I am NOT Holding On

Greetings Dear Readers,

Over the last couple of years many well meaning people have told me to:
“Keep going”
“Hang in there”
“Hold on”

Fortunately I do not have to hold on to the one thing that matters. He is holding on to me. I have developed a new curse word in the last couple of weeks:”Bob Dylan.” It is a vague reference to one of his songs. I am in that place where I am weary of the upheavals just when I feel I am getting my bearings.

None of this is a complaint because it keeps me focused on the core. Christ is the eye of the storm and as long as he has me in his hand I am safe. None of that holds out the barbs, pain, lurkers, and ghosts.

Too often I see tissue paper faith that has little substance and no style. The one thing that is a surity is that my faith has been tested. Every area of my life is in flux in some way. I took one of those depression inventories where a score of 100 is danger of clinical depression. I was an 850 heading toward 1100. I think the computer wanted to dispense haldol to me in large doses. I said no.

My point in all this semi-mad raving is that I am not holding on, as I have little left to hold on to at this time. So the next step in my journey toward a purer faith is the realization that grasping at anything is like trying to hold the wind. The bright spot is that Christ will hold me. No matter what the situation I am the one to be dependant not independent. So if you see me stomping my foot and crying at the heavens, do not think I have lost it.

You will find me where I have always been, between the world of men and make believe. I will take my old post at the door. I would rather be a door keep – more on that later.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."