Greetings Dear Reader,
Recently a colleague at work hurt me deeply. The individual’s actions were thoughtless and really they were responding to other pressures, not what I had done. I avoided them for a few days, unwilling to deal with my pain and forgive them. I noticed that I was taking on other grudges at work. I was easily offended by other things and not as patient with my students. It was obvious that the unreconciled hurt was bleeding over into my other relationships. I acted to mend the fence and was thrilled to see the discomfort roll off of me.
Thursday, April 2nd is reconciliation day. Although the relationship I would like reconciled most does not seem possible, I am determined to reconcile other things in my life. I have reached out to family members in an attempt to reconnect with them. Old injuries never really go away. They only scar over and either lay there waiting to be reopened or they fester.
Think about the people you avoid. What do you have against them or what do they have against you? Who is wrong or right does not really matter. It is instead who will be the first to try. One must be willing to forgo their rights and their pride and do what it takes to make peace. No matter what you do the other person may be unwilling to bend. They may be trapped in their own pain or bitterness and not see a way out. We must still try. Even if we try and our efforts are rejected, we know we have tried.
I am writing about this early to give you a chance to build your courage to the moment. You can use the day as an excuse if you need to do so. The point is, we must try. We must attempt to heal the wounds they have been created along the way so that we may move forward whole. I have spent much of the last few months trying to repair some of the hurts I have caused and trying to avoid harboring hurts done to me.
So you have a head start. Write a letter, make a phone call, or send a candy gram (don’t know if you can still do that last one). The point is that if you take that first step you will know where you stand or you will heal a relationship. As one who has been doing regularly of late, it works.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
30 March 2009
27 March 2009
Rachael’s Birthday
Greetings Dear Readers,
Today is my first Daughter’s birthday. She is not here. I cannot hold her. My younger Son, Bezel and I spoke last night and he reminded me that she would be a senior in high school now. He spoke of having to go to the school daily to remind the boys to stay away. We used to celebrate her birthday by getting a family gift and having a cake. We talked for a bit about all the things that might be were she here.
I see her all the time. She would have her mother’s hair and smile. She would probably have my sarcastic wit; both of my Sons do. I wonder often what things would be like had she lived. My first marriage may have survived. I might probably still be teaching at my original school. Things might be very different and then again they might not. I will not secretly lay my failures on the spirit of my departed Rachael. Instead I think that I will work harder to adopt the spirit my Sons have taken with each other. I will honor her by being an example to my Sons, my Daughter, my Students and my Friends.
I have failed much in my life but that is not how the story ends. Christ knew before he formed me when and how I would fail him. He still chose to form me, love me, and redeem me. He still chose to call me to himself and I am learning better ways to honor that love. This has been a very painful but growing year. My heart is both heavy and soaring all at once. I know Christ has used me to help others, but I also know there are some barriers I cannot reach across.
Old patterns try to get my attention but I refuse. So tonight I will gather with my Son Maxim, his lovely wife Raven, and my adopted Daughter Christmas to remember and recall the love I have that I cannot share with Rachael yet. She will not come to me but some day I will go to her. Soon my other Son Bezel will join us here and we will build together a more solid and healed family that lives to serve Christ. We will honor those we cannot hold by holding onto the one who keeps them in his hand.
I wish you happy birthday, Rachael. Know that we love you and miss you.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Today is my first Daughter’s birthday. She is not here. I cannot hold her. My younger Son, Bezel and I spoke last night and he reminded me that she would be a senior in high school now. He spoke of having to go to the school daily to remind the boys to stay away. We used to celebrate her birthday by getting a family gift and having a cake. We talked for a bit about all the things that might be were she here.
I see her all the time. She would have her mother’s hair and smile. She would probably have my sarcastic wit; both of my Sons do. I wonder often what things would be like had she lived. My first marriage may have survived. I might probably still be teaching at my original school. Things might be very different and then again they might not. I will not secretly lay my failures on the spirit of my departed Rachael. Instead I think that I will work harder to adopt the spirit my Sons have taken with each other. I will honor her by being an example to my Sons, my Daughter, my Students and my Friends.
I have failed much in my life but that is not how the story ends. Christ knew before he formed me when and how I would fail him. He still chose to form me, love me, and redeem me. He still chose to call me to himself and I am learning better ways to honor that love. This has been a very painful but growing year. My heart is both heavy and soaring all at once. I know Christ has used me to help others, but I also know there are some barriers I cannot reach across.
Old patterns try to get my attention but I refuse. So tonight I will gather with my Son Maxim, his lovely wife Raven, and my adopted Daughter Christmas to remember and recall the love I have that I cannot share with Rachael yet. She will not come to me but some day I will go to her. Soon my other Son Bezel will join us here and we will build together a more solid and healed family that lives to serve Christ. We will honor those we cannot hold by holding onto the one who keeps them in his hand.
I wish you happy birthday, Rachael. Know that we love you and miss you.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
24 March 2009
Red Winged Black Birds
Greetings Dear Readers,
I woke up Friday morning miserable and heartsick. I met with Avalon to discuss some things that need to be settled. The time was pleasant and she is a beautiful as ever but it reopened all the pain of her absence. I noticed she had taken the step of removing her wedding ring. It was a note of finality that pierced deep and is staying long. Maybe I am a sap, but I still love her as much if not more than the day we wed.
Friday mornings used to be the best. For a few years I was able to have breakfast with my Son Maxim. Schedules change and things move and our breakfasts have become hard to schedule. I do not know if he will ever fathom how much those weekly meetings mean to me. With little anticipation or excitement, I plodded through my morning at the house. I donned clothes after it was light and made my way out to the car. I noticed that the morning smelled like spring. It was that earthy damp smell that is both pungent and sweet at the same time.
I stated the car, cranked up Cross Eyed Mary on my stereo and began my 7 minute commute to work. I was deep into the magnificent bass line of the song and winging my way through the traffic, doing my best to close the door to the bits of me that were hurting. I remember praying that God would give me the grace to not let my hurt spill over into my interactions with anyone at work just as I was exiting on the street that lead to my job.
On the side of the road by the exit ramp a flash of red caught my eye. It was a Red Winged Black Bird. As I zipped down the ramp I saw another, then another. They were back. They at least had decided that the siege of Wisconsin winter was over. Their contrast against the still brown foliage was stark and elegant. These creatures are so beautiful to me and their presence at that moment was like God whispering directly into my soul. He was telling me that winter ends and life returns and that there is hope. It is not our pain that defines us, but rather who we are in the midst of that pain. I arrived at work with my eyes off of my woes and my heart ready to share life with those around me.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
I woke up Friday morning miserable and heartsick. I met with Avalon to discuss some things that need to be settled. The time was pleasant and she is a beautiful as ever but it reopened all the pain of her absence. I noticed she had taken the step of removing her wedding ring. It was a note of finality that pierced deep and is staying long. Maybe I am a sap, but I still love her as much if not more than the day we wed.
Friday mornings used to be the best. For a few years I was able to have breakfast with my Son Maxim. Schedules change and things move and our breakfasts have become hard to schedule. I do not know if he will ever fathom how much those weekly meetings mean to me. With little anticipation or excitement, I plodded through my morning at the house. I donned clothes after it was light and made my way out to the car. I noticed that the morning smelled like spring. It was that earthy damp smell that is both pungent and sweet at the same time.
I stated the car, cranked up Cross Eyed Mary on my stereo and began my 7 minute commute to work. I was deep into the magnificent bass line of the song and winging my way through the traffic, doing my best to close the door to the bits of me that were hurting. I remember praying that God would give me the grace to not let my hurt spill over into my interactions with anyone at work just as I was exiting on the street that lead to my job.
On the side of the road by the exit ramp a flash of red caught my eye. It was a Red Winged Black Bird. As I zipped down the ramp I saw another, then another. They were back. They at least had decided that the siege of Wisconsin winter was over. Their contrast against the still brown foliage was stark and elegant. These creatures are so beautiful to me and their presence at that moment was like God whispering directly into my soul. He was telling me that winter ends and life returns and that there is hope. It is not our pain that defines us, but rather who we are in the midst of that pain. I arrived at work with my eyes off of my woes and my heart ready to share life with those around me.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
16 March 2009
Echoes
Greetings Dear Reader,
I recently heard from a friend that I have not spoken to in over 12 years. They reminded me how words I had said to them then have guided them in some very dark places over the years. It made me feel like I had made a difference. In the same week, I sought forgiveness from someone I had hurt over 15 years ago. They expressed how my asking for forgiveness and expressing that I had been wrong touched a place in them that had bothered them for all this time. They neither bitter nor angry but there was a constant echo of the circumstances from the past that would plague them over the years.
As I dive deeper into self examination I see where I have left both positive and negative echoes in the lives of others. I have been seeking out those for whom those echoes are negative and asking their forgiveness. It is very freeing. It also makes me very strong internally. It also makes me much more aware that I want less of those echoes in the coming days. I want the ripples of my passing to leave others enriched and more alive. Again I find that the only way to do that is with strict obedience to Christ. My footprints that do not echo his leave footprints that echo poorly in others.
What echoes are you leaving behind? What are your choices leaving in the lives of others? We cannot pass through life without leaving traces behind. Are we living so that those traces echo Christ or do we leave false paths that hurt others? Do we leave behind memories that guide and heal? You can change some of the old echoes by asking forgiveness. More importantly, we can decide today that our future ripples will echo Christ and the traces we leave will point to him. I intend to watch where I step more closely.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
I recently heard from a friend that I have not spoken to in over 12 years. They reminded me how words I had said to them then have guided them in some very dark places over the years. It made me feel like I had made a difference. In the same week, I sought forgiveness from someone I had hurt over 15 years ago. They expressed how my asking for forgiveness and expressing that I had been wrong touched a place in them that had bothered them for all this time. They neither bitter nor angry but there was a constant echo of the circumstances from the past that would plague them over the years.
As I dive deeper into self examination I see where I have left both positive and negative echoes in the lives of others. I have been seeking out those for whom those echoes are negative and asking their forgiveness. It is very freeing. It also makes me very strong internally. It also makes me much more aware that I want less of those echoes in the coming days. I want the ripples of my passing to leave others enriched and more alive. Again I find that the only way to do that is with strict obedience to Christ. My footprints that do not echo his leave footprints that echo poorly in others.
What echoes are you leaving behind? What are your choices leaving in the lives of others? We cannot pass through life without leaving traces behind. Are we living so that those traces echo Christ or do we leave false paths that hurt others? Do we leave behind memories that guide and heal? You can change some of the old echoes by asking forgiveness. More importantly, we can decide today that our future ripples will echo Christ and the traces we leave will point to him. I intend to watch where I step more closely.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
10 March 2009
Aussie Burgers
Greetings Dear Readers,
From time to time (every chance I get), I muse on the gastronomic wonders of the world. This weekend I had one of my favorites thus far in life. It is an Aussie Burger. Many of you know I am in the process of adopting a young lady from Australia. She is very gifted in the kitchen and has shared many excellent dishes native to Oz. Aussie Burgers are one of the finest things I have ever eaten. Sunday evening she made them for me. Not only did I consume two of the massive burgers but had another for breakfast on Monday and another for Lunch. They are delicious, protein rich, and very satisfying. Here is the recipe.
Ingredients
Hamburger Patties
17 2/3 ounces lean ground beef
1 onion, finely chopped
1 egg
1/3 cup breadcrumbs
2 tablespoons Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup)
1 teaspoons steak seasoning
salt and pepper
Topping for Burgers
1 1/2 ounces butter
2 large onions, cut in thin rings
4 slices cheese
4 eggs
4 slices bacon, rind removed
4 large hamburger buns, halved
shredded lettuce, for serving
1 large tomato, sliced
4 large pickled beets, sliced, drained (out of tin)
4 pineapple rings, drained
Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup), for serving
Directions
Combine ground beef, chopped onion, egg, breadcrumbs, Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup), steak seasoning, salt and pepper in bowl, mix with hands to combine.
Divide mixture into 4 and shape into round patties.
Heat 1/2 butter in pan, add onion rings and cook over medium heat until browned, drain, keep warm.
Heat skillet or grill (broiler), brush with oil.
Cook patties 3-4 minutes each side or until cooked through, place cheese slice on each patty.
While patties are cooking heat remaining butter in skillet and fry eggs and bacon until cooked.
Toast buns and place bases on serving plates.
On each bun place lettuce, tomato, beetroot, pineapple, then meat patty, onion rings, bacon, egg and finally bun top. Add extra Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup).
Enjoy with an icy cold beer!
If you make them, let me know how you liked them, or invite me over to eat one. They ROCK.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
From time to time (every chance I get), I muse on the gastronomic wonders of the world. This weekend I had one of my favorites thus far in life. It is an Aussie Burger. Many of you know I am in the process of adopting a young lady from Australia. She is very gifted in the kitchen and has shared many excellent dishes native to Oz. Aussie Burgers are one of the finest things I have ever eaten. Sunday evening she made them for me. Not only did I consume two of the massive burgers but had another for breakfast on Monday and another for Lunch. They are delicious, protein rich, and very satisfying. Here is the recipe.
Ingredients
Hamburger Patties
17 2/3 ounces lean ground beef
1 onion, finely chopped
1 egg
1/3 cup breadcrumbs
2 tablespoons Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup)
1 teaspoons steak seasoning
salt and pepper
Topping for Burgers
1 1/2 ounces butter
2 large onions, cut in thin rings
4 slices cheese
4 eggs
4 slices bacon, rind removed
4 large hamburger buns, halved
shredded lettuce, for serving
1 large tomato, sliced
4 large pickled beets, sliced, drained (out of tin)
4 pineapple rings, drained
Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup), for serving
Directions
Combine ground beef, chopped onion, egg, breadcrumbs, Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup), steak seasoning, salt and pepper in bowl, mix with hands to combine.
Divide mixture into 4 and shape into round patties.
Heat 1/2 butter in pan, add onion rings and cook over medium heat until browned, drain, keep warm.
Heat skillet or grill (broiler), brush with oil.
Cook patties 3-4 minutes each side or until cooked through, place cheese slice on each patty.
While patties are cooking heat remaining butter in skillet and fry eggs and bacon until cooked.
Toast buns and place bases on serving plates.
On each bun place lettuce, tomato, beetroot, pineapple, then meat patty, onion rings, bacon, egg and finally bun top. Add extra Australian tomato sauce (may substitute ketchup).
Enjoy with an icy cold beer!
If you make them, let me know how you liked them, or invite me over to eat one. They ROCK.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
09 March 2009
Where do Work Where you Work?
Greetings Dear Readers,
Recently I had was having breakfast with my Son Maxim. I cherish these weekly meetings at a level that his difficult to describe. At our last breakfast we discussed the jobs that he and his lovely wife Raven hold at this time. Both jobs support not for profit organizations. Maxim expressed to me how satisfying it is to work at a job that you know does good for others.
He is young but he is a good worker. His fellow employees respect him and he is faithful to tasks given him. Knowing this, the passion behind his commitment to work at something that mattered felt so true. It got me to wondering why people work the jobs they work. My Grandfather used to always say, “Do what you love and the money will come.” We currently live in a society that has so many working at jobs that provide a paycheck.
Many are doing this as their “fake” job until they reach the job of their passion. Others are working whatever job they can find and have been and will be for years to come. I hear people all the time complain about where they work. They engage in so many activities to relieve the pain of their unwanted job. Many of those things do not get them closer to a satisfying life.
I have the blessing of working at a job I love while I pursue the career that is my passion. In a perfect world my sole income would be as a writer. I also know that as a professor I get the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. I often come home tired but it is not the kind of tired bred by boredom or dissatisfaction. I have experienced those and they are unbearable.
So I ask, why do you work where you work. Does it satisfy you? Does it meet that part of your person that can give your best to others? I urge you to look at what you do and how it leaves your spirit. Imagine a world where people do the job they love. It is never too late for you to find a path that is your best destiny.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Recently I had was having breakfast with my Son Maxim. I cherish these weekly meetings at a level that his difficult to describe. At our last breakfast we discussed the jobs that he and his lovely wife Raven hold at this time. Both jobs support not for profit organizations. Maxim expressed to me how satisfying it is to work at a job that you know does good for others.
He is young but he is a good worker. His fellow employees respect him and he is faithful to tasks given him. Knowing this, the passion behind his commitment to work at something that mattered felt so true. It got me to wondering why people work the jobs they work. My Grandfather used to always say, “Do what you love and the money will come.” We currently live in a society that has so many working at jobs that provide a paycheck.
Many are doing this as their “fake” job until they reach the job of their passion. Others are working whatever job they can find and have been and will be for years to come. I hear people all the time complain about where they work. They engage in so many activities to relieve the pain of their unwanted job. Many of those things do not get them closer to a satisfying life.
I have the blessing of working at a job I love while I pursue the career that is my passion. In a perfect world my sole income would be as a writer. I also know that as a professor I get the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. I often come home tired but it is not the kind of tired bred by boredom or dissatisfaction. I have experienced those and they are unbearable.
So I ask, why do you work where you work. Does it satisfy you? Does it meet that part of your person that can give your best to others? I urge you to look at what you do and how it leaves your spirit. Imagine a world where people do the job they love. It is never too late for you to find a path that is your best destiny.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
02 March 2009
Classic Letters
Greetings Dear Readers,
Recently someone I love told me his honest feelings about the digital age. He mentioned that the fading art of letter writing is important to him. He went on to say that when communicating with others we should take the time occasionally to pick out a card or write a letter. I think that he is right.
When Avalon and I were first together we communicated through letters. I still have them and recently reread them. Letters have a sustain power in them. They capture moments in time where thoughts and feelings may be expressed. One is able to think through what they would say and characterize it so that the small nuances are expressed. One is also able to be very cryptic and require others to read between the lines. I have poured over some letters long after getting them in order to reason out the thoughts behind some words.
We track history through letters. They are kept in boxes, framed, and are sold with estates. They have great value to understanding the thoughts and feelings of those now part of the past. One expresses a level of trust when they write a letter that its contents will be shared or not shared judiciously.
Email and IM’s are quick and efficient but lack something. Once one has an internet connection and email client communication is easy. Email can be traced to be sure it is received. It can also be intercepted and read by unwanted eyes. Letters are much more personal.
This does not mean that the transition to the digital age is not vital. It does not mean that the emerging generations must remain locked into to paper world. It does mean that some art forms have value as they are and should not be completely abandoned.
I love getting letters and have decided to write them more often. If you get one, I hope you write back.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Recently someone I love told me his honest feelings about the digital age. He mentioned that the fading art of letter writing is important to him. He went on to say that when communicating with others we should take the time occasionally to pick out a card or write a letter. I think that he is right.
When Avalon and I were first together we communicated through letters. I still have them and recently reread them. Letters have a sustain power in them. They capture moments in time where thoughts and feelings may be expressed. One is able to think through what they would say and characterize it so that the small nuances are expressed. One is also able to be very cryptic and require others to read between the lines. I have poured over some letters long after getting them in order to reason out the thoughts behind some words.
We track history through letters. They are kept in boxes, framed, and are sold with estates. They have great value to understanding the thoughts and feelings of those now part of the past. One expresses a level of trust when they write a letter that its contents will be shared or not shared judiciously.
Email and IM’s are quick and efficient but lack something. Once one has an internet connection and email client communication is easy. Email can be traced to be sure it is received. It can also be intercepted and read by unwanted eyes. Letters are much more personal.
This does not mean that the transition to the digital age is not vital. It does not mean that the emerging generations must remain locked into to paper world. It does mean that some art forms have value as they are and should not be completely abandoned.
I love getting letters and have decided to write them more often. If you get one, I hope you write back.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
25 February 2009
The Candy Conspiracy
Greetings Dear Readers,
I thought that I would invest your time in something a little light hearted. As far back as I can remember (and that seems to grow a little shorter each year), I would anticipate the arrival of certain chocolate confections at particular times of year. One of my favorites was the Christmas arrival of Reese’s® Christmas Trees. Now the common Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is a favorite of mine from the start but the slight change in chocolate to peanut butter ratio in the Christmas Trees makes them all the more delightful to my pallet. I love them. I devour them. I stole them from my sister’s stocking.
Imagine my delight, surprise, excitement, when the wise people at Reese’s® chose to make their confection into an Easter egg as well. The distance was just about right. In late March or early April I would just about have exhausted my supply of hoarded Christmas Trees. The Eggs would appear and I could restock. Now I am so confused.
In the last twelve months I have encountered the following:
Reese’s® Pumpkins
Reese’s® Christmas Trees
Reese’s® Valentine Hearts
Reese’s® Easter Eggs
I am not complaining but it is getting very hard to keep up. No sooner do I get a bag of hearts than I see Eggs on the shelf. I had barely gobbled my last Christmas Tree when the hearts appeared. What will they do next?
I do not know if I can live in a world where I have to rush through my Peanut Butter Shamrocks so that I have room for Peanut Butter Equinox Moons. Will I finish my Easter Eggs in time for Peanut Butter Memorial Day Ribbons? How will I keep my Peanut Butter Flags from melting in the July heat? What if they decide to make Peanut Butter Solstice Rings? I hope you see my dilemma.
Understand that I am not saying anything bad about the great folks at Reese’s®. If I did I think my daughter would smite me. The thing is that I am facing a huge challenge when it comes to keeping up with the vast variety of peanut butter offerings. This is my fear, terror, haunt. This is the thing that keeps me up at night and gives me nightmares when I sleep. You see there is a chance, however slim, that I might miss one.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
I thought that I would invest your time in something a little light hearted. As far back as I can remember (and that seems to grow a little shorter each year), I would anticipate the arrival of certain chocolate confections at particular times of year. One of my favorites was the Christmas arrival of Reese’s® Christmas Trees. Now the common Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is a favorite of mine from the start but the slight change in chocolate to peanut butter ratio in the Christmas Trees makes them all the more delightful to my pallet. I love them. I devour them. I stole them from my sister’s stocking.
Imagine my delight, surprise, excitement, when the wise people at Reese’s® chose to make their confection into an Easter egg as well. The distance was just about right. In late March or early April I would just about have exhausted my supply of hoarded Christmas Trees. The Eggs would appear and I could restock. Now I am so confused.
In the last twelve months I have encountered the following:
Reese’s® Pumpkins
Reese’s® Christmas Trees
Reese’s® Valentine Hearts
Reese’s® Easter Eggs
I am not complaining but it is getting very hard to keep up. No sooner do I get a bag of hearts than I see Eggs on the shelf. I had barely gobbled my last Christmas Tree when the hearts appeared. What will they do next?
I do not know if I can live in a world where I have to rush through my Peanut Butter Shamrocks so that I have room for Peanut Butter Equinox Moons. Will I finish my Easter Eggs in time for Peanut Butter Memorial Day Ribbons? How will I keep my Peanut Butter Flags from melting in the July heat? What if they decide to make Peanut Butter Solstice Rings? I hope you see my dilemma.
Understand that I am not saying anything bad about the great folks at Reese’s®. If I did I think my daughter would smite me. The thing is that I am facing a huge challenge when it comes to keeping up with the vast variety of peanut butter offerings. This is my fear, terror, haunt. This is the thing that keeps me up at night and gives me nightmares when I sleep. You see there is a chance, however slim, that I might miss one.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
23 February 2009
Divorce Care
Greetings Dear Readers,
As many of you already know Avalon chose to leave me a little less than a year ago. This many months down the path the pain is lessened very little but methods for dealing with them improve. I still have to avoid some things that are too painful. God in his wisdom has provided several avenues of care for me.
My children have been loving and kind. Some of my friends have surprised me with their level of support. My church has been supportive and available. Perhaps the best thing that my church has done is provide a group for divorce healing and recovery. The group is called DivorceCare® . The group meets for 13 weeks. The program uses a series of videos, group discussion, and moderate homework to work through emotional and practical aspects of divorce. The group meets as an urgent care need, meaning that one does not need for a new group to start to participate.
Listed below are the topics covered. These are directly from the website www.divorcecare.com . If you are traveling this path I urge you to consider finding a DivorceCare® group. You chances of moving beyond the pain and making a lasting recovery is much better if you do.
What’s Happening to Me? — Session 1
This introductory seminar helps answer the question, “Why do I feel the way I do?” You’ll come out of this session with an overview of the DivorceCare program and an appreciation for the benefits of a support group environment.
The Road to Healing/Finding Help — Session 2
This video segment helps you begin to identify the many losses that occurred as the result of your divorce. It also introduces strategies you can use to begin the process of healing from your separation or divorce.
Facing My Anger — Session 3
This video seminar deals with the subject of anger, a nearly universal response to the pain and stress of divorce. You’ll gain constructive suggestions for dealing with your anger and learn methods for responding to the anger coming from your ex-spouse.
Facing My Depression — Session 4
Depression can be a paralyzing emotion as you go through divorce. Even so, it can also be a “healing emotion,” and this video seminar explores constructive responses you can employ to deal with depression.
Facing My Loneliness — Session 5
After divorce, many people respond to their loneliness in ways that will cause them even deeper pain. This segment explores healthy ways to overcome the loneliness that will inevitably arise during your separation or divorce.
What Does the Owner’s Manual Say? — Session 6
This video seminar explores real-world answers from the Bible on issues related to separation, divorce and remarriage, presented in an easily understandable format.
New Relationships — Session 7
The loneliness that comes with divorce will put you at risk when making decisions about new relationships. This session helps you determine whether you are ready for a new relationship and how to get it off on the right foot if you are.
Financial Survival — Session 8
Most people are stretched financially during divorce. This video segment offers you practical help on how to survive and ways to deal with the many money issues that you’ll face during and after divorce.
KidCare — Session 9
This video seminar helps you understand the effects of divorce on your children and offers practical suggestions for being an effective single parent. You’ll also learn how your children are processing the divorce and how you can help in their healing.
Single Sexuality — Session 10
How do you deal with your sexuality after divorce? This important session will help you understand sexuality from God’s perspective and see that it is possible to be single again and satisfied.
Forgiveness — Session 11
The hurt that comes with divorce is a barrier that prevents many people from forgiving their former spouse. This seminar shows you why forgiveness is important and how you can begin the process of forgiving.
Reconciliation — Session 12
Reconciliation is one of the most misunderstood aspects of the divorce healing process. You’ll learn that reconciliation can happen even if your marriage is not restored and why it’s important to pursue reconciliation.
Moving On, Growing Closer to God — Session 13
How can God produce something good out of something as bad as divorce? This segment will show you how to grow closer to God as you go through your divorce experience.
As always I covet your prayers for me and for Avalon. I love her and always will.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
As many of you already know Avalon chose to leave me a little less than a year ago. This many months down the path the pain is lessened very little but methods for dealing with them improve. I still have to avoid some things that are too painful. God in his wisdom has provided several avenues of care for me.
My children have been loving and kind. Some of my friends have surprised me with their level of support. My church has been supportive and available. Perhaps the best thing that my church has done is provide a group for divorce healing and recovery. The group is called DivorceCare® . The group meets for 13 weeks. The program uses a series of videos, group discussion, and moderate homework to work through emotional and practical aspects of divorce. The group meets as an urgent care need, meaning that one does not need for a new group to start to participate.
Listed below are the topics covered. These are directly from the website www.divorcecare.com . If you are traveling this path I urge you to consider finding a DivorceCare® group. You chances of moving beyond the pain and making a lasting recovery is much better if you do.
What’s Happening to Me? — Session 1
This introductory seminar helps answer the question, “Why do I feel the way I do?” You’ll come out of this session with an overview of the DivorceCare program and an appreciation for the benefits of a support group environment.
The Road to Healing/Finding Help — Session 2
This video segment helps you begin to identify the many losses that occurred as the result of your divorce. It also introduces strategies you can use to begin the process of healing from your separation or divorce.
Facing My Anger — Session 3
This video seminar deals with the subject of anger, a nearly universal response to the pain and stress of divorce. You’ll gain constructive suggestions for dealing with your anger and learn methods for responding to the anger coming from your ex-spouse.
Facing My Depression — Session 4
Depression can be a paralyzing emotion as you go through divorce. Even so, it can also be a “healing emotion,” and this video seminar explores constructive responses you can employ to deal with depression.
Facing My Loneliness — Session 5
After divorce, many people respond to their loneliness in ways that will cause them even deeper pain. This segment explores healthy ways to overcome the loneliness that will inevitably arise during your separation or divorce.
What Does the Owner’s Manual Say? — Session 6
This video seminar explores real-world answers from the Bible on issues related to separation, divorce and remarriage, presented in an easily understandable format.
New Relationships — Session 7
The loneliness that comes with divorce will put you at risk when making decisions about new relationships. This session helps you determine whether you are ready for a new relationship and how to get it off on the right foot if you are.
Financial Survival — Session 8
Most people are stretched financially during divorce. This video segment offers you practical help on how to survive and ways to deal with the many money issues that you’ll face during and after divorce.
KidCare — Session 9
This video seminar helps you understand the effects of divorce on your children and offers practical suggestions for being an effective single parent. You’ll also learn how your children are processing the divorce and how you can help in their healing.
Single Sexuality — Session 10
How do you deal with your sexuality after divorce? This important session will help you understand sexuality from God’s perspective and see that it is possible to be single again and satisfied.
Forgiveness — Session 11
The hurt that comes with divorce is a barrier that prevents many people from forgiving their former spouse. This seminar shows you why forgiveness is important and how you can begin the process of forgiving.
Reconciliation — Session 12
Reconciliation is one of the most misunderstood aspects of the divorce healing process. You’ll learn that reconciliation can happen even if your marriage is not restored and why it’s important to pursue reconciliation.
Moving On, Growing Closer to God — Session 13
How can God produce something good out of something as bad as divorce? This segment will show you how to grow closer to God as you go through your divorce experience.
As always I covet your prayers for me and for Avalon. I love her and always will.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
16 February 2009
A Time to Rest
Greetings Dear Readers,
With the school term at full throttle and activities picking up at church time has become all but consumed in my week. I had a professor and mentor who used to always say “beware the barrenness of a busy life.” I felt that barrenness this past week as I rushed through so many activities.
I would draw a distinction here between that which is restful and that which is recreational. Rest is just that. It is using little energy. Recreation is doing things that literally re-create who we are. Recreational activities are not always restful. While I am increasing the things I do to recreate myself, I find that in this case my need was for genuine rest.
This being the case I chose to take this past Saturday as a true day of rest. I sat in a comfy chair and read a good book. I wrote for a while and ate already prepared or easy to prepare food. I cleaned some things in passing but the bulk of the day was relaxing and restful. The reading did re-create some things in my mind and the movie I watched inspired an idea for a short blog series I will write later in the year.
Time to simply rest will rarely present itself. It is up to us to create that time so that we able to recharge and reengage with the reasons why we do what we do. The ancient Hebrew people were told to take a day each week for rest. I am sure that God knew what he was doing.
Some people go too far and insist that no one should work on Sunday. Those same people go out for lunch after church each week or allow someone in the house to cook a large meal. We cannot put into law a demand to rest at a certain time in a world that is to be guided by grace. We do, however, need to make time to rest.
I challenge you to build planned rest into your week. It does not need to be regimented or cause you to neglect other duties. You may find that it reenergizes you for the tasks that you once loved but now seem a chore. It may make the chores seem less wearisome. I know it did for me.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
With the school term at full throttle and activities picking up at church time has become all but consumed in my week. I had a professor and mentor who used to always say “beware the barrenness of a busy life.” I felt that barrenness this past week as I rushed through so many activities.
I would draw a distinction here between that which is restful and that which is recreational. Rest is just that. It is using little energy. Recreation is doing things that literally re-create who we are. Recreational activities are not always restful. While I am increasing the things I do to recreate myself, I find that in this case my need was for genuine rest.
This being the case I chose to take this past Saturday as a true day of rest. I sat in a comfy chair and read a good book. I wrote for a while and ate already prepared or easy to prepare food. I cleaned some things in passing but the bulk of the day was relaxing and restful. The reading did re-create some things in my mind and the movie I watched inspired an idea for a short blog series I will write later in the year.
Time to simply rest will rarely present itself. It is up to us to create that time so that we able to recharge and reengage with the reasons why we do what we do. The ancient Hebrew people were told to take a day each week for rest. I am sure that God knew what he was doing.
Some people go too far and insist that no one should work on Sunday. Those same people go out for lunch after church each week or allow someone in the house to cook a large meal. We cannot put into law a demand to rest at a certain time in a world that is to be guided by grace. We do, however, need to make time to rest.
I challenge you to build planned rest into your week. It does not need to be regimented or cause you to neglect other duties. You may find that it reenergizes you for the tasks that you once loved but now seem a chore. It may make the chores seem less wearisome. I know it did for me.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
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