On Not Knowing

Greetings Dear Reader,

A few days ago I mentioned to someone that “God never gets the weather wrong.”  This is one of those things I try to practice in my attitudes so that I am less curmudgeonly than my lesser nature wishes me to be.  The individual to whom I said this became quite angry and let me know it.

What she said was, “I am agnostic.  You cannot KNOW that there is a god.  There are too many variables to consider and too differences on what would constitute proof.”

I smiled at her.  I then replied that I was glad that I could not know because I valued my faith so dearly.  I am amazed at how true this.  We must come to God by faith.  I suppose that exercise of that faith over the years has made it quite strong.  I do not mean that as arrogance but like anything what we use becomes stronger. 

This makes me wonder though what those who claim one cannot know are really saying.  I know that I cannot know and that drives me to faith.  My faith is hard won and the thought that I will one day not need it is bittersweet.  I love using my faith.  I love trusting and seeing my trust confirmed.

When I fail to have faith I always get hurt.  When I fail to use that faith in my interactions with others I usually hurt them.  So what is it that causes one to exercise faith and another to shrink away from it in not knowing?  I have no idea.

I have read and heard much about the reasonableness for the existence of God.  I honestly do not think we can reason our way to faith.  I think it is what it is; a choice.  We either believe or do not.  When we choose not to believe we always reason our way to unbelief.  It is in the mind that we reason that we that we will not believe or that we no longer believe.

Sometimes we give up our faith because of life circumstances or the actions of others.  On occasion we are pushing away someone by rejecting our faith.  It is such a personal thing this faith between a man and God.  It is one of those things that is difficult to articulate but you know it when you have it.  That even seems like a platitude.  I did not reason my way to faith.  I believe more and more that faith is valid but rarely reasonable.

To hear with my heart

To see with my soul

To be guided by a hand I cannot hold

To trust in a way I cannot see

That’s what faith must be.  – Michael Card

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Ridiculous Salt

Greetings Dear Reader,

I use salt in cooking but rarely use table salt on my food.  If I buy one of those giant warm pretzels I pick the salt off of it.  I have close family members who salt almost everything they eat.  Regular table salt is very cheap.  I can buy a 26 ounce container for about a dollar. 

Salt permeates our lives.  It is a humble all-purpose seasoning that enhances other flavors when used properly.  It is used for things like making homemade ice-cream, taking fancy baths, and melting snow.  It cleanses, preserves, and burns.  It is a simple element that in too much quantity can be dangerous.  One can get salt from mines, mountains, and seas.  I prefer sea salt for cooking but have been known to use common table salt as well.

Yesterday, whilst shopping at one of my favorite stores I encountered salt that was both ostentatious and ridiculous.  I mentioned that one of the characteristics of the humble simple salt is that it is cheap.  I encountered salt yesterday that sold for $14.99 for 7.5 ounces.  Compared to my 26 ounce simple salt this is a very steep price incline.  This salt claimed to be artisan salt.  It came in about two dozen flavors and many colours. 

Let us compare for a moment.  My simple umbrella girl salt costs about 19 cents an ounce.  These artisan salts sold for $1.99 per ounce.  Now I admit that my simple salt only comes in a blue cardboard container, but it still stays fresh and pours just fine even when it is raining out.  The fancy salt comes in a corked class jar that probably cost more than the salt inside.

I ranted about this for a bit yesterday.  I even looked it up on line to see if it was just this grocery store or perhaps a regional thing.  To their credit the store is cheaper than other prices I found for the same salt.  I found costs ranging from $15.99 to $26.92 for the same 7.5 ounce jars of fancy salt.  I really think that even writing “fancy salt” is oxymoronic.  I know that we need new things to titillate and stimulate us.  I also think that messing with salt so much that we have to charge great amounts of money to feel good about buying it is just plain ridiculous.

And then my mind made a connection that smacked me around a little.  You see, I should not be surprised at the change that is overtaking salt.  Have we not already done this in another area?  Christ told us we are the salt of the earth.  He explained that salt that is flavorless is also worthless.  I am sure he only had common salt in mind here but what have we done to make the message of Christ available to the world?  We have pumped it up with fake flavor and packaging.  We have made the gospel of Christ an artisan gospel that is too demanding and far too fancy for the common man.

Why should I be surprised when the church cannot communicate Christ when the trappings they have placed around him make him as inaccessible as fifteen dollar salt?  Christ made the gospel so simple to embrace.  We approach God in faith.  We love him with all our heart, soul, and mind.  We love our neighbor.  Anything beyond that is either curiosity or fluffery depending on our approach.  I have seen people turn their backs on the church because of this artisan gospel that is really the simple stuff with too much dye and false flavor.  Hopefully I can remember this well enough to live out a simple gospel that welcomes everyone and is not a burden to embrace.    

My God

People -- what have you done -- locked Him in His golden cage.
Made Him bend to your religion -- Him resurrected from the grave.
He is the god of nothing -- if that's all that you can see.
You are the god of everything -- He's inside you and me.
So lean upon Him gently and don't call on Him to save you
from your social graces and the sins you used to waive. – Ian Anderson

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

When Sleep Eludes Me

Greetings Dear Reader,

24 August 2011-- It is 2:08 am and I have booked only two hours sleep.  I woke up at 1:34 am and tried to return to sleep for half an hour.  Once I awaken this is usually futile.  So what do I do with this time when I need sleep to get me through the day but will not get enough?  I write.  I work on this blog, or my current novel, or the things that the boys in the basement have dredged up that awakened me in the first place.

Most people do not know that I have terrible nightmares.  I have for a few years now.  Because of their nature I rarely share them with anyone.  Most people do not need that imagery dogging their minds.  On the occasions when the nightmares are the cause of my sleep deprivation it takes a bit to re-center and refocus. 

The thing that this time does provide is time to pray for people undisturbed.  There are so many conversations I wish to have with the Father but the day gets busy and they get neglected.  I the dark hours of the night there is time and silence for such things. 

Occasionally I make the mistake of eating something that is bad for me in the wee hours.  I pay for it all day long.  Tonight I am sipping ginger ale and water.  I have that gritty nausea that some people get when sleep deprived.  I think that I will post this a little later and right now indulge in some uninterrupted conversation with the Father.  After all, it matters.  I realize this post is a departure from my more polished thoughts on issues but it is who I am in the moment. 

27 August 2011—It is 3:17 am and this time I have been up since about 12:45 having drifted off at 10:30.  I was awakened by the sounds of Christmas and her friend Present returning from a small town Friday night football game.  The cacophony of their attempt to be quiet was quite adorable.  I let them know I was awake and we chatted for a bit.  Then Christmas said wanted a Pizza.  It was 1:22 at that moment.  I agreed that to get one for them.  We ordered a large Pizza and sang old songs neither of them should know until it arrived.  The pizza arrived at 2:07.  See my note above about the ill wisdom for me of eating bad food (even good bad food) at this hour.  I, nevertheless, indulged.  I have not done this in too many years and it was joyful.

We chatted a bit then they went off to bed.  Here I am forty minutes later still awake.  Not sure how the rest of the day will unfold but I have been praying for both of these young women so that they see how richly the love of Christ is reflected in their friendship.

I guess on balance a little lack of sleep is worth it when I have the right heart about it.  Then it seems that as I keep unpacking my heart so there is more room for Christ to build in it what he wishes, everything is worth it if my heart is right about it.  I am going to try and drift off for a bit.

Old man he’s asleep now

Got appointments to keep now

Dreaming of his sons and daughters

Proving, proving that the blood is strong – Ian Anderson

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Simple Summer Beauty

Greetings Dear Reader,

There are some things about the waning days of summer that bring to life the reality of all that warmth and sunshine in ways unique and beautiful.  There is a constant in my summer memory that I am sure grows sweeter as I slowly grow old.  It is any mid to late summer afternoon around my Grandfather’s dining table.  The pitcher of sweet tea is drawing the humidity from the air and pouring down rivulets of condensation onto the tea towel beneath it.  The sweating rainbow stripped pitcher promises uniquely cool relief from the dog days of August in Atlanta.

The sweet tea, though brilliant is not the star of the table.  It is the food items on simple white plates that make the mouth water and young boys on time for lunch.  On the first plate are strips of bacon left over from the morning breakfast.  The second plate hosts crisp green lettuce, torn not cut into sandwich size pieces.  The lettuce was picked just that morning and put in the fridge to chill.  On the plate next to it are evenly sliced bread sized cuts of perfectly ripe, morning picked tomatoes with condensation matching the tea pitcher on their skin.  Completing the table are lightly toasted slices of Sunbeam Bread and an open jar of Miracle Whip.  Every lunch of bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches at my Grandfather’s table was an adventure in joy and delight.

Yesterday at work I shared fresh made BLT’s for lunch with some of my coworkers.  One of them had brought in some fresh tomatoes from his garden and this inspired another to have a BLT day for lunch.  I stumbled upon the preparations and was invited to be a part of the repast.  For a brief moment I was transported back to my Grandfather’s table and I told my friends of those memories. 

More so I was reminded of how thankful my Grandfather always was for those BLT’s.  His prayer always lasted a little longer over BLT’s.  He took time to thank God for the success of his garden and the brilliance of sweet tea.  He modeled for me how important pausing to include the Father was in the proper enjoyment of things.  I thirsted for the tea and salivated for the sandwiches but my love and respect for my Grandfather was such that I listened to every word of his prayer. 

I still pray before I eat.  When I am alone or with those who do not share my faith, I do not bow my head or close my eyes to avoid making others uncomfortable.  Yesterday my heart soared to the Father as current friends and my long gone Grandfather met for a moment around the gift perfect summer sandwiches.  It was a reminder to me of just how much God loves me.  It was need and is appreciated.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

On Lonely Hearts – Hardening My Heart

Greetings Dear Reader,

Broken - Listen to the whole song here

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life - Lifehouse

Perhaps one of the things that is most dangerous when a heart is broken is that in an attempt to heal it we harden it.  I have mentioned that there have been many temptations along the path and this one has been the greatest.  When the loneliness is at its darkest I feel deep sirens call to get my needs met at the expense of anyone and anything.  People have been in my path more than willing to help me do that.

I often joke that my fatal flaw is that I care.  In truth I really do.  Caring assures that I will get hurt.  It is also what keeps me from indulging the parts of me that are malignant and selfish.  There was a time when I did not care.  During that time I mastered the ability of looking good and happy on the outside whilst I was nothing but anger on the inside. 

I was so close to being permanently heard hearted towards everything.  The roots of this malignancy are why I failed in my first marriage.  Fortunately I learned my lesson.  The voice is always there reminding me how painless it is to seal away my heart and not allow others to hurt me.  The problem is that if I indulge that voice I cannot be of any positive use to others. 

One of the lies that the broken heart tells us is to become hardened.  Every relationship that ends between Christ followers is a result of a hardened heart.  Even in cases of genuine abuse the abuser has hardened his heart to the truths of how others should be treated.  Those who abandon a marriage for lesser reasons have hardened their hearts toward what Christ calls us to be to each other. 

There have been moments over the last few years where the dark loneliness has tempted me to put up barriers around my heart.  The voice of my fallen self sometimes argues that I would be better off if I just gave in to the protections that it offers.  This is the path that I must not go down ever again.  This comes late at night when I am alone and feeling the lack of companionship, feeling the absence of that special connection at its keenest.

Hardening a broken heart will only damage me and those around me.  So I sit up through the pain seeking Christ and knowing that he knows me.  Knowing that there is life beyond the pain brings hope.  I am writing about this for the same reason.  There is no magic cure for the pain or a platitude to ease the burden.  What there is for me and anyone else is the hope that Christ can use brokenness to help in reaching out to others.  He can use that brokenness to draw us closer to who he wishes us to be.

So…

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, 

you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, 

to the words you say
You said that I will, 

will be okay – Lifehouse

 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

On Lonely Hearts – Snake Oil

Greetings Dear Reader,

Broken

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now But I haven't forgotten my way home - Lifehouse

In my last post I wrote about the actual void of my broken heart.  I want to genuinely address the things that will not work but that we commonly try to use to fill the void.  In the years since I became unwillingly single I have dealt with advice, choices, and temptations.  Most of the things that offer to heal my pain are merely snake oil and will either do nothing or worse, harm me.

It is easy in our society to find myriads of people who will simply tell me to find someone to help me forget about Avalon.  In that very idea is a lie.  If I find someone to help me forget or move on, then I am using that person.  There is no peace available in using others for my own pleasure or relief.  I admit that there could be momentary relief but the long term benefit does not exist.  Instead there is long term regret and hurt to be had in this stance.

In this I must also consider my children.  My choices in the past have harmed them greatly.  Avalon’s departure did the same.  I will not indulge in things to ameliorate my own pain just so that I can feel relief and at the same time put my children through an emotional gauntlet.  I must face them with integrity and I cannot do that if I act on the easy solaces for my pain that are not moral or proper.

I am not just talking about sex here.  My emotional need for companionship is just at tempted to take up relief that is not healthy.  It may be that the social or emotional side or my loneliness is more dangerous than my physical desires.  Since I feel everything very deeply it is too easy to be tempted to lay aside what is right for the emotional fix of a pretty smile or a kind word. 

I have had some very excellent conversations with women who expressed interest in me and pondered the possibility of something more.  None of them, however, knew how internally damaged I am.  I have a long way to go before I can freely focus on the wellbeing of another instead of seeking to get my own needs met.  All around me are offers of dalliances, dating services, and determined friends who think they know what I need.  None of this is a proper solution to my needs. 

The only solace I find is that I am directing most of the energy here into two things and they are both working it seems.  The first is that when the pain is at its worst I am delving deeper into pondering who Christ is in the midst of it and how I can know him better.  This has produced a pattern of prayer and dependency that seems healthier than I have had.  I cannot image moving through this wilderness without Christ and that leads me to the second benefit.

The second is a growing awareness of ways in which to show genuine Christ centered love to others.  I had a conversation with a lovely young woman just recently who so desperately needed just to be reassured that she was more than her good looks.  Her looks had been her tool for success most of her adult life.  Now she is trying to get by on her faith and learn to be something more.  It was an honor to reassure her that she is both intelligent and who she is in Christ is something the world needs. 

Again the truth plays out.  If I set aside self and do not yield to the false reliefs offered in our culture then I can make a difference in the lives of others.  It neither fills the void that is there when night descends nor does it give me the emotional companionship I need.  It does, however, allow me perspective on those feelings that perhaps I am becoming something more than I was.  Perhaps eventually that will be enough.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

On Lonely Hearts – The Void

Greetings Dear reader,

Broken

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name

I find meaning - Lifehouse

As many of you know a few years ago Avalon decided to end our marriage.  I do not know if I have yet recovered from this.  I mostly think that I never will.  I have learned something very valuable in the midst of this forced exile and would be remiss in my duty to you as my reader were I to not share it.  It is painful but true and, therefore, I hope of value.  There is in truth a quality of beauty that can aid us through the pain.

I am a romantic.  I have this huge part of my heart that loves deeply and eternally.  That heart is broken in ways I could not imagine and I have found no permanent solace for it.  My mind plays this cruel trick on me sometimes where I wake up in the morning and I have dreamed about Avalon being there.  The dream is so real that I forget for a moment that it is not true and I roll over to hug her and give her a soft kiss on the forehead.  Instead there is only the empty cold bed where she used to lie.

 The illusion passes quickly enough but the pain of a reopened wound lingers for days.  What I do to deal with this is what is of value.  Perhaps it can help someone else deal with a pain of the heart for which there is no solace.  You see the pain drives me to God in a way that other things do not. 

When I feel the vastness of holes in my heart I know that there are no human ways for me to salve the pain.  If I am to be what I must be in the other parts of my life I must not allow this void to become what holds me.  I know of no way to do this on my own so I pour my heart out to God over it.  Sometime the relief is instant, but others like this past couple of weeks the pain is there as a constant echo in everything I do.

The benefit is that in every situation I find myself asking Christ for clarity in what I say and do so that I do not focus on my own needs but on the needs of others.  When I can work past the pain to being there for another in the moment, I am able to share an unconditional love for that person that can only be Christ reaching past and through me to him or her.  I know that this matters more than my emotional loneliness.

I do not claim to have understanding of this nor do I believe that I can recommend this as a path to understanding how much Christ wishes us to be selfless.  What I can say is that in the midst of a broken heart for which I see little hope of healing I do see that life is more than that.  I do see that Christ loves me in the midst of it and if I am willing he will still use me to show his love to others.  There may be no remedy for this wound but it is enough for now if I can out of my brokenness help heal the greater wounds of others.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

And it is in Dying that we are Born to Eternal Life

Greetings Dear Reader,

I am dying.  We all are dying.  The thing about life is that we do not get out alive; or do we?  At this point I probably have more years behind me than in front of me.  That said it is not the temporary physical life that matters.  There is more than this life, but it is in this life that we must die to self to make the most of what is to come.  I am not talking about some ethereal mansion or future paradise.

What I am talking about is our part in the redemption of a fallen world.  We are to be part of the reclamation process.  We are to live the things I have written about for the last two weeks in an effort to reclaim a world devastated by our sin.  I am sure there is more to come after this mortal interlude but for some reason the Father has chosen to make this part very important.  I cannot with integrity say what that something is but I do know that Christ promised it would be just what we need.  Again, that needs to be enough no matter what my questions are.

All of this is only possible through faith.  The only way that I can hope to die to self is by believing that God knows what he is up to and has only his best in mind for me.  If he asks me to work toward peace it is not just on my social level.  He is asking that even though I am temporarily stranded in this world it is so that I may work for peace on a universal level.  He calls me to die to my own fallen self and work with him to redeem as much of what is as possible.

I get so weary of struggling with sin and with failing.  I see the damage it does and I am ever increasingly driven to work tirelessly to sow love, pardon, faith, hope, and joy in others.  It is so important to those who have not found the peace that is in Christ that they first see it in others. 

It is also vital to those who have chosen to question the value of their walk with Christ that I abandon my own interests in hope of disappearing enough for them to see only Christ.  I will still fail at times and ask pardon in advance for that. For now I will sit quietly for a moment each day and pray this prayer in hope that it will become who I am.  Look for me among the dead.  That is where I am supposed to be found.  Thank you for traveling with me on this part of the journey.  I hope I have at least given you something to ponder.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

It is in Pardoning that we are Pardoned

Greetings Dear Reader,

I know constantly how desperately I am in need of forgiveness and pardon for my failures.  Some of them will echo long after I have left all concern for such matters. It is only in making the effort to pardon others without condition that I realize just how valuable the same thing is to me.  The lurking curmudgeon in me wants to hold grudges and demand restitution for wrongs done to me.

It is too easy to focus on who needs to make things right with me.  It is too easy to be blind to the ways in which I slight others.  The path to pardon is in pardoning others.  When Christ modeled how we should pray he made it clear that he wished for the Father for forgive us in proportion to the forgiveness we provide to others.  Fortunately forgiving others is something that Christ empowers us to do if we are willing. 

Holding onto our anger and hurts damages us.  Holding onto too many of them turns us bitter and malignant.  There is a healing freedom in truly forgiving others.  We are not hold anger even for a day.  We are to truly forgive and let God deal with the justice.  It is in pardoning others that we are pardoned.  Even now, as I write I realize that I need to lay aside something that I had not knowingly held.  I am thankful that I will be able to pardon this individual because there is so much freedom in the pardoning.  The person matters to me and I do not wish to treat her with anything but loving kindness.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

For It is in Giving that we Receive

Greetings Dear Reader,

This is one of those things that seems so simple but translates so poorly into action sometimes.  I know in my heart that when I give freely I receive much more than I imagined.  When I let go of self and only focus on the good of the other person I have one true hope. It is that I fade like some Cheshire cat and only leave behind a warm smile.

I wish to fade so that I do not get in the way of others seeing that the good I do is because of Christ.  When others have a genuine encounter with Christ that is when I receive.  When I achieve those moments where Christ is my only possession giving is nothing but joy.

I am working a decreasing what I own in the material sense but that is a long journey.  It has been easier to step back from possessing things like power and control though it has been painful to face.  When I focus on my own needs I spend my energy trying to assure that they are met and I become a looming ugly monster.  It is only in the giving away of who I am and what I want that I can diminish enough for others to see Christ.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

To be Loved, as to Love;

Greetings Dear Reader,

It is amazing to me how many things I do, we all do to be reassured that we are loved.  So much of our life is spent trying to find ways to be loved by others.  Consider all the ways in which we groom, appoint, and present ourselves in order to receive approval.  Vast amounts of resources go into assuring that we dress right, fit in, or be what we must be to gain the approval of others. 

From birth onward we want to know that we are loved.  It is such a seminal need that the lack of it in our developmental years leads to so many differing dysfunctions.  We become the things we do to get others to reassure us we are loved.  I have placed foolish and unjust expectations on so many that I love just to inappropriately measure if I am loved.  I did not realize I did this and undoing takes so much time and energy. 

When I seek to be loved it rarely works.  When I invest my energy in loving others the result is far different.  If I adopt a position of doing things out of love for others then I am not going to manipulate things.  I am not going to be demanding or angry.  What I am going to be is patient, kind, forgiving, and investing in the better of others. 

It is in loving others that I can find my worth and value. I can see the impact of love on others and it sends a clear message that I make a difference in the lives around me.  If I fail to show that love others distance themselves from me.  It is in loving others that I find the ability to sow peace, pardon, faith, hope, light, and joy.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

To be Understood, as to Understand;

Greetings Dear Reader,

How often do I scream inside and too often outwardly that I am not being understood?  When I find that I am in this state it is rarely because I am not focused on my own selfish interests.  When I remember to listen and seek to understand others, I find that in the listening there is solace. 

It could be that because our life is to be one of listening that I find my own issues disappear when I seek to understand the feelings and needs of others.  There are people in my life who have suffered greatly.  I know those who have been physically, sexually, and truly emotionally abused.  When I focus trying to get others to understand my pains and needs I forget how truly blessed I am.

When I truly seek to understand the depth of pain of those around me my own selfish wants pale in comparison.  Our pain is our own and I would not diminish how things feel to someone else, but when I brood on my own feelings of being misunderstood I am blinded.  More so, I am deafened to hearing how much pain others are experiencing.  It is my obligation to seek to understand the needs of others before ponding my own needs.

I find that the place I have failed the most in this is with family.  I am poor at remembering that the need to be understood is constantly before me in my family.  They count on me to know them and accept them for who they are.  It is my obligation to meet them where they are and love them deeply for who God has created them to be.  No matter how I feel about the choices they are making I must be the one who accepts them and loves them as deeply as I am able. 

The family strife that occurs in the world is so connected to the failure to love others for who they are, where they are.  I must see everyone as unique and beautiful in Christ and remember the lengths he goes to draw them to himself.  I must love everyone by seeking to understand who they are so that I may be a source of joy in their journey toward God.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

Greetings Dear Reader,

How often I find myself in pain over something and all I can think of is who I wish was there to share my heart with me and ease my burden. It is good to share our hearts with those close to us but I must always consider another’s heart first.

I work in a world where most of the people I encounter have burdens they wish to unload the moment I am in the room. It is my responsibility to be there for them. Beyond that it is my joy. My burdens are not the concern and theirs are. I must first seek to console them; give them hope. My students take great risk in returning to school to obtain a degree. Most of them work, have families, and struggle with school.
I must be there for them. I must leave my burdens in the car or hanging on the doorpost.

Beyond that, my burdens do not belong to me. My consolation is to come from Christ. My need for comfort can be found in Christ and he longs to meet that need. Most of the selfish sins I commit are a result of my failure to live the truth that Christ has me in hand and he will care for me. At the core of it, if I focus on the comfort of others I will not need to seek to be comforted. Christ knows my needs far better than I do.

A byproduct of this is that in comforting others my burdens are lessened. As they share their troubles with me I am reminded how blessed my life is. When I focus on the burdens of others then mine seem so much less. When mine feel less then I feel freer to give consolation to others. Giving that support and succor becomes an upward spiral so that I can become increasingly more available to help others.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Grant that I may

Greetings Dear Reader,

I discussed yesterday how much it matters that I see that I am God’s servant. I am an adopted heir, his child, and many other beautiful things to God, but I am also his bond-slave. This matters because I must embrace that what I do that is good must be empowered by my focus on Christ. It is God that grants me the privilege to be a part of the redemption process.

If I say that I want to follow Christ, I must see that his every action was to create harmony with the Father. He lived his life totally dependent upon the will of the Father for all he did. This must be my fealty as well. I must see that I can do nothing on my own but rather must be empowered by God to work out the things we have discussed in the lives of others. It must be intentional. It must become a lifestyle. It must be because I yield everything to the leading of Christ in my thoughts and actions.

This is neither easy nor common. I seek to be uncommon. I seek to be a follower of things that eventually can cause one to be an outcast in many ways. It is fortunate that I do not have to do any of this on my own. In the dependence upon God is the promise that I will gain also the power to do what I am supposed to do.

Paul tells us in his letter to the Philippians that “It is God who works to produce in you the intent; the resolve and the power to action so that may do things that please him.” We not only have provision for doing what is good from the Father but he grants us the will to do so as well. I may depend on God to grant me the will and the power to infuse love, hope, faith, and mercy into the lives of others. If I constantly yield myself to him, he will give these things to me so that I may reflect them to others and move along the redemption process. What more could I wish for than this?

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

O Divine Master

Greetings Dear Reader,

I should begin by addressing a couple of things but this will make the read slightly longer. Please bear with me. I promise not to take too much of your time.

First I had to back off from this for a couple of days whilst I dealt with an anger issue of my own. I did not feel it proper to write about this particular prayer until I had given over my feelings about something out of my control to God. Even though the situation has not changed, I had to change. I had to allow Christ control and have to live in a state of forgiving others in the same way that I constantly need forgiveness.

Second, I received a comment just this morning that contained a question. I will repost that here as it is central to what I was writing about for this morning. One reader asked,

“If someone does not believe in a higher power but instead believes that you always treat someone with respect, look out for the next person, and never lie, does that make them a bad person?

-Your words are very inspiring!

Thanks for the time you put into this blog.

(: “

Please understand that this question is far beyond my power to answer with authority. I can tell you what I believe and offer an opinion but to give a simple yes or no answer to this question would be arrogant. I will offer what seems reasonable to me as I ponder my way through this simple but so powerful line of the prayer.

I think that I forget sometimes that the Father is not dependent upon me for anything. Rather, I am totally dependent upon the Father for anything good that comes from me. In my fallen state if I try to be good, I can accomplish some measure of good by my own will but it has limits. I would never call someone who treats others with respect, cares for others, and is honest a bad person. I would be more concerned about what they are missing beyond that.

I can imagine what I would become without the grace and mercy of Christ working its way out in me. I know the darkness that lurks in my spirit and in my mind. I know the pride and arrogance that would work its way out in me if I did not believe that there was something stronger and higher than me. I am not saying this is true for others but it is true for me.

I do believe that God the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ are the path to all the good things I desire to be. I have chosen to take the Father as a Divine Master whom I wish with all my heart to serve. I do this out of love not fear. I do this because I know that since I chose to move from unbelief to belief that it has made a daily difference in who I am and in who I am becoming.

I have often failed to remember the relationship here. I have a Divine Father who loves me. I have an opportunity to show that love to others and perhaps in doing that ameliorate so of the damage done by those who use the name of God to abuse others. I am not called to judge the faith of others or to tell them what they must become in relation to Christ. I must instead live what I believe and hope that the immense joy inherent in that life gives others a cosmic curiosity to seek out Christ for themselves.

God is not dependent upon my belief for his existence. He has, however, for some reason I do not comprehend chosen to use fractured people like me to communicate his love to others. This overwhelms me and drives me to become the things requested in the next lines of this prayer. I cannot move on to them though until I take a moment to contemplate who I am. I am a willing bond slave to a God who loves me enough to sacrifice his own Son rather that live without me. How can I not be totally indentured to him for both the strength and the will to do as he asks of me? I do not wish to just be a good person. I wish to be so humbly and voraciously committed to Christ and following him that I disappear and all that is seen is Christ.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Where there is Sadness, Joy

Greetings Dear Reader,

I must remember that in my saddest moments that there is potential for great joy. If I remember that even the most painful things I feel are a part of the redemption process then I can see the joy on the other side of it.

I must live what I believe in that I honestly feel the sadness of loss or sin. I must also realize that I can gently and kindly infuse that joy into others. My attitude and actions can give others the freedom to feel joy even in their sadness. This one line is so simple but so complex. There will be joy at the end. I just need to hold onto faith enough to get there.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Where there is Darkness Light

Greetings Dear Reader,

It seems so arrogant to say that I am the light of the world. It is, however, my responsibility to sow light where there is darkness. I can only think that since Christ is the Light of the World that this is another way to infuse Christ into the lives of others. I like everyone have my own darkness. It always lurks on the edge of what I do waiting for me to lose focus on Christ so that it may try to envelope me.

When I do not focus on Christ then I am selfish, unkind, impatient, and angry. These are all dark and terrible things that detract from my ability to sow hope, faith, and peace in the lives of others. I cannot impact other positively if I am too embroiled in my own darkness. It is of great benefit to me to keep my focus on Christ so that I do not stumble blindly in to things that harm me. The greater benefit for the world is that I can also hope to reflect some of that light to others.

I cannot of my own accord hope to create any light. I am recovering from darkness and Christ is all light. I am a source of darkness and can only reflect the light of Christ in me. It is really that simple. There is no gray. Either I am doing things to promote one or the other. Either I am malevolent darkness or life infusing light. It is my faithful focused following of Christ that determines the situation. My desire is to reflect the light of Christ and sow it in the lives of others. By the grace of the Father through the Son I sometimes succeed.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Wisconsin State Fair Fare

Greetings Dear Reader,

It is with great joy that I take an aside from my usual writings to discuss my adventures at that State Fair. The focus of my discussion will be a family that follows both Christ and the fair circuit each summer. They own a series of concessions and provide some of the best fair fare I have ever enjoyed. The concessions are Charlie’s concessions. They offer amazing Italian Sausage, Pork Tenderloin on a stick, and the best Corn Dog I have ever had in my life. Among their other offerings are excellent Pizza, Italian Meat Balls on a Stick, and tender Turkey legs the size of ostrich legs.

I spent part of the day of this multigenerational family that has been running fair concessions for six generations. All of their food is freshly prepared and hand made. They take no shortcuts in preparation or quality. Fresh meat is cooked on site and delivered with perfect flavor in large proportions. Each of their items is fairly priced and they provide a comfortable sheltered dining space as well.

They also go out of their way to extend work to international students who are working just for the summer. These young people all work long hot hours but the owners treat them with kindness and respect. It is astounding to see a family so committed to quality and honesty while working in such a turbulent environment.

If you attend the Wisconsin State Fair or any other large regional fair I urge you to look for Charlie's Food Concessions. The food and family are both worth knowing. If you stop by because you read my blog then let them know. They know me and will be happy that word got out. Tomorrow I will have to have another of those great Corn Dogs.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every scribe who has become a disciple of the kingdom of heaven is like a home owner. He brings new and old things out of his treasure store."

Where there is Despair Hope

Greetings Dear Reader,

I wonder sometimes how I hold on to this.  I usually feel so far away from where I wish to be at this stage in my life.  Most of the dreams have not become reality.  The image of my life at this age is not what my life is at this stage.  But I still dream and a I still hope.  Perhaps it is because faith is easy for me that hope remains.  Perhaps it is just my eternal romantic optimism.

The thing is that I am to sow hope where there is despair.  I am to live my life in Christ with the joy that can only be found there.  I can surly understand that without faith hope can dwindle so quickly into despair.  I am never sure which breeds which but the combination of the two are so vital to following Christ. 

If I am to follow whole heartedly I must ponder the things that Christ told us to hope for in him.  I do not believe most of the pie in the sky rhetoric that many have attached to eternal life.  I do believe that things will be better and even if it is only having Christ that is enough.  I do believe that Christ is working to redeem the world back to what the Father intended.  I know that Christ promised I cannot imagine or comprehend what that will be like but that is not where my hope lies. 

My hope must only lie in Christ.  That he knows what is best and will make all things as they should be is my anchor.  Does he care about the minor details of my life?  Yes I am sure he does.  Does it matter if I write today or not?  It always will.  Does how I treat the cashier at BP matter to the grand scheme of things?  Yes it does.  If I do my best to reflect kindness and love to that individual then that is a little bit of redemption and a little bit of hope.  Over time perhaps that becomes fertile ground for me to sow faith in someone else’s life.

I think that I must also filter my hopes carefully to assure that they align with Christ.  I must be able to hope for things in good faith that I am asking for things to be on earth as they are in heaven.  I must be sure that the hope in my heart is focused on what the Father wishes for the world.  Then I must apply my faith to that hoping so that others see it in me.  Faith and hope are so closely attached as they seem to be, I must live my life in a way that engenders hope in others so that they may come to faith.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Where there is Doubt Faith

Greetings Dear Reader,

How does one sow faith?  How does my life become one that infuses others with faith?  I think that perhaps there are two places where this is possible.  There are those who believe and doubt and those who do not believe.  One must understand that to doubt there must be a level of belief.  It could be that doubting in honesty is an act of faith. 

I must admit that for some unknown reason faith comes easy for me.  I am grateful for this but sometimes I forget that this is not true of everyone.  It is short sighted of me and can be damaging to others.  In addition it often means that I take the gift of belief for granted and that should never be true.

Cherishing what I believe also does not translate to action.  I have seen failure to live my beliefs cause doubt in others.  This may be the most serious of sins.  If my actions cause another to have less faith then I am tearing up faith that is already rooted.  This leads to injury, hatred, and strife.  This is a path that leads to destruction and hinders redemption.

If that, however, is the case, then perhaps the answer is the obverse of the question.  Perhaps the way in which I sow faith is by being an instrument of peace.  As I project peace toward others when the common response would be otherwise it can cause people to see Christ more clearly.  If my response to hatred is love then perhaps my beliefs are taken more seriously.  If I return pardon for injury the maybe others will see what forgiveness is all about.  Since forgiveness is obtained through faith then perhaps it is also a way to season the soil to sowing it.

I have seen many approaches toward engendering faith in others but this is the only thing that lacks arrogance that I have found.  One must be humble to work out peace, love, and pardon.  True faith is born of humility as well.  Perhaps the pattern of this prayer is beginning to become clearer to me.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. – Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."