Memories and Forgiveness ~ Toxic People

Greetings Dear Reader,

People will come into our lives or may even be a part of the reason we are alive who are toxic.  Their lives are so centered on self and strife that they are passively or worse actively dangerous to others.  The danger may be emotional, physical, or both.  A balance we must find is in forgiving these individuals and protecting ourselves from harm. 

I have a person like this in my life.  I genuinely love this person.  I would like it if we could be closer.  There are many great qualities about this human.  This person is also extremely narcissistic and manipulative.  This individual has been this way for years and refuses to see it or address it.  The problems are misunderstandings, someone else’s fault, or allowable in this particular case. 

I have truly attempted to work things out with this person.  I have seen the places in my life that needed improvement relative to these areas and work to change.  This person, however, has been shown how the actions taken damage others and refuses to do differently. 

It is a tough tightrope to walk between forgiveness and choosing to distance oneself from another human.  I have had to make this choice for my own safety and to prevent furthering this individual’s damage.  This person thinks that I hate him/her.  That is not the case.  I love him/her.  I also have seen how damaging proximity is for me and others. 

The choice of social distance is the only thing that seems to work to protect me.  It saddens me.  It saddens me more that this person is cut off from good things due to a refusal to see the depth of his/her difficulties.  How then do I know that I have forgiven?

I know because it is not anger or bitterness that is in me.  It is compassion and a refusal to enable.  It is love and prayer for this person to see the truth before it is too late.  It is a willingness to try again if change is seen.  It is my commitment to forgive every day if necessary.

I do not want to stop without saying that there was a time in my life where I was like this as well.  A combination of nature and nurture taught me to be this way.  My children and my counselor helped me see the path I was walking.  Through the grace of God, I work daily to no longer be self-serving.  This too is why I know that I have forginess and love for others. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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