Recounting what is Good

Greetings Dear Readers,

I am somewhat of a Survivor addict. It is on the ever-shrinking list of shows that I will not miss if possible. During the final episode of each evolution the remaining castaways go through a ritual that intrigues and entertains. They walk a long hike where they encounter the torches of their fallen comrades from the island. As they stop at each torch the survivors recall something positive about even the worst of the ejected players.

Yesterday was my 12th anniversary of marriage to Avalon. Her absence was both keen and sharp in its pain. My counselor recommended a method of dealing with the pain that I have avoided believing that would only hurt worse for doing it. Yesterday evening while I was alone in the home, I spent a couple of hours thinking deeply about the beautiful things from my time with Avalon. I focused strongly on remembering past joys without hoping for future ones.

Taking my example from one of the people in my Divorce Care® group, I began to list the good things not about Avalon as a person but the good things we shared in our years together. This simple act broke through a barrier that I have been having the hardest time piercing. As I made my list I saw so many things that I would not have experienced were it not for who she is and the uniqueness that God has placed in her.

It is very difficult to love someone and realize that you cannot do anything about their rejection of you. It is painful and nightmarish. It is also joyful to know that no one can take away the beauty and grace of the things you have learned from that person. One must take care if they venture down this path to discipline themselves away from sorrowful remembrance of things lost and focus only on the joy of things shared.

I will return to this list when I feel the sorrow of a future without Avalon terrorizing me. I know that I will never move beyond missing her. I still think in moments of triumph that I cannot wait to share them with my beloved. The painful milestones are still close in my rearview mirror. I do, however, have a new salve for the pain and I thank my counselor and my friend from Divorce Care for it.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn