities to be kind and understanding. This is the joy in the painful journey of owning my sin and trying to die to it.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Nineteen – Anger Yet Again

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

One of the things that is bubbling to the surface in this journey is that constant state of anger that exists because of past pain.  Things that I have buried for years seem to be plaguing my waking and sleeping.   I dreamt a couple of nights ago about an incident the happened when I was eleven years old.  That is four decades ago for those who do not know.

I awakened angry and in pain over this thing that occurred and is long gone.  I realized that I had not forgiven the person involved.  I realized that I had allowed the incident to shape and own a part of me that is supposed to belong to Christ.  I think that there things I submerge instead of truly forgiving someone and moving on to be closer to Christ and his kind of forgiveness. 

I know that in pride I can overlook things that I do not really forgive.  It seems that I bury them and they feed a latent malignant anger that longs to destroy me.  I must assure that I practice true love and forgiveness by allowing my heart to release the things done to me and move with Christ toward the redemptive love he wishes me to have for everyone.  Boy anger makes me mad. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Eighteen – I am a Thief

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

So I feel this way.  I steal things that are not mine.  It is not like I take money or objects.  But time and spending it doing things other than what I should be doing.  I forget that all that I have belongs to God and I hoard things that are his instead of giving them freely to others. 

When I do not give my best at work that is a form of theft.  When I do not give my best to time spent with my Children, that too is a form of theft.  If I do not give an honest loving answer to a friend when they ask a genuine question that too is theft.  I have stolen time from them by delaying honesty.  I have also stolen trust. 

So often I do not consider what is not mine and how I steal the ownership of things that are God’s.  Jesus made it clear that my life is not my own.  Every moment that I do not spend following him is a moment stolen.  Every word that I say that is not treated as his is theft. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Seventeen - Pride

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

My problem with pride is a complex one.  It is not a “Look at me I am better than you” pride.  It is a subtle quiet pride where I sit quietly and ponder how good I did.  It is a desire to be seen by others and have them think well of me but not a make a big deal of it.  The only desire I should have is for others to see Christ and his love for them.

I want someone to quietly praise me instead of being satisfied with the good favor of God because I have done right.  I often ruin moments of humble success by thinking how well I just did.  When I am humble out of pride it is false humility.  I know the difference and so does God even when those around me do not.

I want to be humble.  I want to do things for the sake of doing the right thing.  Pride assails me at every turn.  It is such a narrow slice between serving others for the sake of Christ and doing it so I feel good about me.  The difference though is vast. 

There is also the iron aspect of my pride. When I “know” that I am right about something there is no moving me.  I have chosen of late to fight this by saying little when there are controversial topics in the air.  I ponder what I think and how I can live out what is right without the need to argue and dominate.  I can see so clearly the imperfections in others whilst being blind to my own. 

My heart needs to be set free from the need for recognition and being right.  I want to be someone whose life betters the community.  It is odd than when I do this well I am criticized for it and my pride kicks in again.  Jesus showed real humility and never acted in pride.  I must continue to study him, love him, and follow him.  I must take up the basin, the towel, and the cross.

The Basin and the Towel – Michael Card

And the call is to community,

In an upstairs room, a parable

is just about to come alive.

And while they bicker about who's best,

with a painful glance, He'll silently rise.

Their Savior Servant must show them how

through the will of the water

and the tenderness of the towel.

And the call is to community,

The impoverished power that sets the soul free.

In humility, to take the vow,

that day after day we must take up the basin and the towel.

In any ordinary place,

on any ordinary day,

the parable can live again

when one will kneel and one will yield.

Our Saviour Servant must show us how

through the will of the water

and the tenderness of the towel.

And the space between ourselves sometimes

is more than the distance between the stars.

By the fragile bridge of the Servant's bow

we take up the basin and the towel

And the call is to community,

The impoverished power that sets the soul free.

In humility, to take the vow,

that day after day we must take up the basin and the towel.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Second Thoughts - Geen Gapes

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Over the weekend my eldest Grandson stayed the night.  He is just over two years old.  It was wonderful to have some one-on-one time with him.  We made pancakes and had barbecue.  We watched a movie and played guitar and sang.  One of the things I set out for him was a bowl of green grapes. 

After a trip to the bathroom I was walking back into the living room and he was talking to the grapes.  He was telling the grapes how much he loved them.  “I love you geen gapes.  Are you tiny and cute?  Are you delicious?”

After talking to each grape he would eat it.  I was overcome by much each grape mattered to him.  He noticed I was watching and said, “Thank you for the gapes Ganpa.  They are so good.”

He brought me a grape and insisted that I have one.  He always wants me to share grapes with him when I give them to him.  I gave me a moment to ponder that he is sharing with me something that he values so highly.  I hope that I can learn to value every morsel of goodness the way he did in that instant. I think my greatest wish would be to assure that the love and appreciation I saw in those moments always live in my Grandson and in me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Sixteen - Inconsistency

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

There are many things I do habitually.   I have a process for most things I do daily.  There is nothing wrong with this as long as I do not let the process become what matters.  On the other hand, I am inconsistent at some things that really matter.  I wish to differentiate between inconsistency and hypocrisy.  Although at times I have been guilty of both it is inconsistency that I wish focus on today.

I can form a bad habit after just one go at it.  Good habits come much harder.  Even after six years of working hard to eat right I can be very inconsistent in doing what is best for my physical wellbeing.  I can forget easily things that I need to do daily that are healthy for me.

Worse still is the inner struggle to be consistent in how I interact with people.  Everyone is worthy of my love and compassion but I do not always apply it consistently.  This does not mean that it should be expressed in the way others think it should.  It does mean that I must interact with everyone in a way that shows my love for God and my love for them.

I have to be sure that I consistently apply the standards of Christ to each of my interactions.  I must be consistent in my view of others.  I must see everyone as some Christ loves and wishes to know intimately.  Even as I write this I the names of people float through my mind with whom I must be more loving and kind. 

If I am not constant in my love for them then I cannot hope for them to see Christ in me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Fifteen – The Trip So Far

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

I must say that this challenge is kicking me hard.  I want to reassure you Dear Reader that I am not in some funk or feeling depressed.  I am trying to get a better grip on the places in me that need to be more yielded to Christ.  Half way through the journey I see so many reasons to avoid the rest of it but the only way out is through.

This leads to the thoughts I have about my willingness to quit when things get hard.  I am much better at staying the course than I used to be but there is always that voice urging me to give up on things.  Crucifying the urge to quit is a daily task. 

When I started this I knew it would be difficult.  I had no idea how harsh the feelings would get as I confront the truth of my distance from what I wish to be as a follower of Jesus Christ.  I have come far but there are many miles yet to travel.  It is worth it to give more of myself over to Christ.

Confronting my sin of wishing to quit when things are difficult will only enhance my success.  I must not think I am fine though.  There is still much to work through and sin to kill.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Fourteen – A Clouded View

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

I am more and more convinced that it is sin to now see who I am in light of the way God sees me.  Not seeing things from this point of view causes me to doubt my abilities.  It yields low self-esteem.  It puts me in a poor view of my worth to others.  It causes me to hesitate when I know to do good things.

How can I hope to give my best in a situation if I allow a clouded view of who I am to guide me?  It is vital that when fear and doubt grip me that I remind myself of who I am in Christ and how God sees me.  If I do not then I will eternally balk at to do things that are touched by my doubts.

I am flawed.  Christ wishes to perfect me.  I am fallen but Christ works daily to rescue me from that fallen state.  I am weak but promised strength.  In this knowledge I must move and not allow the frailty to cloud my view.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Thirteen – Captive Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

One of the things I indulge that is so bad for me is my negative thoughts.  I am supposed to hold captive every thought I have.  I am to control that on which I ponder and imagine.  I so often will indulge thoughts that are not proper for me if I wish to love God and follow Christ.

I do not mean violent, angry, or lustful thoughts although I must guard against those as well.  More dangerous for me are thoughts that make me feel superior or more holy than others.  I indulge in internal judgment and condemnation and can get miles down a wrong path in an instant.   I must capture every thought as it forms and assure that it is fixed completely on the mind of Christ and his love for others.

When I do not do this my attitude and actions soon reflect the same sin that I pondered and indulged.  I must give every thought a test as to whether it is centered on following Christ or indulging my selfish and sinful fallen nature.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Thirty Day Challenge – Day Twelve – Anger Again

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father, please show me my sin.”

I cannot believe the things that I get angry over that just do not matter.  There is not much to say about it.  It is one of those areas where either I put Christ and others first or I put my own wants and interests first.  I want to major and the major things not the minor ones.  Still if I do not let go of things quickly the little things build up and I act in an unloving way.

Little things that irritate me are almost always a matter of preference and I cannot see a good reason to be angry because of preference.  It is my responsibility to assure that I am being unselfish in my preferences.  Unfortunately I also must give up my preferences out of love and humility and not pride.  If I act or of pride to sacrifice my preference for someone else I always feel resentful later.  I think that I have done some great thing and the other person should feel more grateful. 

In truth if I feel anger over a small sacrifice I have not sacrificed anything but instead I have given something to get something.  That is neither loving nor humble.  The little things that irritate me are almost always sourced in me wanting what I want when I want it.

It is impossible to indulge the little angers and love God and man the way I should.  It is impossible to love God and man the way I should and allow trifles to anger me.  The two do not coexist.  So I run back and forth between them exhausting my spirit.  Following Christ is much less taxing that claiming my little angers in a futile relay.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."