“Father, please show me my sin.”
I did not think I would get through this process without any
sleepless nights but it is only day three.
It is interesting how I go to bed thinking I know what I will write about
in the morning. I dash off a few lines
to remind me. Then I get up and pray
that single line. Something entirely new
springs to the forefront shoving my grand thoughts aside.
I awoke abruptly about half an hour ago in a state of full
on anger. This always means that I have not
dealt with something that I should have before going to bed. Of course once I am angry if I do not deal
with what is causing it I am unfit for company, sleep, or pretty much anything
else. It takes time to dial back the
steam and think like a human who wants to follow the Divine.
Paul counsels us to “Be angry (an agitation of the soul) but
in that anger do not sin. Do not go to
bed in wrath and indignation. Do not give the evil one reserved space to work. ” I can
tell you that this always gets me. If I
do not deal with things properly when I am angry I find my mind racing and
unable to fade into sleep. Worse, if I
do fall asleep I awaken agitated, un-rested, and far earlier than I should.
Holding on to my anger always hurts me yet I still do
it. It is not wrong to feel the anger
but in the passion of my soul I must be a master of my thoughts, attitudes, and
actions. When I do not do this I hurt
others and treat them in a way that does not reflect Christ.
I want to be like Christ and deal with anger appropriately. What does that look like? First I must be careful as to what gets to
touch my anger and ignite it. So often
the things that anger me are because my pride has been stepped on by someone. In truth my pride needs a good stomping most
of the time. I must also assure that
when I feel anger I still control my thoughts and tongue.
It is wrong to give my passion to that which is unrighteous
in any way. I realize that the thing
that has me angry at the moment is a genuine wrong done to me. That said, I still have not dealt with it
properly. When someone wrongs me,
whether they see it or not, I must forgive them. I must adjust my expectations and deal with
the situation in light of who Christ wishes me to be as his follower.
So I am going to go spend some time in prayer and readjust
my thinking (again, and again, and again).
Then perhaps I can recapture some of the sleep I still feel I need
tonight. Be angry and sin not. It is the
stuff after the “and” that hammers me down.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer
who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home
owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure
store."
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