183,000 Stages of Grief – Resigned – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Since the only way out is through I must resign myself to how I feel this year.  In the midst of this I know that the Father is faithful.  I know that he has not left me alone in my grief.  I also know that he is only as effective as a I allow him to be for me. 

As I watch others endure grief I am thankful that I do not sorrow without hope.  It does not remove the pain.  It does provide direction and motivation.  Even when I travel in pain I do so in faith.  I feel pity for those who encounter grief and have lost or never had faith to see them through it.

I recall the hopelessness involved in loss when before I had faith.  It was so devastating.  The losses since are just as painful but there is hope.  That is the substance of continuing.  That is that energy that keeps me moving. 

Death and the grave will not win.  The pain will pass.  For now it will subside.  Days will flow through the glass and perhaps my passing will cause grief and loss for others.  I would rather that the Father set all things right sooner.  For now I follow in faith.  For now the only answer I have is Jesus.  “Don’t ask me for the answers; I’ve only got one.  A man leaves his darkness when he follows the Son.”

Broken – Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain(In the pain) there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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183,000 Stages of Grief - Besieged

Greetings Dear Reader,

Some days this blank page is a monster that taunts me.  That is the case today.  I do not wish to deal with the honest raw emotions that are clamoring for attention.  I would rather delve into some creative writing or other distraction.  I have, however, made a commitment.

When my heart besieges me in this way writing is very difficult.  It is also difficult to be honest about the ways in which grief besieges me.  It shuts down all my motivation.  It turns my movements into leaden weights.  It turns air into molasses.  I still must move.  I still live and be and accomplish.

I will follow in faith but today I would rather be carried.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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183,000 Stages of Grief - Surprised

Greetings Dear Reader,

We search for feelings that we lack but desire.  C.S. Lewis wrote an amazing work, Surprised by Joy detailing his search for joy.  Sometimes I am surprised by grief.  There are times when it stalks and pounces me like a ravenous tiger. 

So many things can set it off.  It depends on the nature of the grief.  The old wounds get opened by events, anniversaries, and things.  The wrong song can rip open an old loss.  The right conversation can put me back in the moment of loss and pain.  Circumstances trigger strong feelings and the energy I need for other tasks goes to fending off or processing those feelings.

We erroneously respond inwardly or even outwardly to the pain and loss.  We are in the moment but others see it as past.  Some wounds never truly heal.  I have minor reminders of loss every day.  Those I process fairly well.  It is the unexpected reminder or conjunction of events that can cut the deepest.

It is not that I do not accept what the Father allows.  He is with me.  There will be pain in this life.  I am on a journey back to good and no pain.   What I am not able to do is leave all the pain behind yet.  Without my faith there would never be joy.  Without following my direction would be lost.

The conjunction of Resurrection Sunday and Rachel’s birthday combined to put my back in the moments of loss of family, life, and stability.  The losses have mounted to this place where I live alone and spend too much time in solitude.  I will get through it but if I do not face it a greater event will build inside me.

When surprised by grief this year I could see that I had a choice to deal with it or suppress it.  In choosing to deal with it I had to do so in the right way.  Paul tells us to “be angry and not sin.”   I would say that we have to do the same with grief.  Feel pain, loss, betrayal, and abandonment and do not sin. 

As my Grandfather would say, “do what is right even when it hurts.”  I have to not use others.  I must not be harsh or impatient with others.  I must feel what I feel without lashing out or transferring.  With all this in mind, the only way out is still through it.

The through it is realizing that I am not alone in my pain and grief.  My loss is shared by others.  Even alone in the dark I am not truly alone.  When I cannot walk I am carried.  When I cannot sleep my cries are not unheard.  As with all things, however, this takes faith.  I believe, Lord help my unbelief. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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183,000 Stages of Grief – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

I promised not to get too morose and not to belabor this too much.   As grief revisited me yesterday I also watched a dear friend encounter a holiday weekend with fresh grief.  It occurs to me that some forms of grief impact us differently than others.

While the renewed pain is still fresh and I have the courage to walk through it I need to explore this recurring, almost debilitating feeling.  I could not be all that I wanted to be yesterday; a day of celebration.  Even today I feel beset by the desire to sit in silence and solitude and weep over things I cannot change or control. 

It is not a depression.  It is not a dramatic display of histrionics.  It is a raw pain that erupts from time to time and takes me longer to master.  The pain is always there.  Most days it is a manageable ache in my spirit that propels me to be compassionate.   It keeps me aware that others are in pain.  It keeps me looking for ways to show love and kindness to others.

Yesterday, however,   I did not even wish to get out of bed.  I did not wish to be kind or loving to anyone.  I wanted to sink into the depth of my sorrow and relive all my loss.  That, however, is not the right thing to do.  It is not who I am made to be as a Christ follower.

I grieve the grave but not the girl.  I hurt in hope.  We talk about stages of grief.  There are so many and I must walk through a few to get out of this place.  I could use your company Dear Reader. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Doubt – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

All over the world those of us who believe are celebrating the resurrection today.  Christ is risen indeed.  We celebrate the things won that first Resurrection Morning.  We claim the preeminence of Jesus over all things because of this event.

This particular Resurrection Sunday is difficult for me.  In a couple of hours I will journey to a church I love to celebrate an event that I love and cherish.  Too many people that I love will not be with me.  They no longer celebrate the resurrection. 

I am also without them on one of the most painful days of the year for me.  Today is also my Daughter Rachel’s birthday.  My hallelujah is in full force today.  It is, however, cold and broken.  I miss her more than I can articulate.  Resurrection Sunday and her birthday will only collide a few times in my life.  It makes the day doubly difficult for me.

It has caused me to turn my mind to the cost of the day.  We broke God.  We beat him and humiliated him.  We killed him and put him in the ground.  Then when he counted on us to watch and wait we hid and doubted.  I say we to all of this because I refuse to abdicate my personal responsibility in all of this.

The women who arrived at the tomb came to embalm the dead.  The apostles did not believe their account when they reported a risen Christ.  Thomas proclaimed loudly that he would not believe without seeing.  People who had seen it all doubted. 

They had seen Jesus created food and wine.  They were there when he healed the sick.  They were present when he taught, admonished, and loved everyone.  They saw him raise the dead.  The cost of the day is that even though he told them he would return to them they did not believe it. 

The cost of this day is doubt amidst incontrovertible evidence.  The cost of the day is that those who know Jesus still reject him.  Those who have seen him change lives choose a life without him.  God’s blood bought us all the chance to believe and live.  It saddens me on the joyous day to ponder the doubt with which it is met.  

Love Crucified Arose – Michael Card

Long ago, He blessed the earth

Born older than the years

And in the stall the cross He saw

Through the first of many tears

A life of homeless wandering

Cast out in sorrow's way

The Shepherd seeking for the lost

His life, the price He paid

Love crucified arose

The risen One in splendor

Jehovah's sole defender

Has won the victory

Love crucified arose

And the grave became a place of hope

For the heart that sin and sorrow broke

Is beating once again

Throughout Your life You've felt the weight

Of what You'd come to give

To drink for us that crimson cup

So we might really live

At last the time to love and die

The dark appointed day

That one forsaken moment when

Your Father turned His face away

Love crucified arose

The One who lived and died for me

Was Satan's nail pierced casualty

Now He's breathing once again

Love crucified arose

And the grave became a place of hope

For the heart that sin and sorrow broke

Is beating once again

Love crucified arose

The risen One in splendor

Jehovah's sole defender

Has won the victory

Love crucified arose

And the grave became a place of hope

For the heart that sin and sorrow broke

Is beating once again

Love crucified arose

The One who lived and died for me

Was Satan's nail-pierced casualty

Now He's breathing once again

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Separation and Waiting

Greetings Dear Reader,

Death is an involuntary separation.  Someone we love is gone.  We can neither control death’s arrival nor undo the impact.  The sorrow and grief beset us.  Depending on what we believe we hope or do not hope.  We see a way past death or we do not.

Jesus is in the tomb.  He is dead.  He has promised that the grave cannot hold him.  His friends have fled.  They are in hiding fearing for their own lives.  They have forgotten to hope. Part of the cost of the day is hopelessness.  Instead of anticipation this death brings doubt and fear.

They wait but they do so in fear.  The cost of the day is searching for possible paths outside of following Christ.  The separation and pain cause them to doubt and hide.  They are in dire need and do not know where to turn.

Everything hangs in the balance.  The cool dark of the tomb holds the result of man’s sin; my sin.  It holds the hopes and fears of the entire world.  It holds the human body of the Son of God.  The cost of the day is that no matter what happens tomorrow doubt, fear, and hopelessness will not be erased. 

The cost of the day is that no matter what happens next belief will be tenuous.  People will embrace Christ and then abandon him.  They will encounter death without hope.  People will still choose the limbo of doubt and waiting for something to happen.  They will choose the unknown over the promise. 

The day has the most hideous cost of all.  God’s blood dries on a post on Golgotha but even that is not enough for some.   Humans who know in the depth of their soul that Jesus is all he claims to be will refuse to believe without further proof.

We paid for the party with our dearest blood but for some people that is not enough.  The cost of this day seems too much for me at times.  Then again, it is not my cost to pay.  So I wait; separated from the King I love whilst others doubt, mock, and reject him.

 A Little More Like Me – Kenny Rogers

It was an April night and I was driving

Went out on the town

The show was at the palace

So we all went on down

We all had a bomb as I recall

But now it seems absurd

As the madness raged upon the stage

He didn't say a word

He was a little weak and we all fear

It wasn't one of us

He didn't drink, he didn't smoke

And he didn't cuss

You'd see him now and then

With a bunch of men hanging around the sea

And I'm sure I would have liked him more

If he were a little more like me

It was a spring each day

The clouds were gray

Looked like in my dream

Thought about the night before

And I was so ashamed

When I heard what they had done to him

Stranger I had known

But as drunk as we all got last night

It's a wonder we got home

He was a little weak and we all fear

It wasn't one of us

He didn't drink, he didn't smoke

And he didn't [Incomprehensible]

You'd see him now and then

With a bunch of men hanging around the sea

And I'm sure I would have liked him more

If he were a little more like me

And I'm sure I would have liked him more

If he were a little more like me.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Dearest Blood

Greetings Dear Reader,

The cost of the day is nothing less than the beating, torture, and murder of the Son of God.  We come to the turn of the tide in this day.  We see that the fullness of time is about to begin to pour itself out.

First, however, we need to see the blood.  The drops of grief born blood from the garden last night are the first in the rainstorm that will come as Pilate has Jesus beaten.  As the thorns sink into Jesus’ head more blood falls down his face.  The blood joins the blood on his face as his beard is ripped out and his face is torn with punches.

All the way back to Cain man has shed blood out of anger, jealousy, and greed.  Today the Romans and Jews act on behalf of the entire world to draw blood from God in the same way.  Remember that in these moments of bitter cost to God he loves the people who are doing it to him.  God’s blood covers the ground where he is beaten and tried.

His blood drips as he carries his cross leaving a trail from trial to the place of the skull.  His blood covers the cross.  His wrists and feet take the nails and there is more blood.  He hangs.  He forgives.  He speaks.  It is finished. 

One more time the Romans shed his blood.  The spear confirms that he is dead.  Blood and water stream from the side of the Water of Life.  The cost of the day is a dead God, a dark sky, shaken earth, and a ripped curtain in the temple.  We have complete access to the Father now by faith.  We paid for the party with our dearest blood. 

Known by the Scars – Michael Card

Mother Mary cried as she held heaven her arms

For the shadow of the scar she saw was clear

As her own bewildered baby lay weeping for the world

Whose frightened tears would free us all from fear

The marks of death that God chose never to erase

The wounds of loves eternal war

When the kingdom comes with its perfected sons

He will be known by the scars

For a time He sought to tell the world He was the Way

That God the father had a human heart

With His own holy hands He sought

To touch and heal their scars

But they chose to tear those gentle hands apart

What was there to wipe away the tears

Firm the holy eyes of God

As He looked upon His one and only Son

Who'd never sin, no nigh, yet was crucified

The marks of death that God chose never to erase

The wounds of loves eternal war

When the kingdom comes with its perfected sons

He will be known by the scars

And after they had slain Him and laid Him in the grave

And the ones He loved had fled into the dark

Then His love and power raised Him

God won the victory

But they only recognized Him by the scars

The marks of death that God chose never to erase

The wounds of loves eternal war

When the kingdom comes with its perfected sons

He will be known by the scars

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – One Last Glimpse

Greetings Dear Reader,

Judas has gone to do quickly what he has to do.  Jesus knew they would come for him in th garden.  Once again the irony is not lost on me.  Sin began in a beautiful garden.  The first drops of God’s blood fall to the ground in this garden. 

In the first garden the Lord feels rejection for a second time.  In this garden the separation process from friends, family, and Father begins.  He closest friends will reject him for a time.  It is no wonder that we feel so wounded by rejection.

The cost of the day is that we run away from the one who comes to rescue us.  The cost of the day is that we leave Jesus alone in the garden.  We do not stay awake and wait with him.  We do not pray with him.  We do not comfort him.

The cost of the day is that he is in so much pain over what is to come that he sweats blood.  God’s blood soaks into God’s creation as Judas brings the soldiers to arrest him.  The angels attend the event forbidden to protect their King.  The cost of the day is their frustration and sorrow.

The cost of the day is a final glimpse of his power.  Jesus asks them for whom they are searching.  They say Jesus of Nazareth.  Jesus responds, “I am HE.”  They fall down.  In that final glimpse of his power before the crucifixion the cost of the day is that they see him for who he is and still choose to take him.

We know who Jesus is but we make him pay the cost over and over of proving himself.   Every time I fail to do what is right I reject him again.  The cost of every disobedience is to place him back in that moment in the garden; rejected and alone.

In the Garden – Michael Card

Trembling with fear, alone in the garden

Battle before the final war

Blood became tears, there in the garden

To fall upon the silent stone

There in the darkness the Light

And the darkness stood still

Two choices, one tortured will

And there once the choice had been made

All the world could be saved by the One in the garden

The light of the dawn, was seen in the garden

By gentle eyes so sadly wise

The angels appear, they come to the garden

Clothed with sighs, they realize

The One they adored from the start

Will be broken apart

By the ones He had come to save

So they're here simply now to be near

He's no longer alone, they sit by him and moan.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Blood Money

Greetings Dear Reader,

Traditionally this is known as Spy Wednesday.  The Priests in Jerusalem are charged with representing the Father to the people.  They have spent decades creating a system of laws around the law that burden the people and rob them.  They have stolen the freedom that exists within the Law of Moses by overburdening it.

Then Jesus comes.  He is the Messiah.  He heals the sick, feeds the hungry, and raises the dead.  He calls into question the actions of the ruling priests.  He challenges the system they have put into place and demands that they attend to the heart of the law.  He insists that they love God and each other.

As Jesus prepares for the Passover meal and weeps for the city he loves those responsible to represent him plot to kill him.  His friend Judas meets with the priests.  They plan how to take him quietly away from the crowds that claim to love him.

The cost of this day is loyalty and honor.  The price for it is thirty pieces of silver.  The price of innocent blood is paid by the priests to arrange the shedding of the most innocent blood.  Our dearest blood is sold along with obedience to the Creator.  I believe that Judas had the misguided motive to push Jesus into acting like God.  I know that the priests charged with the defending the Father are intent on killing his Son.

The cost of the day is our most precious blood.  The price is more sin.  The price is betrayal of office, charge, and friendship.  The violation of trust is so complete.  The stage is set for the party that will cost the very life of God.  Do not for a moment think that we are guiltless. 

I am the priests defending my position and power over honor and good.

I am Judas thinking that I know the plan better than the Father and the Son.

I am the silver trying to put a value on God’s blood.

I am the benefactor of it all.

Blood Money – Andrew Lloyd Webber

Judas:

Now if I help you

It matters that you see

This sorta kind of things are coming hard to me

It's taken me some time

To work out what to do

I waited the whole thing up

Before I came to you

I have not thought at all

about my own reward

I really didn't come here

Of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Damned for all time!

I came because I had to

I'm the one who saw

Jesus can't control it

Like he did before

And furthermore I know

That Jesus thinks so too

Jesus wouldn't mind that I was here with you

I have not thought at all

about my own reward

I really didn't come here

Of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Damned for all time!

Annas, you're a friend

A holy man and wise

Caiaphas, my friend

I know you sympathise

Why are we the prophets?

Why are we the ones?

Who see the sad solution

Now what must be done?

I have not thought at all

about my own reward

I really didn't come here

Of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Damned for all time!

Annas:

Cut the protesting

Forget the excuses

We want information

Get up off the floor

Caiaphas:

We have the papers

We need to arrest him

You know his movements

We know the law

Annas:

Your help in this matter

Won't go unrewarded

Caiaphas:

We'll pay you in silver

Cash on the nail

We just need to know

Where the soldiers can find him

With no crowd around him

Then we can't fail

Judas:

I don't want your blood money

Caiaphas:

Oh, that doesn't matter

Our expenses are good

Judas:

I don't need your blood money

Annas:

But you might as well take it

We think that you should

Caiaphas:

Think of the things

You can do with that money

Choose any charity

Give to the poor

We've noted your motives

We've noted your feelings

This isn't blood money

It's-

Annas: (spoken)

A fee

Caiaphas:

A fee nothing more

Judas:

On Thursday night

You'll find him where you want him

Far from the crowds

In the garden of Gethsemane

Chorus:

Well done Judas

Good old Judas

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Nard and First Stones

Greetings Dear Reader,

Jesus is dining with a wealthy man who ignores custom and gives insult by doing so.  A woman comes with expensive perfume and washes Jesus’ feet with it and her tears of redemption.  The wealthy man judges her and he judges Jesus for allowing her.

The cost of the day is realization that pride and position has nothing to do with following Christ.  It was the woman whom Christ honored.  It was the rich man whose insult and neglect is recorded for all time. 

The cost of the day is that a bit of propriety dies whilst a woman prepares Jesus for death and burial.  The redemption story unfolds in front of people who ignore it for their own puerile interests.

As the day unfolds Jesus will withdraw and teach.  As the day ends he will prepare for the Passover meal and what is to come after it.  The lesson we need in pride and pretense has been taught.  Woman of dire need and hard circumstance are forever told that there is a Man; a God-man who accepts them and will not treat them with disrespect.

He translates the cost of the day to us all.  I can follow him knowing that he loves me in the way he loves the woman washing him with her tears.  I can know that he loves the foolish rich man as well.  He longs for us all to love him and each other.  

You see he feels both of their pain.  He feels all of our pain.  The cost of the day for him is the many facets of our sin revealed at the dinner table.  Another meal will reveal even more.

Father – Terry Talbot

The alabaster case of oil is open

And washing the feet of Jesus

The sweet perfume is poured

I am like the cask I must be broken

So from my life can pour

A life unto my Lord

Father break me

Take me through the fire

Father hold me, mold me

Just as you desire

I am just a cup to overflow your will

But first I must be empty to be filled

I saw myself as only drifting

Lost upon the waters

Sinking like a stone

Then your tide washed around me

I was lifted

If I follow the morning star

I’ll be sailing home

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Cleansing the Temple

Greetings Dear Reader,

”Jesus said, ‘Scripture says, My house will be called a house of prayer, but you're turning it into a gathering place for thieves!’"

The people in Jerusalem are there for the Passover celebration.  They are living the ceremony that is a symbol of the covenant God has made with them.  Everyone is required to gather in Jerusalem and observe the beginning of the liturgical year.  They all bring their offerings for sin. 

It seems simple enough but then we are humans and we can complicate and corrupt anything.  A system was in place to extort people.  The dove or lamb brought from miles away by a faithful believer would be judged not good enough by a priest.  They could buy one for a price at the temple that was approved. They had to exchange their money for the approved temple coin. 

They system is designed to make money off of the faithful and increase the wealth of the priests.  Jesus arrives at this scene.  He is there to visit the house of his Father.  He there to see the place where all the people for whom he will die are called to come and pray.

The cost of the day is pain and sorrow.  The cost of the day is a world where things are not good.  The priests rob the people they are sworn to serve.  They are the only people who Jesus speaks of with derision.  They have sold their honor and duty for money.

The cost of the day is sorrow for the Son as he sees how far from his intent his people have strayed.  The price he will pay for their wandering is dear.  The pain he feels is deep and constant.  His anger is righteous and true.

As I journey toward the cross with him I must assure that I do not steal from his people. I must assure that I live out the gospel with honor and integrity.  Man will not rob God.  The world will see that anything man has done to corrupt the teachings of Christ are all man’s doing and not the character of Christ.

I must follow with integrity.  The cost of the day is too high to ignore.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Holy Week 2016 - The Cost of the Day – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

It is Palm Sunday.  We celebrate the day that Jesus made his triumphant entry into Jerusalem.   I plan to view Holy Week this year recounting the cost of the day for Jesus.  We do not ponder this enough.  At least I know that I do not.  

We view Palm Sunday as a day of celebration.  Jesus rides into Jerusalem to celebration and praise.  Thousands of people cheer him.  The religious rulers insist that this is dangerous.  The crowd calls him blessed and verifies that he comes in the name of the Lord.  They call him King.  They worship him.

This all looks so amazing in the moment.  The problem is that they have it backwards.  They will make him king IF he will defeat their enemies.  Jesus message is that they must accept him as king for their enemies to be defeated.  They could have done so.

Jesus knows differently.   He knows he rides into the city to die.  The cost of the day for him is that he is being lauded for the wrong reasons.  He created everyone there and they do not see him clearly or really hear his message.  They want to use him to get what they think is their right. 

We need to see Jesus in this moment as one willing to ride to his death for all of us.  The only triumph about this day is that we catch a glimpse of how it should be.  The cost of the day is the understanding that we should not celebrate the entry but prepare our hearts and minds for the horror to come. 

Time is full.  Since a birth in a cattle shed some three decades ago all of creation has waited.  In seven days the glass will be turned again and things will resume their march toward the real triumphal entry.  For now, however, we have a very difficult week to get through.  Please walk with me Dear Reader.  All of creation hangs in the balance.

Hosanna – Andrew Lloyd Webber

CROWD:

Hosanna

Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna

Hey Sanna Hosanna

Hey JC, JC won't you smile at me?

Sanna Hosanna

Hey Superstar

CAIAPHAS:

Tell the rabble to be quiet, we anticipate a riot.

This common crowd, is much too loud.

Tell the mob who sing your song that they are fools and they are wrong.

They are a curse. They should disperse.

CROWD:

Hosanna

Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna

Hey Sanna Hosanna

Hey JC, JC you're alright by me

Sanna Hosanna

Hey Superstar

JESUS:

Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd?

Nothing can be done to stop the shouting.

If every tongue were stilled

The noise would still continue.

The rocks and stone themselves would start to sing:

CROWD AND JESUS:

Hosanna

Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna

Hey Sanna Hosanna

CROWD (alone):

Hey JC, JC won't you fight for me?

Sanna Hosanna Hey Superstar

JESUS:

Sing me your songs,

But not for me alone.

Sing out for yourselves,

For you are bless-ed.

There is not one of you

Who can not win the kingdom.

The slow, the suffering,

The quick, the dead.

CROWD and JESUS:

Hosanna

Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna

Hey Sanna Hosanna

CROWD (alone):

Hey JC, JC won't you die for me?

Sanna Hosanna Hey Superstar

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Between the Living and The Dead – Closing Thoughts – Something has Changed

Greetings Dear Reader,

I do not engage in prognostication over prophecy or end times.  I find it is a waste of time and causes too much division.  As I was talking with the friend that sparked this discussion we did, however, agree that something has changed. 

We do not know when the Father will choose to make things right.  We do not know and I do not want to know.  I do feel that something has changed.  There is a different feeling in the world.  I realize that sounds a little too cryptic and mystic but I have been trying all week to find a better way to say it. 

There is a shift from unbelief to mocking those who do believe.  The increase in intolerance of those who follow Christ is noticeable.  People who know me opening mock what I believe without consideration of how it impacts me.  It would be seen, however, as a great crime were I to mock anyone else’s faith.

The open flight from the church troubles me too.  I do not think that the church is faultless in this. In fact, I know we bear much of the fault.  It still troubles me.  Whether I like it or not the church has a mission and it needs all the help it can get.

I hope I am never arrogant enough to think that I have alone in my faith.  That would be a prideful lie.  The friend who germinated this conversation is a hiker.  She is concerned about the path ahead.  I support her in her concern.  She is a fellow traveler whose company I treasure and share all too seldom.

In the journey back to the Father we are both determined to be through hikers.  Even when faith is more questions than answers we both keep walking.  Sometimes I crawl and sometimes I need to be carried.  I help carry others when necessary. 

As I make the turn toward Palm Sunday and the beginning of Holy Week I feel like Bilbo about to enter Mirkwood.  I see the darkness and feel the change in the air.  I know the only way out is through.  I know that the only way through is to stay on the path even when it is narrow and overshadowed.  I hope you stay with me Dear Reader.  I need the company.

Keep On Walking – The Imperials

Are you weary in well-doing, walking on the road to New Jerusalem?

Are you hoping and a-praying, looking any minute for the Lord to come?

And do you see a lot of pleasant-looking places where you might lay down to take a rest?

And if you do, take a look at all the faces there, the sadness will tell you that it's best

To keep on walkin', you don't know how far you've come.

Keep on walkin' for all you know it may be done.

And the Father might be standing up right now to give the call and end it all,

So, keep on walkin'

Now if you need a feelin' to keep you on the road you started travelin' on,

You're gonna have some trouble learning that it's faith that keeps you movin' on.

And in the Lord you start your walk from sitting, but sometimes you have to take a step

And standin's not another word for quitting, it's jut takin' a tighter hold of His hand.

So keep on walkin', you don't know how far you've come.

Keep on walkin' for all you know it may be done.

And the Father might be standing up right now to give the call and end it all,

So, keep on walkin'.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Between the Living and The Dead – The Death of Death

Greetings Dear Reader,

In the book Chronicles of Thanatos the Reaper I give Death a persona.  We know that death rules our ecology.  Death will end.  I do not engage in speculation as to when but the time will come when death is over.

The Father has promised a new world that is filled with good.  The entire process of the world is to get us back to good.  I cannot accomplish this but I can participate in the process.  I can do what is right by loving the Father and loving my fellow travelers.

Death is not just that end of life we all encounter.  We must also die to follow Christ.  We must die to our greed and selfishness.  We must die to our insensitivity and anger.  We must die to the things this dead world wants us to embrace and live for the things that matter eternally.

We must take up death and carry it with us in this form.  We must take up our cross and follow Christ.  When you saw a man carrying a cross you saw a dead man.  Since we are already marked for death we may as well be marked in the right way and in good company.  We may as well carry our cross as asked.

The act of following with the cross is what we see as our part in Holy Week.  It costs us something to do this.  We lose things we think we want.  We also gain things we do not yet understand.  We get to turn death into a fighting chance to live.  Death will end but what we do when we die to self never will. 

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Second Thoughts – Any Man Who Understands the Irish...

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

…can’t be reckoned altogether mad.  We have so many stereotypes about other cultures and their practices.  On Saint Patrick’s Day we ponder green beer, parades, and shamrocks.  We no longer ponder the man whose name the day carries.

I do.  I think about the people who fought for faith against the darkness.  I think about what it cost to stand when faith was not popular.  I feel that we are edging toward that again; or maybe even racing toward it.  The faith I carry is more often dismissed than valued. 

I have friend that physically pats me on the head when I speak of faith.  She talks to me as if I am a child and expresses her hope that I will grow up and shed my childish delusion.  I always smile and express my hope that she can regain the piece of her childhood that found faith worth having.

I wish the same for you all Dear Reader.  Have a beer.  Sing a song.  Dance a jig.  Perhaps even make time to acknowledge that faith has a place in our lives and if we look beyond the shamrocks and parades we will find a man who gave all that he might show us the MAN who gave all.  In that light I wish you a happy Saint Patrick’s Day.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Between the Living and The Dead – The Living Walking Dead

Greetings Dear Reader,

My friend who influenced this piece of writing and I both enjoy The Walking Dead television show.  Then again the writing is quite good.  Oh and the zombies are pretty awesome too. 

I have friends who believe there will actually be a zombie apocalypse some day.  I do not think that it will

come to that.  I do think that one of the undercurrents of the TV show is something that we miss entirely in reality.  Whatever causes the dead to reanimate is already in everyone.   Any death results in reanimation not just a bite from one already infected.

We are already infected with death.  We are condemned by our sin.  We are already the walking dead but do not see the dire nature of it.  Because the nature of our death does not reveal itself in the harsh and brutal way it does in comics and on the screen we do not see how virulent and hazardous it is.

We live in a death based ecology.  Things die to produce life.  From birth we march toward the grave.  All life must be tended or it dies.  Even in this shrouded existence life fights to emerge.  It wants to find a way.  Life will out even if it causes destruction to do so.  It cannot win on its own but it keeps pushing, piercing, and producing. 

It is in Christ that we find the answer.  We turn toward Holy Week with death shrouding us all and demanding its due.  We all have a date with Death.  He will call for us when he is ready.  The body will die but we can still live.  We can live in Christ.  This will not solve all our problems or cure our ills.  It will give us the chance we desire to go on.  It will keep death from a final win.

The problem is that it requires faith and that too is dying in our midst.  So many are setting faith aside and pursuing life in other ways.  I value all life.  We have adopted a culture where the value of life is based on what we want not life for its own sake. 

If I choose to follow Christ, and I do, he insists that I do so in faith.  He demands that I show others how to have life.  He compels me to help him turn death into the fighting chance to live.  Death looms heavy in the air but spring is coming in both reality and metaphor.    

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Between the Living and The Dead – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Many years ago and by many I mean decades I was homeless for a short time.  During that time I lived in my car until it was stolen while I was working a day pay job to get off the streets.  The car was not much but in it were books that were precious to me, my first Bible, and my clothes. 

One of the books I lost was a book titled Please Pardon My Poetry by Jack Hyles.   Whilst I did not agree with most of his Theology I did admire his passion for the souls of others.  It was his banner.  In that book was a poem about Moses and Aaron standing between the living and the dead.

I bought my copy of the book in 1976; two years after I decide to follow Christ.  This past October, as I was settling in the solitude of this place I cannot call home I did a search for the book wanting to find a copy.  I did find it online and ordered a used copy for less than five dollars. 

I forgot about it until it arrived.  Then I tore it open longing to read that poem again.  I flipped to the table of contents and then to the poem.  Only after reading through a couple did I flip back to the front to recall others titles I had enjoyed.  I went too far and landed on the fly leaf. 

I am convinced that God has a very mischievous sense of humor.  There in the corner of the fly page in my 1976 writing was my name and date.  A book I bought in 1976 and lost in 1983 had made its way back to me in 2015.  It reminds me daily of my place between the living and the dead.  It reminds me of my place by the door.   It reminds me what I am supposed to be doing.

As I turn my heart and mind toward Holy Week I am thinking of the ONE who stands between the living and the dead.  The bulk of Holy Week is about death.  So on death will dwell for a few days.  I am not going to be morose but Death is there to keep us honest.  We must, therefore, be honest with death.

I have a reason for what I do.  I will take a short detour through the shadow of the valley of death so that when we get to life it will be all the brighter.  We are not strangers here.  Please walk with me Dear Reader.  I need the company.  Feel free to comment on the scenery.

I Stand by the Door - An Apologia for my Life - Samuel Moore Shoemaker

I stand by the door.

I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out.

The door is the most important door in the world -

It is the door through which men walk when they find God.

There is no use my going way inside and staying there,

When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,

Crave to know where the door is.

And all that so many ever find

Is only the wall where the door ought to be.

They creep along the wall like blind men,

With outstretched, groping hands,

Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,

Yet they never find it.

So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world

Is for men to find that door - the door to God.

The most important thing that any man can do

Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands

And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks

And opens to the man's own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die

On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.

Die for want of what is within their grasp.

They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,

And open it, and walk in, and find Him.

So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -

Go way down into the cavernous cellars,

And way up into the spacious attics.

It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.

Go into the deepest of hidden casements,

Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.

Some must inhabit those inner rooms

And know the depths and heights of God,

And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.

Sometimes I take a deeper look in.

Sometimes venture in a little farther,

But my place seems closer to the opening.

So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.

Some people get part way in and become afraid

Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;

For God is so very great and asks all of us.

And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia

And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.

And the people way inside only terrify them more.

Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.

For the old life, they have seen too much:

One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.

Somebody must be watching for the frightened

Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,

To tell them how much better it is inside.

The people too far in do not see how near these are

To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.

Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door

But would like to run away. So for them too,

I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.

But I wish they would not forget how it was

Before they got in. Then they would be able to help

The people who have not yet even found the door.

Or the people who want to run away again from God.

You can go in too deeply and stay in too long

And forget the people outside the door.

As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,

Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,

But not so far from men as not to hear them,

And remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -

Thousands of them. Millions of them.

But - more important for me -

One of them, two of them, ten of them.

Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.

So I shall stand by the door and wait

For those who seek it.

'I had rather be a door-keeper

So I stand by the door.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Better Than A Hallelujah Sometimes – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

The words that flow onto the page teach me so much about where I am and how I am dealing with life, faith, and following.  I am searching for the root of my sorrow.  I seek the seeds that sow my heartbreak.

I know that part of it is loneliness because I lack a counterpart.  Then those who have tried have made clear that I am too patently unrewarding to stand with no matter what the cost.  I am not saying that no one loves and that no one has ever been there for me.  I am feeling the depth of the loneliness of a loving man with no one who wants that love. 

Before you think I am whining or complaining let me be clear.  This too teaches me how to better follow Christ.  I refuse to be a man who lest how I feel determine who I become.  If I lift the rest of my life in solitude I will not become bitter.

I learn from the sorrow.  I grow from the pain.  I am not a martyr. That is not what it is about.  It is about getting a taste of what Christ feels when he pours his love out on us and we reason him away or completely reject him.  We do not really hear him.  If we did we would not be able to reject him at all.

I also get a constant reminder of how much others need to be loved.  The sorrow is a weapon like any other to fight the darkness.  It is a chance to understand the needs of others in a new way at a deeper level.  My sorrow gives me yet another opportunity to focus on the needs of others. 

It is what Jesus did when the Father sent him to us.  It is what he asks us to follow.  It is the cross he asks us to take up with joy.  It is with joy we can do it if we will.  The sorrow and loneliness are opportunities to really see and hear.  They are a chance to be really seen and heard.  We can choose rejection when we are rejected or we can choose love, grace, and light. 

What do you think Dear Reader?  Does anybody hear?  Does anybody see?  I sure am trying.  As we make the turn toward Holy Week you listen and look with me for bit?

Does Anybody Hear Her – Casting Crowns

She is running

A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

She is trying

But the canyon's ever widening

In the depths of her cold heart

So she sets out on another misadventure just to find

She's another two years older

And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even knows she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning

For shelter and affection

That she never found at home

She is searching

For a hero to ride in

To ride in and save the day

And in walks her prince charming

And he knows just what to say

Momentary lapse of reason

And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even knows she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgement looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we never even met her

If judgement looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we never even met her

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even knows she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

He is running

A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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