Sensitivity Training – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

One must be neither oversensitive nor insensitive.  One must always be sensitive to their surroundings.  We move through a world of fellow travelers who have wants, needs, dreams, and desires.  Christ followers are obligated to engage with the needs of others. 

I am obliged to measure my thoughts, words, and actions in a way that shows kindness and love.  My love for others is to be my benchmark.  Nothing gives me an exception for this.  Whether I deliver that through working for social justice or handing out a cup of cool water I must discern what will be the most loving act in any moment.

It is impossible for me to be perfect.  My fellow travelers share the same malady.  If I remain sensitive to this common condition then I can determine which responses show the most love.  I can remember to be kinder, more understanding, and .more forgiving.

It is in the intentional sensitivity to the difference between people and what they do that I live.  Actions may reveal many things about people.  None of those actions allow me to fail to love and respect a person.  Nothing precludes me from being sensitive and engaged with the needs of others.

If I walk through the world with this focus then I can be sure to engage in the love that I am to show to all.   The journey must be one of intentional sensitivity to world around me.  It is in that sensitivity that we find it easier to journey with Christ.  I must remain sensitive at all times.  I must engage with people and love them where they are in every moment.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Toxic People or Toxic Situations

Greetings Dear Reader,

This is another of those fine lines with strict requirements.  It is a path one must walk when following Christ.   There are toxic people.  They are besieged by things that cause them to do more harm than good.  We will return to my thoughts on that shortly.

First I would address the easier task of toxic situations.  Circumstances can evolve where even well-meaning people find themselves in an untenable situation.  The problem occurs when unhealthy behavior becomes the norm.    We see it in extremes when people endure abuse on a regular basis because they cannot see that there is a way out.

When we see a toxic situation we are obligated to work to ablate it.  We must do so in love and patience but we must do so.  Excising a toxic pattern in a group can make the stronger and more productive.  I once worked with a group of people who had developed a pattern of working overtime to exhaustion.   When I refused to buy into this as a necessity they assured me that I could not get my work done without the same pattern of behavior. 

By the grace of God I was able to set an example of working smarter and not harder.  Even our supervisor was skeptical until I showed him a few weeks of consistent success.  He was the one who suggested the team try my approach and to their benefit it worked.  When our productivity rose and the overtime was unnecessary we saw increased moral as well.  Toxic situations are reparable as long as there is not a toxic individual feeding the problem.

Toxic individuals are a more difficult to deal with.  Whatever pain or need drives them to be so is not something one can easily unravel.  In many cases we cannot motivate the person to change.  It becomes necessary to then determine the level of exposure that is healthy for us.  No one can determine this for someone else. 

There is no room for hatred or anger at the toxic individual.  We may feel these things but we cannot allow them to live.  We must love everyone if we are to love God.  It is required, therefore, that we determine the depth to which we can involve our lives with the individual without taking damage.   We also need to be very certain that we do not reject someone out of hand.

There are other factors that must be considered.   What is my obligation to the individual?  Am I dealing with the impact of this person properly for my own health?  Are my thoughts and actions ones of love, humility, and grace?  I must be sensitive to the needs of others but not at the expense of my own well-being.  Even in the path of the toxic there is a measure of protection.  Again it is a hard line to walk and I can only do so in faith.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Helping or Interfering

Greetings Dear Reader,

As a lifelong teacher I forget sometimes that my help is not always needed.  When it is not it can be an impedance instead of assistance.  If I do not assess others and keep arrogance and pride at bay I can do more harm than good.

When I interfere in the guise of helping I can hinder progress.  It can also seem critical.  Teaching when it is not needed can even hinder learning.  It I am not careful about this I can defeat my own purposes.

It feels quite good to be sought out for assistance.  The trick is to receive such requests with humility and grace.  I need to remember that it costs something to ask for help.  I must focus on the need of the individual  asking instead of on my pride at being asked.  I must create a safe space for others to learn and grow.  I must always see how the opportunity promotes a better whole. 

The other face of this is knowing when to offer help when not asked for it.  There are times when this is necessary.  There are even times when it is imperative.  I must assure that when I offer assistance that I am not butting in or interfering.  I must also not hesitate to offer or do so in pride when help is warranted.

Realizing that I am not responsible for someone accepting help is also crucial.  I must humbly assist when needed.  I must give my best when helping.   I cannot force anyone to apply the learning.  I cannot make someone learn.

The sensitivity training here is for me to use my gifts with humility without interfering.  It is to always be willing to help without stepping into a situation unwanted.  I must not force my thoughts onto anyone.  It is in love and grace that I must give my all to those in need.          

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Information versus Gossip

Greetings Dear Reader,

Gossip is obvious when it comes from the mouth of a person.  We still need avoid it and assure that we do not engage in talk about others that is defaming or demeaning.  It is always wrong to speak ill of others as a form of entertainment.

It becomes more difficult in some arenas.   Sometime we cannot verify the veracity of things that we see in social media.  We also fall prey to repeating things that are funny but may not be accurate.  Humor at the expense of others that is slanderous is still wrong.

I need information to know the needs of others.  I need data to do my job and to relate to my friends.  I must also assure that do not listen to things that are untrue of unkind even if they are true.   Sometimes the line between information and gossip may be very thin.   The knowledge that I need to understand a situation may contain negative information.  I must be vigilant that I do not let a necessary conversation drift over into slander or negative speculation.

It requires that I am constantly sensitive to the conversation.  If it turns to gossip then I must tactfully redirect it.  It is important that I discern between what is true and good when I converse.  After all I am accountable for every idle word.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Political Stuff

Greetings Dear Reader,

It seems like election season has become a four year process instead of one for the year of the election.   One would think that with the season being so long that politicians would become an endangered species.  Instead they seem to breed like rabbits; the sharp pointy teeth kind of rabbits.

Everyone has a political opinion.   Some share them more frequently, vociferously, and energetically than others.  Across the entire political spectrum there are individuals with strong feelings and opinions.  Even among committed and serious Christ followers there exists honest disagreement on important issues.

This is where serious sensitivity training is required.  I am free to have all the opinions, stands, and leanings I wish.  There must be serious filters on how I use and communicate those positions.   There are a few purposes to those filters.

My first duty is to the great commandments.  My political leanings, my voting, and my communication about politics must all adhere to these two commandments.  If my position does not reflect an all-encompassing love for God and sacrificial love for my neighbor then I am in error. 

I may not politicize my faith.  Rather my politics must always be subject to my faith.  If I follow the two great commandments then I will be right in my politics.  Being right in my politics and following Christ means that I must not be arrogant, angry, or aggressive in any discussion of the matters. 

If I am motivated by love then I will be kind and tenderhearted.  When it comes to politics then I will have no enemies.  Politics are something shared by a common people. That means they are my neighbors.  So I cannot have political enemies.  Again it comes back to loving my neighbors.  It always comes back to loving someone: God, neighbors, or enemies.

There are issues about which I feel very strongly.  That does not give me lease to impose my feelings on others.  I must work.  I must show love and devotion to what is right with all my heart.  I must also be kind and sensitive that those who oppose my views may do so with the same feeling of Christ centered conviction.  I must put our relationship in Christ above all political position. 

It is love that crushes barriers.  It is love that is the great equalizer.  I will focus on that and see to the rest within its framework.  It is the only thing that endures.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Sin and Condemnation

Greetings Dear Reader,

I realize that all of you do not acknowledge that we “sin”.  I will not debate that here although we can have a discussion about it if you wish.  I am proceeding from the assumption we do sin.  Notice the use of “we” there.  It is key to the discussion Dear Reader.

I must never become insensitive to sin.  I must see all sin and abhorrent and detestable; especially my own.  That is the thing to which I must always remain sensitive.  I cannot condemn others.  I have too much of my own for which I must account.  My failures demand their own condemnation were it not for the love and compassion of Christ.

If I am to obey the central commands to love God and love humans then I cannot also condemn those people.  If I condemn others then I am not being loving.  If I spend my time tending to the solutions to my own sin then I will not have time for condemnation anyway.  It is my obligation to see to my own sin so that I can better follow Christ.

I must walk the balance between recognizing when I see sin in others and not condemning them for it.  The recognition must trigger love and compassion in me.  It must move me to be a better example of love and redemption.  I must live as a fellow traveler and not as someone who has it all figured out.  I assure you that I do not.

The condemnation of others is not my place.  I am to be about working at getting us back to good.  I am commanded to love everyone where they are.  I must be sensitive to this in every thought.  I cannot condemn anyone without violating this.   It really is that simple.  In following Christ I must navigate the narrow line between contempt for all sin including my own and love for all people no matter where they are in the journey.

I cannot be sensitive to the needs of others whilst condemning them.  I cannot love unconditionally and damn people at the same time.  All I need do to embrace this is to stay sensitive to my own sin.  I am a crooked stick just like you Dear Reader.   

Don’t Tell Them Jesus Loves Them – Steve Camp

Oh, the suffering souls

Crying out for love

In a world that seldom cares

See the hungry hearts

Longing to be filled

With much more than our prayers

And a young girl sells herself on Seventh Avenue

And you hear her crying out for help

My God! What will we do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

All the desperate men

Are we reaching for the souls,

That are sinking down sin?

Oh, cry for the church

We've lost our passion for the lost

And there are billions left to win

And another 40,000 children starved to death today

Would we risk all we have

To see one of them saved!?!

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Why have we waited so long

To show them Jesus lives

To share salvation's song!

Why have our hearts become so proud

That we fail to see

To love them is to love God!

And a young girl sells herself on Seventh Avenue

Hear her crying out for help

What will we do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Till your heart breaks from their sorrow

And the pain they're going through

With a life full of compassion

May we do what we must do?

Don't tell them Jesus loves them

Till you're ready to love them too!

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Sensitivity Training – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Recently I was in a conversation with someone for whom I care deeply.  She was relating how she felt about the actions of a friend.  It was in her relation of this that I saw how offended she was concerning actions to which she was not a party.  My friend was upset because she had taken up an offense from a situation in which she was not involved.  

It is good that she cares for her friend.  It is vital that she engaged and listened.  There is even room for the outrage she feels at the situation.  I do, however, believe that we need a non-permeable barrier when it comes to the level to which we engage in the offenses of others.  I cannot know the entire situation from one person’s telling of the tale.  A one sided account does not give a clear view of the matter.

This gets to the entire matter of how I feel about the lives of others.  I must engage others with my feelings but not take up offences.  I must be honest about what I think is good and right without being judgmental.  I must resist what is wrong with condemning anyone else.  

One of the things that can facilitate this is a clear barrier between how I feel about issues and how I feel about people.  We hear the old saw of “hate the sin and not the sinner.”  I think it is true but not that simple.  That non-permeable barrier I mentioned has to be vigilantly maintained if it is to function.   

This barrier must be built by constructing it between the good and bad aspects in interacting with the lives of others.  I will focus on this for a few days.   I think it will enhance the perception of my life as one that is committed to loving others and giving all that I can to show that love.  I have to engage without getting caught up in the thing.  I have to listen with my feelings and really understand.  Please walk with me Dear Reader.  I value your observations and questions.

Good Man – Burlap to Cashmere

He was walking down the highway

And you saw him straggling along

And you reached out

Opened up your door

And you gave him a ride

To your heavenly home

God his mother, she won't listen

And his father hated his old man

But you listened to his feelings

And your eyes consistently understand

Yes, your eyes consistently understand

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Well, you see him with his guitar

Down the highway, he would walk along

Singin' old songs, singin' Sunday blues

But his school bells were his only song

Yes his school bells were his only song

Through the fire, through the lying sun

Through the smoke and fog

Through the day that's done

There was strength there

There was hope alive

There were strings of peace

From the other side

There were strings of peace

From the other side

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Don't you see he's falling away

Thank God for the love that you gave

Only love can put out a fire

And only love was calling him

Higher and higher

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

And you were right there, for the hard times

You were there again and again

Again and again, again and again

He was walking

Down the highway

Give him a ride to your heavenly home

Give him the ride to your heavenly home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

We feel.  That is what we do.  It is good that we feel.  The problem is that we have become a culture where what we feel is our operational truth.  That is a dangerous way to live.  It erodes at morals, values, and mores.  It pulls the threads that keep our society civil.

Worse, as a Christ follower my feelings are not to be my prime mover.  An attitude of love for others not a emotion of love is to guide me.  My family, friends, and enemies are all to receive an attitude of love from me no matter how I feel. 

Everything I feel must be filtered through truth and my obligation to love God and all humans.  I must ride herd on my negative feelings, glean the value they have, and then do away with them. 

My Grandfather used to say, “Do what is right no matter how much it hurts.”  I try to live by that but I fail.  I think that I would attenuate his statement.  I must do what is right no matter how I feel.  It easy to say and hard to live.  Most truths work living are.

If I am to be what I aspire to be then I must be honest about what I feel.  I must do what is right with my feelings.  I must think through what I feel before I respond to it.  I must rarely permit my feelings to produce a raw reaction.  In this I can follow knowing that I meter my heart to beat out love to everyone. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings – Emotional Storms

Greetings Dear Reader,

So often we think we have dealt with negative feelings.  We have thought through or talked through a situation.  We have forgiven the other person.  Then like a hot summer afternoon the storm pops back up stealing all of our composure.

These emotional storms if handled properly can be very beneficial.  They are opportunities to regulate our reactions and responses.  These instances test our resolve not to be ruled by out passions. 

Sometimes we have not truly forgiven.  We must assure that we do.  Sometimes the fault is our as we crave something we should not.  Sometimes we have not truly addressed out feelings on a matter and our emotional well is full.

There can be physiological reasons.  Whatever the case storms of emotion will come.  We must not let them dominate and we must let them pass.  We must feel the storm but never let it rule us.

Our senses require us to feel every moment.  We are supposed to live in the moment.  The storms that will erupt must not control me.  They must force me to confront my heart honestly.  They must not devour me.  I must turn to my faith to handle my feelings.  I can weather the storms but only if I do so in faith.  If I do then the lightning, wind, and rain can be very beautiful indeed.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings - Fear

Greetings Dear Reader,

Once again, like anger fear has its place.  Fear protects us from danger.  It triggers our fight of flight response.  It gives us that small warning to be careful.  It can save our lives. 

There is healthy and unhealthy fear.  Fear in the form of healthy respect is a good thing.  We rarely use the word in this way.  It is still important.  We must have a healthy respect for things that can harm us.  We must have a healthy respect for those who rule over us.  That is good fear and it is not the way we use the word any more.

So many things about fear are unhealthy.  We indulge our fear and give it control.  We act badly because of fear.  We mistreat others out of fear.  When fear controls us we do not act rationally and we lose power.  We do not act lovingly when we act out of fear.

It is natural and understandable to feel fear.  It is always wrong to allow the fear to be in charge.  Fear kills our reason when we give it control.  It feeds our greed.  It propels us to be selfish and unloving. 

If I am to properly follow Christ then I must not allow fear to control me.  I must face fear with the filter of my protection in Christ.  He has promised to meet my needs and care for me.  I cannot allow fear to keep from that.  I must hold out the standard that fear will not control me.  I will give it a proper place in my existence and will use it to see danger.  I will heed its warnings but think through my responses.

Fear has a place in the journey.  That place is not as the leader.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings - Happiness

Greetings Dear Reader,

Happy is almost universally defined as a state of pleasure or contentment.  We are guaranteed the right to pursue it in our constitution.  We want to be happy.   It is not wrong to desire happiness. 

Whether or not one is happy, however, must not be the standard for our choices in life.  If I pursue only happiness then I will harm others out of selfishness and greed.  I can make choices that are irresponsible.  I can neglect my responsibilities to God, friends, and family by pursuing only happiness.

I have always thought that we get it backwards.  I think that happiness is a choice.  I think that if we learn to be content we find happiness.  If we find our pleasure in good things then we will be happy.  If we put our happiness first instead of seeking good and contentment then happiness will remain elusive.

I must not let whether something makes me happy determine how I treat others.  I must not let happiness determine my morals, values, attitudes, and actions.  Happiness will be the product of choosing to do what is right and finding contentment in that.  If I do not feel happy I must analyze my attitude.  I must determine if I am pursuing the right things and if I am content with what God has in front of me in the moment.

Happiness is a choice.  It is derived from choosing to follow in faith no matter what the situation.   Happiness is found in joy in whom I follow.  The joy is found in the journey of faith and following.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings - Desire

Greetings Dear Reader,

For years food was my enemy.  I thought nothing of eating much more than I needed.  I hid pain and discontent behind pizza and ice cream.  It cost me in energy, health, and social interaction.  My desire for food overrode my good judgment and obedience. 

Feeling desire is not wrong.  A well-made meal or rare delicacy is not wrong.   Once again the desire must be filtered through reason and self-control.  Everything we want is not bad.  Most things to excess are.  Living in a world that constantly wishes us to consume makes regulating desire a necessity.

Whether food, funds, or flesh we must not be driven by our desires.  Gluttony, greed, and lust are all desire gone wrong.  Food, money, and sex are not bad.  Pursuing them over Christ is.

We must have standards that set an example.  We must not consume more than we need while others go without.  We must not use each other to satisfy our wants.  If we are driven by our love for God and each other we must not let our desires come first.

I had a conversation with a friend just yesterday regarding this.   We need to allow our desires to come from our delight in God.  If we are driven by that then we will attune our desires to it.  We may fear that we will lack.  We  may think we will go without.

Christ made it clear that if we follow him we will lack nothing.  It comes down to faith again.  Do I really believe that I will have what I need?  Do I love God enough to find my sustenance in him?  If my standard for desire is God I will filter out the things that are not wholesome or healthy.  I will not use others.

I need to find all my hope in Christ.  In him I can live and move and have my being.  That is a desire worth having.

In Christ Alone – Performed by Stephen Nasby

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My Comforter, my All in All,

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! - who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe.

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save:

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied -

For every sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious day

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,

For I am His and He is mine –

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand:

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings – Anger has Rules

Greetings Dear Reader,

First I should be very clear that it is not wrong to be angry.  We will feel angry.  If we deny our anger or bottle it up it is dangerous.  Paul’s reference to anger in Ephesians is in the imperative.  “Be angry and do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

“Be angry” is not a choice it is a command.  There are things about which we must be angry.  “…and do not sin” is also the imperative.  We must not use anger as reason to sin.  The third imperative is that we must not let the anger live through the day.  This means we are to deal with our own feelings about a situation so that it does not impact us internally.

We seem to be very good at the first imperative.  We are very good at being angry.  I know people seem to be only angry all the time.  Anger becomes a very easy emotion to access.  It is an easy habit to form.

Where we fail is to then assess the anger we have accessed.  Unfolding before us once we feel anger is a set of binary choices.  There is little gray area in these choices even though we try to make it so.  As I work through anger I ask the first and hardest of all questions.

Is my anger justified?  My anger is not always justified.  Sometimes it is rooted in selfishness or greed.  This question must come first.  Figuring out why I am angry often leads to the choice of blame or forgiveness.  We are not allowed to cling to anger.  We are required to reason out a course of action if the anger is justified. 

I must be loving, kind, and forgiving.  I must express how I feel in a way that does not harm or disrespect.  I must always be the master of this most dangerous of feelings.  I must be honest about the feeling, the source, the justification, and the resolution.  I must do all this be day’s end so that I do not carry it over into the next.

Again dealing with this feeling has the overshadowing requirement to love my neighbor or enemy.  It requires me to love God through control and honesty.  Anger has rules.  If I am to follow Christ properly I must obey them.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings – I Feel

Greetings Dear Reader,

Before I delve too deeply into the negative part of this self-discovery some things about feelings must be addressed.  We feel.  If we deny that we feel we damage ourselves.  If we ignore some feelings we will not be able to fully understand things. 

Fear for example is a vital feeling.  We must listen to fear.  We must listen to and evaluate the things it triggers.  We have feelings for some very important reasons.  Those reasons are connected to our emotional health and sometimes our survival.

The error that we make is we give control to our feelings.  We allow anger, fear, or greed to control us.  This is very dangerous.  When our feelings control us we ignore sound reason and act. 

It comes down to the difference between responses and reactions.  It is often necessary to react.  Instinctive reactions built into our DNA are very important.  They can protect and save us.  When we interact with people on a social level we must be responsive and not reactionary. 

When we feel anger we must take a beat.  When we feel fear we must reason.  To move through life allowing our feelings to control us hinders our ability to be good to others.  In any situation when we let our feelings decide our course of action we need to assure that we have reasoned our way through the actions.

As I work through the proper place of feelings in my life the first thing I must assure is that they are not in control of me.  I must master them or they will be my undoing.  I must allow them to live but not allow them to rule.  That alone is a daily task requiring attention and balance.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Setting Standards for Feelings – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

It troubles me often when I see the level of disrespect for others that grows steadily in our world.  Many seem to have forgotten common courtesy and simple polite behavior.   I realize that some just do not care and that will always be the case.  What troubles me most is that feelings seem to become the wellspring of our actions rather than clear thought and reason.

Recently a dear friend shared with me that a coworker berated him for being too nice.  His reactions of kindness and gratitude made the coworker feel that he was insincere in his actions.  It seems that launching a tirade at someone for being nice requires a great deal of impatience and judgment. 

I often encounter situations where feelings become reality and people react to those feelings.  It becomes increasingly common to hear someone react to how they feel without thinking through the response.  The process of reasoning through how those feelings arise seems abandoned. 

This is done in the name of allowing our feelings to be expressed.  “I am just being honest about how I feel” has replaced sound reason about those feelings.  This destroys relationships.  It kills honest thought.  Our feelings are not to be our guide.  Allowing that can destroy a family or a nation. 

As I think through this I ponder the results of simply indulging my feelings.  I have done this in the past and it rarely turns out well.  Following Christ in this requires that I reason through my responses and rarely have reactions.  Walk with me if you wish Dear Reader whilst I try to refine my standards and be a better man.  I value your thoughts and questions.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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How do you Feel – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

We must feel what we feel and not suppress or deny it.  We must also master our responses to our feelings.  We are responsible that we balance how we feel and how we act.  How one feels is never justification for acting badly toward anyone.

My feelings are a great barometer for how my thinking is trending.  They are not to be primary movers in my life.  They are vital to my understanding of life but not the determiner of how I live it.

It is too easy to give my feelings control of what I say and do.  I must capture every thought and assure that how it is expressed is based on love and kindness.  The Bible is full of warnings about how we deal with anger.   We are commanded to love.  My choices must be based on that.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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How do you Feel – Training our Feelings

Greetings Dear Reader,

Last night I saw something so painful.  I was at a baseball game with my Son Bezel.   A child about the age of four or five was walking up the metal stairs and slipped.  His eye socket hit directly on the next step.  He was stunned but also obviously in great pain.  One of the stadium personnel was there and immediately helped the child.  The boy will have a shiner but will be OK.

What amazed me was his reaction.  He did not wail, cry out, or in any way let on that he was hurt save to wince and hold hand up to his face.  We could tell he was in pain but he controlled his response.  How many of us would do the same?

Yesterday I thought through controlling when we feel.  Today I am pondering how we manufacture some feelings.  In the case of this boy no one would have been surprised at wailing and tears.  I am more surprised that there were not. 

Some feelings like the response to pain are visceral and come from deep within us.  They are necessary for survival.   Others like offense and anger are a result of how we think about what happens around us.  I used to have anger as my primary response to almost anything I did not like.   I leaned just how destructive this is.

I have spent years training my mind and heart to respond differently.  That happens by capturing our thoughts.  If I think about how I feel before I express how I feel I may be able to feel more honestly. 

If I do wrong and there are consequences I have no right to be angry about that.  If I take offense at something out of pride or arrogance then I have manufactured a feeling that is unhealthy.  It is easy to feel the feeling without examining its source.  When I feel anger or offense welling up I am obligated to ask if the feeling is justified.

Yes you feel how you feel but sometimes that is based on what I am thinking.  We live in a culture where we are training ourselves to be offended.  We set up rules that establish if, then scenarios for offense and anger.  Culture should not dictate how one feels.  Honesty and love must dictate how I feel. 

If I discipline my mind to think well then I can master the manufacture of feeling based on poor thinking.  If I practice love and humility I will not be easily offended.  If I follow the command to love others I will not become angry as easily.  How we feel must be honest but it must also be based on honest thinking.   If I lose that then my feelings will be predisposed to self-centered thinking.  This is harmful and wrong.  “To think well is to serve God in the interior court.” – Thomas Traherne

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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How do you Feel – Not In Control

Greetings Dear Reader,

I mentioned yesterday that we are supposed to feel what we feel.  What is also true in that freedom is that the feelings are never supposed to be in charge.  Love, fear, joy, and anger all have a place in us.  They can guide at times but must always be filtered through reason and self-control.

One of my observations is that we too often put how we feel in charge of what we do.  We put the feeling of love ahead of both being loving and acting properly.  We use anger as an excuse to be unkind and irreverent.  We use it to disrespect others.  We use how we feel to justify actions over which we have control.

It is not enough to not be “in love” to abandon a family.  Feeling hurt or angry does not justify harsh words.  There is no justification in wronging someone else because of our feelings.  It is not our feelings that should determine our actions. 

There is a balance to be had here.  There are times when we must be in the moment.   At times compassion must rule our reason.  At times love must guide us.  The litmus must be that we have thought about our actions.  The cognitive must feelings into proper actions.

When I act on feeling alone I almost always create a mess.  When I think through my actions and let the commands to love and kindness rule them I seem to do better.  I must feel what I feel honestly.  I must also let reason and unconditional love guide my responses to those feelings. 

How I feel matters.  How I act matters more.  I must do what is right no matter what the cost to my feelings.  I must act properly no matter how long it takes to work through the emotions.  In this can be found peace.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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How do you Feel – Assignments

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the ways in which we deny others healing is in telling them how they should feel.  We either deny them the feelings they have or we tell them how they should feel.  Both of these choices create a painful lack of freedom and health.

We must let people feel how they feel.  When someone is hurting telling him or her not to feel that way is denying them honesty.   There are feelings we are to master but that is not the same as denying a feeling. 

The other side of the coin is telling someone how he or she should feel.  Assigning your own feelings about something to someone else is also dishonest.   If something is hindering feelings appropriate to a situation then there is an issue to be resolved.  This does not mean that I get to dictate how someone feels.

Learning how someone honestly feels about a situation is key to honest communication.  It is also key being the best help I can be for someone.   If I do not assure that my attention is focused on a true and honest circumstance my assistance may be way off base. 

Asking “How do you feel?” must be an open and honest question.  I must stand by with love and compassion ready to accept people where they are. It is what Christ does for me and what I must do for others.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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How do you Feel – Crisis

Greetings Dear Reader,

There will be troubled waters.  There will be pain and suffering.  Life will be hard sometimes.  There are feelings associated with those things.  We often do not know how to handle the feelings associated with a crisis.

When we are the one in crisis we feel and try to express those feelings.  When we do we often get platitudes from those around us.  People mean well but the raw nature of pain can drive them into thoughtless responses.

Except for practical needs there is little to say when a crisis is emergent.  Although it is valid that people should realize that God is in control and that faith must guide us, no one wants to hear that in the moment.   When the pain is raw and new we know that we should still follow Christ.  We need to have someone hear us.

I know that in some of my greatest times of pain it has been difficult to express how I feel.   It is vital that I find a way to express it but it is harder to find a real listener.  I must be a real listener for others.  I must allow them to express without trying to solve or fix.

Sometimes the most compassionate, faithful, and loving thing to do is to let someone be who they must be in the moment.  Even if they are wrong or express doubt we must let them feel.  We must listen.  Christ followers must be a race of listeners.

We should inquire as to how other feel and listen no matter what comes out.  We must listen with honest open hearts.  We must allow people to be genuine.  It is what God wants from us.  It is allows us to keep moving forward.  We must listen with our feelings.

Good Man – Burlap to Cashmere

He was walking down the highway

And you saw him straggling along

And you reached out

Opened up your door

And you gave him a ride

To your heavenly home

God his mother, she won't listen

And his father hated his old man

But you listened to his feelings

And your eyes consistently understand

Yes, your eyes consistently understand

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Well, you see him with his guitar

Down the highway, he would walk along

Singin' old songs, singin' Sunday blues

But his school bells were his only song

Yes his school bells were his only song

Through the fire, through the lying sun

Through the smoke and fog

Through the day that's done

There was strength there

There was hope alive

There were strings of peace

From the other side

There were strings of peace

From the other side

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

Don't you see he's falling away

Thank God for the love that you gave

Only love can put out a fire

And only love was calling him

Higher and higher

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

But he was dancing to the bright lights

He was dying for some love

He was a good man

He lived a good life

He was a good man

He lived a good life

And you were right there, for the hard times

You were there again and again

Again and again, again and again

He was walking

Down the highway

Give him a ride to your heavenly home

Give him the ride to your heavenly home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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