Closing September

Greetings Dear Reader,

The falling leaves are whispering

Winters on its way – John Denver

I hear all around friends and coworkers moaning the passing of summer and the onset of winter.  I feel the silence in my non-air-conditioned house as the fans are taken out of the windows and put away until late spring.  It feels like September was only a couple of short blinks. 

As autumn takes hold on my part of the world I enjoy the crispness in the air and the dew threatening to become frost. Throughout last night a stiff wind free the trees around the house of it spurious branches.  None of them were big enough to do any damage but the bluster created quite the symphony. 

Today looks to be one of Pooh’s blustery days and that pleases me.  I try my best not to complain about the weather ever.  Today I revel in it.  Today I love the weather.  I am thankful for the beauty that is on rushing autumn.  I am not sure that I have anything too deep to offer today but seeing myself reflected in the seasons fills me with joy.  It makes the journey amazing.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

“Homo proponit, sed Deus disponi”

Going Walkabout

Greetings Dear Reader,

I was speaking with Christmas the other day about the concept of going walkabout.  It seems there are two primary ways of seeing this term.  The first is the Aboriginal definition that implies a journey back to nature and the old ways to rediscover something.  The second meaning is a form of wandering.  One is not sure of one’s destination or what is sought.  It is the act of being carried by the moment.

As I have been reviewing my life this year, I have realized that very little of what I have planned in life has turned out the way I thought they would.  Sometimes things have gone off rails because of my own sin or failures.  Often things just unfold differently than I thought they should.  The illusion in the reality is that I ever considered that I was in control. 

Christ made it very clear when he was speaking with one of the Pharisees.  He said to the man, “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you don't know where the wind comes from or where it's going. That's the way it is with everyone born of the Spirit."  What it seems to have taken me a few decades to get my head around is that the wind is subject to this as well.  Not only does an external view of one born of the Spirit seem to be one bourn on the wind, but it is the same from the perspective of the one carried.

In an attempt to follow Christ more closely I am trying to accept that the only thing I can truly control is my own responses to the path Christ lays out for me.  I hope to in the coming year deepen my position in following to the point that I truly feel that I have gone walkabout.  I have so many things in my life that I love but I know that I am not where I am supposed to be yet.  The other side of that is that I do not know how to get there.

That leaves me with the choice to give up or to give in.  Giving up would be choosing to abandon my dreams and aspirations because things do not unfold as I think they should.  Giving in would be allowing myself to be carried on the wind and allowing Christ to direct that when.  I know that I have grasped moments of this and it is amazing.

So much of life gets programmed by the demands of survival.  I am sure that is not how it is supposed to be for us.  So I am going walkabout.  I know what my destination is but I have no idea how to get there.  I promise not to do anything crazy but I may seem a bit eccentric at times.  Homo proponit, sed Deus disponi.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

From Dirges to Anthems – Out of Despair; Hope

Greetings Dear Reader,

Scarecrow's dreams like frozen streams

Thirst for the thaw but they're running still

And if you ever hear them calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found

 – Dan Fogelberg

In one of my favorite movies, The Magnificent Seven, Vin utters the words “We deal in lead.”  I have said before, and will often say again that what Christ followers deal in is hope.  I am in the business of hope.  After taking time to carefully think through something I pinned to my heart as a dirge of self-pity, I realize it is an anthem of hope.  Even if all the preceding lines are true it does not matter.  At the end of it all is a statement of hope.

My “scarecrow’s dreams” may at times feel frozen and under the surface of deep winter.  The earth may seem hard as iron and water like stone.  It may be that I feel on some days that my writing will never become what sustains me.  None of that matters.  The stream is still flowing.  Even when I cannot see it there is movement.

I will end this bit of the journey where I began.  I miss Dan Fogelberg.  His music always has something to say to me.  Some of it helps me see Christ more clearly.  Some of it reminds me of the dangers of being a fallen man.  Most of it has an element of hope.  So I write on.  I live within the promise of my gifts and the hope that the tales I weave will become what they are meant to become.

For now the feelings are the same.  I feel frozen and alone.  I still love and miss Avalon and hunger for real time to pursue who I really am.  For now the streams are frozen.  If, however, you listen you can hear it.  Beneath the stony water there is that same laughter of the flow that one can hear in springtime.  It is fainter, softer, and gentler.  Perhaps it is sleeping.  Between the worlds of men and make-believe is the slice of life that is real.  It is the place where Christ leads gently onward.  It is where he and I deal in hope.

A friend of mine I have never met said it so clearly.  He lost most of his family.  He went bankrupt.  He became very ill.  His friends assailed him with false accusations. He sat in the ashes of his life and said this of God, “Though he slay me, yet will I serve him.”  As we turn the corner to autumn and I feel the descending winter of my dreams, I know that this is true: Even when there seems to be more darkness and despair than I can carry, there is hope.  We deal in hope. 

Even scarecrows after all have a purpose.  They are unusable hay and old clothes.  They are relegated to the corn field and left out in the weather.  They are still of use.  Consider Frank Baum’s scarecrow.  Stuffing and old clothes that became king of OZ.    One must after all be something and if it serves the greater journey that for a bit I am just a scarecrow that is all right.  It will not always be thus.  This scarecrow has his dreams and they are filled with hope because of Christ’s love and the gift of faith.  Dear friend walk with me a bit.  I may lose some straw along the way but that must makes the burden lighter.  We deal in hope and we have someplace to go.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems – Wrong Sources

Greetings Dear Reader,

Garden gate

An empty plate waiting for someone to come and fill – Dan Fogelberg

I know that I carry a deep emptiness inside me.  I can see the chain of long poor choices in the expectations I have held in getting my needs met. Even thought that chain is forged also by links from people who promised to be there for me, it was never proper to see them as the source for filling that void in me. 

It is a good thing that we receive love and validation from those who claim to love us.  It is too much burden to place on someone and any number of someones to be the source of our sustenance.  Our only proper source for these things is Christ.  While it is wrong for someone who assures us that we are safe trusting them to be there for us to abandon us, it is not to be where our dependence is. 

Every gesture of love and support from another should be seen as a gift and not some kind of payment on a debt.  When I view received love as a gift it fosters gratitude and a genuine return of that love.  Whenever I think that someone should show me love in a certain way I become expectant and demanding.  This fosters pain and bitterness.  It creates the fear that showing gestures of love will only engender further expectations of the same.

It is in the absence of expectations that others are free to love us for who we are and the one capable of doing so will do so.  It is in the empty plate places in my life that I am in danger of not allowing Christ to send in those who can touch those places.  If I try to squeeze someone into that mold they will not fit and it will frustrate them.

The only true source for having those needs met is Christ.  He alone will fill me to satisfaction.  He will choose the right people to be a part of that process.  While it is important that I wait for my needs to be met it is just as important that I look to the right source for that meeting.   

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems – Past Victories

Greetings Dear Reader,

Heroes' tales like nightingales

Wrestle the wind as they run away – Dan Fogelberg

I know that I have done good things in my live.  I just have to look at my children to that.  I know that I have benefited others in my profession and that I do serviceable work in both the teaching and writing arenas.  There are even times when make a real difference in the lives of others.  These are usually times when I have gotten out of the way and let Christ use me for his purposes.

The thing is that those are all in the past. The greatest hero’s tale I know outside of Christ is just that; a tale.  All the stories of past successes and victories can inspire and teach but they are in the past.  We tell them, make movies about them, and sing them.  No matter how good they are they do nothing good if they do not push us on to more things that are heroic. 

I used to see this part of the song as people not seeing the good I did.  I am learning that it does not matter how much good I have done in the past if I am not in this moment seeking to do more good today.  There is a place for one to be always dissatisfied.  It is in the arena of yesterday versus today and tomorrow.  It is wrestling with the temptation to believe our own hero’s tales and be satisfied with them.  The past may make a beautiful song but that song floats on the wind and is gone.  But as I sit here and write; as my fingers caress the keyboard and spin out new stories and observations about my journey, there is a chance to make a difference today.

The journey must always be forward even “with the past at your back and the future unsure.”  I am on a journey toward God.  I must always be a constant in the chaos seeking only to follow that path and make the future better for everyone in any way that I can.  It is the primary reason that I live between the world of men and make-believe.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems - Planning

Greetings Dear Reader,

Plans I've made

A masquerade fading in fear of the coming day – Dan Fogelberg

I have always seen the things I plan and wish for as goals and objectives.  I get discouraged when I see little or no progress.  I get upset when I feel that I am not closer to the things I desire.  Plans are really a masquerade for me trying to get what I want versus listening and obeying.  I am not saying that dreams and ambitions are wrong but they must live in perspective.

The things to which I aspire must not be my keystone.  Christ must be that upon which I depend and hope.  The coming day will hold what it does and no matter how that impacts my plans I must look to Christ for my solace in it.  When I feel a lack of contentment I must allow the feeling but then put it in perspective of Christ’s path for me. 

The serenity that I need is only found in this attitude.  The strength to keep trying to achieve what I wish to be must first be in my attempts to be what Christ calls me to be in him.  Anything beyond that is an exercise masquerade plans.  If I desire things outside of the path that Christ wishes me to walk it is a pretending of pretense that is only my weak attempt to hide from who I am.

It is in this truth that I am able to face the rigors of pursing my heart’s desires amidst the rigors of things that I must do to get there.  As the day unfolds I need only see the hand of Christ unfolding it to assure me that whether the unfolding coincides with my thoughts or not, the day is unfolding as it should.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems - Identity

Greetings Dear Reader,

And if you ever hear me calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found – Dan Fogelberg

I often ponder how crazy the things I believe seem to others.  It is true that Christ followers can come out paranoid and on some standardized psychological tests.  I also know that my approach to life can border on madness as well.  There is a cost to loving others.  There is a cost to being kind and wanting the best.  At times I wish to shelve the whole idea but that is always motivated by selfishness or pride.

I need to remember that even though most of my accomplishments are on the invisible spiritual front none of them are truly mine.  Most of what I do that is good matters on the ethereal rather than material plane.  Even my novels are fiction.  It is in that veiled place between the worlds of men and of make-believe that I also find so much truth. 

Any accolades I earn here are temporal and elusive. The good I do that is unseen has the potential to last eternally.  This is not because of me but due to the essence of Christ in that which is kind and good.  Paupers may crown me for things but they can take it away just as quickly.  When I call out for notice I am forgetting where the true source of both the good I do and the reward for that good lie. 

When I am doing well I need to seek only one thing; gratitude that Christ sees fit to use me to work his will in the world.  So if you need to understand why I make some of the choices I make or why I take on hope as a standard, consider that where I live, between the worlds of men and make-believe that is all that can sustain me.

It is in that thin slice of truth between our fallen world and the fantasies we use to sustain us that we find Christ and the ability to impact things for his kingdom and the redemption he offers.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems - Castles

Greetings Dear Reader,

Castles tall, I built them all

But I dream that I'm trapped in the basement – Dan Fogelberg

One of the things that is always a factor during the times I struggle with who I am is pride.  I think about the things I have done and somehow believe it is I that am owed.  This is always wrong.  These lines from the song used to be what I clung onto in order to feel that I was owed something by those around me. 

In transitioning this song I instead see this as a reminder that I have built nothing.  Anything I have and anything I am is a gift from God.  Anything I think I have built is because of God’s provision.  If all that I have is God’s and achieved through his will and grace then nothing can be taken from me.  It does not matter what I think I am owed or who I wish would acknowledge me.  What matters is that seek solace in Christ. 

The feelings I have may be genuine but I must consider the source of those feelings.  If they are generated by the thought that I wish someone to act in a certain way toward me then I am unjustly placing expectations on them.  I have no right to do this, even if the expectation is just and right.  If I depend on anything but Christ for my sustenance emotional or otherwise I am imposing my needs on others.

No matter what I have built or how I feel about the result of that building, it is not my place to place any expectation on others.  We do this to try and manufacture the feelings we need or to exact a measure of control over others.  We do this to get needs met that are not truly met when we force the issue.  No matter what I build or where I am in the building of it, Christ is there and that is all that matters.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn                              

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

From Dirges to Anthems

Greetings Dear Reader,

For many years there has been a song that reflects deeply how I feel about myself when I am struggling.  Recently I have been reviewing how I feel about this mindset and trying to handle the feelings honestly without embracing the co-requisite self-pity.  I listened to the song several times with the lyrics in front of me discerning what is genuine expression for me and what is my pride crying out for recognition.  In my analysis I mean no disrespect for the artist.  The song is beautifully sad and I will never know what his heart was expressing.  For me, however, the dirge is becoming an anthem of what I should be moving toward and in some cases what I should realize I never do.

The song is Scarecrow’sDream by Dan Fogelberg.   Dan has moved on down the path and I miss his music that could yet be made.  He is one of the few artists for whom I have regard for every one on his songs.  I will provide all the lyrics below and then spend a few days sharing my thoughts about them.  This is a growth process for me and perhaps it will provide some insight for you.

Seldom seen a scarecrow's dream

I hang in the hopes of replacement

Castles tall, I built them all

But I dream that I'm trapped in the basement

And if you ever hear me calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found

Plans I've made

A masquerade fading in fear of the coming day

Heroes' tales like nightingales

Wrestle the wind as they run away

And if you ever hear them calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found

Garden gate

An empty plate waiting for someone to come and fill

Scarecrow's dreams like frozen streams

Thirst for the thaw but they're running still

And if you ever hear them calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found

Some of the lyrics here are spot on for what I should become as a follower of Christ.  Some of them I have embraced in vanity and need to retool my own thinking.  I will begin with the first two lines.

Seldom seen a scarecrow's dream

I hang in the hopes of replacement

I used to think of this mournfully.  I used to; in times of heartache ponder how much I felt like I was unnoticed and insignificant.   What I need to consider is that it is I that should be unseen and that it is Christ who should be seen.  It is pride that makes us wish we were seen.  It is Christ whom I need to reflect and it is he that “must increase and I must decrease.” 

In the same vein I wish so much to change how life revolves around me when what I must do is realize that nothing revolves around me.  In every area of my life I should move toward replacement of self with likeness of Christ.  I am so easily drawn into my own self-importance.  What I need to constantly focus on is how I am replacing my fallen self with likeness of Christ. 

I need to be “seldom seen” and it needs to be true because of my reflection of who Christ is and his love for others.  I need to be replaced by all the beauty and grace that is available in Christ.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn         

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

                      

Cycles: Breaking or Becoming Them

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I find myself feeling some old feelings I wonder how I am going to avoid repeating things that are unhealthy for me.  I know that my focus has sharpened on responding to things properly.  This does not mean that my fallen voice does not whisper, shout, and even scream that I should  just follow the old tried and failed pattern. 

I cannot help but feel at some moments that I face these feelings alone.  It haunts me in the wee hours of morning or when I am taking my lunch alone at midday.  My mind knows that but I look back on the cycles I was determined to break and how miserably I failed a breaking it.  I spoke with a friend about this and they pointed out something about it that I had not considered as much as I should.

My friend pointed out that I had broken some of the cycles.  My children know me much better than my own father knew me.  I don’t discard people like tissue paper.  I make my living honestly.  I love Christ and hope to follow him.  Sometimes breaking a cycle is not repeating patterns to the extreme that it was modeled to me.  I still find myself wishing I had done better.

I see a part of the cycle trying to unfold before me and I think that this time I will choose not to become it.  Now I just need to figure out how to avoid the shrapnel in the maelstrom.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Another Cup of Tea

Greetings Dear Reader,

What seems like a lifetime ago, when I was first in college; I had a friend from the United Kingdom who lived on the same dormitory floor as me.  Even then I would occasionally grab a tea bag in the cafeteria and make a cup of tea with my breakfast.  On a particular fall morning I sat down with my eggs and sausage in front of the windows that overlooked the ocean.  I was studiously dipping my tea bag into the almost boiling water when my friend joined me.

The displeasure from the morning greeting signaled that something was more important to my friend than greeting me.  Immediately I learned the cause of the irritation from my friend; “American tea bags are an abomination.  In them one finds nothing but dust and fragments.”

Since this was our first time sharing breakfast when I was choosing to have tea instead of coffee my friend had not witnessed my teabag dunking ritual.  I was a bit taken aback by the response, and then my friend explained.  “It takes time and real leaves to make a proper cup of tea.  What you have there is the leavings I find in the bottom of my tea tin.  Wait here a moment.”

My friend practically ran toward the exit and returned shortly with a tin, a tea pot, and a small strainer.  Leaves were measured out into the teapot which was already filled with steaming water.  The lid was placed on the pot and I was told to wait.  I was most of the way through my breakfast when my friend poured the rich amber tea from the pot into my empty cup.

I sipped the best cup of tea I had ever enjoyed.  My friend spent the rest of the semester teaching me how to brew a proper cup of tea.  It does take time and it is worth that time.  Over the years I have enjoyed some very fine cups of tea.  I have acquired quite a collection of teas and enjoy sharing them with others.

It is that way with some things.  It takes time and effort to get to the fineness of things.  Those things are worth that fineness and the rewards are obvious.  I am learning that following Christ is like this.  It takes time.  It takes patience and yieldedness.  The effort is always worth it but it means that I must often wait when I am in a hurry. 

I try, every time I make a cup of tea to dwell on the lessons it has to teach me about my walk with Christ.  Nothing compares to those moments when the waiting and following yield new growth or realizations of how things can be for me.  It is in this simplicity that perhaps all of the answers may be found.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Morning Embers

Greetings Dear Reader,

It began as a curiosity.  I used to have great skills with fire.  I banked the fire in the fire pit the night we had it.  For those who do not know about this it is the simple act of putting enough ash around the exiting coals so that they breathe very slowly and last the night.  When done properly you have coals the next morning that you can gently feed into a blaze to warm others and prepare breakfast.

I went out early in the morning to see if I had been successful.  To my joy I found a few coals winking red ripples beneath a thin sheen of ash.  I gathered a few twigs and some dried grass from the recently cut lawn.  In just a few moments I had an excellent blaze going.  I only fed it enough to know that I could build a good fire from my banked coals so I left it to fade away.

It was very satisfying that I still had the skill and I took a moment to ponder how little it takes to create a great blaze.  I know that I am this way.  There are embers of good things that I used to do or be that still smolder in me.  They sometimes wink to get my attention.  Any number of them I would gladly return to a blaze but time and sometimes fear prevent me.

I usually choose something new to learn or do each year.  I think that this coming year I may reacquaint my life with some past things that I love and miss.  Embers will not last forever and I do not wish to squander the excellent ones.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Around The Fire

Greetings Dear Reader,

Last night my children and a few friends gathered at our home.  I grilled burgers and fresh corn, made peach cobbler and watermelon daiquiris.  We ate and laughed then went outside to the fire pit for the first fall fire I have made in a long while. 

I bedded the pit with long dried hyssop twigs.  Then on top of that, with the help of our friend Present I layered dried willow branches and then willow logs.  The smell of the Anise Hyssop as the fire caught was sweet and pungent all at once.  I had a respectable blaze very quickly and my family gathered around the fire in the gathering dusk under a rising moon.  The first night of the full harvest moon was cool and clear but not chilled.

As my family took seats around the fire conversation drifted in eddies and flows among differing topics.  The moon rose bright and clear blocking out the usual ample starlight in my rural yard.  As my lovely Daughter-in-law, Raven arrived to join us I asked to hold my Grandson.  She passed the beautiful boy to me and we settled in my camp chair in front of the fire.  As he sat with me in front of the hungry blaze the fasciation in his eyes reminded me of all that youth and newness of life holds.

He was transfixed.  He just sat for over an hour, watching and wondering.  He would smile when you could get his attention but then that attention instantly returned to the blaze.  In seventy two short days we will celebrate his first year with us.  He has already given me so much in his journey with me.  I love my Grandson in a way that even I cannot get into words that seem good enough.

All too soon everyone went home to bed.  All too early the sweetness of the time relegated itself to the past.  After the last car pulled out of the drive and Christmas went inside to tidy some things up, I sat alone in front of the waning fire and under the waxing moon.  I thought of how beautiful it is to have the children I have and the Grandson I love.  I pondered how good Maxim and Raven are as parents.  I prayed for them all.  I thank God for providing me with the simple things that allowed for such a lovely gathering.

The night was beautiful.  The company was perfect.  It is a memory that I will cherish for as long as I have memories.  In it all I am so thankful for all that God has provided.  As I turned in for the night, after the flames were gone, I drifted off musing on the wonder in my Grandson’s eyes.  As he and I journey together I pray that I can provide those moments with love and grace.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

By Faith

Greetings Dear Reader,

Heb. 11:6 Without the conviction that God exists, it is impossible to please God.  The only way to approach and draw near to God is to believe that he is there and that he rewards those who seek him out, craving to know him.  – ATT

It astounds me that such a simple thing can be so difficult.  It is in belief that things happen and yet I am sometimes astounded at my level of unbelief.  This unbelief is not a conscious thing.  It is in my actions and attitudes.  When things go sideways it can take time for me to remember that the One in whom I believe already knew that sideways was coming. 

I have written about how control of things is an illusion and how I am learning to be more a leaf on the wind that trying to be the wind.  In the moment, when things I have planned and positioned go south I am trying to shorten the time between the realization of the change and the acceptance of it as God’s opportunity for me to trust him.  It is my chance to seek him more urgently. 

I entered this work week thinking that all was well and that I could breeze into the new term with all things under control.  Within two hours all that I had placed and planned was in the wind.  Within four I realized that the task before me was insurmountable in the time remaining.  I am sorry to say that my faith did not kick in until much later that evening.  The turmoil occurred because of a good thing.  I have no sorrow or sense of being wronged by what occurred.  I am truly happy for the precipitating events that caused my turmoil.  What I want to improve is my response time.

I wish to get to the place where the winds of change are the very things that fill my sails with faith.  I want to live and move in the moment by faith.  I want that to be the thing that courses through me when I lack understanding.  It is in this faith that I can begin to fill my craving to know God more deeply and richly.  It is under the full sail of belief that I can find my way home.

The Answer

A Rose, in tatters on the garden path,

Cried out to God and murmured 'gainst His Wrath,

Because a sudden wind at twilight's hush

Had snapped her stem alone of all the bush.

And God, Who hears both sun-dried dust and sun,

Had pity, whispering to that luckless one,

"Sister, in that thou sayest We did not well --

What voices heardst thou when thy petals fell?"

And the Rose answered, "In that evil hour

A voice said, `Father, wherefore falls the flower?

For lo, the very gossamers are still.'

And a voice answered, `Son, by Allah's will!'"

Then softly as a rain-mist on the sward,

Came to the Rose the Answer of the Lord:

"Sister, before We smote the Dark in twain,

Ere yet the stars saw one another plain,

Time, Tide, and Space, We bound unto the task

That thou shouldst fall, and such an one should ask."

Whereat the withered flower, all content,

Died as they die whose days are innocent;

While he who questioned why the flower fell

Caught hold of God and saved his soul from Hell. – Rudyard Kipling

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

Time for a Fire

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the things that astounds me is that there I things I love that I do not do.  I have an excellent fire pit and enjoy sitting with friends around a fire and talking.  I used to do this often.  The crispness in the air makes me desire to do so again.  The problem is that doing so alone is not fun and the readily available friends who used to join me are now too far away to do so conveniently.    

I find my also yearning for other things I used to do that I have not for some time and I wonder what triggers this in me.  I am trying to learn contentedness but there are things I want back in my life that I am unsure how to regain.  I know that part of the problem is time and that seems more in demand of late than in the past.  I had to give up an opportunity to have an evening with my sons because of a cold and the loss still haunts me. 

Today is one of those days that if I could order it as I wished would be very different from the day it will be.  If I could build this day the way I wished I would serve a breakfast of pancakes and sausage to all of my children and my Grandson.  We could laze around a second or third cup of coffee then we would all make our way to the Braves doubleheader this afternoon and evening.  We could enjoy good conversation and too many hotdogs whilst watching the Braves win both games.  I would hold my Grandson on my knee and whisper stories to him of the Braves games I attended with my Grandfather.  I am sure new memories of that time would surface and I could share them with my children. 

On a more realistic musing it would be nice just to have a few friends and a fire in my fire pit tonight.  I could still provide the coffee and would gladly do so.  The falling leaves are whispering and they call out to enjoy the air and the chill, to roast a marshmallow or two, and perhaps fill my pipe with a bit of the McClelland.  For today I will be content to prepare for classes next week, listen to the Braves on the computer, and perhaps a call to my Sons to see if we can have that fire sometime this weekend.

In all of this what I truly hope is that I see Christ in the moments and find what he has for me in them.  That is where the contentment will live.  That is where my musings will find anchor and substance. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."

A Broken Carafe – Two Years Later

Greetings Dear Reader,

Yesterday morning was the first morning that a true chill was in the air. The current temperature as I write is 39 degrees (This 4 degrees C for my non-American readers).  I love this weather.  It is crisp and invigorating.  Almost exactly two years ago when I was less whole and in much more emotional pain I wrote about my coffee carafe being broken.  If one wishes some context this is the link to that article, A Broken Carafe. 

Today I am still using the replacement carafe.  My $2 investment has yielded a couple of hundred great pots of coffee.  My excellent coffee maker does not seem to mind that the carafe is not the same colour as the machine.  I have since begun roasting my own coffee and enjoy it richly.  The reason that I return to the topic is that as look back, this choice was a turning point in my thinking.

Over the last two years I have been much more willing to see things in the light of saving them rather than replacing them.  I found that some things are better when acquired used than new.  I have learned to repurpose things that I might have otherwise discarded.  Taking this view of things has also made me more tolerant of people.  I do not mean tolerance in terms of accepting things that I think are wrong.  I think I am more patient and observe more than I intercede. 

You see in that moment when my coffee carafe was broken two years ago, I had to make a choice.  My lesser nature wished me to be angry and overbearing.  Christ called me to be loving and understanding.  By God’s grace love and understanding won out and I greatly benefitted from it. 

The lessons of a broker carafe are simple.  I hope I continue to learn and apply them.  I have far to go in becoming what I should be as a follower of Christ.  It is rewarding to know that each time I make a pot of coffee I can remember that grace and kindness yield rich rewards and exhilarating opportunities to learn.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."