Second Thoughts - On Being Used

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Throughout this post I am going to refer to someone as “he”.  I am using this word in the primary meaning of “man” or “human” and not in the gender specific term that is the male pronoun.  According to Miriam Webster – “used in a generic sense or when the sex of the person is unspecified <he that hath ears to hear, let him hear>.”

So I have a friend who uses me.  He calls me only when he needs something.  He asks for my help but never really offers any.  All of our interactions are on his terms.  He addresses me as he wishes and not as I wish to be addressed.  Through the many years of our intercourse he often puts himself first in any situation.

Very often our interactions leave me in pain and I find that I am unwilling to continue the relationship.  Then I realize that if I take this action that I will remove an opportunity for him to see Christ.  What is some distress if I can play a part in this individual seeing Christ more clearly.  Is this selfishness not the same thing I do to Christ when I refuse to follow as I should?  

The interaction hurts.  The pain passes and I am left with love and compassion for this friend.  I am not trying to be a martyr here.  I am just as guilty of this.  If I hope for grace and mercy for my selfishness then I must also show the same grace and mercy to others.  I wrote this whilst the pain was raw so that I forced myself to see the love and compassion necessary to the moment.  I then waited a bit to share it with you Dear Reader.  Thank you for sharing this part of my journey. 

I would rather be used than useless.  I would rather be harmed than be merciless.  I will follow wherever Christ leads.  It is Christ who is to be my comfort and sustenance.  In Christ alone my hope is found.  

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."