Who Am I Really

Greetings Dear Readers,

For those of you who do not know me personally, I am not about to reveal my secret identity. I realize that this disappoints some of you, but there is hope for I am growing older and I might slip. What I wish to ponder is the actual nature of who I am with a few stops at points of interest along the way.

Since things should start at the beginning, my childhood will come first. I was a “good kid” who did not sleep much, spread grape jam on his mother’s bed, and felt lonely most of the time. I went through three or four father figures by age nine and was sure it was always my fault. I developed poorly in the social arena and was an easy mark when others looked for someone to pick on. I fell in love with baseball and Star Trek, both of which shaped my character greatly. I lost my grandfather who perhaps was the only person touching my spirit in healthy ways.

The years between nine and fourteen are foggy for many reasons. At age fourteen I found Christ and much became clearer. I tried too late to make honesty and right my way of life. This struggled with inner pain I chose to suppress. Too many things went suppressed and ignored for me to truly become my potential.

I realize that this is a small framework to start with but the significance is there. I stand at the edge of my half century mark. I have two failed marriages and three lovely children. I am pursuing a writing career that is my passion and God sees fit to let me help my students from time to time in ways that matter.

I do not get to see my sons enough though that is changing. My heart is broken and though I fear it will never heal it is producing some beneficial moments where I seem to flicker out and Christ is prevalent. I am getting healthier physically and mentally. The loneliness is hungry and dangerous but something Christ seems willing to fill and is doing so.

Who am I? I am a sinner, saved by grace, wanting to leave behind the parts of my nature that detract from others seeing Christ in me. Christ is providing the grace for me to be more than I am. I love a wife who has given up on me and see my failures causing difficulties for my sons. So who am I? I am an average guy who needs to depend solely on Christ to become anything more than the sum of my errors. Why did I write this for you? Perhaps you too need to know that you can become more than the sum of your parts. Perhaps you will pray that I do. Perhaps one or two of you who know me well will see that I have come to the end of myself and am trying to build on what is left. Perhaps someone will be encouraged and they too will reach beyond their failures and give grace to others.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn