Second Thoughts ~ Eevee Evolutions

Greetings Dear Reader,

This weekend was the Community Event for Pokémon Go.  It was a six-hour event spread over two three-hour times.  The challenge was to catch as many Eevee as possible and especially the special “shiny” ones.

I had the good company of my friend Kelly on the first day.  We had a successful hunt yesterday.  Today, however, the folks who were going to join me had to do other things and I went it alone.  The venue I chose for my hunt was one that affords both comfort and opportunity.  I was alone but in a vast crowd of my tribe. 

There happened to be a comic book convention in the same building where I set up my Pokémon blind.  The comic convention was designed as a family event to introduce children to comics.  This resulted in a stream of costumed children filing by as I was catching Eevee.  Many of them stopped to see what I was up to.  I was please to have conversations with small versions of Wonder Woman, Batman, Spider Man, Batgirl, the odd wizard,and a few Pokémon characters.

The prize moment for me was when a wee lass dressed as an Eevee ran up to me very excited.  She whispered loudly, “I will let you catch me as long as you don’t crush me to candy or evolve me to a Jolteon.  They are just too spikey.”

I pretended to toss a ball and she pretended to be caught.  Her parents watched bemused.  Small children free of inhibition touch my heart in a unique way.  I promised to not evolve her or crush her to candy.  She went on her way not knowing how much she salved the deep loneliness with which I struggle today. 

A silly game and the introduction of children to comics is not much taken by itself.  If, however, we consider the way in which both events can build community from strangers there may be something more there of value.  If I keep thinking beyond the obvious I see how aid came unknown when I needed it.  That is a lesson in faith that is no small thing. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Ground Reprise ~ Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I am at a loss.  This song will not let go of me.  Even weeks of thinking through it have not let go of it.  It is spinning in my head when I awaken.  It haunts my dreams.  I find myself humming it when I am not focused on other things.  Even when I am focused on the task of the moment it plays in the background like the hum in a wire.

Perhaps it is that I have not found the lesson in it yet even though I have found many.  Perhaps I am just obsessed.  Whatever the case this particular song worm is still gnawing away at me.  I must move on to other writing.

Still I have learned more about holy ground Dear Reader.  The most important is that I can become holy ground for others.  If I treat them with the love of Christ then I can create holy moments where they have the opportunity to see Christ more clearly.  This brings me some comfort.

I have also learned that the things for which I feel the deepest need are still eluding me.  All of them are shadows of what lies ahead and the need for them is intended to draw me homeward.  I still deeply feel the absence of a fellow traveler.  I still feel the strong desire to follow Christ as closely as I can.  I also feel se very damaged and broken.

Things about which I must write in the coming days are heavy but I must be true to the focus of my heart and mind in follow Christ.  So, Dear Reader, as we move further down the path together I leave with thought from Waterdeep.  It is all holy ground.  Jesus is in the midst of us.  I follow him and cherish the holy ground that is created when you walk with me.

If You Want to Get Free – Waterdeep

In the gas station bathroom by the condom machine

I heard the word of the Lord

He said "Take off your shoes,

this is holy ground too

you know I came for the sick and the bored."

Beneath the selling of beers

And the welling up of tears

Out beyond the beam of the remote control

There's a whispering voice

That the humble ear ears

that says "I am still waiting

for you to ask just to be made whole."

And the bush it was burning on the mountain top

and though the leaves never blackened, the fire didn't stop

That's the way that it works in this old life of sin

You gotta let the fire burn you just to get clean within

I am so often deterred from my actual intent

by distractions in a cellophane wrap

And the cruel voice that taunts me when I open them up

to find just one more box full of crap

It's where you're mocked while you abstain

and then cursed when you give in

It's all a game that's impossible to beat

But there's a peaceful refrain God'll sing in your brain

when you put the nails to your hands and your feet

And the smell of our sacrifices

still fills up my head

There's just a few left at the altar, Lord

all the rest of them fled

And we've cried and we've tried

We've sweat and we've bled

But we don't just need atonement

We need to be raised from the dead

When they took down the cross from that dark hillside

The blood on their hands was the blood from his side

That's the way that it works, That's the way it must be.

You gotta let His blood stain you of you want to get free

If you want to get free

Don't you want to get free?

I think you want to be free.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ Home

Greetings Dear Reader,

I am aware that most of our speculation about what comes at the end of the journey is based on very little hard evidence.  Most of what is written outside of the Word is culturally defined.  Most of what we discuss has to do with circumstance over location.

Defining what home is seems difficult for me always.  I know it is not what I have currently.  I know that it is not what I had growing up.  If home is holy ground for us then I am sure I am unsure what it is.  I know it when I feel it.  I know it when I experience it.

Perhaps we create home here because of our imbued longing for the home of that undiscovered country.  Perhaps any home is intended to be a shadow of what is to come.  It is promised that what is to come is beyond our imagination.  It is assured that there is room for us all. 

I am sure that the depths of my imagination cannot touch the creativity of the Father.  I am also sure that this is part of the contract of faith.  We are not supposed to concern ourselves with the material but rather the quality of what comes next.  We will be free from the presence of all wrong.  We will be loved and able to fully love.  We will be without apprehension and hindrance. 

Our faith will be fulfilled.  Our hope will be realized.  That undiscovered country is home.  Everything else would be shadow of that.  I long for that feeling of home.  I long for that desire to be fulfilled.  I long for the loneliness to end.  For now I must keep walking by faith.

Pilgrims to the City of God – Michael Card

Pilgrims of passion we follow the One

Who holds out a cross and a crown

We travel a dark road that has but one Light

For we have here no lasting town

Sometimes we run by the power of His might

On our own at the best we can plod

What we hopefully look for is just beyond sight

We are pilgrims to the city of God

The stigma of strangers lost in a strange land

In a fallen world that's not our home

But we are not homeless prodigals here

Because we have someplace to go

Sometimes we run by the power of His might

On our own at the best we can plod

What we hopefully look for is just beyond sight

We are pilgrims to the city of God

Behold you have come to Mount Zion

The the City of Great King

To thousands and thousands of angels who've come

Assembled to joyfully sing, they sing

Sometimes we run by the power of His might

On our own at the best we can plod

What we hopefully look for is just beyond sight

We are pilgrims to the city of God

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ Fellow Travelers

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have driven the route to and from my residence in the northern Mid-West to various family dwellings around Atlanta for seventeen years now.  The drive takes fourteen hours give or take.  I always observe if there are cars or trucks common to the route I am driving.  On one voyage I leapfrogged with a green GMS Palm Beach the entire journey.  It was from Wisconsin and I can only surmise that it was headed to Florida.

Even though the journey is solitary for each of it requires that we journey together.  It is necessary for us to care for each other.  It is even required.  The analogy of the long drive is so apropos.  We encounter others whether long term or briefly.  Those we encounter see us from their perspective; their journey.

We are told how we should see all fellow travelers.  We must see them as Christ sees them.  We must love them as he loves them.  Some will hurt us.  Some will benefit our lives briefly or in the long term.  Some will promise to journey with us the entire way and then abandon us.  All are worthy or our love. 

These fellow travelers are not so different from me.  They are flawed and in need of all that Christ offers.  They are obligated to love me just as I am obligated.   They are under the requirements from God that I am under.  Not one of them will reach the end of the path without at some point needing that love.

No matter how briefly someone journey’s next to me it is my obligation and honor to be loving and king to him or her.  Just yesterday I encountered a friend I have not seen in a couple of years.  Our encounter was brief but it filled me with genuine joy to travel together for a moment.  I want to become holy ground for those whom I encounter.  I want to be an oasis on the journey.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ 1000 Memories

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have so many memories.  Conversations with others resurface.  Events experienced cause videos to play themselves in my head.   For good or ill I cherish the memories that the journey has afforded me.

Sometimes the painful memories surface unbidden when I am alone.  They attempt to divert me to things unhealthy and unbearable.  It is simple enough to pray my way through them.   Sometimes, however, I must entertain them briefly to see what they have to teach.  

This practice does not make things easier.  It is necessary for the journey.  Then there are the memories that a beautiful and pure.  Memories flecked with light the bring me back “to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.”  The companions of recalling time with my children and others that I love dearly ease the pains and sorrows of life.

It is in the memories that I carry the lessons of life that urge me to be a better man, father, and friend.  It is these good memories that are holy ground to me.  It is in them that I see the moments where Christ carried and comforted me.  It is in the holy ground of memories that put me in the proper place to find deeper faith; to follow more closely.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ Cracked Rear Vision

Greetings Dear Reader,

I know what the road is.  I know what comprises the journey.  As I look in the rear vision mirror I cannot help but see some of the pieces of me scattered along the way.  As each moment slips into my cracked rear vision I see things given, discarded, and lost.

The things lost are beyond my control but some of them are things I would not have done.  I would not have lost my Grandfather when I did.  I still believe that family politics hastened his demise.  His passing was the zenith of a dark age for me and some of that darkness still marks me.  Still his departure was allowed and so part of the journey set before me. 

A sister, a daughter, and some few friends completed their journey ahead of me as well.  All of these moments leave me carrying less than I would.  There are not even enough memories.  Each step closer to home makes me yearn for that reunion.  There are a few material things I would like to hold again but they are temporal and not significant to the journey.

There are things that I discarded for good reason and when their memory returns I review the lessons learned from leaving them behind.  There are also things discarded that I would have again.  None of them are possessions.  They all involve people and situations.  They are all too painful to illuminate.

I do not regret the things given.  All of them will have their own part in bringing things back to good.  Whether material, monetary, or time the investment in others is never wasted.  From time to time I hear from former students of the way in which their time under my tutelage has aided them.  This is so joyful.  Nothing about having given to others is wasted or lost.

The primary thing about that rear vision mirror is that I must never look into it for too long a space.  One cannot move forward accurately if his focus is on what is behind.  Time spent on holy ground in the past should be remembered. I must, however, keep moving to the next bit of respite along the way.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Ground Reprise ~ The Road

Greetings Dear Reader,

Since my faith informs me that my life is a journey back to God then anything in this life is part of the road home.  I long for the holy ground of home so deeply.  When, however, I try to make it here it never seems to materialize. 

I know that any home I have here is a shadow of things to come.  The places where I grew up were never really a home.  As a boy the only place that felt like home was my Grandfather’s place.  There I was always loved and always taught to do right.  It was taken from me abruptly.

I had a home as an adult for a brief space.  I was so entrenched in my own pain and dealing with it improperly that failed to cherish what I had and lost it.  Now it seems that I will not have a home again.  Instead I have the road.

If I am to follow Christ fully then I should realize that even what I think of as home is a small thing to sacrifice.  It is also a shadow of what lies ahead at the end of the path.  I do not long for a mansion or some great reward.  I long for a place where the love and peace of Christ fills every thing and every moment. 

Until then I have the road.  I must follow.  I must leave behind the things that hinder me.  I must carry the things that aid the journey.  The nights in the wilderness are those of a homeless man with shelter but no permanence.  There is solace for this as well.  Christ has promised to be my home. 

He has promised to be with me in every moment; every step.  He has assured me that I am never alone, even when I feel so alone that I could die from it.  He has given his word that every moment of pain will be worth it.  I always believe it even when I do not feel it.

I Will Bring You Home – Michael Card

Though you are homeless

Though you're alone

I will be your home

Whatever's the matter

Whatever's been done

I will be your home

I will be your home

I will be your home

In this fearful fallen place

I will be your home

When time reaches fullness

When I move my hand

I will bring you home

Home to your own place

In a beautiful land

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

From this fearful fallen place

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ Identifying It

Greetings Dear Reader,

Before I can assess what I need in light of what is going on I must first define what holy ground is for me.  The definitions are both obvious and not so obvious. 

The obvious is church for me.  I drink deeply from that well and it sustains me often.  It is, however, not the holy ground that is most precious to me.  Some of the ground that is holy to me is simple.  Anywhere that my children are present becomes holy ground to me.  I only ever feel at home around them.

Home is holy ground to me though I currently do not have one.  I have a place where I lay my head and scratch out my writing but it is solitary and so not a home.  This is one of those longings that haunts me daily.  Home is holy ground upon which I need to be but fear it is lost for me for the foreseeable future.  I will get back to this later.

My favorite diner is holy ground.  My Friday breakfast ritual is precious to me.  When others choose to join me it is even richer.  I take comfort in being kind to those who are always there.  I would spend more time there were I free to do so.

This writing desk is holy ground.  For years now this chair and desk have been the primary place from which I spin my yarns and think my thoughts.  It is where I ask the questions and search for answer.  It is where I read and pray.  It is my small sanctuary from the general loneliness of the room. 

There is a town in Georgia that is holy ground to me.  It is like Rivendell in my mind with less magic and more mystery.  I will journey there later this year and hope to find a bit of peace to last for a space.  There is family in Georgia that is precious to me as well.  Some time with them brings me better focus and perspective.

I need consistent contact with holy ground to get by.  The most precious to me is denied me at this point.  So I feel like a vagabond most of the time lacking home and a fellow traveler.  Some of that is my fault and some was forced upon me.  Still I follow the one who is ultimately my home.  It is in Christ that I find rest when I can.  It is in him that all the treasures of home endure.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Holy Ground Reprise ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have mentioned song worms and their impact on me.  I have had one working its way through my brain for almost two weeks now.  Having to pay attention to Holy Week I needed to let it have its way with me without much work on it.  Am I at last free to address the worm and all it is saying to me.

It is not small thing that the worm also involves Christmas.  I take anything that forces me to think of Christmas very seriously.  As I take a little time to unearth the worm and his lessons I get to enjoy thoughts of Christmas. 

I will of course share the song and the lyrics bellows.  The link is to a very beautiful driving video.  I have listened to the song on repeat at work for all of the last two weeks.  It is obvious that there are messages of Christmas and family.  There is, however more.  Please, Dear Reader join me as I journey on pondering and positing holy ground, road trips, and a thousand memories.

Driving Home for Christmas – Chris Rea

I'm driving home for Christmas,

Oh, I can't wait to see those faces.

I'm driving home for Christmas, yeah,

Well I'm moving down that line.

And it's been so long, but I will be there;

I sing this song to pass the time away

Driving in my car

Driving home for Christmas

Its gonna take some time

But I’ll get there

Top to toe in tailbacks.

Oh, I got red lights all around,

But soon there’ll be a freeway, yeah,

Get my feet on holy ground.

So I sing for you,

Though you can’t hear me

When I get through

And feel you near me.

Driving in my car

I’m driving home for Christmas

Driving home for Christmas

With a thousand memories.

I take a look at the driver next to me;

He's just the same.

Just the same…

Top to toe in tailbacks.

Oh, I got red lights all around,

I’m driving home for Christmas, yeah,

Get my feet on holy ground.

So I sing for you,

Though you can hear me

When I get through

And feel you near me.

Driving in my car

I’m driving home for Christmas

Driving home for Christmas

With a thousand memories.

I take a look at the driver next to me;

He's just the same.

He’s driving home, driving home

Driving home for Christmas

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Second Thoughts – Anguished Anniversaries

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Today is one of those days that became significant with promises and potential.   Things changed.  Plans changed.  Resolve change.  Now it is rife with sorrow and momentary reminders of hope unrealized.  Some years this annual reminder is harder to carry than others.  This year it has attacked me full force without warrant or warning.

Tears come unbidden and unwanted.  They do, however, wash the eyes and the heart.  I suppose one of my gifts/curses is that I never let go of love.  On Sunday I deeply missed my Grandfather.  Today another loss haunts me and begs me to despair.

I know that all things will be made right some day.  I know that my current distress is less than others, but it is my distress.  I am thankful for distractions and sidebars but at the end of the day it is the same.  I turn in to attempt rest tonight feeling the pain fresh and warm instead of old and cold. 

Tomorrow will have new opportunities and challenges.  Tonight if I could have one thing it would simply be to not be alone.  It would be to have a fellow traveler who could hold on to the promise to travel with me.  That is not to be but I cannot let it bar me from giving my best to others.  I cannot let it make me bitter or unloving.

So in this absent anniversary I cry out in the darkness knowing I am heard by the Father and loved but also knowing that dreams await me that will torment and tear.  I think some trick in our mind prevents us from knowing the damage we leave behind when we leave, else we would not do it.

“I wonder would it have hurt us to gather a few laurel leaves” – James T. Kirk; Who Mourns for Adonis? 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Singleness Awareness Day

Greetings Dear Reader,

Be assured this is not a rant against this celebration day (it is not a holy day so not a holiday).   Neither is it a diatribe against love, dating, or chocolate.  I happen to be very fond of all three.

I am having difficult time this year with the being alone part of Valentine’s Day.  I know all the standard reassurances and I believe that the Father knows what he is doing in caring for me in this area of my life. 

It is the feelings with which I am struggling.  Sharing those feelings is difficult because everyone thinks they know what I need to hear.   Everyone has an answer that is directed toward trusting God or reassuring me that I am a good guy and there is someone for me. 

None of this is new to me.  It is rather that there seems no one with whom I can address my feelings and get genuine understanding.  I refuse to use women to get my carnal and social needs met.  There is still, however, the long dark each night.  There are still the moments when I need a gentle touch or to share my heart with someone who gets me.

Living alone is still not something I do well half a year into it.  So this year as the day we celebrate romance approaches this romantic finds it difficult to endure.  Still in the midst of that I find the opportunity to increase my faith and renew my trust in the Father.  I know that he knows my needs.  I also know that he cares.   

My questions are not asked in doubt or anger.  They are born in faith that there are answers whether I like them or not.  I value that it gives me deeper understanding and empathy for those in a similar circumstance.  It does make me aware that there are those who need my compassion when they feel similar things.

There is no brilliant point or great direction here Dear Reader.  There is only the need to express my thoughts and questions in a way strengthens my faith and following as well as being genuine with you. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Say What You Need to Say – Isolated Areas

Greetings Dear Reader,

There are places in me that are isolated from others.  When Avalon left I closed a door that I have yet to reopen.  I am not talking about romance but rather about that deep rooted part of me that I show to so very few people.

When a marriage ends there are things forced on the one who wishes to remain married.  There is a type of isolation imposed for which there is no solace outside of Christ.  I know that all things work together for good.  I know that I do not always see that truth in the moment.

Things like my heart and dreams have no counterpart to listen to their story and hopes.  The isolation from understanding, compassion, and intimacy is hard as well.  I think that my flaw so overshadow my capacity to love that it makes enduring life with me an untenable position.

I am not feeling sorry for myself.  As with all things I am trying to be real about the struggles and questions that I have in hopes that it will benefit someone else.  I also have the flaw of believing things that others do not. 

There is a way to endure this isolation and some days I do it well.  Other days are a constant battle against loneliness and tattered thoughts.  Some activities still bring painful memories that attempt to whither my faith and determination to do what is right.

In all of it there is one thing.  It all forces me to depend on Christ.  The long dark is mine to travel whether I will it or not.  It does not matter what I want.  How I behave with what is there shows my faith and determines my following. 

Every moment I am in the nexus of choice.  The choice is to follow through the void with only the light of Christ as my beacon or to try and satisfy my wants at any cost.  The choice is to realize that even in the isolated barren places of my heart I am not alone.  The vast emptiness composed of moments is full of potential.  That potential is only realized in Christ and trusting that he has all my needs under his care.

Nexus – Dan Fogelberg

Across the vein of night

There cuts a path of searing light

Burning like a beacon

On the edges of our sight

At the point of total darkness

And the lights divine divide

A soul can let its shadow stretch

And land on either side -- either side.

And balanced on the precipice

The moment must reveal

Naked in the face of time

Our race within the wheel

As we hang beneath the heavens

And we hover over hell

Our hearts become the instruments

We learn to play so well.

Wealthy the spirit that knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler who journeys the length of the light.

Outside the pull of gravity

Beyond the spectral veil

Within our careful reasoning

We search to no avail

For the constant in the chaos

For the fulcrum in the void

Following a destiny

Our steps cannot avoid.

Across the vein of night

There cuts a path of searing light

Burning like a beacon

On the edges of our sight

At the point of total darkness

And the lights divine divide

A soul can let its shadow

Stretch and land on either side.

Wealthy the spirit that knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler who journeys the length of the light.

In a spiral never-ending

Are we drawn towards the source

Spinning at the mercy of an unrelenting force

So we stare into the emptiness and fall beneath the weight

Circling the Nexus in a fevered dance with fate --

Wealthy the spirit that knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler who journeys the length of the light.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)