Surprised by Pain ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

It is going to happen.  At some point you will be surprised by pain.  What comes next is what matters.  When pain resurfaces from wounds that are old we must choose how we will react.

I must inventory my mind and heart.  The first is to acknowledge the pain.  Then I must work through my anger, guilt, shame, and journey.  I have to process the pain.  If I just sweep it back under my spirit it will only fester and return more virulent.

These pains are real.  I feel the loss of my Daughter, Rachel far more often than anyone knows.  I feel the absence of my sister and wonder what she would be like so often.  The pain of loss is unique.  I have to remember that it is not wrong to feel it. 

Once I am honest about the pain I must remember to inventory my attitude towards the past, those involved, and what I need to do to keep moving forward.  I must lay down the baggage of any resentment or bitterness.  I must not carry anger and hurt with me.   Others will wrong me.  I will fail and do wrong to others. 

Only by focusing doing what is good and loving can I combat the past pain that wishes to own me.  I cannot follow Christ without being real about the things that cause me pain.  In that, I must also see that there can be peace in my pain if I will keep following.  The only way out is through.  Your company on the journey always helps.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Why???

Greetings Dear Reader,

We so often want to know why the pain is still there.  We go back and rerun the events that caused the pain and wonder what we could have done differently.  We imagine what we would do differently or say to someone.  Unless these things lead to an insight that changes us for the better they are a waste of effort.

Wondering why the pain returns does not help us heal.  It keeps us tethered to the past.  Our time to move forward and find peace gets absorbed by dwelling on the things we cannot change.  We rehearse the pain of the past instead of looking for the next step of the journey. 

When walking in the present we are caught in a nexus.  The only true movement is forward.  The past can be a motivation or a hindrance.  It cannot be changed.  It cannot be carried as a burden as it is far too cumbersome.  Asking why is a revisiting that which harms us.

I have to accept what has come before and my part in it.  I know that the pain will surface when it chooses to do so.  I must not waste my time on why.  I must move in the nexus realizing that when surprised by pain I can ride it rouge wave to push me further along.  If I stop to ask why then I only miss the opportunity.

The Nexus – Dan Fogelberg

Across the vein of night
There cuts a path of searing light
Burning like a beacon
On the edges of our sight
At the point of total darkness
And the lights divine divide
A soul can let its shadow stretch
And land on either side -- either side

And balanced on the precipice
The moment must reveal
Naked in the face of time
Our race within the wheel
As we hang beneath the heavens
And we hover over hell
Our hearts become the instruments
We learn to play so well

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

Outside the pull of gravity
Beyond the spectral veil
Within our careful reasoning
We search to no avail
For the constant in the chaos
For the fulcrum in the void
Following a destiny
Our steps cannot avoid

Across the vein of night
There cuts a path of searing light
Burning like a beacon
On the edges of our sight
At the point of total darkness
And the lights divine divide
A soul can let its shadow
Stretch and land on either side

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

In a spiral never-ending
Are we drawn towards the source
Spinning at the mercy
Of an unrelenting force
So we stare into the emptiness
And fall beneath the weight
Circling the Nexus in a
Fevered dance with fate –

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Forgiveness

Greetings Dear Reader,

There are wounds that seem to have healed and then something launches all of the feelings involved in the time of the wound afresh.  I came across a picture recently that should have been an innocent reminder of time gone by.  The subject of the picture was a time of fun for me.  Then I noticed something in the background that drew out another part of that time that was wretched and painful.

As I confronted the pain I felt it turn to anger.  I found my mind replaying the rage at how I was treated and the hurt I still carried from forty years ago.  The realization for me was that I had not forgiven the person who caused that pain.  I had endured the harm and then moved on but I still held resentment toward the person who did the wrong.

Sometimes when I am surprised by pain I have to admit that I have not really forgiven others.  I have to confront my own clinging to my sense of indignation and pride that I am the better person.  The need to forgive is vital to my journey.

If I indulge my anger and pride then I will fail to forgive.  Lack of forgiveness causes me to carry more than I should.  It adds burden to my journey that slows my pace and my ability to be a help to others.  I cannot fail to forgive and be loving and kind.  The two will not live together. 

When surprised by pain part of the inventory I must take is on forgiveness.  If I have not forgiven those who harm me then it will weigh on my mind and heart.  I must keep very short accounts with forgiveness.  I cannot carry the weight of not doing so. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ To Tell the Truth

Greetings Dear Reader,

It usually goes like this:

“How are you?”

“I’m great.  How about you?”

“Doing great too.”

Then we move on having lied the social lie we tell each other to save time and false comfort.  Inside we may be angry, sad, or hurting in other ways but we dare not be honest about how we feel with our fellow travelers.  We move on sweeping our feelings under the rug of busyness and it festers.

Sometimes when I am surprised by pain it is because I have not been honest about how much I am hurting.  We have evolved into a society where we are not honest about our feelings.  We maintain a pretense.  We keep things going and the pain hides within us until we can no longer contain it.

Then something breaks the dam.  It shatters under the weight of what we feel and how deeply we feel it.  The thing that breaks that dam can be anything; an old photo, a song, a voice.  We find ourselves drowning in the pain, rage, or despair that has burst forth unwanted but necessary.

If I am not honest about how I feel in the moment then I am not living in that moment.  This does not mean that I have to let it own that moment.  It does mean that I must be my true self.  I must feel what I feel but not let the feelings control me.  I must be true to who I am and who I am trying to become. 

Every time I suppress a feeling it becomes a burden in my journey.  It becomes a part of what I must carry into the next step of the journey.  It is the weight of these things that hinders my progress.  When I am surprised by pain it is an opportunity to be shed of some of that burden.  It is an opportunity to be honest with my heart.  It is a chance to become more real.  That is part of the journey; become real.  Real is all we were ever meant to be.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:

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Surprised by Pain ~ Death and Loss

Greetings Dear Reader,

Death is such a difficult mercy.  Those who remain can be left with so much sorrow and pain.  For some it becomes insurmountable.   Others dare to put a clock on grief.  We must not do that to others.

I have lost a sister and a daughter.  I have seen grandparents depart.   I have also been criticized for how I deal with my loss.  Admittedly it is different than for others but that does not make it wrong.   I think that as a culture we do not deal with death well.  That does not mean that I should not try to help those who sorrow without hope.

I mentioned that in July I lost two friends and that it impacted me deeply.  I realize that the longer l live the more frequent these events will become for a bit.  Then if I live long enough the deaths of my peers will fade and I will see those younger than me begin to die.  This all sounds quite morbid but it is vital that we face it.

Realizing that one of death’s functions is to keep us honest is essential to making the journey less burdensome.  Death constantly reminds us that we are not free and that we are free as well.   The ever-breaking world we travel is not our home.  It is dark and full of terrors including the loss of those we love.  

Since we cannot avoid death, we must find a way to navigate it.   We must discern what keeps us moving toward the clearing at the end of the path.   We can find peace in the pain if we remember that the loss is not permanent.  I will not promise freedom from the pain.  That may not happen in this part of the journey.   It surely has not for me.

I can promise that I will be honest about the pain but not let it keep me from faith or following.  There is no hope for my sorrow if I abandon either.   I cannot stay Death.  That is why I wrote a book about him.   I can understand his purpose and refuse to neglect the gift that the Father provides in this mercy.  It is his choice of when, where, and how.  I must follow the Son until that time with all my heart.

Song for Someone – U2

You've got a face not spoiled by beauty

I have some scars from where I've been

You've got eyes that can see right through me

You're not afraid of anything they've seen

I was told that I would feel

Nothing the first time

I don't know how these cuts heal

But in you, I've found a light

If there is a light

You can always see

And there is a world

We can always be

If there is a dark

That we shouldn't doubt

And there is a light

Don't let it go out

And this is a song

A song for someone

This is a song

A song for someone

You let me into a conversation

A conversation only we could make

You're breaking into my imagination

Whatever's in there is yours to take

I was told that I would feel

Nothing the first time

You were so long to heal

But this could be the night

If there is a light

You can always see

And there is a world

We can always be

If there is a dark

Within and without

And there is a light

Don't let it go out

And this is a song

A song for someone

This is a song

A song for someone

And I'm a long way

From your hill on Calvary

And I'm a long way

From where I was, where I need to be

If there is a light you can always see

And there is a world we can always be

If there is a kiss I stole from your mouth

And there is a light, don't let it go out

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Yearnings Unanswered

Greetings Dear Reader,

We begin most great adventures with hope.  Even when we know the journey will be arduous, we enter it with faith that things will unfold as they should.  We cannot, however, control the actions of others or their reactions to our weaknesses and failures.

I am very good at building a vision but poor at putting nuts and bolts to the dream.  When I am surprised by the pain of my past all of the failures flood into me reminding me of what might have been.   I wrestle anew with my weakness and sin.  I feel the guilt and shame as if it is hot and fresh in the wounds to me and others.  I sometimes forget that I cannot undo anything.

When the storybook endings fail to appear, we have a choice.  Even now, when my hope is broken and my heart feels shattered I have choices.  I can choose to stay with the chase or stop moving forward.  I can dwell on the loss and hurt or keep to the quest. 

I have seen others I love abandon the hope we are given.  No matter how much they deny it the yearnings remain.  No matter how many counterfeits we manufacture, we cannot replace the pure hope that comes in following Christ.  It does not take away the pain or heal all the wounds.  It does, however, provide strength to keep moving.

When surprised by pain I can recall that I survived it.   I can remember that even though the pain is real, it will end one day.   I am a dreamer, a fool, and sometimes a sage.  We will return to the innocent age and I am grateful for your company as we strive to get there. 

The Innocent Age – Dan Fogelberg

Capture the moment

Carry the day

Stay with the chase

As long as you may

Follow the dreamer,

The fool, and the sage

Back to the days of

The innocent age.

Storybook endings

Never appear

They`re just someone`s way of

Leading us here

Waiting for wisdom

To open the cage

We forged in the fires of

The innocent age.

Back at the start

It was easy to see

No one to own to

Nowhere to be

Deep in the heartlands

A sad memory

Calls to me.

(Calls to me)

Fretful horizons

Worrisome skies

Tearful misgivings

Burning your eyes

Yearnings unanswered

Reckon the wage you

Pay to recapture the innocent age.

Back at the start

It was easy to see

No one to own to

Nowhere to be

Deep in the heartlands

A sad memory

Calls to me.

(Calls to me)

Fretful horizons

Worrisome skies

Tearful misgivings

Burning your eyes

Yearnings unanswered

Reckon the wage you

Pay to recapture the innocent age.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:

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Surprised by Pain ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I started another round of reducing and purging things over the weekend.  It was a walk through some memories that both heal and haunt me.  I have an ever-growing understanding of the importance of choosing carefully what we keep and discard. 

That moment, when you open a box, unsure of its contents and the hose of memory floods the mind.  The memories of dreams that slipped through my fingers or hopes that became shattered on the rocks of consequences are still quite jagged.  I have to add to that changes that are the result of choices made by others that impact me.

Photographs, notes, and gifts of sentiment have a deep impact on me.  Words written to me become sacred to me.   I think I do not realize how deeply true this is until I come across them.  It is one of the things that carries me through difficult times.

When I encounter words of promise and love that have turned to lies they reopens wounds that never truly heal.  I read this week that you never truly get over losing someone.  The context was death.  I think it extends to other losses as well. 

The pain that surprises me is always searing and intense.  The sudden flood of memory burns through the mind demanding my full heart and rending it anew.  That, however, is not where it stops.  It leads me to questions that I must answer in order to regain my peace.  I must find the peace in my pain or the pain will overwhelm me.

The journey this next few days will be over some thorny ground but it will also be one of possibilities.  One of the first lessons I have learned is that doing this alone increases the pain.   Since I must, however, do so I would value your company as I walk through it.   As always, your thoughts and questions are welcome Dear Reader.  We can traverse the rough terrain together and perhaps find the joy even in the difficult part of the journey.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:

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The Pain of Others – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

There will be pain in the journey.  It will come in many forms.  Our pain is ours and cannot be judged or determined by others.  We need to be honest about our hurt and notice those who respond with compassion.  We need to not make the pain our banner as well.

More importantly I am to see the hurt and pain in others and do what I can to help.  In the pain of others I find the opportunity to help them see that they are loved.  I wish that no one were ever hurt.  A fallen world means that they will be hurt.

Pain is a direct result of the world moving from good to not good.  We get to aid in moving it back towards good when we care for others in pain.  It is my responsibility to always care for the pain of others.  I cannot mitigate it all.  I cannot heal everything.

I can walk with the wounded and be supportive.  I can comfort where possible.   I can without hold judgement and hold out faith, hope, and love.  The focus must always be love and compassion that makes a difference.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Pain of Others – Broken Faith

Greetings Dear Reader,

I hear much conversation about the departure of many from faith.  The church for many reasons is losing its effectiveness.  That does not mean it has lost its place and responsibility.  It does mean that it may be failing in those areas.

That is not as important as addressing the waning of faith in general.   Faith is required if we have any hope of connecting with God.  When someone loses faith it is painful and isolating.  People I know who have walked away from faith are in pain.  No matter what their reason for doing so, I see their pain.

I am not trying to argue for or against faith.  I do need to see the pain of those who have had their faith broken and be compassionate for them.  I do not need to judge and condemn.  I do not need to place demands that they act in a certain way.  I cannot expect those who do not believe to act like believers.  Those who have stopped following Christ cannot be expected to act like Christ followers.

Whether they admit it or not those who have broken faith are in pain.  That they may not admit to the pain does not matter.  I must see it and be kind and loving.   I must treat them well and not demand that they change to get my very best.  The wounds oif broken faith are never cause for shooting the wounded.

I pose this question:  Why do those who are struggling with social or moral issues feel that they must abandon faith to get resolution?   It is the obligation of those who have faith to tend to the struggles of those who question or even break faith.  It is always the responsibility of those with faith to care for those without it. 

Instead we shoot our wounded.  We push away those who question our practices and beliefs.  If our beliefs are as strong as we claim they will stand up to the questioning.  We are required to love the wounded and the hurting.  We are required to care for them.  There is no choice. 

Broken faith requires that we have greater faith.  I must see the brokenness and do all that I can to heal the wounds.  Love can crush the barriers to faith if I let it.  What I must assure is that I do not love the broken for the purpose of “making them believe”.   I must love them to love them.   I must love them for the single purpose of showing them love.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Pain of Others – Broken Presence

Greetings Dear Reader,

People move in and out of our lives.  Some of that is the natural flow of life.  Some is abandonment.  Much is somewhere in between.  No matter how it happens the presence of others gets broken in our lives.

That broken presence can be physical or emotional.  We are cut off from others at a time when we do not wish it.  This causes great pain.  Whether through death, abandonment, or emotional distance the pain of broken presence does damage.

When others are forced through this dark valley we cannot measure their pain.  We can comfort and console when possible.  We can sit and be with them when needed.  When there is a broken presence what we must not do impose our time table on their pain. 

No one needs to “get over” the broken presence of a loved one.   When someone dies it breaks his or her presence in our lives and that does great damage.  It is not my place so limit or impose my standards on the pain.   It is my place to constantly let that person feel how they feel.  When someone loses a loved one or friend we must be there for them as long as it takes even if that is a lifetime.

When someone walks out of our lives it can be worse than if they had died.  The person’s shared connectivity may impose their absent presence on us at any time.  I still miss Avalon every day and encounters with her are blessed pain.  People who choose to break presence with us have their own pain and reasons.  We cannot control it.  We can engage with those who are in this pain and be kind, patient, and loving.

In the pain of broken presence we can show love and availability.  I can assure that the person in pain feels no time limits or conditions on how he or she feels.  I can let them feel what is felt and guide them towards healing moments.  The pain of broken presence in others is the prime opportunity to show unconditional love.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Pain of Others – Broken Bones (and other physical injuries)

Greetings Dear Reader,

People get hurt.  They trip, stumble, slam, cut, crack, and break.  I have a friend who has a very damaged foot.  She has been posting the activities of said foot over the last few days.  It has been entertaining.

People handle physical pain in many ways.  Some hide it.  Others make it their soul mate.  It is not my place to judge the pain of others.  It is my obligation to have compassion for that pain.  This does not mean that I have to pander to those who make pain their focus in life.  It does mean that I must care.  It does mean that I must help where I can.

It costs me nothing to listen and be kind when others wish to talk about their physical difficulties.  It costs me very little to help carry, open doors, and genuinely care.  It is easy to wish them well and follow up on how they are doing.  It is important that I engage with the pain of others.

This is such an easy place to show genuine compassion.  It merely involves listening and a willingness to help.  It requires that I step outside myself.  It requires that I see how much Christ cares about the smallest splinter or the shattered bone.  When someone trusts me with their physical pain I must not pass that over lightly.  Honesty about pain is risk 

When entrusted with the pain of others I must carry that trust with gentle kindness.  I must assure those that entrust me with it that I will not cause them further pain.  I must use the strength give me by Christ to carry that pain as he would.  He is in the pain.  He is in the need.

Distressing Disguise – Michael Card

He is in the pain, He is in the need

He is in the poor, we are told to feed

Though He was rich, for us He became poor

How could He give so much, what was it for?

In His distressing disguise

He waits for us to surmise

That we rob our brothers by all that we own

And that's not the way He has shown

Every time a faithful servant serves

A brother that's in need

What happens at that moment is a miracle indeed

As they look to one another in an instant it is clear

Only Jesus is visible for they've both disappeared

He is in the hand that reaches out to give

He is in the touch that causes men to live

So speak with your life now as well as your tongue

Shelter the homeless, take care of the young

In His distressing disguise

He hopes that we'll realize

That when we take care of the poorest of them

We've really done it to Him

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Pain of Others – Broken Hearts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I see so many broken hearts.  I see so many people surprised by kindness and someone caring.  I think that this may be the most common malady in our culture.  I am not talking about romance although that is part of it.

People’s hearts are broken over so many things.  Lost dreams and aspirations can break our hearts.  We meet time milestones without becoming what we wish to become.  Our “bucket list” has more on it than we think it should.  Our lives have become the routine that we swore we would avoid.

When people talk to me about these things it moves me.  I resonate with their pain.  I see in them the hurt that I feel because I am not where I wish to be yet.  I work to really listen when I use the common American greeting, “How are you”?  

When someone expresses his or her real pain or concern I must take the time to listen and then put myself at risk.  I must ask the question, “How can I help”?   Often there is nothing I can do but listen.  Even listening, however, is unfortunately unusual.  It is sad that real listening with compassion and engagement is uncommon.  

I am supposed to be engaged with those around me.  I am supposed to see the pain and need and do what I can to make it better.  There is no good in have things if I do not share them.  There is no joy in meals eaten alone when I could be sharing them with others.  The common greetings we share could be transformed into opportunities to walk alongside a fellow traveler for a while and carry a little of his or her burden.

The pain of a broken heart is my chance to share love and kindness.  I must stay outside of my out pain and brokenness enough to pay attention and be kind.   The journey is much easier when I am good to others.My  heart must break for the broken hearted.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Pain of Others – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

“And some have compassion, making a difference.”

No matter where the day takes me I encounter those who are in pain.  The pain reveals itself in many ways and has various sources.  It is still pain.  It may be physical, emotional, or social.  It may be stress or hard times, troubles or fear.  We cannot measure the pain of others. 

It is not our place to determine the validity of another’s pain.  It is my place to have compassion and help where I can.  It is my obligation to care.  I want to care even if I were not obligated.  The pain of others moves me.

What I need to examine is how I view and respond to the pain of others.  I mentioned to a friend yesterday that as parents we feel so helpless when our adult children are in pain and we cannot ease the pain.  Her son is in distress and wants to work it out on his own. 

Pain in all its forms is both beneficial and horrid.  I would remove the pain of others completely if I could.  I would only do so if I could without removing the learning available in the pain.  Join me Dear Reader as I examine the thorny shared maladies that we all endure.  As always I welcome your thoughts and questions.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)