Losses Long Past

Greetings Dear Reader,

I waited a day to write this so that I would have the full flavor of my feelings from yesterday. I do not talk much about losing my Grandfather but it is one of the five greatest losses in my life. Oddly each year that pain is fresh around the time of his passing. I have never truly recovered from losing him.

This year I miss him greatly. Other losses and pains weigh heavily on my mind. I am only eight years younger that my Grandfather was when he died. I realize how young he was now and it seems he could have done so much more had he remained. That, though, is not my place to say.

I often wonder what he would say to my children on certain matters. I know he would be vexed over the way the world is. I also know he would find great joy in things in the world. He always did.

Other losses surround this loss that are also painful. Someone who knows me well says there is a constant sadness in my eyes. This time of year may be the hardest on me. The northern hemisphere is coming back to life from its winter sleep but it is deaths that mark my calendar and memory. A sister and daughter are also lost to this time.

I do not understand the reasons behind these losses and perhaps it is best that I do not. I do know that my faith is stronger because of them. I have seen the loss used to push me closer to Christ. I know that the pain makes me more sensitive to the pain of others. I know that I love all I have lost.

The sadness is genuine and has other roots. The pain is not eternal. They are. It is more true to me today than ever that the grave has no victory and death’s sting is only temporary. So when you see the sadness, know that it works it way out slowly. Perhaps you can find solace in the truth that your own hurts and pains are shared by another. Even that makes it worth carrying for me.

I wore the day well but did not sleep. I was kind and gentle and able to focus on the needs of others. I am tired but perhaps I made a difference in a life or two yesterday. For now, that is enough.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."