All Those Who Wander ~ One White Duck

Greetings Dear Reader,

In northern England a set of three porcelain flying ducks was a traditional wall ornament.  This signified an established and settled household.  “If only one remains, ‘one white duck on your wall’, the suggestion is that the household…has broken up; hence this song.  Whether the white duck is the only duck left, or the pale outline where a duck has been removed from the wall, is something to consider.” (Neil R. Thomason)

The song, One White Duck is my younger Son’s favorite Jethro Tull song.  I perhaps have found a new facet of this tune that I have not seen before.  As I retool my concept of home and abodes, I realize that perhaps all the trappings that we consider home are just that, trappings.  Perhaps we are prevented from feeling like we are headed home because we are trapped in a false sense of home.

I realize that I have been trapped in an idea of an ideal that is not real for a long time.  We attached ourselves to so many things to appear that we are “home” when all of it is temporary.  Everything we attach to hinders our journey.  It damages relationships and mitigates movement toward our real destination. 

Today I have pulled on my old wings and the motorway stretches out before me.  Perhaps that is the answer.  Perchance I have found a way to bridge the gap between what I feel and what is truth.  It is a painful transition but perhaps a vital one.  It is all too damn real…

One White Duck – Jethro Tull

There's a haze on the skyline, to wish me on my way.

And there's a note on the telephone; some roses on a Tray.

And the motorway stretching right out to us all,

As I pull on my old wings, one white duck on your wall.

Isn't it just too damn real?

One white duck on your wall…

I'll catch a ride on your violin, strung up on your bow.

And I'll float on your melody, sing your chorus soft and low.

There's a picture-view postcard to say that I called.

You can see from the fireplace, one white duck on your wall.

Isn't it just too damn real?

One white duck on your wall…

One white duck on your wall…

One duck on your wall…

So, fly away peter and fly away Paul, from the

Finger-tip ledge of contentment.

The long restless rustle of high-heeled boots calls.

And I'm probably bound to deceive you after all.

Something must be wrong with me and my brain

If I'm so patently unrewarding.

But my dreams are for dreaming and best left that way,

And my zero to your power of ten equals nothing at all.

There's no double-lock defense; there's no chain on my door,

And I'm available for consultation,

But remember your way in is also my way out,

And love's four-letter word is no compensation.

Well, I'm the black ace dog-handler, I'm a waiter on skates,

So, don't you jump to your foreskin conclusion.

‘cause I'm up to my deaf ears in cold breakfast trays,

To be cleared before I can dine on your sweet Sunday lunch confusion.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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All Those Who Wander ~ The Traveler’s Psalm

Greetings Dear Reader,

Psa 121:1-7 A song of ascent. I look up toward the mountains. Where can I find help?   My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let you fall. Your guardian will not fall asleep.  Indeed, the Guardian of Israel never rests or sleeps.  The LORD is your guardian. The LORD is the shade over your right hand.  The sun will not beat down on you during the day, nor will the moon at night.  The LORD guards you from every evil. He guards your life.  The LORD guards you as you come and go, now and forever.

Travel was much harder back then.  One had to take real risk to journey even to the next town or village.  It has only been in the last one hundred or so years where moving from one place to another was quick and easy.  Even so, there have always been wanderers, nomads, and vagabonds. 

The temptation is to fade like a Cheshire Cat.  The lure is to be unknown and a little mysterious.  There are, however, things to which I must attend.  I may be done with roots and permanence but I am not done with people.  I have accounts to settle where I am the debtor.  I have fences to mend and walls to tear down.

I cannot do this without a fellow traveler who is much better than I am.  As I follow Christ I falter.  Then he helps me stand.  He teaches me where the footfalls are and how to avoid them.  I fail and fall but when I remember to look up I find the help I need. 

This part of the journey starts with returning to the source in every way.  I feel pain and fear but I am not traveling alone.  I can seek out those wronged and redress the wrongs.  I can perhaps give them a measure of comfort or peace.  I know that it will create more space in my own heart and mind for what is good and right.

I have felt things that I have not felt since I was very young in my faith.  Perhaps there is more hope than I feel.  Perhaps the Father has more for this weary traveler than I have considered. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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All Those Who Wander ~ Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Greetings Dear Reader,

I admit that aspects of this transition are filled with pain and sorrow.  There is heartbreak, failure, and loss.  That does not come without a cost.

A few have asked, assumed, or panicked that I was suicidal.  I am not.  I have been to that edge before but I refuse to go there again.  I admit that I am weary and tired.  Those two things are different if you did not know that.  I am not considering taking my life. 

My stance on this, having considered and planned it in the past is that it is just not an option.  My faith and my passions inform me that I have work left to do yet.  I have responsibilities and commitments.  I have stories to tell and novels to write.

As I said, however, I am very weary.  I am going to rest for a bit whilst attempting to get my bearings.  My basic belief, that we are all on a journey back to God, means that I have to keep moving.  I have to rest at times so that I can. 

I welcome your prayers and support as I join “the motorway stretching right out for us all.” If you are worried about me Dear Reader, please know that even though I long for Home, I will not take early retirement.   “I have promises yet to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.” 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Second Thoughts ~ Toothpicks

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I clean things to begin my journey I keep finding toothpicks.  I rarely use toothpicks except in cooking.  Mostly I use them to hold together things made with bacon.  This seems to be an excellent use for a toothpick.

My Daughter has this idea that toothpicks can be used to pick one’s teeth.  I suppose that is an obvious conclusion but it is not one that often occurs to me.  Without putting too fine a point on it I agree that this is the primary destiny of the toothpick as intended by its creator.

These toothpicks spread around my domicile are, however, serving another purpose. They are constantly reminding me of my priorities.  Instead of the usual irritation when I find them lying around as I have for the last ten years, I feel something completely different. I feel the absence of my Daughter in deep and piercing ways. 

It is odd how the little irritants of life can become looming reminders of all that is missing.  As I pulled a toothpick out of my foot tonight, I wept for the solitude around me.  I wept for what it will cost to make this transition.  I sobbed over the sin and failures that cause division.  I grieve for the loss of time and companionship that our selfishness and shortsighted natures create.

As I head down the road I will carry with me some of her favorite toothpicks.  Some are the ones I have packed away on purpose.  Others are the ones in the cracks and crevices of the passenger side of my car.  I cherish the latter ones the most.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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All Those Who Wander ~ Tethers to Untie

Greetings Dear Reader,

When we begin to wander purposefully there are so many things one must leave behind.  The words of Tolkien echo to me not because I think of myself as a hero who is an unknown king.  I do identify with the man who could travel to places and do good for others and then move along the journey. 

I have learned that in the beginning I am very beneficial for others.  The difficulty becomes that instead of moving on when I have done my part I seek to keep them close to ease my fear of them not being OK.  When I cross that barrier, I stop letting God control the situation.  I am responsible to do my part not write the ending for their story.

Therefore, as I go back to the road I must untie some tethers.  Some will require that I do so now.  Others will require that I seek out friends long silent.  It is a need to untie tethers to failure that are my own.  It is the desire to settle accounts with hearts that matter to me. 

Perhaps it will be painful but, in the end, seeking reconciliation always leads to peace.  If I can give others peace then I can better travel as I need to on the journey home.  I will not leave behind or untether my love for others.  I will, however, admit that for some I have tarried too long. 

I am meant to be a wanderer.  I am designed to be a door warden not the man in the castle.  As I put on my old wings it becomes too real that I can achieve more good wandering than in any other way.  I will still be here Dear Reader, available for consultation. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

All Those Who Wander ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

When I wrote about negating needs a couple of weeks ago I had no idea how quickly I would be required to negate some of them.  I talked about the difference between wanting a home and where our true home really lies.  Within days it became apparent that I was going to be required to live this.

Balancing the desire for home and the need to journey onward is difficult.  We need community but we also need to be vagabonds.  Perhaps we are supposed to be nomads.  We also have to learn to be still.  The paradox is a narrow navigation.

As I strike out on the road for a bit I realize that one of the things I need to do is dispel some old ghosts.  I must also find a place to achieve a balance.  I need to mend some long-broken fences.  It intrigues me how broken fences left un-mended become walls. 

There are things internally that I must mitigate and things I must nurture.  Perhaps the idea that the road teaches us things we cannot learn at home is playing out here.  Perhaps there is more for me to learn than I am aware.

One can get used to almost anything.  I have never been able to get used to being alone.  As I wander for a bit, I could use your company Dear Reader.  Your conversation and kind words make even the roughest roads smooth.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes, a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king. – J.R.R. Tolkien – Fellowship of the Ring

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I said yesterday, we are all flawed.   We are all imperfect.  Those who choose to follow Christ are supposed to be daily working at combating those flaws.  We are supposed to also be seeking grace and love for all those around us.  The flaws in others are the opportunity to evidence that grace.

This does not mean that there should not be a balance between righteousness, justice, and holiness.  It does mean that we must lower our expectations when dealing with those who do not follow Christ or are currently rejecting his authority in life.  We should never expect those not following Christ to act like him.  We should expect that those who are not following well will do wrong. 

It is a narrow path.  I know that I miss steps and falter at times.  The most difficult part is that when I fail it hurts others.  I am determined to become better at shorting time I indulge my failures.  I am going to find ways to follow more closely. 

What is Christian is, is a broken flawed human who has chosen to follow Christ in hopes of being more loving and kind.  The follower journeys with Christ to lean and replicate grace, mercy, joy, patience, humility, and balance.  I feel like have journeyed so very far but also that I have so far to go.  Thank your company Dear Reader.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Flawed

Greetings Dear Reader,

This is one of those places where we become so myopic.  We see the flaws of others and think that ours may not be as bad.  We assign levels of degree to our sin so that we have people to judge. 

We are all flawed and we refuse to see that our flaws are part of the cognitive problem.  Our flaws are what cause us to not think properly of God and our neighbor.  They are what move us to think that the failings of others deserve judgment and ours deserve mercy and grace. 

I am flawed. I am a crooked stick with bumps and knots.  It is when I forget this that I begin to judge others and fail to love them.  It when others forget this that they blame and shame those around them to feel better about their own failures.   If we are going to think well, then we must realize that the only flaws we focus on is our own for the purpose of eradicating it. 

When we see the flaws in others or are impacted by them in a negative way, that is opportunity.  It is our opportunity to be loving, kind, and forgiving.  Sometimes it takes great effort or sacrifice to look past the flaws or others.  It is worth it. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Wise

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I watch the changes in our culture I wonder if we understand any longer what wisdom is.  I will indulge first in defining the term.

Wisdom:  the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment.

In short, wisdom is the prudent application of knowledge and understanding.  It is using our minds to make choices that reflect an understanding of the requirements of following Christ.  It steps outside of what is legal, accepted, or allowed to ask what is wise.

Those who claim to be Christians must show wisdom in what they do with what they have.  It is not wise to spend money on a grand church edifice when there are starving people in its shadow.  It is not prudent to ignore the social needs of a community to protect standards that do not find their roots in living out the Gospel.

We are to be wise as individuals as well.  We are not to be cutting and cruel with out wisdom.  We are to be gentle and kind in it. This does not mean that we sacrifice being wise to being gracious and merciful.  It does mean that we balance them in love. 

This item has an identifier that begs another balance.  If we exercise real wisdom, we will often be seen as foolish.  That is just the way it is.  That which seems foolish when it comes to following Christ will be wise.  The common wisdom of the world will be foolish to those who follow Christ.

I must apply my thoughts to learning wisdom if I am going to follow Christ well.  As the world moves further from its understanding of what this is, I will appear more foolish.  We should be known for our wisdom in balance with our love for others.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Fools

Greetings Dear Reader,

There are times when those who claim to follow Christ are fools.  They deny honest science.  They make up things to prove their faith that are unnecessary.  They pack more into what is required of Christ followers than is real.  What is real is hard enough.

These things that others represent that are false are foolish as they detract from the Gospel.  When we do things that detract it hurts us all.  It destroys any credit we might get for the good we do.

There are also things that appear to be foolish that are not if we are following Christ.  We forgive wrongs over and over again without belittling the guilty.  We give grace when it is undeserved.  We show mercy when we do not have to show it.  We put our faith in the future.  We have hope when things seem hopeless. 

When Christ followers act in these ways they are choosing cognitively to appear foolish for the sake of the Gospel.  We have weighed our options and chosen love and compassion over almost everything else.  We appear to be fools because when we are lied to, betrayed, and wronged we choose not to give retribution. 

We are not super human or above anyone else.  We bleed when we are pricked.  We laugh and we cry.  It is just that when we are wronged, we do not revenge.  When we have power, we do not abuse.  When we have abundance we share.  We think of others first. 

If you look for the good kind of fool you may find a real Christ follower.   They will not be perfect but they are worth knowing.  Watching them even in their failures can teach us how to be such a fool.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Trust

Greetings Dear Reader,

From a cognitive perspective, I think that this is one of the things we get wrong.  Humans connect trust to emotion when it is really connected to knowledge and understanding.  It is the cognitive partner of faith.

People will violate our trust.  We either stop trusting or we continue in the knowledge that it will be violated again.   We get wounded when those we love violate our trust.  We put things at risk including our heart when we extend trust to others.  It is one of the areas where I take the most damage when it is violated.

If I hope to follow Christ and be seen as a Christ follower, I must put into place a way to weather the wounds of violated trust.   The problem comes when I put my trust in the wrong place.  When I am wounded by humans violating my trust I can only continue to do right if my trust is in Christ.  Jesus will not violate my trust.

Even when those I love the most violate all the things they say are true and trustworthy I must use my trust in Christ to keep from doing wrong.  I must use the knowledge that he has all things in his hands to continue to love those involved.  This is what a Christian is.  They continue to love and strive to do right even when maligned and belittled by others. 

If I do not trust Christ to have all things in his hands then I will not endure the damage done to me by others who violate my trust.  Trust in Christ, used as the solid ground on which to stand in love is the place to be.  It is the only place that works.  Sometimes it is lonely there. 

It is, however, the place where I can find the strength to keep following, refrain from anger, continue to love, and refuse to avenge.  Trust in Christ is a place to focus the mind so that the emotions can be managed.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What is a Christian? ~ Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Recently I found myself in a situation where my brain was screaming for me to act in anger.  Parts of my personality that have been quelled for decades rose in me demanding to be loosed with free rein.  Instead I managed to walk away through the thought of Christ and his grace.

The visceral reappearance of not just my anger but my very violent young self, terrified me.  I spent most of the night battling that part of me and his sinister malevolence back into submission.  He posed some very reasonable arguments as to why I should let him choose my path for a bit.

I do not use the term Christian to describe who I am.  I do, however, wish to follow Christ.  In that moment, through that night, I wished nothing more than to find my way out of the anger and find again the path toward home. 

It has caused me to dwell deeply on what it is to be a Christ follower in the cognitive realm.  The discipline of the mind is key to following.  The mind must rule the heart when pain or sorrow seeks to take one from the path.  The will must assert sound reason over feelings when those feelings seek to betray what it means to be a Christ follower.

For the sake of putting my darker self into more permanent exile, I am going walk through what a Christ follower must be and do in the mind.  I must think through this thinking.  I could use some kind company Dear Reader.    

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Negating Needs ~ Closing

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I address my need to negate my wants that I feel are needs some have been very kind.  Others have chosen to tell me what to do or think.  Thank you all for taking the time to give me your perspective.

It brings me to a genuine need that we all must embrace.  We never know the whole story unless it is our story.  I know what I have been through and what I have done and not done.  I know how things impact me.  I know the things that I have never told anyone.  This is also true of everyone else. 

We all have hidden chapters and undisclosed suffering.  When we bank on humans to understand those things we walk very shaky ground.  I am not saying that others do not help, listen, or render comfort.  I am saying that the only thing I am supposed to need is Christ and the rest must follow. 

The failures, offenses, betrayal, and rejection by others is not a reason to do the same or to change one’s belief.   It is, rather the reason we depend on Christ more deeply and love others more freely.  When I let my dependency slip from Christ to humans I move from what I need to what I want. 

For today I am just weary; weary of struggling with sin.  Today I long for things to be over and all things to be back to good; the good of creation.  Today I need to return to my post as a doorkeeper.  For now, however, I will just rest here for a while.  I am tired.  I need to rest.

Worn – Tenth Avenue North

I’m Tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah, I’m worn

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Contacts for Aramis Thorn:

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Negating Needs ~ Home

Greetings Dear Reader,

I live in a nice apartment.  It is nowhere close to the abode I have dreamt of for so many decades.  That dream is long gone now.  Too much water is past under bridge for that vision to be realized without direct intervention from God.

Even though the place I live as nice, and affords a pool for my children and grandchildren to enjoy (the real reason I chose this place), I live alone.  In truth, this means that I’ve been homeless for three years.

Growing up the places I lived never felt like a home to me.  The abuse, strife, and lack of real love created a space that was never safe and from which I escaped as soon as I could.  I wandered for a while alone and unsure.  I almost lost myself then.

I returned to the place I grew up and foolishly reentered the household that did so much damage to me.  It was only for a short time because I was going to marry the girl I loved all through high school.  When I held our firstborn son and looked into my wife’s eyes for the first time I felt that it could be home.

All too soon I learned how patently unrewarding I must be as a companion.  I love my son and was determined not to visit upon him the same pains I had endured.  For a brief time, there was a feeling of home again after our second son arrived and I made progress in my career that allowed me time to be a good father.

Also growing in me was in the overwhelming need to provide a sense of home for others.  The light in me long to help others feel what I so desperately lacked for so many years.  The darkness in me use my concerns over the wellbeing of others to feed its desire to control.  The truth of the world is that no matter how much could you do at to beginning, when you fail it just does not matter.

Maybe I have missed a vital truth all along.  Maybe my need to feel at home is just to want created from the depths and sorrow of living and lonely fear for so long.  Perhaps in negating my needs that are not needs, I even need to abandon my desire to have a home; to feel it home.  Along the way every human that has promised to be part of my home has eventually rejected me and said that I was to blame.

The vital truth, Dear Reader is that this place, this world is not my home and perhaps if I give up all desire for it to have a any feel of home I can destroy that in me that others find so abhorrent.  We are all blind to the worst thing we do.  When those we claim to love fail we do not restore them in love.  We do not draw closer to them to help them heal.  We leave them alone in pain, sorrow, and salve our own hurts by judging them worse than we are.

It is not lost on me that it is three years to the day that I became homeless in my comfy little apartment.  I think I am done trying to seek any home but the one that lies at the clearing at the end of the journey.  That is where I am headed anyway and anything in between is just temporary shelter for a lonely traveler.

I Will Bring You Home – Michael Card

Though you are homeless

Though you're alone

I will be your home

Whatever's the matter

Whatever's been done

I will be your home

I will be your home

I will be your home

In this fearful fallen place

I will be your home

When time reaches fullness

When I move my hand

I will bring you home

Home to your own place

In a beautiful land

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

From this fearful fallen place

I will bring you home

I will bring you home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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