Second Thoughts – Anguished Anniversaries

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Today is one of those days that became significant with promises and potential.   Things changed.  Plans changed.  Resolve change.  Now it is rife with sorrow and momentary reminders of hope unrealized.  Some years this annual reminder is harder to carry than others.  This year it has attacked me full force without warrant or warning.

Tears come unbidden and unwanted.  They do, however, wash the eyes and the heart.  I suppose one of my gifts/curses is that I never let go of love.  On Sunday I deeply missed my Grandfather.  Today another loss haunts me and begs me to despair.

I know that all things will be made right some day.  I know that my current distress is less than others, but it is my distress.  I am thankful for distractions and sidebars but at the end of the day it is the same.  I turn in to attempt rest tonight feeling the pain fresh and warm instead of old and cold. 

Tomorrow will have new opportunities and challenges.  Tonight if I could have one thing it would simply be to not be alone.  It would be to have a fellow traveler who could hold on to the promise to travel with me.  That is not to be but I cannot let it bar me from giving my best to others.  I cannot let it make me bitter or unloving.

So in this absent anniversary I cry out in the darkness knowing I am heard by the Father and loved but also knowing that dreams await me that will torment and tear.  I think some trick in our mind prevents us from knowing the damage we leave behind when we leave, else we would not do it.

“I wonder would it have hurt us to gather a few laurel leaves” – James T. Kirk; Who Mourns for Adonis? 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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