You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Dear Younger Me, you were never meant to carry the shame and regrets of your past.  You were never meant carry the penalty of your sin.  You were never meant to carry your failures into your future. 

You are designed to be holy, righteous, and free.  We are all designed for this.  We are all meant to live in complete goodness and harmony.  The past is written in stone.  The present is that same stone molten and malleable to my choices as it slips around me. 

It is my responsibility to mold every moment to match the Maker’s design for it.  In this I can follow.  I cannot do it if I am constantly carrying the stone I have already created.  Whether that stone is a lower mill stone grinding all around it or a great obelisk of honor it is the past.  It is not meant for me to carry.

I must follow with as little as possible.  I must follow with all my heart.   Nothing I would say to a younger me would change anything.  I can, however, learn from his failures.

Dear Younger Me – MercyMe

Dear younger me

Where do I start

If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far

Then you could be

One step ahead

Of all the painful memories still running thru my head

I wonder how much different things would be

Dear younger me,

Dear younger me

I cannot decide

Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life

Or do I go deep

And try to change

The choices that you'll make ‘cuz they're choices that made me

Even though I love this crazy life

Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride

Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now

Condemnation would've had no power

My joy my pain would've never been my worth

If I knew then what I know now

Would've not been hard to figure out

What I would've changed if I had heard

Dear younger me

It's not your fault

You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley

Thru each heartache you will see

Every moment brings you closer

To who you were meant to be

Dear younger me,

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Every Moment

Greetings Dear Reader,

Thru each heartache you will see

Every moment brings you closer

To who you were meant to be

Dear younger me,

The span of our lives is made up of moments.  Each day we encounter a thousand moments and over the years those moments become our lives.  The choices in the moments become who we are.  A life is made up of the cumulative results and consequences of moments.

We view most of our life through the past and the crisis or joy of the moment.  We see the distresses and consequences of the moment as they occur but rarely remember to live in the moment. 

No matter the circumstances those moments are what shape us.  They shape us through our choices, attitudes, and responses.  They shape us relative to the efforts of the Father to bring us back to good.

We often, I think forget that God’s plan includes the response to every choice each of us will make.   It takes in to account every nuance of thought and action.   The King of the Sunset lies waiting for the dawn when his counter moves to our moves bring all things back to the way he intended them to be. 

It is my place to find him in every moment so that I am no surprised in the moment when I find myself with him.  It is in him that we live and move and have our being.  It seems only logical to recognize that each moment is an opportunity to find Christ and follow.  In a life we have 36.792,000 such moments.  He stands in each one waiting to help bring me closer to who I am meant to be.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Every Mountain, Every Valley

Greetings Dear Reader,

I recall fondly that my dad and I used to play a game called Feudal.  It was one of the popular Bookshelf Games.   In it you set up your army and used some very contrived moves to attach your opponent.  There were mountains and rough terrain on the board.  One had navigate around mountains and only certain pieces could go on rough terrain.   

The journey is often over rough terrain.  We have to traverse it whether we wish too or not.  We climb rough rugged mountains.  We traverse deep dark valleys.  Some days even smooth soft paths hurt our feet.   Some days every step is an effort.

Other days we the journey is easy in the warm sunlight.  The wind is at your back and the path is filled with loving fellow travelers.   Some days the journey is filled with real joy.

The challenge is to realize that the easy path and the rough terrain are all necessary and good.  They are all part of our movement toward home and permanent good.   It is never the journey younger me.  It is the one we follow on the journey.  It is the love we show our fellow travelers.

No matter where I find myself in the journey make the most of it.  I must follow in faith and only carry the things that I need.  It will get better. To resit the path is, after all, futile.  

Mountain Top – Second Chapter of Acts

The mountain tops are not as tall

The valleys seem to be getting small

Still the river rolls deep inside me

Take the dreams that didn't grow

And visions that melted in the snow

Take away my laugh

Still I'll climb the pathway home

With my hand in your hand

My life in your life

My spirit will rise

Until I see the rainbow

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Bondage

Greetings Dear Reader,

We are bound to so many things.  We are tied to our possessions, careers, habits, and addictions.  We are bound by the consequences of our choices.   We seek freedom but shackle ourselves to things that prevent true freedom. 

We are meant to be free from the things that hinder the journey.  Joy comes from the freedom to make the journey without burdens.  It is not freedom from obligation or responsibility.  It is not freedom from commitment or duty to others.  It is that all of this must spring from our commitment to follow Christ.

It is only in Christ that we find freedom from our bondage to the things that enslave us.  We live and move in Christ.  Freedom is found in obedience to the journey.  We will eventually be free from all that besieges us.  Until then we can find freedom to follow by refusing to carry the things that hinder our walk.

If You Want to Get Free – Waterdeep

In the gas station bathroom by the condom machine

I heard the word of the Lord

He said "Take off your shoes,

this is holy ground too

you know I came for the sick and the bored."

Beneath the selling of beers

And the welling up of tears

Out beyond the beam of the remote control

There's a whispering voice

That the humble ear ears

that says "I am still waiting

for you to ask just to be made whole."

And the bush it was burning on the mountain top

and though the leaves never blackened, the fire didn't stop

That's the way that it works in this old life of sin

You gotta let the fire burn you just to get clean within

I am so often deterred from my actual intent

by distractions in a cellophane wrap

And the cruel voice that taunts me when I open them up

to find just one more box full of crap

It's where you're mocked while you abstain

and then cursed when you give in

It's all a game that's impossible to beat

But there's a peaceful refrain God'll sing in your brain

when you put the nails to your hands and your feet

And the smell of our sacrifices

still fills up my head

There's just a few left at the altar, Lord

all the rest of them fled

And we've cried and we've tried

We've sweat and we've bled

But we don't just need atonement

We need to be raised from the dead

When they took down the cross from that dark hillside

The blood on their hands was the blood from his side

That's the way that it works, That's the way it must be.

You gotta let His blood stain you of you want to get free

If you want to get free

Don't you want to get free?

I think you want to be free.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – New Hearts

Greetings Dear Reader,

The things we carry that are not for us break our hearts.  Whether it is love or pain our hearts get broken.  In truth they start out needing something more than they have.

We need the love that the Father provides to keep us whole.  Our broken hearts can be constantly renewed through faith and following.  I realize that this seems puerile but it works.  The memories that hurt and haunt are only quelled by faith and following.  It is only salved by renewing my heart’s dependence on Christ.

I tend to complicate things in hopes of find a better answer.  I tend to look for answers where I know they do not exist.  I wish younger me had realized this earlier but I am not meant to carry those regrets.  I am meant to carry faith and love.  I am meant to be renewed daily. 

The road is too long to carry things we are not meant to carry.  It is also too hard without a new heart each day to get us through the pain.  We will hurt.  We will fail.  We will fall.  The key is that our fellow traveler will help us rise and walk a little further.  He can give us hearts of fire to warm the journey for ourselves and others. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Why Not?

Greetings Dear Reader,

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

I think that one of the things we misunderstand is our standing once we follow Christ.  We are no longer under the penalty of our failures.  We no longer are subject to the power of our past if we choose not to be.

We need to keep in mind how the Father sees us.  We are holy.  We are set apart as one of the one who belong to the Father and we cannot be wrested away from him.  He has claimed us as hi own. 

We are righteous.  We may still make wrong choices.  We may still fail but we are seen as righteous by the Father.  He sees our redemption. He sees Christ our advocate claim us as his own.  All the guilt both genuine and false is no longer over us.

We are redeemed.  Currently just the penalty and power of our failures is redeemed.  Eventually we will be redeemed from the presence of failure as well.  We can live righteously through obedience and humility if we choose to.

We are not meant to carry these things any longer.  We are not required to be under the pain and guilt.  We can choose to live as what we are.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Not Your Fault

Greetings Dear Reader,

I spent from age 9 to 14 believing that my Grandfather’s death was my fault.  Family politics had cut me off from him at age nine and he declined and passed away very quickly.  I did not yet understand the difference between heart break and heart damage when his heart ran out of summers.

As a young boy, I was often saddled with things not meant for young boys to carry.  So many of the things that we carry as guilt are not meant to be ours.  We have enough honest guilt to deal with without succumbing to false guilt. 

So many things are out of our control.  We take on responsibility for things we have no control over.  This is one of the things that drives us to avoid reasonability for our actual faults. 

My sin is my fault.  The sin of others, of the world Is not.  My own faults must be acknowledged and repaired.  They must also not be carried forward as reality or guilt.  In this journey sins of the past are just too much to carry.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – No Condemnation

Greetings Dear Reader,

The younger me has memories that constantly haunt me.  A parent who abandoned me and filled my life with lies challenges every attempt at self-worth.  A spouse who told me that I was no longer viable on paper echoes in my mind every time I try to advance my plans.  Someone I love telling me that I was at the center of the worst moments of their life cripples my attempts to be good to others or even any feeling of good when I succeed.

There are also the memories of a Grandfather, who, no matter what I did never condemned me.  He lovingly guided and corrected.  He always listened.  He always had time for me until he ran out of time.

I wish that the positive and hopeful things echoed more loudly in those moments of pain and heartbreak.  Mostly the condemnation is what I hear.  The power comes in whether or not I choose to listen to it.  Sometimes it freezes me but sometimes it frees me.  The voice I listen to makes all the difference.

We are not meant to carry past condemnations.  We are not designed to prosper under the weight of our failure.  This is why we are required to leave them at the cross.  It is why we are to deal with each other in grace, mercy, and forgiveness. 

Some days are glorious.  Some days I am just holding on, blocking out the condemnations of my past.  In either state there is no condemnation from Christ.  In him we live, love, and hope.  We should not be surprised when we move outside of his grace that things do not get better.

Broken – Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain(In the pain) there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Smoother Ride

Greetings Dear Reader,

We all want a smoother ride.  I wrote recently about a smooth ride I had in my twenties.  I compare so many things in my mind to that ride.  When it comes to life I do wish for a smoother ride often.

I wish things were easier.  I complain about the things I dislike and too often want a path of least resistance.  That is not what the world is.  The world is a hard fallen place where those who seek to do what is right will find opposition.

The one we follow did not have a smooth ride.  When we show love and kindness it does not make the ride smoother.   We validate between joy and sorrow through the fleeting moments that speed by at the never wavering speed of time.  The only thing that survives is the love we give. 

We ignore the need for sacrificial love in hopes of a smoother ride.  We try to control things to make the journey easier.  We manipulate others, choose wrong paths, and carry what we should not in hopes of a smoother journey.

The path is the path.  The road is the road.  We cannot make it smoother but we can endure the journey and even prosper in it.  We will be carried when necessary. 

What we need to do is not carry the things that make the journey harder but focus on carrying each other.  We need to help each other through the rough patches without hesitation. 

Lovers in a Dangerous Time – Bare-naked Ladies

Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by

We never get to stop and open our eyes

One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall

The next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

These fragile bodies of touch and taste

This fragrant skin, this hair like lace

Spirits open to the thrust of grace

Never a breath you can afford to waste

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

When you're lovers in a dangerous time

Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight

Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

We were lovers in a dangerous time

We were lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers, lovers, lovers

Oh

Lovers in a dangerous time

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – Crazy Ride

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I ponder the things I carry I recall an assignment from my favorite professor many years ago.  We had to create a graphical representation of our journey with Christ over time. 

Occasionally I recreate this graphic to update my understanding.   It requires a level of honest introspection that is uncomfortable at best.  The ups and downs of this crazy journey are all things that I would attenuate in some way if I could.

I would enhance the good I have done.  I would multiply it.  I would focus on it.  I would also avoid some of the foolish selfish choices that have hurt those around me and hindered my journey.

The problem is that I can do none of that.  I can only learn from the past and apply the lessons to the present.  It reminds me of the lesson in Kung Fu Panda.  Maybe one of the best ever delivered by a cartoon.

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift; that is why it is called the present.

If I hope to carry only the things I should I must only live in the moment.  My eye must stay on the destination but always relative to the now.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This - Oh the Choices You’ll Make

Greetings Dear Reader,

So much of our day is a series of choices.  Every single one of those choices shapes us in some way.  What we eat defines a part of our health and it influences our feelings.  We choose what to wear.  We make moment by moment decisions about leisure, work, and family.

Those choices shape us.  They have benefits and consequences.  The choice to embrace reading at age six has benefitted my education vastly.  The choice to eat badly in my twenties has continuing consequences in my fifties.  Other large choices have benefits and consequences that impact me and those who know me.

All of those choices made me.  However, it is not the choices alone that shape me.  It is the Father’s constant response to our choices that shape us as well.  Since he has prior knowledge of everything he anticipates my needs for love, discipline, and nurture and shapes responses to them.

The error we make is that we do not trust this.  We foolishly think that God abandons or tortures us.  He is always working to bring everything back to good.  In the midst of that work he allows us choices, free will.   He then responds to our choices making the necessary course corrections to improve things.

“I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This – One Step Ahead

Greetings Dear Reader,

The song I used to introduce this series, Dear Younger Me has a line; “If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far then you could be one step ahead of all the painful memories still running thru my head.”

We would all like to be a step ahead of the results of our choices.  We would all like to know the outcome before the choice is made.  We do not.  We have warnings and portents.  We have advice from those who precede us. 

The thing is that we all have painful memories we carry.    We all have failed at things that matter.  We are not meant to carry those things.  We are to learn from them.  We are to grow and become better.

We are never meant to carry our failures beyond the cross.  They are forgiven.  They are paid for by Christ.  We are not able to change the past but we are able to throw off the pain if we adopt the proper perspective.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This - Shame

Greetings Dear Reader,

First let me apologize for being absent for a few days.  I have an injury that makes typing painful.  I am recovering but things are going slowly. 

I feel shame when I miss posting.  I do not need to but I do.  There is shame that is genuine but it, like guilt, should dissipate with forgiveness.  We hold on to shame for many reasons.  It causes us to disconnect and hide from community.

We must not let our own shame disconnect us.  More so we must not shame others.  The moments we do feel shame we must move through them to forgiveness and doing what is right.  We are not meant to carry shame.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This - Guilt

Greetings Dear Reader,

False or deserved we all feel guilt over things.  Some of it is deserved.  When we do wrong genuine guilt is healthy.  Too often, however, we carry guilt over things that are not our responsibility.  Real or imagined guilt is something too heavy for us to carry on the journey.

It has too much power over us.  My younger Son once talked about the things for which he cannot forgive himself.  I have past failures that assail me in the dark robbing me of peace and rest.  It is no small thing that guilt extracts from us. 

There is also the cost of denying genuine guilt.  This too has great power to burden us.  It has vast strength and it endures.  We are not meant to carry it either.   We are meant to find forgiveness, learn the lessons, and move on down the path. 

We are meant to admit our wrongs, make restitution where possible, and leave our guilt at the cross.  We are never meant to take up false guilt.  Some things are out of our control.  We must not take up burdens we are not meant to carry.

The journey is too difficult on its own without baggage that harms us.  I cannot change what my younger self chose to carry.  Perhaps I can lighten your burden.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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You Were Never Meant to Carry This - Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes songs make me weep for my younger self.  Sometimes they make weep for the troubles I see in the lives of others that I cannot fix.  Sometime, as in this case, they bowl me over, back up over me, and run me down again.

This is not a bad thing.  It is often good for me to be knocked down by truth.  It keeps me looking up and following in humility.  I can tell I am listening when the truth leaves me feeling love and compassion for others who need it. 

I have often spoken about what I would do if I could speak to my younger self.  I have spoken about what I would do if I could go back and change something.  The reality is that the former me would not be likely to listen.

Still pondering what people need to know as they are younger brings me to some current understanding.   There are things we are just not meant to carry.  There things we need to leave behind that we do not. 

This round of thinking is for both of us Dear Reader.  We carry too much that should be long gone.  We do not see our younger selves as we should.  Walk with me and let us reason together for a bit.

Dear Younger Me – MercyMe

Dear younger me

Where do I start

If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far

Then you could be

One step ahead

Of all the painful memories still running thru my head

I wonder how much different things would be

Dear younger me,

Dear younger me

I cannot decide

Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life

Or do I go deep

And try to change

The choices that you'll make ‘cuz they're choices that made me

Even though I love this crazy life

Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride

Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now

Condemnation would've had no power

My joy my pain would've never been my worth

If I knew then what I know now

Would've not been hard to figure out

What I would've changed if I had heard

Dear younger me

It's not your fault

You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley

Thru each heartache you will see

Every moment brings you closer

To who you were meant to be

Dear younger me,

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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