Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts

12 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ Closing Thoughts


Greetings Dear Reader,

We can grieve too long or not at all.  Both are unhealthy.  Both lead us to places where grace is needed more than our grief.  If we hold onto grief and do not make our way to grace, we hinder our journey.

We cannot carry grief over losses without them turning to anger, bitterness, or sadness.  When grief takes root in us it grows into its own powerful entity.  It keeps us from forgiving or finding comfort in the Father’s love.  When we carry our grief too long it will isolate us from others and insulate us from hope.

Greif becomes selfish after a time.  It is not wrong to still feel the loss but we must not hold onto grief.  We must both accept the grace we are given to move beyond grief and give grace to others in our grief.  It is the transportation to the grace that heals our hearts.  

We cannot love as the Father commands without moving from grief to grace.  We cannot receive the Father’s love without grace.  If I hope to follow well, I must deal in grace and most importantly when it comes to grief.  My losses are nothing compared to what we gain in Christ.  My hurts turn to hope when I believe that the Father has it all under control. 

This time is the opportunity to work it out so that others can be loved and so that I can love.  Eventually, every tear will be gone because the Father will wipe them away.  There will be no more grief.  Let us prepare for this Dear Reader by turning our grief to grace now.  We will walk easier and share more good things.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
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11 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ All Lives Matter, BUT…


Greetings Dear Reader,

We understand as a community the anger and pain of loss.  When the towers fell in New York, we dropped our differences for a few days and were one people grieving loss and unjust violence.  We know that all lives matter but we do not live that way.


Our society has many ills that scream that all lives do not matter to us.  Our nation is filled with the homeless, suicidal veterans, human trafficking, and many forms of prejudice.  We murder the unborn for the sake of convenience.  We tolerate racism even if we are not racist.

All lives matter but we do not live like it.  Jesus makes it clear that all lives matter but there were times when he also made it clear that prostitutes' lives matter, children’s lives matter, and even Roman Soldier’s lives matter.  He was concerned about the Samaritan, the Gentile, and the sick.  He made it clear that at times there are groups who matter and need specific attention.

My obligation in following Christ is to listen when someone feels that his or her life does not matter to me.  I am obligated to pay attention when a group of people feels oppressed.  Further, I am compelled to love them so deeply that I work against oppression and prejudice of any kind.

The current outrage calls me as a Christ-follower to love those who are outcast or mistreated.  It demands that I not care about politics or opinions but, rather, that I use all that I have to treat others justly.  I must respond to Black Lives Matter without regard to anything but the degree to which Christ loves them.

The violence and hatred that accompany the grief are wrong.  On any scale, it is not acceptable to do violence just because we are angry, hurt, or feel a loss.  On every scale, it is our obligation to respond to prejudice with love and justice.  The obligation of the Christ-follower is to love every human in every instance.  When I fail to hear the cries of those who feel mistreated, I am guilty of failing to love them as well.

The broad brushes with which we paint currently are all negligent of the truth.  The Father has painted us all individually even though some of us are very similar.  If we think for a moment that we are exempt from responsibility for our brother’s welfare, we are wrong.  We need to remember that the first murder was a result of envy and neglect of love.  Jesus would be reminding us yes, he cares for every life, but right now, we have a community that is in pain and needs our love more than any of us realize.  They need our care, justice, compassion, and kindness.  We need to help them turn their grief to grace by owning our failures to love them like Christ does.  We cannot demand that they speak equality over lives that matter when we will not treat their lives with the same equality.  If we respond to every complaint, true or false with love, we cannot go wrong, Dear Reader.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
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10 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ Two Sides of the Same Coin


Greetings Dear Reader,

Part of the difficulty in turning grief to grace is the unknown.  If we allow our grief to be transformed, we are unsure of what will happen.  We cannot be certain that we will find the peace we need.  It turns out that fear in which we indulge is the reverse of the coin of faith.

So many avenues exist that are possible when we forgive, restore, or relent in our anger.  The person upon whom we have mercy may not have changed their attitude or actions.  The hurt we have may be worsened.  Others may never live up to our expectations.  We fear that if we learn to accept the loss, whatever it may be, that our hopes and expectations will not be met.

We get lost in the process because of what we believe.  We believe that people will leave, die, or continue on unchanged.  We fear that if we let go of our grief from past harm that we will be harmed anew.  We will not transform our grief into grace because we do not realize that fear is faith.  It is faith in the wrong things.

As I work to recover from the darkness that had such sway over me, I realize that my fears were faith in the darkness being more powerful.  It does not matter where the darkness resides.  If it is our fallen nature or an outside source, we can still find it in us to move to faith in Christ instead of that darkness.  We can grieve that we are broken.  We can allow Christ to provide the grace for us to see the grace we can give.

I need to become a conduit of that grace in every aspect of my life.  Unless I bring every facet of my own fear to heel, I cannot be gracious.   I cannot hope to deal in grace if I carry the grief of things I cannot control.  In recognizing that my fear is faith in the wrong things, I find the power to turn my grief to grace.  I find the focus shifts to Christ in every situation that is painful.

Once again, Dear Reader, the answer comes down to where I focus my mind and heart.  Even in the places where the pain makes me weep and despair wishes the stage, there is hope.  There is the chance to turn death into a fighting chance to live.  We do not even have to find the strength to fight.  Christ promises to provide the grace for us so that we can in turn extend grace to others.  It always comes back to following Christ with all our hearts.  That only works when we exchange fear for faith.  Fortunately for us all, that exchange never closes and belief is the only currency required.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
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09 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ The Logic of Leisure


Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the things that we see often when others are grieving, is that they are told to rest.  Even in the grief of daily lives that are not as we wish; it is rest that can restore us.  As a society, we do not rest as we should.

When we grieve over things it drains us of strength.  We must make the time to rest from our grief.  The difficulty is that when we do not see our grief, we only feel the weariness.  We spend the energy we have chasing things that still grieve us instead of things that restore us.  We do not leave space for real rest and restoration.

Another layer of difficulty, however, exists.  The grief that we have not processed or even that which we have denied robs us of rest.  It takes our leisure time and fills it with pain and fear.  We allow our thoughts to focus on loss and want instead of turning our grief to grace.

We need leisure to make the time to process and heal.  Failing to do so saps us of strength and faith.  We become ensnared in our grief and lose the grace we need to continue the journey.  We lose trust and fail to have faith that things will unfold as they should.

I must learn to balance life with proper rest.  I must use leisure time to work through things that keep me from grace.  The idea is to find ways to have grace in every situation.   It is the Father’s grace that is there to remind us of our need to have the same for others.  So, I ask you, Dear Reader, to allow us some time to rest.  Both of us can find a way to rest and restore each other as we allow the grace of the Father to work through us.  Then we can journey further, better able to wield love, and be protected from offense. 

Chasing Cars – Grace Gaustad

We'll do it all, Everything
On our own
We don't need anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace to remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where; confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
Facebook       Twitter        
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08 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ On Monday


Greetings Dear Reader,

I wonder if we consider how we treat Monday.   I am sure you are wondering what Monday has to do with grief or grace.  To understand, first one must consider all the things we say about Monday because for most it is the beginning of the workweek.  People who work a different schedule will even say “Wednesday is my Monday.”  We blame the day for what we do in our lives.

The other side of that is we often start new things on Monday.  When have you ever heard someone say, “I am starting my new diet on Saturday?”  No one starts a diet on Saturday even if it is their Monday.  The point is that we use Monday to carry ills that are ours.

So, now that you understand what I mean, I would like for us to consider that all of the things we grieve on Monday are things that we are allowed to grieve but must also work to change.  Most of our reasons for maligned Mondays are related to our dissatisfaction with other things.  I am thankful for the work that provides for my needs and the place I have to live.  It does not mean that I do not still desire to derive my income solely from my writing and wish for Project Tortoiseshell to be realized. 

I must allow that moment of grief that it is not so to be lived each Monday when I arise knowing that I am not where I wish to be in these areas.  Then I must accept the grace to trust that the Father is working things out.  I must use my faith to live out the requirements to count on the Father and follow the Son.  If I malign Monday, I am not allowing the flow of time to be part of my faith and following.

It is in choosing to live in grace on Monday that I can find peace from the grief of my situation In learning this I can learn to identify what grieves me about where I am and seek to change it.  We find the things we grieve about our situation and turn them to seeking the grace that the Father offers to live out who we are meant to become. 

Nothing in our lives is beyond becoming a better reflection of our faith and following if we allow it.  Monday can become the day where we celebrate the vast grace in our lives that already exist.  We can have a moment of grief for the things we wish were here.  Then, we can again seek the grace to become that which we would rather be.  That, Dear Reader is the journey, and Monday is just a day.  

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
Facebook       Twitter        
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07 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ The Long Goodbye

Greetings Dear Reader,

I find that I have reached that stage in life where there are long goodbyes.  I do not mean partings for journeys or life-changing moves.  Those happen as well and sone of them are grievous.  I am in the stage of life where colleagues and friends are beginning to die.

People with whom I went to college and mentors from my youth have gone on to the clearing at the end of the path.  They are beyond my ability to remind them of my love and gratitude for their place in my life.  It is one of the things we must carry as we age.  It is a source of grief that is difficult and inevitable. 

If I am going to turn this grief to grace, I must look to their benefit and not my loss.  I must see their gain.  If I love them more than myself, I will work through the grief knowing that they are free from the struggle of the journey home.  Feeling joy at their gain helps mitigate my loss.

There are also the partings, losses, where no one has died but the strife in the journey has caused one or both parties to refuse to show love to each other.  This too is grievous.  I am guilty of this in my past and endure it presently as well.  The grief here has comfort to turn it to grace too.  I use a simple polemic to keep my heart focused on following Christ and trusting the Father in everything.

It is this:
Major Premise – The Father Provides for all my needs
Minor Premise – The relationship I have lost has not been restored even though I have sought forgiveness and tried to restore it.
Conclusion - I do not need that relationship restored yet or it would be so.

I am free then to trust the Father to restore this at his pace.  I can deal with that person in love and grace from a position of humility. I must live out the consequences for my failures without complaint or anger.  I can feel grief at the loss of that person’s time and attention but since all things will be one day brought back to good, there will come a time when peace is restored. 

For now, I must follow Christ in love and grace, praying for those who are living and absent.  I must feel loving joy for those who have reached the end of the journey.  My loss is their gain and that, Dear Reader, is how I am supposed to live.  It is hard but turning this kind of grief to grace is a great benefit in drawing closer to the one we follow.  It is a source of peace that cannot be robbed from us.  It is a practice in selflessness that is uniquely holy.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
Facebook       Twitter        
Medium         Instagram 

06 June 2020

Grief to Grace ~ Opening Thoughts


Greetings Dear Reader,

When we determine that we are going to lay aside fear and anger, we do not get the luxury of a vacuum.  Once we confront the things that breed fear and anger in us, there is often grief.  It hurts more than the fear or the anger because those things were meant to mask it, protect us from confronting the grief.

Grief can be so powerful and debilitating.  If not dealt with properly, it can lead to depression, more anger, and bitterness.  It can cause us to abandon all that we value and perhaps ruin our lives. 

What I must do is keep abandoning my fear and anger as well as grieve the things that caused it.  I have barely begun to acknowledge privately the fear and anger that influenced my thinking for so long.  I have found the void left behind to reveal great grief over my losses and failures.  Some of them are recoupable and redeemable.  Some things are seemingly beyond hope.  I, however, am filled with hope and am just beginning to understand why.

It begins with a clear understanding of good priorities and flows into a realization of how that comprehension works out in daily life.  I am beginning to understand how to navigate the narrow road and give it broad application in my life.  What I must do is work through the path of grief to grace.  If that which we deal in is grace, I must sus out how to get there in every aspect of life.

I am not sure how long this process will take to think through but I know it will take the rest of my life to get there.  I promise not to write this series for that long.  I do intend, Dear Reader to ponder how to get from grief to grace for a bit.  Please walk with me and help me with your thoughts and questions.  They are part of the source of my hope.

Grace – Kate Havnevik

I'm on my knees
Only memories
Are left for me to hold
Don't know how
But I’ll get by

Slowly pull myself together
There’s no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace

I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world
Come what may
I won’t fade away

But I know I might change
Nothing comes easily

Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace

Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I’ve lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
Facebook       Twitter        
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05 March 2020

What Does It Matter? ~ Closing Thoughts


Greetings Dear Reader,

I could think of multiple examples and metaphors to sharpen the point of this.  I could escalate the intensity of those examples to ponder things over which we invest importance that does not matter.  The matter is that we all know we place importance on things that do not truly matter.

Instead, I am going to suggest a few practical things to employ to measure the importance of things relative to that which truly matters.  We have discussed how all of our challenges begin in the mind.  What we think is what we become.

  • Here are some questions to ponder when assigning importance to something:
  • Will it matter in five years?
  • Will my placing importance on this harm others in any way?
  • Does my placing importance on this reflect the love of Christ?
  • Is the importance I put on this a matter of pride or vanity?
  • Am I making something minor a major at the expense of peace with others?
  • Is this worth getting offended over?
  • Is the importance I am placing on something an act of love?


The idea is that if it does not matter with respect to our love of the Father and of each other, it does not really matter.  It may be important to us.  It may even be something about which we are passionate.  Those things are not wrong.  They become a problem when we substitute making them matter over love, kindness, and compassion for others.

The journey has enough troubles for me to navigate without creating them on my own.  When I major on the minors that do not matter, I create problems for myself and others.  I become offended over trivial things and risk offending others.  As we travel together, perhaps we can learn to have lively discussions about things that we value without making them matter more than they should.

We can journey together more peacefully and perhaps more readily.  We can avoid replacing love with empty banter.  We reflect the light of Christ more fully and without obfuscation.  These are the things that generate joy in our journey.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
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04 March 2020

What Does It Matter? ~ Condiments and Toppings


Greetings Dear Reader,

When I was a children’s pastor, we held a quarterly Ice Cream Sundae buffet after church to raise funds for special events for the kids.  We would lay out all the acceptable toppings for ice cream, syrups, and whipped cream.

We would serve about two hundred adults and I would get to move back and forth along the toppings table greeting our “customers”.   What always caught my attention was the banter over which toppings were “proper” for ice cream.  I also learned that ice cream is the great equalizer when it comes to adults. 

I watched proper deacons squabble over pineapple versus strawberry toppings.  The walnuts and pecans were the sources of contention between the matrons in the ladies’ auxiliary.  There was even a couple who actually got into a shouting match once.  It seems that they were heatedly in conflict over the idea of a sundae having chocolate ice cream at all.

My perspective was that people were elevating simple choices to a level that caused conflict.  An event that was supposed to be joyful and child-like was turned into pockets of prideful preference.  The thing that wore on my heart the most was that they were arguing about something that did not impact them in any real way.  You see, they did not have to eat the toppings over which they were squabbling.  Their objections were to the preferences of others.

I am guilty of this.  That does not preclude me from seeing the foolishness of it.  It is similar to the conflicts over ketchup on hot dogs or pineapple on pizza.  It is like criticizing the color of another person’s car. I do not have to drive it, so it is none of my concern. 

We take this even further, Dear Reader.   We demand that others think like we do in many ways.  We judge others for not doing so and condemn them when they disagree.  We do not accept it when others do this to us, making us hypocrites as well.  We are willing to let others live in freedom if they choose to live like us.

The things that do not matter, when fueled by pride, cause us to turn them into things that do.  We deny others their preferences in areas that are actually opportunities to rejoice in our differences.  I have discovered some of my favorite things by experiencing them with those who knew them best. 

I must not judge the preferences of others.  I must see each difference as a facet of their uniqueness.  In that, I must learn to love them for the solitary place they hold in all of the universe.  When I focus on this, I can find the beauty that resides in each soul.  No matter their preferences in things that do not matter, I can find ways to love and learn if I am gracious and kind.  Please, however, do not ask me to try anchovies on my ice cream.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
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03 March 2020

What Does It Matter? ~ Toothpaste and Toilet Paper


Greetings Dear Reader,

My friend Stephen has a lovely family.  His wife was a model in her twenties.  His children are both intelligent and well-behaved.  His home is large and comfortable.  The few times I have been there, the food served was simply marvelous. 

The last time I was there, I noticed a change that motivated my curiosity.  The guest bathroom located in their large family room is very nice.  When I went in to use it, the toilet paper roll had reproduced amoeba-like.  Next to the one I knew from previous visits, was an identical one.  It took me a moment to notice the difference.

The identical rolls hung with the paper facing opposite directions.  My first urge was to correct the one that was hung the wrong way.  Then I perceived that it was not my place to change the way Stephen and Lilly appointed their home. 

When I rejoined them on the deck, I asked Stephen why the toilet paper hanger had replicated itself.  He smiled broadly because, as I was to learn, he loved telling this story.  It seems that he and Lilly had disagreed for over ten years about how the paper was to be placed on the roll.  One day, when they had argued about it, he put up the second roll in anger.  

The result was not what he expected.  Lilly was thrilled and bought second holders for the other two bathrooms in their house.  Stephen realized that his angry response had led him to a suitable compromise.  He lovingly put up the other two holders.  Since it was just the two of us talking, I had to ask if the usage did not reveal which was the preferred method in the home.

He smiled as he explained that this became obvious within a month.  He sounded a bit smug as he informed me that his preference was the most popular one.  Then he said the thing that was the real solution to the problem.  He told me that to keep Lilly from feeling like she has lost in any way, he routinely switches the rolls as they diminish so that she thinks they are used equally.

I hope that someday they get to the place where the roll direction does not matter.  I am not there yet but that is another story.   What I admire is Stephen’s commitment to his wife.  What I must learn is how much it just does not matter which way the roll faces.  It is of no real consequence where one squeezes the toothpaste tube.  There are a thousand preferences that we turn into points of contention each day.

The thing I must face is that among all the ills of the world, the petty things just do not matter.  The things that are preferences and not things over which we should ever argue.  We must attend to love over anything that arises as a point of contention.  If I am to follow Christ well and become unoffendable, it is you that must take priority over preference and convenience Dear Reader.  We must not create offenses over things that are preferences.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:
#aramisthorn
Support Page on Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Novels: From My Publisher or on Amazon          
Web Page:  www.aramisthorn.com
Facebook       Twitter        
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