Sensitivity Training – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

One must be neither oversensitive nor insensitive.  One must always be sensitive to their surroundings.  We move through a world of fellow travelers who have wants, needs, dreams, and desires.  Christ followers are obligated to engage with the needs of others. 

I am obliged to measure my thoughts, words, and actions in a way that shows kindness and love.  My love for others is to be my benchmark.  Nothing gives me an exception for this.  Whether I deliver that through working for social justice or handing out a cup of cool water I must discern what will be the most loving act in any moment.

It is impossible for me to be perfect.  My fellow travelers share the same malady.  If I remain sensitive to this common condition then I can determine which responses show the most love.  I can remember to be kinder, more understanding, and .more forgiving.

It is in the intentional sensitivity to the difference between people and what they do that I live.  Actions may reveal many things about people.  None of those actions allow me to fail to love and respect a person.  Nothing precludes me from being sensitive and engaged with the needs of others.

If I walk through the world with this focus then I can be sure to engage in the love that I am to show to all.   The journey must be one of intentional sensitivity to world around me.  It is in that sensitivity that we find it easier to journey with Christ.  I must remain sensitive at all times.  I must engage with people and love them where they are in every moment.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Toxic People or Toxic Situations

Greetings Dear Reader,

This is another of those fine lines with strict requirements.  It is a path one must walk when following Christ.   There are toxic people.  They are besieged by things that cause them to do more harm than good.  We will return to my thoughts on that shortly.

First I would address the easier task of toxic situations.  Circumstances can evolve where even well-meaning people find themselves in an untenable situation.  The problem occurs when unhealthy behavior becomes the norm.    We see it in extremes when people endure abuse on a regular basis because they cannot see that there is a way out.

When we see a toxic situation we are obligated to work to ablate it.  We must do so in love and patience but we must do so.  Excising a toxic pattern in a group can make the stronger and more productive.  I once worked with a group of people who had developed a pattern of working overtime to exhaustion.   When I refused to buy into this as a necessity they assured me that I could not get my work done without the same pattern of behavior. 

By the grace of God I was able to set an example of working smarter and not harder.  Even our supervisor was skeptical until I showed him a few weeks of consistent success.  He was the one who suggested the team try my approach and to their benefit it worked.  When our productivity rose and the overtime was unnecessary we saw increased moral as well.  Toxic situations are reparable as long as there is not a toxic individual feeding the problem.

Toxic individuals are a more difficult to deal with.  Whatever pain or need drives them to be so is not something one can easily unravel.  In many cases we cannot motivate the person to change.  It becomes necessary to then determine the level of exposure that is healthy for us.  No one can determine this for someone else. 

There is no room for hatred or anger at the toxic individual.  We may feel these things but we cannot allow them to live.  We must love everyone if we are to love God.  It is required, therefore, that we determine the depth to which we can involve our lives with the individual without taking damage.   We also need to be very certain that we do not reject someone out of hand.

There are other factors that must be considered.   What is my obligation to the individual?  Am I dealing with the impact of this person properly for my own health?  Are my thoughts and actions ones of love, humility, and grace?  I must be sensitive to the needs of others but not at the expense of my own well-being.  Even in the path of the toxic there is a measure of protection.  Again it is a hard line to walk and I can only do so in faith.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Helping or Interfering

Greetings Dear Reader,

As a lifelong teacher I forget sometimes that my help is not always needed.  When it is not it can be an impedance instead of assistance.  If I do not assess others and keep arrogance and pride at bay I can do more harm than good.

When I interfere in the guise of helping I can hinder progress.  It can also seem critical.  Teaching when it is not needed can even hinder learning.  It I am not careful about this I can defeat my own purposes.

It feels quite good to be sought out for assistance.  The trick is to receive such requests with humility and grace.  I need to remember that it costs something to ask for help.  I must focus on the need of the individual  asking instead of on my pride at being asked.  I must create a safe space for others to learn and grow.  I must always see how the opportunity promotes a better whole. 

The other face of this is knowing when to offer help when not asked for it.  There are times when this is necessary.  There are even times when it is imperative.  I must assure that when I offer assistance that I am not butting in or interfering.  I must also not hesitate to offer or do so in pride when help is warranted.

Realizing that I am not responsible for someone accepting help is also crucial.  I must humbly assist when needed.  I must give my best when helping.   I cannot force anyone to apply the learning.  I cannot make someone learn.

The sensitivity training here is for me to use my gifts with humility without interfering.  It is to always be willing to help without stepping into a situation unwanted.  I must not force my thoughts onto anyone.  It is in love and grace that I must give my all to those in need.          

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Information versus Gossip

Greetings Dear Reader,

Gossip is obvious when it comes from the mouth of a person.  We still need avoid it and assure that we do not engage in talk about others that is defaming or demeaning.  It is always wrong to speak ill of others as a form of entertainment.

It becomes more difficult in some arenas.   Sometime we cannot verify the veracity of things that we see in social media.  We also fall prey to repeating things that are funny but may not be accurate.  Humor at the expense of others that is slanderous is still wrong.

I need information to know the needs of others.  I need data to do my job and to relate to my friends.  I must also assure that do not listen to things that are untrue of unkind even if they are true.   Sometimes the line between information and gossip may be very thin.   The knowledge that I need to understand a situation may contain negative information.  I must be vigilant that I do not let a necessary conversation drift over into slander or negative speculation.

It requires that I am constantly sensitive to the conversation.  If it turns to gossip then I must tactfully redirect it.  It is important that I discern between what is true and good when I converse.  After all I am accountable for every idle word.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Political Stuff

Greetings Dear Reader,

It seems like election season has become a four year process instead of one for the year of the election.   One would think that with the season being so long that politicians would become an endangered species.  Instead they seem to breed like rabbits; the sharp pointy teeth kind of rabbits.

Everyone has a political opinion.   Some share them more frequently, vociferously, and energetically than others.  Across the entire political spectrum there are individuals with strong feelings and opinions.  Even among committed and serious Christ followers there exists honest disagreement on important issues.

This is where serious sensitivity training is required.  I am free to have all the opinions, stands, and leanings I wish.  There must be serious filters on how I use and communicate those positions.   There are a few purposes to those filters.

My first duty is to the great commandments.  My political leanings, my voting, and my communication about politics must all adhere to these two commandments.  If my position does not reflect an all-encompassing love for God and sacrificial love for my neighbor then I am in error. 

I may not politicize my faith.  Rather my politics must always be subject to my faith.  If I follow the two great commandments then I will be right in my politics.  Being right in my politics and following Christ means that I must not be arrogant, angry, or aggressive in any discussion of the matters. 

If I am motivated by love then I will be kind and tenderhearted.  When it comes to politics then I will have no enemies.  Politics are something shared by a common people. That means they are my neighbors.  So I cannot have political enemies.  Again it comes back to loving my neighbors.  It always comes back to loving someone: God, neighbors, or enemies.

There are issues about which I feel very strongly.  That does not give me lease to impose my feelings on others.  I must work.  I must show love and devotion to what is right with all my heart.  I must also be kind and sensitive that those who oppose my views may do so with the same feeling of Christ centered conviction.  I must put our relationship in Christ above all political position. 

It is love that crushes barriers.  It is love that is the great equalizer.  I will focus on that and see to the rest within its framework.  It is the only thing that endures.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Sin and Condemnation

Greetings Dear Reader,

I realize that all of you do not acknowledge that we “sin”.  I will not debate that here although we can have a discussion about it if you wish.  I am proceeding from the assumption we do sin.  Notice the use of “we” there.  It is key to the discussion Dear Reader.

I must never become insensitive to sin.  I must see all sin and abhorrent and detestable; especially my own.  That is the thing to which I must always remain sensitive.  I cannot condemn others.  I have too much of my own for which I must account.  My failures demand their own condemnation were it not for the love and compassion of Christ.

If I am to obey the central commands to love God and love humans then I cannot also condemn those people.  If I condemn others then I am not being loving.  If I spend my time tending to the solutions to my own sin then I will not have time for condemnation anyway.  It is my obligation to see to my own sin so that I can better follow Christ.

I must walk the balance between recognizing when I see sin in others and not condemning them for it.  The recognition must trigger love and compassion in me.  It must move me to be a better example of love and redemption.  I must live as a fellow traveler and not as someone who has it all figured out.  I assure you that I do not.

The condemnation of others is not my place.  I am to be about working at getting us back to good.  I am commanded to love everyone where they are.  I must be sensitive to this in every thought.  I cannot condemn anyone without violating this.   It really is that simple.  In following Christ I must navigate the narrow line between contempt for all sin including my own and love for all people no matter where they are in the journey.

I cannot be sensitive to the needs of others whilst condemning them.  I cannot love unconditionally and damn people at the same time.  All I need do to embrace this is to stay sensitive to my own sin.  I am a crooked stick just like you Dear Reader.   

Don’t Tell Them Jesus Loves Them – Steve Camp

Oh, the suffering souls

Crying out for love

In a world that seldom cares

See the hungry hearts

Longing to be filled

With much more than our prayers

And a young girl sells herself on Seventh Avenue

And you hear her crying out for help

My God! What will we do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

All the desperate men

Are we reaching for the souls,

That are sinking down sin?

Oh, cry for the church

We've lost our passion for the lost

And there are billions left to win

And another 40,000 children starved to death today

Would we risk all we have

To see one of them saved!?!

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Why have we waited so long

To show them Jesus lives

To share salvation's song!

Why have our hearts become so proud

That we fail to see

To love them is to love God!

And a young girl sells herself on Seventh Avenue

Hear her crying out for help

What will we do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Recently I was in a conversation with someone for whom I care deeply.  She was relating how she felt about the actions of a friend.  It was in her relation of this that I saw how offended she was concerning actions to which she was not a party.  My friend was upset because she had taken up an offense from a situation in which she was not involved.  

It is good that she cares for her friend.  It is vital that she engaged and listened.  There is even room for the outrage she feels at the situation.  I do, however, believe that we need a non-permeable barrier when it comes to the level to which we engage in the offenses of others.  I cannot know the entire situation from one person’s telling of the tale.  A one sided account does not give a clear view of the matter.

This gets to the entire matter of how I feel about the lives of others.  I must engage others with my feelings but not take up offences.  I must be honest about what I think is good and right without being judgmental.  I must resist what is wrong with condemning anyone else.  

One of the things that can facilitate this is a clear barrier between how I feel about issues and how I feel about people.  We hear the old saw of “hate the sin and not the sinner.”  I think it is true but not that simple.  That non-permeable barrier I mentioned has to be vigilantly maintained if it is to function.   

This barrier must be built by constructing it between the good and bad aspects in interacting with the lives of others.  I will focus on this for a few days.   I think it will enhance the perception of my life as one that is committed to loving others and giving all that I can to show that love.  I have to engage without getting caught up in the thing.  I have to listen with my feelings and really understand.  Please walk with me Dear Reader.  I value your observations and questions.

Good Man – Burlap to Cashmere

He was walking down the highway

And you saw him straggling along

And you reached out

Opened up your door

And you gave him a ride

To your heavenly home

God his mother, she won't listen

And his father hated his old man

But you listened to his feelings

And your eyes consistently understand

Yes, your eyes consistently understand

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Well, you see him with his guitar

Down the highway, he would walk along

Singin' old songs, singin' Sunday blues

But his school bells were his only song

Yes his school bells were his only song

Through the fire, through the lying sun

Through the smoke and fog

Through the day that's done

There was strength there

There was hope alive

There were strings of peace

From the other side

There were strings of peace

From the other side

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Don't you see he's falling away

Thank God for the love that you gave

Only love can put out a fire

And only love was calling him

Higher and higher

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

And you were right there, for the hard times

You were there again and again

Again and again, again and again

He was walking

Down the highway

Give him a ride to your heavenly home

Give him the ride to your heavenly home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Did You Hear? – Shooting the Wounded

Greetings Dear Reader,

I think as we have walked through this together we have established that we all love a good scandal.  Some love it most when it involves leaders in the Church.  When there is scandal involving a pastor the air becomes electric with judgment and rancor.  Even those in leadership rush to condemn their fellow travelers.

I always think of Jesus response to the woman that the Pharisees were about to stone for adultery.  “Let the one without sin throw the first stone.”  Incidentally the one who could have thrown the stone was Jesus.  Instead he went to the woman, lifted her up, and told her to go on her way and not repeat the behaviour:  “Go and sin no more.”

It seems to me that too many Christ followers carry around a bag of rocks.  We are quick to judge and condemn other believers at the first hint of something scandalous.  We share the “news” in the form a saying, “oh pray for Pastor Parson.  I heard he was caught doing unseemly things with his secretary.”

Let me tell you what a small church in south Florida did when their pastor was caught in an affair.  They found someone to take his duties for a year.  They arranged counseling for him and his spouse and separately the woman with whom he had the affair.  The promised to continue his salary for the year and restore him if he and his wife would stay together and spend the year building the strength back into their marriage.

When the pastor asked his elders why they would do this the response was so very holy and righteous.  The lead elder said that as a council they unanimously agreed that they had placed too many demands on the pastor without attending to his personal and family needs.  The board acknowledged their part in the sin and neglect that had eroded the man they had chosen to lead them. 

The means they chose to atone for the sin was to hopefully set an example for other Christ followers.  There was scandal in the church and some people left when the board dealt with the situation in a congregational meeting.  There was ample judgment and hate in the room.  It was, however, trumped by love and compassion.  As of last Sunday, eleven year after the events, that husband and wife are still at that church and he is a fine pastor.

Should this not be the normal response when a Christ follower sins.  We are commanded, when we see someone overtaken by sin to restore them in humility and love.  Instead we shoot our wounded as often as possible.  We find reason to condemn and hate.

What if every scandal were responded to with restorative, barrier crushing love?  Would this not increase credibility?  Would it not save families and churches?  I know that have been on both ends of the gun when it comes to shooting the wounded Christ follower.  By God’s grace I hope to never again be on either side.  I hope to always choose to love and restore.  If Jesus is not throwing rocks, I should not be either.

Fighting to Survive – Building 429

Crying on the inside and it cuts me deep

'Cause I know you're gonna smile when I fall

I can't help but feel the fear when I'm standing here

'Cause I know you're gonna laugh if I have to crawl

Can you see the desperation?

But you don't know my situation

'Cause I, I'm fighting to survive

Can't you see it in my eyes?

Please don't push me anymore

But I, I'm still fighting to believe

That there is hope for me

Somewhere beneath the very least of these

And I can't help but feel ashamed when I know the truth

That there was more than I surmised inside your heart

I want to make it go away but you bear the proof

My words burnt through your skin and left you scarred

I didn't see the desperation; somehow I didn't see your situation

Because I've been fighting to survive

I didn't see it in your eyes

But I won't hurt you anymore

And I, I'm fighting to believe

That there is hope for me

Somewhere beneath the least of these

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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