An Absence Always Present

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I have traveled over the last fifty plus years I have made many friends.  I have wonderful children and an amazing Grandson.  I have also lost some friends along the way.  My sin and some bad choices have cost me some friends that I miss dearly.  From time to time I find my mind dwelling on these no longer friends and there is pain there.  I have reached out to some of them to seek forgiveness and restoration but they have not reached the place yet where they are willing.

There is a singular loss that is always present with me.  In the early morning when I am alone with my thoughts and gearing up to write it is there.  When I encounter the right kind of person I feel the absence of this person.  Everything that brings me joy brings her to mind.  When I delight in my other children I think of her.  The absence that is always present with me is that of my daughter Rachel. 

I often wonder how my life would be different had she lived.  I know that the pain of her loss added to my making some poor choices.  I know that it damaged others in ways they have not yet worked through.  I do not know why God allowed this loss.  I do not know the reasons behind it or the purpose it serves in my journey toward God. 

What I do know is the constant presence of her absence pushes me deeper toward faith.  Her loss forced me to choose at a very deep level if I believed that God knew what he was doing.  I will probably never know why Rachel is not physically here.  I may never see the rhythm of God’s plan for the universe in her loss but I refuse to dishonor her by faltering in my faith over it.

I have many failures along the way that I am glad she never experienced.  I am more pleased that her loss and ever present absence pushes me to deeper faith.  Sometimes I see a smile that I think might be like hers.  Sometimes I wonder what she would be doing at her current age.  The pain of her loss, however, spurs me toward Christ.  It is all that I can do to honor her and I will.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."