Gratitude Stories ~ Ready Restoration

Greetings Dear Reader,

The jumping off point for these expressions of gratitude is the idea that every day is a new story in which we get to write the way in which we interact with the universe.  I have also tried to be clear that I am on a journey of restoration in addition to other things.  This gratitude story is part of that journey.

As long as I can remember I have tried to put on a good face in new situations.  I try to be friendly and fearless when in truth I usually feel inferior and unwanted.  I want others to feel at ease and reach out to be kind and welcoming.  Then there are the situations like the one I am in now. 

I am trying to be humble and honest.  I am wanting to be genuine and be myself.  My brother took me to a Sunday night para-church service the first week I was here.  As is common in many small churches they need volunteer help and asked me for it.  I felt the deep need to gloss over my history and be kind and charming.

Instead I asked to meet with the leadership of the group before I accepted the offer to help.  I told them the story of my failure and sin.  I was honest about why I was back in this small town where good and evil seem to be locked in such bloody combat.  I recognize that there is no such thing as neutral in this war.

As is the way with these things, the Father had prepared the path for my journey just like he did with the people I was trying to find.  Unknown to me, this group of Christ followers had recently chosen that they wanted to be involved in the restoration of those who had failed and wanted to make their way back to faith and following.  The leadership’s exact words were, “We came back from our conference wanting to be involved in restoration ministry and here it is in our midst.”

My gratitude is that even though there are those who will not see me, speak to me, and allow us to build the kind of lives Christ wishes us to, there are those ready and willing to allow me to confront my failures and help me find the way that is next.  I am sure that the Father is guiding all of this.  I am thankful that he has a place where I can be of service and sort out my heart at the same time.

My quest feels as if it is on the edge of the knife.  There are precipitating needs that I do not know how to meet.  There is fear and pain still to be confronted.  There is no certainty in front of me except for the day’s journey.  That, however, is supposed to be enough.  What I have is great gratitude that everything is working toward all things getting back to GOOD.  In our daily stories we either strike a blow for that good or we further the darkness.  Today I choose gratitude for those who have the heart to do what it takes to restore in love those who have failed.  It gives me the courage to continue to seek redemptive restoration for those who have cast me aside because of my failures.  It is things like this that are at the heart of “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” 

No Rusty Swords – Michael Card

Don't you know the battle's raging

And you got to join the fight

There's an army of the darkness

And an army of the Light

There's a side that fights for Satan

And a side that's for the Lord

And on this battle field there are no rusty swords

On this battle field there are no rusty swords

Christ has made the final move

So our side is sure to win

He became like us so we would have

A chance to be like Him

It seems strange so many fall back

When the victory has been won

You just need to ask yourself

Which side you're on

And on this battle field there are no rusty swords

On this battle field there are no rusty swords

There's a fact you need to understand

Before you join our side

You need to know when Jesus calls

He bids you come and die

He's invaded Satan's kingdom

And He's claiming all His own

When the battle's over

He will lead us home

Don't you know the battle's raging

And you got to join the fight

There's an army of the darkness

And an army of the Light

There's a side that fights for Satan

And a side that's for the Lord

And on this battle field there are no rusty swords

And on this battle field there are no rusty swords

On this battle field there are no rusty swords

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

Our hearts are intended to be tender.  The Father makes love the prime mover in all things.  This does not mean it supersedes all of his other attributes like righteousness, holiness, and justice.  We are intended to have a heart like the Father.

The world needs the love a of the Father so desperately.  We are commanded to love him and in turn love others.  Fathers are required to love their children.  When they fail to do so they can create great wounds.  These wounds can block the ability of children to see God the Father clearly.

It is not that the wounds cannot be healed.  It is that it takes time and faith.  It takes perseverance in seeking the Father with all the heart we have left.  It is replacing a heart of stone with one of flesh.  God promises to do this for us but he will not force it upon us.  He will if we will.

I must daily; in every moment seek the Father’s heart.  In turn he will give me a tender heart towards those around me.  I must daily be willing.  I must make every moment one where I allow my wounds to heal and seek to help heal the wounds of others.  If we committed our energy to this we would not have time to create new wounds. 

It is too easy to allow my heart to harden.  It is tempting because it feels safe.  It is not ever safe to have a hard heart.  I may have to forgive.  I may have to endure.  The Father promises to sustain me every step of the journey home. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Losing Too Soon

Greetings Dear Reader,

 We suffer loss.  We take damage.  We have scars.  “For all who would seek to love, a thorn is all the world has to give.”  I do not believe this because I am cynical or jaded.  I believe it because I see it. 

The difficulty is that if we have a heart made by the Father then we willingly take the damage, the pain, and the scars.  The Son offers both a home and a cross.  We cannot take the crown without first carrying the cross.  Following Christ means first taking up a cross.

The pain we suffer tries to wear us down.  The hurt we inflict on ourselves or that which is inflicted on us rips at the heart.  Some days we cannot even crawl from the hurt but we are still obligated to follow.  We are still obligated to bear our cross.  We are still obligated to rise above the pain and sorrow.

The great difficulty is that we lose heart too soon.  We forget that any pain or sorrow has a healing ahead of it.  We lose faith.  We lose heart.  We stop following and, therefore, never walk out of the pain.  We stay in the valley of shadows and stop following the light away from the hurt.

To love is to risk damage and pain.  To love is to put our hearts on the line for the sake of others.  The moment we call it back and stop loving unconditionally we gather the hurt into ourselves.  We should not be surprised that when we lose heart we find pain.

Since the core of following Christ is to love then the heart must never be lost.   We must hold on and be held no matter how broken and pained we become.  We must hope.  We must have faith.  If we do not then we are losing it too soon.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Gaining Too Late

Greetings Dear Reader,

Over the last few months I have been having regular conversations with the man whose name I carry.  In the last few years he has found faith and a heart to connect with his children and grandchildren.

At first I was hesitant.  The wounds are so deep from the failures of fathers in my past that I was wary of the probability of taking more damage.  I, however, have the obligation to love and forgive.  When I see that someone is trying to do better I must encourage them. 

The conversations have been painful at times but they have been also very good.  I see a tenderness there that I never saw.  I see an honesty about fallenness and the struggle to follow Christ that I share.  His motivation is not guilt or shame.  In it I see love and repentance.  I see a man who wants to be good to us with what ability he has.

The lesson there is twofold for me.   The first is that I must be very sure that I am forgiving and loving to anyone who shows that they understand the depth of his or her sin.  I must look past my own pain to the fact that neither of us has failed to fail.  I must allow Christ to rule my heart so that it is always tuned to the love and fogginess of the Father.

Second, I must always be aware that it is never too late to do what is right.  It is never too late to gain a father’s heart.  Like the Tin Man the Father can create a new heart in us if we allow it.  He can teach us all to love as he does.  He can soften us and make us kind.  All he is waiting for is our admission that we need a little oil and a new heart.

My Eyes are Dry – Keith Green

My eyes are dry, my faith is old,

My heart is hard, my prayers are cold,

And I know how I ought to be,

Alive to you, and dead to me.

Oh, what can be done, for an old heart like mine,

Softer it up, with oil and wine.

The oil is You, Your Spirit of love,

Please wash me anew, in the wine of Your blood.

My eyes are dry, my faith is old,

My heart is hard, my prayers are cold,

And I know how I ought to be,

Alive to you, and dead to me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Walking Wounded

Greetings Dear Reader,

We are all on a journey.  Whether we accept it or not the Father calls us all home.  Some journey with the Son as a guide and some do not.  Unfortunately, some who choose to follow the Son choose to judge and reject those who do not.

We are instructed by the one we follow to love them all.  We are also told that we are to be an example that entices them to follow as well.  It is not through judgment and condemnation that we accomplish this.  It is through love and service.

Fathers are supposed to set the same example for their children.  The best fail.  Some fail worse than others.  Some choose to fail or never even try.  Our father wounds can fester and infect our ability to father our children.    

The truth is that we are all walking wounded.  Some is nature and some is nurture.  We carry the burdens fostered upon us by our parents.  Oscar Wilde wrote, “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”  I have had to work hard to forgive the pain set upon me by my progenitor.  When came down to it there was only one act left to show love for him and I did it.

We must not fail to forgive our fathers.  We need the grace too much to avoid giving it to others.  We need the freedom too much to carry the burden.   I must see that my fellow travelers are walking wounded and love them where they are.  I must live a life that avoids the things that caused wounds in my children. I must fail to spread the infection from the wounds inflicted by my father. 

 There is no human that does not need grace and mercy.  It is my obligation to be an example of that.  It is through the Father’s love for me that I can find the courage to love others no matter how wounded, scared, or damaged I am. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Father Heart Round Two

Greetings Dear Reader,

The sadness and pain of father wounds can span our entire lives.  We make poor choices and follow dark paths because of the pain.  We are wandering walking wounded.

Our lives can be so ruled by the pain and sorrow that we do not see hope or a way out.  Our image of a father is so tainted by the failure of the one who is supposed to be “our” father that we cannot see beyond that to the love offered by the Father.  In some cases even when we see it we refuse to trust that it can be real.

I feel the deep wounds of a father who did not love me and would not invest his life in mine.  The only thing that sustains me is the love of a Father God who sees every hurt and tear when I am alone and the ache rises in me.  It is the love that I want to know how to show my Children and Grandchildren.  It is in seeking to love him that I learn how to love others.

Both my nature and nurture trained me to be a hard and unloving man.  I have to lay down my hurt daily and try again.  I have to soften my heart to the love and grace of the Father.  I have to have faith.  I have to keep seeking the Father with all my heart. 

I assure you that this is not a fixer for all my pain and sorrow.  It is not the solution to all my anger and loss.  Instead it gives me the strength for the next day or maybe the next moment.  It is solace when I allow it to be. 

The longing for a life where I do not fail my Children and they see the depth of my love for them continues.  The desire to see my Children and Grandchildren walking in faith with the Father stems from that love.  Perhaps that is the deepest connection.  The Father has a heart that longs for us and he shows himself to me through the longing I feel.  It accepts me where and how I am and embraces me whenever I will let him.

Come As You Are – David Crowder

Come out of sadness from wherever you've been

Come, brokenhearted; let rescue begin

Come find your mercy, O sinner, come kneel

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal

Lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

O wanderer, come home

You're not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

There's hope for the hopeless

For all those who've strayed

Come sit at the table

Come taste the grace

There's rest for the weary

A rest that endures

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't cure

Lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

O wanderer, come home

You're not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

Come as you are

Fall in His arms

Come as you are

There's joy for the morning

O sinner, be still

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal

Lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

O wanderer, come home

You're not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Father Wounds Round Two

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have always enjoyed the idea of finding lost treasure and recovering ships claimed by the sea.  Our adventures on the sea over the centuries have cost much in mastering travel over the water.  We still put lives at great risk to do business in great waters.

One of the shows currently on is about a man searching for lost treasure ships from the sixteenth and seventeenth century.  The search for the ships is enough to capture my interest.  The undercurrent of the relationship between the searcher and his father breaks my heart.

The father treats his son with contempt and vitriol simply because the son has not lived up to the father’s expectations.  From each statement the father makes to the son it can be seen that the father is in great pain and chooses anger over love for his life.

We create wounds in our children when we choose wrong over right.  Some of them are forgiven and heal.  Some fester and do lifelong damage.  The difficulty is that when either party refuses to bend there can be no reconciliation.  There can only be healing if each accepts the humanity of the other and chooses to love at any cost.

We must not judge our children when they go in a direction that we think is wrong.  We must love them more.  We must tread that careful balance between loving the person without condition and holding onto our values.  We must own the wounds we have created in the past and seek to do right moving forward. 

Any man who ever attempted to fill the role of father when I was young held my faith in contempt.  For a time I thought that my faith was wrong and that my God did not exist.  It was the wounds form my father that caused this thinking.  It was my need for his love that drove me.  This emptiness brought me to the brink. 

I cannot undo the damage done to me or by me in this life.   Christ can and does help us find solace in following him and turning our pain into following.  He gives hope and peace if we let him. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Father Heart Round One

Greetings Dear Reader,

On April 12, 1966, my Grandfather took me to my first Braves game at Atlanta Stadium.  It was the initiation of a love for baseball that still holds my heart.  It is a legacy of fathers and sons and grandsons the I cherish.  It is the moment I first began to see how much my Grandfather loved me with a father’s heart.

Yesterday I was privileged to spend the day with my eldest Son, my Grandsons, and my Daughter.  It was my Grandsons’, aged five and six, first professional baseball game.  My Braves won 11 to 4.  There was a moment that I will treasure for as long as possible.

Before the game there was a very cold rain falling.  We had to wait about five minutes for the gates to open.  We put my Grandsons in my large waterproof coat and zipped them up in it.  We created the four-legged coat monster.

Now protected from the cold and rain, the boys played and laughed.  I laughed.  My Daughter took pictures and laughed.  And most richly, my Son laughed his genuine rich laugh.  Amidst all the grandeur and adventure of the day this moment is eternal.  Son delighted in the joy of his Sons showed the depth of his father heart to those beautiful boys.

On such a small scale I caught a glimpse of how the Father must delight in us.  I thought about how much joy was in that moment.  The rain and cold were forgotten.  The only thing that mattered was the laughter and warmth.  We were for a moment unified in pure sweet family.  A father’s heart was filled with mirth.

I know that life is much more that moments of mirth.  It is also a pursuit of the Father who has a longing heart for us.  It is turning and tuning our hearts to seek him, find him, and love him.  It realizing that there will come a time when every moment is a moment filled with the of which I caught a glimpse yesterday. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Father Wounds Round One

Greetings Dear Reader,

When I wish to include music in my post I usually place it at the end.  I wish this time to set the tone right away.

Tucson Arizona (Gazette) – Dan Fogelberg

Tucson, Arizona rising in the heat like a mirage

Tony keeps his Chevy like a virgin locked in his garage

He brings it out at midnight and cruises down the empty boulevards

And he prowls the darkened alleys that snake between the city's thirsty yards

The lonely desert skies reflect the anger in his eyes and it is dawn

His father died of drinking and left five children sinking with his mom

His older brother Bobby never made it back from Viet Nam

With high school well behind him he lives at home and works this shitty job

And he thinks his '60 Chevy is the only true amigo that he's got

His heart is filled with sadness and his soul is like some ugly vacant lot

Mary Estelle Hanna came out from Louisiana for the sun

A deal gone bad in Dallas left her burned and broke and on the run

To make the rent and groceries she takes this job at $3.15 an hour

Serving shots of whiskey and tequila in some smoky red-neck bar

And she dreams some day she'll make her way to L.A. and become a movie star

Tony saw her working, he swallowed hard and asked her for a date

Mary laughed and answered "I would but every night I'm working late"

He said he had some cocaine that she could have if she'd just ride along

She said "What the hell, I may as well, I haven't had no fun in so damn long"

He picked her up at closing time they pulled out on the road and they were gone

Tony's mom got frantic when she found her son had not come home

Mary's roommate panicked and called the sheriff from a public phone

They asked her lots of questions

She tried her best to tell them what she saw

And late that night they found poor Mary lying in some narrow, dusty draw

The coroner reported that she hadn't been deceased for very long

Two weeks on they found it buried to the windshield in the sand

There inside lay Tony with a small revolver in his hand

The papers simply stated it must have been the drugs that drove him mad

The neighbors speculated what could make a good boy go so bad

Well, it might have been the desert heat

It might have been the home he never had

When I hear of young men and their crimes I have two reactions.  The first is to thank that Father that the wounds I have inflicted on my Sons through my failures have not put them in those places.  The second is to pray that someone would come along to father the many fatherless young men in our world.

I had very poor father examples growing up and I still feel the damage from them every day.  My progenitor treated me as thing to be neglected, damaged, and used.  The next two men who would fill the “dad” role were distant and mean.  The man whose name I carry did better than all three combined. By then, however, I was too damaged to gain much from him.

If not for the intervention of the Father and a man name Ray I would have been much like Tony in the song.  I stood many times on the precipice of evil and madness desiring just to squelch the loneliness in my soul and anger in my heart.  Even after I came to Christ it too many years to be free of the anger.  I suspect the pain will remain all my life.

I believe more and more that a loving father can do so much that no one else can.  Hearts harden so quickly now and the veneer is so difficult to crack once it sets.  A friend of mine told me just last week that one of his children has chosen to reject the faith that sustains him.  He too feels the guilt and pain of his failures as a father.  We prayed together for our children.

The wounds inflicted by fathers can be healed.  The wounded must be willing.  Like my damaged shoulder that I have carried for forty years, the pain may always be there but there is life beyond it.  All I want for my Children is for them to see how much the Father loves them and to love him in return.  I am just learning how much this is core to all that there is.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ The Heart

Greetings Dear Reader,

We refer to the heart so often when we think of how we feel about things.  We use the heart to distinguish between our passions and our thoughts.  The heart is our reason for ignoring reason.  It is our justification at times for being unjust.

We tell people to follow the heart but certainly do not mean for people to constantly follow their emotions.  That would lead to chaos.  We are told that the heart is deceitful and difficult to know.  We must seek God with all our heart. 

The mercurial nature of the heart is the reason that it must not rule.  It is the reason that we must use reason.  The mind and heart must work together to adjudicate what is proper and good.  The heart must be disciplined to love God.  It must be subjugated to morals and values.

Some think that to follow the heart is to embrace real freedom.  My greatest failures occur when I follow my heart over what is definitively right or wrong.  We use the heart to avoid that there are moral absolutes. 

Love is beyond the heart yet must include it.  When we vow to love it is not just that we vow to give our heart but that we must guard our hearts against violating the higher demands of love. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Father Hearts and Father Wounds ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

As a father and now a grandfather I become keenly aware of the things that are successes and failures in my life.  I am also well aware of the things that I lacked early on that are necessary to take on life.  I would that it were that I could simply dismiss the voids created by and in me.

I also think that as I mellow I find that I understand the heart of a father in a new way.  In that learning are both regrets and thoughts of success.  In those realizations are pain and insight.  It is in this that I find my next part of the journey. 

I don’t know how to get past the wounds I carry.  I have tried for so long and the pain resurfaces unbidden even after forgiveness, confession, and counsel.  There are also the memories of the moments that are good as well.  There have been those with father hearts who have helped me along the way. 

Still I long for a way to heal my failings as they have impacted others and to be free from the things inside me that feel so damaged and scarred.  If you can bear it, walk with me for a space Dear Reader.  You companionship is always solace and gives me insight. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pieces of Time – Leisure Time

Greetings Dear Reader,

We buy our leisure time with the pieces of time we trade for money.  I worked through some thoughts on leisure pursuits some months ago.  I am being more active and moving out of some of my zones of complacency (not really comfortable).   What I am pondering today is that I use my leisure time, that is purchased at a high price, for things that recreate me.

I see so many people who refuse to enjoy life because they get caught up in the barrenness of busyness.  I hear all the time people I care about concerned that their time away from work is so filled with other things.  They seem dissatisfied by those things.  Leisure time is meant to restore and recreate us.

This means that the pieces of time I give to leisure pursuits must be that which truly rebuilds me.  I must rest when I need rest.  I must adventure when I need adventure.  It comes down to listening to what my heart tells me I need.  It is proper to follow Christ in leisure pursuits.  I must as with all my time make the most of it.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)