Second Thoughts ~ Shrimp and Grits

Greetings Dear Reader,

For dinner this evening we had some excellent shrimp and grits.  It is one of those dishes that is stunning or terrible.  Thank you, Amy, for reminding me of a memory that is dear to me.  Properly prepared it brings back memories of feasts from my childhood and meals shared with loved ones in my later years.

Two of my fondest memories of it are when I was a boy and enjoyed it with my Grandfather.  My Grandmother prepared it for his birthday when I was eight.  The grits were the same creamy grits that she served with breakfast but she added shallots and roasted red pepper.  The shrimp were large gulf shrimp sautéed in her churned butter and cooked until perfectly tender. 

The second memory was when Avalon prepared the same dish.  She, however, was not accustomed to using red pepper.  Following the directions, she sprinkled the pepper on the sautéing shrimp.  She turned away for a moment to prepare the salad.  Turning back to the shrimp, she saw that the red pepper she had sprinkled was gone.  She added more.  Turning back to her salad and then back to her shrimp she saw the pepper again had, in her words, evaporated.  She added more.  Just to be sure. She added a great deal more.

When dinner was served, she saw my excitement at her having made shrimp and grits.  We filled our plates and prayed.  I took a large bite of shrimp, chewed a few times, and promptly caught fire.  The shrimp was delicious but also volcanic.  Avalon realized her error as she ate her first bite and told of her adding the pepper each time thinking it had evaporated.  I ate every bit of that shrimp and enjoyed every moment.

My joy was not because it was hot.  It was because of the love that had gone into cooking one of my favorite memories for me.  I have had shrimp and grits since then often.  Each time, I recall these two meals, served decades apart but both filled with love. 

As we turn toward a time where feasting and food become a big part of the celebration, take the time to remember.  Recall the feasts or meals where you felt the love in the preparation and share those stories Dear Reader.  I know I would love to hear them.  It is no accident that the one we follow intends to start the next part of the story with a feast.

 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

It is going to happen.  At some point you will be surprised by pain.  What comes next is what matters.  When pain resurfaces from wounds that are old we must choose how we will react.

I must inventory my mind and heart.  The first is to acknowledge the pain.  Then I must work through my anger, guilt, shame, and journey.  I have to process the pain.  If I just sweep it back under my spirit it will only fester and return more virulent.

These pains are real.  I feel the loss of my Daughter, Rachel far more often than anyone knows.  I feel the absence of my sister and wonder what she would be like so often.  The pain of loss is unique.  I have to remember that it is not wrong to feel it. 

Once I am honest about the pain I must remember to inventory my attitude towards the past, those involved, and what I need to do to keep moving forward.  I must lay down the baggage of any resentment or bitterness.  I must not carry anger and hurt with me.   Others will wrong me.  I will fail and do wrong to others. 

Only by focusing doing what is good and loving can I combat the past pain that wishes to own me.  I cannot follow Christ without being real about the things that cause me pain.  In that, I must also see that there can be peace in my pain if I will keep following.  The only way out is through.  Your company on the journey always helps.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Why???

Greetings Dear Reader,

We so often want to know why the pain is still there.  We go back and rerun the events that caused the pain and wonder what we could have done differently.  We imagine what we would do differently or say to someone.  Unless these things lead to an insight that changes us for the better they are a waste of effort.

Wondering why the pain returns does not help us heal.  It keeps us tethered to the past.  Our time to move forward and find peace gets absorbed by dwelling on the things we cannot change.  We rehearse the pain of the past instead of looking for the next step of the journey. 

When walking in the present we are caught in a nexus.  The only true movement is forward.  The past can be a motivation or a hindrance.  It cannot be changed.  It cannot be carried as a burden as it is far too cumbersome.  Asking why is a revisiting that which harms us.

I have to accept what has come before and my part in it.  I know that the pain will surface when it chooses to do so.  I must not waste my time on why.  I must move in the nexus realizing that when surprised by pain I can ride it rouge wave to push me further along.  If I stop to ask why then I only miss the opportunity.

The Nexus – Dan Fogelberg

Across the vein of night
There cuts a path of searing light
Burning like a beacon
On the edges of our sight
At the point of total darkness
And the lights divine divide
A soul can let its shadow stretch
And land on either side -- either side

And balanced on the precipice
The moment must reveal
Naked in the face of time
Our race within the wheel
As we hang beneath the heavens
And we hover over hell
Our hearts become the instruments
We learn to play so well

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

Outside the pull of gravity
Beyond the spectral veil
Within our careful reasoning
We search to no avail
For the constant in the chaos
For the fulcrum in the void
Following a destiny
Our steps cannot avoid

Across the vein of night
There cuts a path of searing light
Burning like a beacon
On the edges of our sight
At the point of total darkness
And the lights divine divide
A soul can let its shadow
Stretch and land on either side

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

In a spiral never-ending
Are we drawn towards the source
Spinning at the mercy
Of an unrelenting force
So we stare into the emptiness
And fall beneath the weight
Circling the Nexus in a
Fevered dance with fate –

Wealthy the spirit
That knows its own flight
Stealthy the hunter
Who slays his own fright
Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Forgiveness

Greetings Dear Reader,

There are wounds that seem to have healed and then something launches all of the feelings involved in the time of the wound afresh.  I came across a picture recently that should have been an innocent reminder of time gone by.  The subject of the picture was a time of fun for me.  Then I noticed something in the background that drew out another part of that time that was wretched and painful.

As I confronted the pain I felt it turn to anger.  I found my mind replaying the rage at how I was treated and the hurt I still carried from forty years ago.  The realization for me was that I had not forgiven the person who caused that pain.  I had endured the harm and then moved on but I still held resentment toward the person who did the wrong.

Sometimes when I am surprised by pain I have to admit that I have not really forgiven others.  I have to confront my own clinging to my sense of indignation and pride that I am the better person.  The need to forgive is vital to my journey.

If I indulge my anger and pride then I will fail to forgive.  Lack of forgiveness causes me to carry more than I should.  It adds burden to my journey that slows my pace and my ability to be a help to others.  I cannot fail to forgive and be loving and kind.  The two will not live together. 

When surprised by pain part of the inventory I must take is on forgiveness.  If I have not forgiven those who harm me then it will weigh on my mind and heart.  I must keep very short accounts with forgiveness.  I cannot carry the weight of not doing so. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ To Tell the Truth

Greetings Dear Reader,

It usually goes like this:

“How are you?”

“I’m great.  How about you?”

“Doing great too.”

Then we move on having lied the social lie we tell each other to save time and false comfort.  Inside we may be angry, sad, or hurting in other ways but we dare not be honest about how we feel with our fellow travelers.  We move on sweeping our feelings under the rug of busyness and it festers.

Sometimes when I am surprised by pain it is because I have not been honest about how much I am hurting.  We have evolved into a society where we are not honest about our feelings.  We maintain a pretense.  We keep things going and the pain hides within us until we can no longer contain it.

Then something breaks the dam.  It shatters under the weight of what we feel and how deeply we feel it.  The thing that breaks that dam can be anything; an old photo, a song, a voice.  We find ourselves drowning in the pain, rage, or despair that has burst forth unwanted but necessary.

If I am not honest about how I feel in the moment then I am not living in that moment.  This does not mean that I have to let it own that moment.  It does mean that I must be my true self.  I must feel what I feel but not let the feelings control me.  I must be true to who I am and who I am trying to become. 

Every time I suppress a feeling it becomes a burden in my journey.  It becomes a part of what I must carry into the next step of the journey.  It is the weight of these things that hinders my progress.  When I am surprised by pain it is an opportunity to be shed of some of that burden.  It is an opportunity to be honest with my heart.  It is a chance to become more real.  That is part of the journey; become real.  Real is all we were ever meant to be.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Death and Loss

Greetings Dear Reader,

Death is such a difficult mercy.  Those who remain can be left with so much sorrow and pain.  For some it becomes insurmountable.   Others dare to put a clock on grief.  We must not do that to others.

I have lost a sister and a daughter.  I have seen grandparents depart.   I have also been criticized for how I deal with my loss.  Admittedly it is different than for others but that does not make it wrong.   I think that as a culture we do not deal with death well.  That does not mean that I should not try to help those who sorrow without hope.

I mentioned that in July I lost two friends and that it impacted me deeply.  I realize that the longer l live the more frequent these events will become for a bit.  Then if I live long enough the deaths of my peers will fade and I will see those younger than me begin to die.  This all sounds quite morbid but it is vital that we face it.

Realizing that one of death’s functions is to keep us honest is essential to making the journey less burdensome.  Death constantly reminds us that we are not free and that we are free as well.   The ever-breaking world we travel is not our home.  It is dark and full of terrors including the loss of those we love.  

Since we cannot avoid death, we must find a way to navigate it.   We must discern what keeps us moving toward the clearing at the end of the path.   We can find peace in the pain if we remember that the loss is not permanent.  I will not promise freedom from the pain.  That may not happen in this part of the journey.   It surely has not for me.

I can promise that I will be honest about the pain but not let it keep me from faith or following.  There is no hope for my sorrow if I abandon either.   I cannot stay Death.  That is why I wrote a book about him.   I can understand his purpose and refuse to neglect the gift that the Father provides in this mercy.  It is his choice of when, where, and how.  I must follow the Son until that time with all my heart.

Song for Someone – U2

You've got a face not spoiled by beauty

I have some scars from where I've been

You've got eyes that can see right through me

You're not afraid of anything they've seen

I was told that I would feel

Nothing the first time

I don't know how these cuts heal

But in you, I've found a light

If there is a light

You can always see

And there is a world

We can always be

If there is a dark

That we shouldn't doubt

And there is a light

Don't let it go out

And this is a song

A song for someone

This is a song

A song for someone

You let me into a conversation

A conversation only we could make

You're breaking into my imagination

Whatever's in there is yours to take

I was told that I would feel

Nothing the first time

You were so long to heal

But this could be the night

If there is a light

You can always see

And there is a world

We can always be

If there is a dark

Within and without

And there is a light

Don't let it go out

And this is a song

A song for someone

This is a song

A song for someone

And I'm a long way

From your hill on Calvary

And I'm a long way

From where I was, where I need to be

If there is a light you can always see

And there is a world we can always be

If there is a kiss I stole from your mouth

And there is a light, don't let it go out

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Yearnings Unanswered

Greetings Dear Reader,

We begin most great adventures with hope.  Even when we know the journey will be arduous, we enter it with faith that things will unfold as they should.  We cannot, however, control the actions of others or their reactions to our weaknesses and failures.

I am very good at building a vision but poor at putting nuts and bolts to the dream.  When I am surprised by the pain of my past all of the failures flood into me reminding me of what might have been.   I wrestle anew with my weakness and sin.  I feel the guilt and shame as if it is hot and fresh in the wounds to me and others.  I sometimes forget that I cannot undo anything.

When the storybook endings fail to appear, we have a choice.  Even now, when my hope is broken and my heart feels shattered I have choices.  I can choose to stay with the chase or stop moving forward.  I can dwell on the loss and hurt or keep to the quest. 

I have seen others I love abandon the hope we are given.  No matter how much they deny it the yearnings remain.  No matter how many counterfeits we manufacture, we cannot replace the pure hope that comes in following Christ.  It does not take away the pain or heal all the wounds.  It does, however, provide strength to keep moving.

When surprised by pain I can recall that I survived it.   I can remember that even though the pain is real, it will end one day.   I am a dreamer, a fool, and sometimes a sage.  We will return to the innocent age and I am grateful for your company as we strive to get there. 

The Innocent Age – Dan Fogelberg

Capture the moment

Carry the day

Stay with the chase

As long as you may

Follow the dreamer,

The fool, and the sage

Back to the days of

The innocent age.

Storybook endings

Never appear

They`re just someone`s way of

Leading us here

Waiting for wisdom

To open the cage

We forged in the fires of

The innocent age.

Back at the start

It was easy to see

No one to own to

Nowhere to be

Deep in the heartlands

A sad memory

Calls to me.

(Calls to me)

Fretful horizons

Worrisome skies

Tearful misgivings

Burning your eyes

Yearnings unanswered

Reckon the wage you

Pay to recapture the innocent age.

Back at the start

It was easy to see

No one to own to

Nowhere to be

Deep in the heartlands

A sad memory

Calls to me.

(Calls to me)

Fretful horizons

Worrisome skies

Tearful misgivings

Burning your eyes

Yearnings unanswered

Reckon the wage you

Pay to recapture the innocent age.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Surprised by Pain ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I started another round of reducing and purging things over the weekend.  It was a walk through some memories that both heal and haunt me.  I have an ever-growing understanding of the importance of choosing carefully what we keep and discard. 

That moment, when you open a box, unsure of its contents and the hose of memory floods the mind.  The memories of dreams that slipped through my fingers or hopes that became shattered on the rocks of consequences are still quite jagged.  I have to add to that changes that are the result of choices made by others that impact me.

Photographs, notes, and gifts of sentiment have a deep impact on me.  Words written to me become sacred to me.   I think I do not realize how deeply true this is until I come across them.  It is one of the things that carries me through difficult times.

When I encounter words of promise and love that have turned to lies they reopens wounds that never truly heal.  I read this week that you never truly get over losing someone.  The context was death.  I think it extends to other losses as well. 

The pain that surprises me is always searing and intense.  The sudden flood of memory burns through the mind demanding my full heart and rending it anew.  That, however, is not where it stops.  It leads me to questions that I must answer in order to regain my peace.  I must find the peace in my pain or the pain will overwhelm me.

The journey this next few days will be over some thorny ground but it will also be one of possibilities.  One of the first lessons I have learned is that doing this alone increases the pain.   Since I must, however, do so I would value your company as I walk through it.   As always, your thoughts and questions are welcome Dear Reader.  We can traverse the rough terrain together and perhaps find the joy even in the difficult part of the journey.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Bat Dog and Other Considerations

Greetings Dear Reader,

Even if you do not like baseball, stay with me Dear Reader.  There is something here for you. I promise.

Last night I was privileged to host my friends Jeff and Ruby at a Mallards baseball game.  This is a summer league for college students who have a real shot at playing professional baseball.  It may be some of the best baseball out there.  One can read about this kind of league in The Last Best League by Jim Collins. 

Even though my Mallards lost I got to spend a pure baseball evening with friends.  True to tradition the play was good, there were entertaining asides, and the food was excellent.  It was a humid summer evening that reminded me of Braves games as a youth with my Grandfather.  The breeze that had all of the flags standing to did not reach down into the seats to offer any release from the cloying damp air.  One might better understand the torpor that besieges Southerners in summer.

One of the entertainments for the night was a dog that retrieved the bats for the Mallards after each hit (video by Jeff).  As soon as play halted he would rush out, grab the back like a stick, and run it back to the dugout.  It made me wonder what he would do should the bat be broken.  We speculated that it might be a two-trip deal.  We also pondered how it made the batter feel when he would fly out and people were applauding the dog as the batter made his way to the dugout.

As the game drew to a close the wind shifted in a way that I recall often from my youth.  A refreshing cool breeze turned the flags to flying in the opposite direction.  To the puerile this may have seemed like a boon.  It was a lulling portent to the experienced.  Before the first distant flash of lightning, I knew that heavy rain was on its way. 

The gamed ended and my friends wisely made their way to the parking lot.  The walk to my car was quite a way.  Still I observed a tradition that I have after every baseball game that I attend.  For the first time, however, I revealed this sacred moment to someone.  I explained to my friend Jeff that I was going to spend a minute with my Grandfather before departing.

I took a moment as the impending storm built to pray and thank the Father for my Grandfather and the influence he has in my life.  As I mentioned earlier this week, he would have turned 108 on the 12^th.   His love of God and baseball turned those shared experiences at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium into sacred times for me when I was a boy. 

We would often have to hurry to the car as a summer thunderstorm approached after a game.  Back then the Braves usually lost.  The conjunction of the humidity, the storm, the loss, and the time with friends last night made the moment echo those boyhood memories in a special way.

It reminded me that any space is sacred when the heart is turned to gratitude and love.  It put me in mind that those summer nights long ago spent in section 101, row 1, seats 1 and 2 with my Grandfather was one of the best classrooms I ever visited.  Last night in section 107, row 6, seats 1 through 4 I experienced a sacred time with good friends.

The conversation afterwards with the Father and my Grandfather was all about gratitude and love.  Both the past and the present baseball moments were things for which I am grateful.  The essence of it all reminds that the joy in the journey is found by seeing the sacred part of every moment whether it be friends, bat dog, or the weather.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Memories and Forgiveness ~ Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

We will have memories that harm us.  That is unavoidable if we are to live among humans.  Those memories can be mitigated and tamed if we work at it.  They can be managed even if it takes time and effort to do so.

What we must do is forgive and keep forgiving if necessary.  Feeling the feelings associated with the things that caused us pain does not mean we have not forgiven.  It may be that the memories launch new anger and even hatred.  We must forgive again.

There are things in my past that used to immediately launch fear and pain the moment I thought of them.  There is still sadness there but no longer anger and fear.  Every time it occurs I remind myself that the person who harmed me is forgiven and that I must forgive him anew if necessary.

I must also be sure that when someone approaches me for forgiveness that I am kind and compassionate.  I must forgive.  I must be good to the person.  I do not have to trust or put myself in danger but I must lovingly forgive.    

It is in this that we find the key to our own healing.  We also need forgiveness for things.  They may not be great things but we need forgiveness.  It is in forgiving that we see that we are also forgiven.  It is in this forgiving that we see the needs of others for love and compassion. 

I must always forgive, even when I must make myself do it.  I must focus on love and forgiveness for others so that I do not become bitter.  I must focus on it so that I remember how I am in daily need of forgiveness.  When we were taught how to pray the conditional was this:  Forgive our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us.  That alone should be enough motivation for me. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Memories and Forgiveness ~ Toxic People

Greetings Dear Reader,

People will come into our lives or may even be a part of the reason we are alive who are toxic.  Their lives are so centered on self and strife that they are passively or worse actively dangerous to others.  The danger may be emotional, physical, or both.  A balance we must find is in forgiving these individuals and protecting ourselves from harm. 

I have a person like this in my life.  I genuinely love this person.  I would like it if we could be closer.  There are many great qualities about this human.  This person is also extremely narcissistic and manipulative.  This individual has been this way for years and refuses to see it or address it.  The problems are misunderstandings, someone else’s fault, or allowable in this particular case. 

I have truly attempted to work things out with this person.  I have seen the places in my life that needed improvement relative to these areas and work to change.  This person, however, has been shown how the actions taken damage others and refuses to do differently. 

It is a tough tightrope to walk between forgiveness and choosing to distance oneself from another human.  I have had to make this choice for my own safety and to prevent furthering this individual’s damage.  This person thinks that I hate him/her.  That is not the case.  I love him/her.  I also have seen how damaging proximity is for me and others. 

The choice of social distance is the only thing that seems to work to protect me.  It saddens me.  It saddens me more that this person is cut off from good things due to a refusal to see the depth of his/her difficulties.  How then do I know that I have forgiven?

I know because it is not anger or bitterness that is in me.  It is compassion and a refusal to enable.  It is love and prayer for this person to see the truth before it is too late.  It is a willingness to try again if change is seen.  It is my commitment to forgive every day if necessary.

I do not want to stop without saying that there was a time in my life where I was like this as well.  A combination of nature and nurture taught me to be this way.  My children and my counselor helped me see the path I was walking.  Through the grace of God, I work daily to no longer be self-serving.  This too is why I know that I have forginess and love for others. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Memories and Forgiveness ~ Mirror Mirror

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the things with which we struggle is those memories of the things we have done that hurt others.  If we feel genuine sorrow over it the memory can be debilitating.  I remain fully aware of the times that I have chosen my own wants over what is right and the consequences that have followed.

One of the things we do is see ourselves in the mirror only by the failures.  We develop varying levels of self-hatred that are debilitating and destructive.  Even the good we attempt is tainted by a poor understanding of our value.  The memories of our intentional failures assault us and rob us of future success if we allow it.

This is not to say that there are not those who struggle with depression and need additional assistance.  What we all must do, however, is learn that if we do not forgive ourselves we extend the damage of our failures.  We inhibit the good we could do now.

I am required to acknowledge my failures and seek forgiveness for them.  I am then required to forgive my own failures, remembering the cost of them and learning from them.  When the memories surface to accuse us again we must not give in to the accusation.

Following Christ requires that I accept forgiveness and live as one forgiven. I must work daily to stem the hurt that flows through the world.  I must wage war to do good and right by loving everyone including my own self. 

Free to Be Me – Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age

I'm still looking for a dream

A war's already waged for my destiny

But You've already won the battle

And You've got great plans for me

Though I can't always see

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender

Got a couple rips in my jeans

Try to fit the pieces together

But perfection is my enemy

And on my own I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl

I thought I had it figured out

See my life would turn out right

And I'd make it here somehow

But things don't always come that easy

And sometimes I would doubt, oh

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender

Got a couple rips in my jeans

Try to fit the pieces together

But perfection is my enemy

And on my own I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me and You're free to be You

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything

Yet other times I think

I've got nothing good to bring

But You look at my heart and You tell me

That I've got all You seek, oh

And it's easy to believe even though

I got a couple dents in my fender

Got a couple rips in my jeans

Try to fit the pieces together

But perfection is my enemy

And on my own I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders I can see

I got a couple dents in my fender

Got a couple rips in my jeans

Try to fit the pieces together

But perfection is my enemy

And on my own I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me and You're free to be You

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Memories and Forgiveness ~ Past Offenses

Greetings Dear Reader,

There exist events in my past where people intentionally hurt me deeply.  They chose to do harm to me.  They worked it out and decided that their desire was more important than right and good. 

I have worked through most of the pain and damage.  I have learned how faith and following Christ can heal.  At times I even catch a glimpse of how the wrongs lead to greater good. 

What I battle is the unbidden thoughts of anger that sometimes arise unbidden.  A memory or a moment will set off the old rage that lurks deep inside me.  I have to battle it back then remind my heart to forgive always.  The memory and anger do not mean that I have not forgiven.  It does mean that in the moment I must forgive again if necessary.

Every painful memory is our opportunity to forgive even when we cannot forget.  The action for me must be daily if necessary.  Further I find that I must engage at times with the perpetrators of my pain.  I must do so with my whole heart.  I must do so with love and compassion.

If I learn to see those who wrong me as in need of love and compassion perhaps the pain lessens.  Even if it does not, doing what is right is a very healing action.  The memories of wrongs done to me can become motivation to do more that is good. I may have painful memories but they can stoke the fire of kindness and right if I allow it.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)