Negating Needs ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I address my need to negate my wants that I feel are needs some have been very kind.  Others have chosen to tell me what to do or think.  Thank you all for taking the time to give me your perspective.

It brings me to a genuine need that we all must embrace.  We never know the whole story unless it is our story.  I know what I have been through and what I have done and not done.  I know how things impact me.  I know the things that I have never told anyone.  This is also true of everyone else. 

We all have hidden chapters and undisclosed suffering.  When we bank on humans to understand those things we walk very shaky ground.  I am not saying that others do not help, listen, or render comfort.  I am saying that the only thing I am supposed to need is Christ and the rest must follow. 

The failures, offenses, betrayal, and rejection by others is not a reason to do the same or to change one’s belief.   It is, rather the reason we depend on Christ more deeply and love others more freely.  When I let my dependency slip from Christ to humans I move from what I need to what I want. 

For today I am just weary; weary of struggling with sin.  Today I long for things to be over and all things to be back to good; the good of creation.  Today I need to return to my post as a doorkeeper.  For now, however, I will just rest here for a while.  I am tired.  I need to rest.

Worn – Tenth Avenue North

I’m Tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah, I’m worn

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Home

Greetings Dear Reader,

I live in a nice apartment.  It is nowhere close to the abode I have dreamt of for so many decades.  That dream is long gone now.  Too much water is past under bridge for that vision to be realized without direct intervention from God.

Even though the place I live as nice, and affords a pool for my children and grandchildren to enjoy (the real reason I chose this place), I live alone.  In truth, this means that I’ve been homeless for three years.

Growing up the places I lived never felt like a home to me.  The abuse, strife, and lack of real love created a space that was never safe and from which I escaped as soon as I could.  I wandered for a while alone and unsure.  I almost lost myself then.

I returned to the place I grew up and foolishly reentered the household that did so much damage to me.  It was only for a short time because I was going to marry the girl I loved all through high school.  When I held our firstborn son and looked into my wife’s eyes for the first time I felt that it could be home.

All too soon I learned how patently unrewarding I must be as a companion.  I love my son and was determined not to visit upon him the same pains I had endured.  For a brief time, there was a feeling of home again after our second son arrived and I made progress in my career that allowed me time to be a good father.

Also growing in me was in the overwhelming need to provide a sense of home for others.  The light in me long to help others feel what I so desperately lacked for so many years.  The darkness in me use my concerns over the wellbeing of others to feed its desire to control.  The truth of the world is that no matter how much could you do at to beginning, when you fail it just does not matter.

Maybe I have missed a vital truth all along.  Maybe my need to feel at home is just to want created from the depths and sorrow of living and lonely fear for so long.  Perhaps in negating my needs that are not needs, I even need to abandon my desire to have a home; to feel it home.  Along the way every human that has promised to be part of my home has eventually rejected me and said that I was to blame.

The vital truth, Dear Reader is that this place, this world is not my home and perhaps if I give up all desire for it to have a any feel of home I can destroy that in me that others find so abhorrent.  We are all blind to the worst thing we do.  When those we claim to love fail we do not restore them in love.  We do not draw closer to them to help them heal.  We leave them alone in pain, sorrow, and salve our own hurts by judging them worse than we are.

It is not lost on me that it is three years to the day that I became homeless in my comfy little apartment.  I think I am done trying to seek any home but the one that lies at the clearing at the end of the journey.  That is where I am headed anyway and anything in between is just temporary shelter for a lonely traveler.

I Will Bring You Home – Michael Card

Though you are homeless

Though you're alone

I will be your home

Whatever's the matter

Whatever's been done

I will be your home

I will be your home

I will be your home

In this fearful fallen place

I will be your home

When time reaches fullness

When I move my hand

I will bring you home

Home to your own place

In a beautiful land

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

From this fearful fallen place

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Possessions

Greetings Dear Reader,

I had not intended to address possessions as I have previously done that at length.  As I work through my heart and mind relative to needs, however, something odd occurred.  I was suddenly enveloped in the desire to be rid of almost everything. 

It descended on me in an almost suffocating manner.  I felt suddenly walled in by all the things that I have that I do not need.  If this is imposing itself on me after I have already purged so much then I think I must go further.  I think that if I am feeling this at the same time I am redefining what I need versus what I want then I must consider another wave of reduction. 

I know that I have more than I need.  I have been purging books all summer which is difficult for me.  I think that I must turn my attention so some other things as well.  My possessions feel more like an anchor than anything else today.  Some things are necessary to my work and craft. 

As for the rest, my attachments are memorial, sentimental, or small obsessions.  I like to collect things.   I have sold off my most valuable collections over the last year to supplement my lack of income. I will address the small collections in the coming week.  I think then I will start at one end of my abode and progressively removed everything that I have not used recently.  It will be taxing but it may also be freeing. 

The Things We Leave Behind – Michael Card

There sits Simon, so foolishly wise

Proudly he's tending his nets

Then Jesus calls and the boats drift away

And all that he owns he forgets

But more than the nets, he abandoned that day

He found that his pride was soon drifting away

And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Matthew was mindful of taking the tax

And pressing the people to pay

Hearing the call, he responded in faith

And followed the light and the way

And leaving the people so puzzled he found

The greed in his heart was no longer around and

And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Every heart needs to be set free

From possessions that hold it so tight

'Cause freedom's not found in the things that we own

It's the power to do what is right

With Jesus, our only possession

And giving becomes our delight

And we can't imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

We show a love for the world in our lives

By worshiping goods we possess

Jesus has laid all our treasures aside

And love God above all the rest

'Cause when we say no, to the things of the world

We open our hearts to the love of the Lord and

It's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

And when we say no, to the things of the world

We open our hearts to the love of the Lord and

It's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Oh, and it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Companions

Greetings Dear Reader,

I know that I have stated many times how much I abhor living alone.   There are many reasons for this and most of them are deeply personal.  It is not something I will redress here.  What I do need to consider is what my genuine needs are as regards companions.

We are designed to be social people.  We do better when we care for each other and share good things with each other.  When I am out and the world my focus is to be that of showing kindness, grace, and love to everyone.  When I am back at my abode, however, there is something about isolation that is difficult for me.

Even though I hate this, it does not mean that there is a genuine need there.  I am not saying that I do not have a genuine need for companionship and family.  I am saying that I must define clearly where need ends and want begins.  Even in the deep feelings of isolation and the torment I feel over it, it is very clear that I define wants his needs.

If I am going to be all that I should be, then I must squelch the wants that are not needs.  This is much easier to say than to put into place.  Perhaps the question I can put up against those feelings is one that I use against filtering other activities.  The question is, “Who does it serve?”

Everything about my life should be focused on lovingly serving Christ and the needs of others.  Beyond that, I’m supposed to count on Christ to meet my needs.  Even if my wants have good and honest motivation, if they are not needs, I must strip them away because it is not me that determines things.

I think that we all across the barrier between want and need when it comes to good things.  Just because I want peace of mind about something does not mean that I need it.  Instead, I must use my faith to realize that I and exercising a want and not trying to meet a need.  I think that many of the things we do to damage close relationships are involved in forgetting where this line is.

I can only become my best self and every moment if I constantly am aware of the difference between wanting to know and needing to have faith.  It really is the essence of following Christ that this difference matters.  If I am to acknowledge Christ in a all my ways, it must go is deep as the very core of my wanting to know that things are OK.  It must reach all the way to my worry, doubts, and fears.

I do need friends and companions.  I do need fellow travelers.  This does not mean that I get to define them the way I want to.  It does not mean that I can place demands on anyone and then say I am doing it out of care for them.  The answer of the question of who it serves becomes me.  That is not following in faith.  So, as frightening as it may be I must strip away everything that is an interpersonal one and not a genuine need.  I must not exercise my wants because then they become stronger and represent themselves as needs.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Respect

Greetings Dear Reader,

This is one of those issues with which I have wrestled almost my entire life.  Growing up in the South I do not recall a time when I was not expected to “respect my elders”.  Perhaps I should define respect first:

noun: respect

a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements, the state of being admired or respected.

synonyms:   esteem, regard, high opinion, admiration, reverence, deference, honor, due regard, politeness, courtesy, civility

antonyms:    contempt, disrespect

I see the need to respect people.   That is something that our society must perfect if it is to find peace.  My Grandfather telling me to respect my Grandmother when I was rude made good sense.  Since 1950 the use of this word has declined in use every year. 

I think that we can all agree that giving respect to others is important.  It is vital to peaceful relationships that we give respect.  I am more concerned about the other side of the coin.  I am concerned that we are identifying a false need when we think we deserve or are due respect. 

It may be true that we do deserve respect due to our office, position, or person.  Children should always respect their parents.  That does not mean that as a parent I should focus on deserving respect.  It does not mean that I can carry that as a weapon in my arsenal.  If I do think I am due respect, I am creating a need that can only be fed by pride. 

Even if I am due it, it is not my place to demand or insist on it.  I can only see that coming form my pride.  When I think I am due respect and I am disrespected it does not produce love and compassion.  It makes me angry.  If remember that I really do not want the things I deserve as a fallen human then perhaps I can deal with disrespect with more humility.

If I am to wage a war on negating my designees needs, I must realize that respect is something that may be important but I do not need it to be my best self.  It may be that laying aside the thought that I am due it will free me to see better ways to move others to be respectful.  I am sure that laying aside my feelings of insistence can make room for me to be more humble.  That is vital for me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Practical Possession

Greetings Dear Reader,

During the ten years I taught information technology classes I would counsel my students about the dangers of the ever-expanding hardware offerings.  One of the practical things I offered was to refrain from looking at computer prices for six months after purchasing a new computer.  You will always find something better and less expensive if you do look.

Too often we would be discussing an advance in hard drives or video cards and a student would proclaim, “I need that $500 video card.”  This would always trigger a discussion of want versus need.  There are times when one needs to legitimately update one’s video card.  Wanting better colour and resolution does not constitute a need.

This is just one example of the ways in which we turn wants into needs in our own minds.  Having spent a year unemployed and needing to watch every penny, I have been reminded how simple my needs truly are.  A major step in negating needs is to realize that most things we think are needs are merely wants.  I convince myself that I need something because I want it so badly.

This has resulted in me possessing too many things.  If I am going to learn what I truly need to continue the journey well I need to diminish the material things in my life.  I need to clearly define the line between want and need when it comes to things. 

There is a time for us to indulge our wants.  Even under the law there is a command to use some of what we earn to purchase “whatever our heart desires.”  The important thing is to understand where that line is.   If I am honest then I will know it.  If there are things I want I can save toward them.  More important is that I learn to mitigate my wants and attend to my genuine needs.  That will lighten the load so that I can follow Christ more closely.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Recently a in a conversation with someone I care for deeply the subject of my needs came into the discussion.  I have been thinking about my needs in the quiet dark for some weeks since that conversation.  I feel that an inventory of needs must start with differentiating between what I want and what I need.

We have genuine needs.  I believe also that we turn unmet wants into needs.  We also create needs through choices we make that are unhealthy.  In defining what my genuine needs are I can further find ways to stay away from indulging wants as needs.

There is another aspect of this into which I will venture later in the journey.  This part of the journey is daunting.  I will face things that I see as needs and will have to discard as well.  There are things that I have viewed as needs that are more honestly deeply felt wants.  Some of them spring from genuine needs but they may not be the best path to getting those needs met.

Your company and prayers would be welcome as I spend part of the dog days in this crucible of refinement.  If I can excise the false needs and pursue the genuine ones in a healthy way it will make me a better man. 

I suppose like shedding actual weight it may also make the journey home an easier exercise in the time remaining.  I realize more each day how much I long for home.  I currently do not have a home but I journey toward one that will meet all my needs and more.  Walk with me Dear Reader.  Your company is a genuine need.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:

This BLOG:  http://aramisthorn.blogspot.com/ 

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