On Past Choices

Greetings Dear Reader,

In the place where I teach I see so many struggle to have confidence in learning because of past failures. Students who have difficulty with learning usually are dwelling on the struggles they had in high school. I had one student who was so honed in on his high school troubles with math that he could not even begin to tackle his college algebra. He was so gripped by the fear of past failures that he could not see the maturity and focus his mind had developed. Once he took his eyes off of the past he was able to do well in his classes.

As I experience some of the consequences of past bad choices it causes me to wonder about the balance between learning from those choices and looking back too much. I must continue to examine my life. I must continue to weigh choices against consequences. I must not let those failures and errors be my guide. Often I have let pains and fears from the past keep me from trying new things or advancing who I am. Others have paid the price as well for my failures and some continue to do so.

I must not let my past failures keep me from moving forward. I have grown much in the last two years but I still have so far to go. It is a constant battle between the failure to have done right and the need to separate the failures from the learning. I must take the learning and leave behind the guilt and shame.

I see people around me hobbled by past pain and it moves me to continue forward even though my pain is a constant voice in my head to be less than I am. It is my need to follow Christ that gives me the strength and courage to move forward even when my feet are leaden and my heart is dark.

It is never too late to walk forward. It is never foolish to look ahead with hope and faith. It is hard to get past the fear and pain the longer we wait, but those around us watch and wait to see what we will do. I may not wish it but my faith or lack of it, my movement or stillness will be seen by others and modeled. I dare not look back in the wrong way and so hinder others. I have already done that enough.

"If your hand is to the plow to stay,
You can't look back and keep the furrow straight.
Never let yesterday use up today.
Never let yesterday make today unclear." – Oden Fong

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store.”