Thirty Day Challenge – Day Two - Fear

Greetings Dear Reader,

“Father please show me my sin.”

This bubbled up so fast it actually surprised me.  I could count all the times I felt fear in response to things yesterday.  I cannot remember a time in my life where I have not had to fight fear.  It assails me every time I try to do something good or new.  It mocks me with remembrances of my failures every time I try to connect with someone else.  Some of my fears are raw and inexplicable whilst others are exquisitely cultivated from my past failures and sin.

My Grandfather could always sense when I was afraid and he would gently remind me “it is OK to feel afraid.  It is never OK to let the fear be in charge.”  Paul wrote to his apprentice Timothy, “God has not given the Spirit for timidity, cowardice, or fear.  He has given us the Spirit of inherent power, unconditional love, and sound self-control.”  When the nation of Israel wanted a king Samuel warned the people, “Fear only the LORD, and serve him sincerely. Consider the great things he did for you.”  God even consoled Samuel that the people were not rejecting Samuel but God.

There is a healthy fear but if I am to acknowledge my sin as God reveals it to me I must say I have little of that and an abundance of the unhealthy stuff.  Fear drives me to do things that make me a poor example to others.  It pushes me to become things I am not and neglect the gifts in me.  How can I hope to connect to God and follow him more closely if I allow the fear to rule me? 

I think that few people realize how deeply I feel this resounding fear.  I also feel a great fear of what they will think of me when they do.  This, however, cannot be what guides me.  I must instead follow Christ.  What I feel is not what matters.  What I do is.  Most of my great sins find their root in fear.  All Christ wishes is for me to see the depths of his love for me and respond to that.

God spoke these words of comfort through Jeremiah.  “I Jehovah know the thoughts and plans that I have devised on your behalf.  They are plans for completeness and soundness.  They are not evil or malignant.  They are intended to provide a future filled with hope.  You will call on me and come to me.  You will pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek and desire me.  Then when you enquire of me with all of your mind, soul, and understanding, you will encounter and secure me and discover what you have lost.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 ATT)

From this root of fear grow so many of my failures.  Digging it out is painful and slow.  But dig I must if I am to continue to follow.  Roots after all are tethers that keep one from moving.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store."