20 November 2009

Missing the Moments

Greetings Dear Readers

I think that I have always had a problem with anger. When I was very young I was very angry. Most of my early adolescence is an angry blur. It is only recently I have begun to see my anger in its proper light. Moments where my sons needed gentleness were met with anger; not always but often enough that they struggle with the same thing. I always think I have a right to my anger, but I do not. That is selfish and hypocritical thinking.

Anger has a place but it is limited and bound by other mandates. I can be angry but I must not sin. I have no right to hold onto my anger. I must forgive and move on to what is next. I recently saw an ugly picture of how my anger steals moments that are opportunities to be humble and more Christ centered. I was cooking something new. I was failing and I allowed my pride and anger to ruin an opportunity to deal with the anger in a reassuring and kind way.

Very often my eldest Son thinks I am angry when I am not, but perhaps the years of not properly reining in my anger give me an angry face when I do not feel that way. Christ calls us to love, grace, gentleness, and peace. My indulgence of anger gets in the way of this. I find that if I am quieter I become less angry. I find that if I let things roll by me I do not get as emotionally invested in them. The point is that anger is not mine to keep and I must choose more closely when I will take it up as a cause.

I am becoming keenly aware that I have fewer moments each day. I want many more of them filled with focusing on Christ than I do filled with focusing on anger. I want to be kinder, gentler, humbler, and show my children the love I feel for them in the depth of my being. I want to be an example of patience and understanding to the young men who should be able to look to me for such things. I do not want to miss any more moments that could be beautiful because I choose to hold onto anger.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

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