The Road – Merry Meet

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the things I love about the road is meeting people both known and unknown.   I have stayed at the hotel I am in before and the front desk manager greeted me by name when I came into the lobby. 

He not only remembered me but had my room key ready and assured that the internet signal was strong it the room I received.  I asked if they kept notes on guests and he said that he remembered I had troubles with the signal the last time I was here but I was so nice about it he wanted to assure that it did not recur.  It is a merry meeting when you reencounter a stranger to whom you have been kind. 

Later today I will see family that I have not seen since last Thanksgiving.  It besieges my heart that I live so far away but it also true that where I live is much more to my liking.  I am still looking for my Rivendell where I can enjoy writing my tales and sitting in the evening with my pipe and mug.   I begin to lost hope that I will ever find it.

Seeing my family will still be a good thing.  I love them and wish we could be closer without me having to move.  It is an odd thing that I feel so isolated as sit in this room where strangers welcome me and no one knows me.  Avalon once said of a friend she loves that this person had to be taken in small doses.  After I met the friend I realized this was true.  I think it may be true of me as well.

I will also re-encounter family that does not know me well.  Nieces and nephews who do not know me will be my entertainment for a couple of days.  As I journey to the place of the Misty Mountains and the Lonely Mountain I identify more with the latter.

The meetings will be merry as will I be so.  The time will be brief.  I continue to wonder as I wander where I fit in under the naked stars.  Perhaps the journey will show me.  Even if it does not I will find the joy in it. 

Farewell we call to hearth and hall – J.R.R. Tolkien

Farewell we call to hearth and hall!

Though wind may blow and rain may fall,

We must away ere break of day

Far over wood and mountain tall.

To Rivendell, where Elves yet dwell

In glades beneath the misty fell,

Through moor and waste we ride in haste,

And whither then we cannot tell.

With foes ahead, behind us dread,

Beneath the sky shall be our bed,

Until at last our toil be passed,

Our journey done, our errand sped.

We must away! We must away!

We ride before the break of day!

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road - Journey in Solitude

Greetings Dear Reader,

This will be a late post as I have just driven through the night.   I am about to take some much needed rest but first wished to share my thoughts about the journey.  It was a lonely one.  There was a bit of entertainment when my Daughter realized she had left her car and house keys in my car.

The morning was pleasant as I stopped to breakfast with some dear friends.  Beyond that respite the journey was a lonely one.   It did give me thinking time before I run aground on some haunting memories.  The long stretch is complete.  I will complete the journey tomorrow.

I bypassed a side trip I wished due to weariness.  Perhaps it will fit into the return journey.  I did manage to find an open FedEx office to ship my Daughter’s keys to her.  She also found her spare car key.  All will be well there.

So I will spend the evening resting in quiet solitude.  I realize that to some of you this sounds like bliss.  To me it is a horror to which I must be accustomed.  I already noticed that I talk aloud to myself.  I wonder if this is something about which I should be concerned.  I noticed that the room seems much more uninviting than when I have had someone with which to share it. I wonder if I will ever become accustomed to solitude.

The road and rain have left once again wishing for hearth, mead, and pipe.  Perhaps a little further down the path I shall find these things.  Perhaps I may also find company that finds my company worth of keeping.  I feel I have been thrown back once too often.

I will settle in for some reading, prayer, and rest.  Perhaps my pondering will have more cheer afterwards. Christ is faithful and ever with me.  

Wond’ring Aloud – Jethro Tull

Wond'ring aloud --

how we feel today.

Last night sipped the sunset --

my hands in her hair.

We are our own saviours

As we start both our hearts beating life

Into each other.

Wond'ring aloud --

Will the years treat us well.

As she floats in the kitchen,

I'm tasting the smell

Of toast as the butter runs.

Then she comes, spilling crumbs on the bed

And I shake my head.

And it's only the giving

That makes you what you are.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – I Sit Beside the Fire

Greetings Dear Reader,

As I prepare to embark on my travel I find that I am leaving so many things behind.  It is a brief journey but much will transpire when I go.  I return to the roots of my pain and failure.  I return to the places where I could have made my life but instead sacrificed all that mattered for what I no longer have.

I will also see people I love with whom I do not get to spend enough time.  I pack light but this journey has so much baggage.   It also holds a few dangers from some of the old sources of pain.  I will return to the new abode that is not a home.

On either end of this is the road.  It will be time to think.  There are things of which I used to dream that will never be now.  I must bury those dreams and discover what new ones might take on life.  I will rediscover some old stories and discover some new ones.  Even my sleeping dreams have taken on a different character.

The road will always be there with its siren call.  The thoughts in solitude will be there as the miles slip beneath me.  The windmills and farms will be in full tilt as I drive through the night.  I wish that my arrival would be to hearth, pipe, and chilling ale.  Instead it will be to questions and expectations.

I will seek only the counsel of Christ for my heart and future.  I will miss the sounds of the door opening to family arriving home when I return.  This is where my feet have carried me and the only way out is through.  Journey with me Dear Reader and I will show you some beautiful haunts and hollows.  Perhaps we can find a fire, bowl, and cup yet.

I sit beside the fire and think – J.R.R. Tolkien

I sit beside the fire and think

Of all that I have seen

Of meadow-flowers and butterflies

In summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer

In autumns that there were,

With morning mist and silver sun

And wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think

Of how the world will be

When winter comes without a spring

That I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things

That I have never seen:

In every wood in every spring

There is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think

Of people long ago

And people who will see a world

That I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think

Of times there were before,

I listen for returning feet

And voices at the door.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – Inns and Waysides

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have often read the quote, “The safest place for a ship is in a harbor, but that is not what ships are meant for.”  As I have moved, downsized, and accepted solitude I wonder if I have left harbor for the first time in some time.

I have planned my journey south to help with the transition.  Now I feel that first tinge of breeze catching my sails.  I feel the call of the road.  I will rest where I am welcomed and ponder things as I travel.  The road has lessons to teach and I have more lessons still to learn.

Not everything about this transition has to be bad.  I can find Christ in the moment if I continue to seek him.  There are larger questions to which I would find answers but those answers are not guaranteed.  I have, however, felt that the questions tell us more about God than the answers ever do.  I am learning that they also reveal more about me and where I am in my journey.

I love inns and taverns.  I must be careful that I do not get so comfortable that I forget I am on a journey.  Perhaps I can turn feeling that I no longer have a home into a constant reminder that that is where I am headed.  After all, what use is a good ship and a star to steer her by if I never set sail.

Sail On – The Imperials

Sail on

When the water gets high

Sail on

When the wind starts to die

Sail on

It's just a matter of minutes

Till His ship comes to get us

And we'll all get in it

When we're all born

We set out to sea

Looking for answers continuously

Then when we find out

To Him we belong

We watch for the signs

And keep sailing on

Cast up your sails

And let the wind blow

Jesus will never

Let your ship lose control

Just keep your compass set on the Son

And He'll guide you safely

To His beautiful Home

We can't afford to throw our lives

To the wind

To the wind

We've got the Lord

In control of our ship

And He'll guide us safely in

He'll guide us in

Cast up your sails

And let the wind blow

Jesus will never

Let your ship lose control

Just keep your compass set on the Son

And He'll guide you safely

To His beautiful Home

Sail on

When the water gets high

Sail on

When the wind starts to die

Sail on

It's just a matter of minutes

Till His ship comes to get us

And we'll all get in it

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – Wandering Youth

Greetings Dear Reader,

When I was first in my teen years I had access to a large wooded area and most of the entertainment I valued was within walking distance.  I ranged far and often in those days.  I was lean and adventurous.  That all changed at one point.

I have not thought of that time in decades.  As I ponder those days and my forthcoming journey ahead I am reminded of the few times in my life where solitude was a welcome companion. 

How to recapture the contentment of that time eludes me.  There is damage and isolation in the years between that impact it.  Some of the things that hinder me are my own doing.  Some of the hindrances are circumstances outside of my control.

Then again I cannot truly control anything but my responses.  I must find the place in me that made good use of the time and recapture it.  I need to allow Christ to recapture this part of me and revive it if he wills. 

Since it is all a journey back to God I must allow the journey in me to awaken and unfold.  I must recapture the elusive ability to find joy in the journey no matter what is around me. 

Recapture Me – Michael Card  

Fleeing what I do not know

Recapture me, recapture me

I flee to where I cannot go

Recapture me

The bridge between my heart and mind

Recapture me, recapture me

You come across myself to find

Recapture me

You come and knock on imaginations door

You come to show to

To know You is what eyes and ears are for

With ears that hear but not receive

Recapture me, recapture me

With eyes that see but can't perceive

Recapture me

Your paradox and poetry

Recapture me, recapture me

You speak one sacred certainty

Recapture me

You come and knock on imaginations door

You come to show to, to know You is

What eyes and ears are for

To know You is what eyes and ears are for

Through prophets madness make me wise

Recapture me, recapture me

Through foolish faith open my eyes

Recapture me

With sacred words, with silent words

Recapture me, recapture me

You're the living Word that must be heard

Recapture me

Recapture me

Recapture, recapture me

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – The Call

Greetings Dear Reader,

Even as a child I loved the road.  I enjoyed long car trips.  We had a VW van and I reveled in riding and sleeping in it  I enjoyed the ride, the sights, and the call of the horizon. 

I have often reached the place where the road calls me.  In some of my stories I write about a drifter whose only goal is the journey.  The road calls me now and I will answer for a bit.  I will journey south to the place where I grew up.  I will take some time to visit family and rest.

The drive will be just as restorative as the visit.  I know the road well and the landmarks will remind me of past journeys to and from Georgia.  The call of the road is so strong when I am tired and stressed.  The call home, to my real home is even stronger.

I will use the solitude of the journey there and back again to think through my future endeavors.  I will use the time for prayer and reflection.   I will not leave you behind Dear Reader.  As always when I follow Christ I will carry you with me.

Christ calls us all to himself.  This journey is an effort to grow closer.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – Revisiting an Old Map

Greetings Dear Reader,

I have spoken at length of the maps I use on my journey.  When on roads such as this one a map is a vital treasure.  I have traveled the paths suggested on this map before with great success.  As I reset my vision of this journey I look to it for a haunt or hollow that will provide a shorter path to closer following.

The map of which I speak is Paul’s letter to the Romans.  I have begun a deep dive into this treatise on what it means to follow Christ wholly.   The Roman road has long been a clear path to understanding who Christ is, what it means to find salvation in him, and how to follow him. 

A line by line reading and analysis will take the better part of a year.  It may take more.  These words that are almost two centuries old possess much truth.  They are worth the time it takes to process and apply them to the modern world, the current state of faith, and my life.

I am endeavoring to read through the text without presupposed filters.  It is working so far.  I will follow the map and see where it leads.  It reminds me that the path home is one that everyone needs.  It reminds me that my faith is what sustains me on the journey. 

The road goes ever on and on.   There is no way to get from here to the clearing at the end without some guidance.  At some point I will share more of my mapping with you Dear Reader.  For now I challenge you to give Paul’s letter an honest unfiltered read.  You may find a few shortcuts for your own journey.

The Road – Sweet Comfort Band

I'm livin' it out on the road

And I've got so far to go

The one that I love is at home

And she is a part of me

I stare at the road 'til my eyes turn red

The book on my lap

And the thought in my head of you

Somethin' keeps drivin' me on

When I just don't want to go

I carry this feelin' inside

That nobody want to know

So why would you choose to be using me

I've never been quite what they want to see from you

The road is so demanding, Lord

I can't give more than I have

I know how much I need your love

I can't give more than you've given me

And I stand in some corner backstage

And eat what's not good for me

I sleep in another hotel

With the radio on

And I dream of my home where I belong

And I didn't just travel this far for a song or two

But I'll do it for you

The road is so demanding, Lord

I can't give more than I have

I know how much I need your love

I can't give more than you've given me

Well I know that the number one thing

Is spending my time with you

And this road gives me plenty of time

To hear what you have to say

Sometimes you don't speak a word at all

But here I am waiting to answer your call to me

And I hope you can see

I'm out on the road.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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The Road – Opening Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

My eldest Son just began reading The Hobbit to my Grandsons.  If you have not read this and The Lord of the Rings you have missed the opportunity for some great adventure and philosophy.  One of the themes that underlies the story is the road. 

Like life the story is about a journey.  Like life the vehicle is the path to that journey.  We are on a journey back to God.  He wants to get back to good.  We travel this journey whether we wish it or not.  It is how we travel that matters.

I have been in a pause over the last few weeks trying to get back to the place where I could find joy in the journey.  I am not there yet but am closer to getting there.  I am still in upheaval but must go on as I have a journey to continue.

This time will be spent in remembering what the journey is about and how I must interact with it.  I forgot for a bit that my destination is still home.  I forgot for some time that none of the places I call home here are really home.  I must get back to remembering the journey.  Walk with me if you wish Dear Reader.  I always value your company. 

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – Closing Thoughts

Greetings Dear Reader,

Today I will be walking out of the house for that last time.  There are few things left to move.  There are a few things left to donate and some cleaning to do.  There will be the locking of doors and leaving behind of a place that used to be home.

I am singularly reminded that none of this is my home.  I am a wayfaring traveler on a journey home.  The road is long and it is easy to get bogged down in temporary things.  The problem is that we do not define temporary broadly enough.  Every THING I have is temporary.  Eventually it will all be rubbish on some level.

So I close a chapter.  I face the unknown frontier.  I do so with the light of Christ.  I do so with him as my only hope.  That will be enough.  I will dive deep for a bit into the things which are vital to being a faithful follower. 

I realize that some of you Dear Reader have been troubled by my raw pain and grief.  It is where I am.  It is what I am processing.  It is not permanent nor is it beyond the pale.  My faith is firm.  My heart is hurting.   The road calls and I must go on; ever on. 

The Things We Leave Behind – Michael Card

There sits Simon, so foolishly wise

Proudly he's tending his nets

Then Jesus calls and the boats drift away

And all that he owns he forgets

But more than the nets, he abandoned that day

He found that his pride was soon drifting away

And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Matthew was mindful of taking the tax

And pressing the people to pay

Hearing the call, he responded in faith

And followed the light and the way

And leaving the people so puzzled he found

The greed in his heart was no longer around and

And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Every heart needs to be set free

From possessions that hold it so tight

'Cause freedom's not found in the things that we own

It's the power to do what is right

With Jesus, our only possession

And giving becomes our delight

And we can't imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

We show a love for the world in our lives

By worshiping goods we possess

Jesus has laid all our treasures aside

And love God above all the rest

'Cause when we say no, to the things of the world

We open our hearts to the love of the Lord and

It's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

And when we say no, to the things of the world

We open our hearts to the love of the Lord and

It's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Oh, and it's hard to imagine the freedom we find

From the things we leave behind

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – Not a Home

Greetings Dear Reader,

Today the furniture arrives.  Today I say goodbye to the house that has been my home.   I am weary from the lifting, carrying, and placing.  I am beginning to shape the layout of my new abode. 

My definition of home has always been the people not the place.   My new abode will be only me.  It will not be a home.  People have tried to tell me that I can make it one but that is not how I work.  It is the sharing of the space with those I love that makes it work for me.

The hard deck is sound.  I will find solace in Christ and cherish the moments that other choose to share with me.  At the end of the day, however, I will lay down alone.  I cannot understand why God has chosen this for my journey but I trust him.  I do not like it but I will walk what I must.

I have all that I need in terms of provision and supply.  In some ways I have too much.  A project will be to reduce.  Possessions are not my friends or family.  I do not know how long I will be in this place but my hope is to leave with less. 

For now I must steel myself for the long dark; the evenings of coming back to an empty place.  No matter the revels or events the end is the same.  I will not use others to avoid this Moria but the goblins and Balrog within will lurk in the shadows nightly. 

I will follow the light and limit the darkness.  I will follow in faith that I am not alone in my solitude.  I would never willingly choose this but it is here.  I will do my best to walk the path well through the long dark of this journey.   

Loose Ends – Dan Fogelberg

Climbing a mountain in darkness

Stranded alone on the ledge

Every attempt that I make to hold on

Pushes me nearer the edge

Sensing the changes impending

My thoughts are diffused by despair

I feel like I'm swimming straight up underwater

Desperately racing for air

I'm racing for air

And the chords struck at birth grow more distant

Yet, we strike them again and again

And we plead and we pray for a glimmer of day

As the night folds its wings and descends

Exposing the loose ends

Surrounding myself with possessions

I surely have more than I need

I don't know if this is justice hard earned

Or simply a matter of greed

A matter of greed

And the chords struck at birth grow more distant

Yet, we strike them again and again

And we plead and we pray for a glimmer of day

As the night folds its wings and descends

Exposing the loose ends

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House - Last Things – Part 2

Greetings Dear Reader,

Resurrection Oak 2007

A week of moments remains.  We are moving the last of our things this weekend.  Christmas will stay with me a bit longer then off to her new place.   I have a week of vacation approaching as well. 

As much as I dislike this transition I would be remiss in my attitude if I did not recall some of the good times spent in the house that was my home.  I will miss the sweet well water.  It was something that I never took for granted. 

The resurrection oak will also be something I miss.  It was thought to be diseased and was cut down our first autumn in the house.  That first spring it shot out new limbs from the stump.  It is now over twelve feet tall and beautiful. 

There were some wonderful Christmas parties there.  I was able to host many friends and celebrate them.  I do not know if my new place will accommodate this event.  We shall have to see.

Even in the loss of home I find memories that I will treasure.   It will be a place where I found more of Christ to follow.  It will be the place I lived when I made great turn in that journey.  That will become past and, therefore, prologue.  The way lies onward and there I must go.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – Empty Hallways

Greetings Dear Reader,

The house that once was a home feels almost empty.  So friends helped us get more things moved last evening.  I think I have had my last meal there.  The reality of it clings to me like Marley’s money boxes. 

The new place is still quite unsettled and I have to get things moved to make space for the furniture on Saturday.  After that the settling of the new place begins in earnest.  I am thankful for the friends who gave up an evening to help me.  It not only a blessing but reminded me of the way in which God cares for us.

I need to move in faith that God will care for me.  “Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire? “  This fitful fire fueling the crucible in which I find myself fosters fear.   It puts me in the place where I must follow in faith with no knowledge.   It is interesting that the key verse of my morning reading reminded me that the just must live by faith.

Faith is the place from which hope must spring.  My faith is solid but the drum of my fears keeps tempo.  I wonder if I am up to the challenge.  I know that I must be for the sake of the journey.  It is how I will find my way.  Right now, however, the empty hallways begin to echo like a dirge. 

Heart Hotels – Dan Fogelberg

Well there's too many windows

in this old hotel

And rooms filled with reckless pride

And the walls have grown sturdy

And the halls have worn well

But there is nobody living inside

Nobody living inside...

Gonna pull in the shutters

On this heart of mine

Roll up the carpets and pull

in the blinds

And retreat to the chambers that

I left behind

In hopes there still may be

Love left to find

Still may be love left to find.

Seek inspiration in daily affairs

Now your soul is in trouble

and requires repairs

And the voices you hear at the

top of the stairs

Are only echoes of unanswered prayers;

Echoes of unanswered prayers.

Well there's too many windows

in this old hotel

And rooms filled with reckless pride

And the walls have grown sturdy

And the halls have worn well

But there is nobody living inside

Nobody living inside...

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Home to House – Broken Windows

Greetings Dear Reader,

I am trying so hard to keep out the pain and loss.  It is not working.  I cannot close off the windows that let me see out but protect me from the feelings as they are broken instead of open.  Part one of the last big push is today.

I am weary both physically and emotionally.  Although I am determined to do this in faith I am completely exhausted from battling the situation.  I find no peace in my pain.  I find no solace even in the sure knowledge that God knows what he is doing even when I do not.

There is no experience in my history of solitude working well for me.  That does not mean it cannot.  It does mean that I move on without the hope that experience would provide.  I can tell I am getting thread bare when I try to organize things.  This is the hardest trial of my willingness to walk in faith I have had in some time.

I will not run after things that glitter or offer false hope.  I will seek Christ and allow him to carry me when necessary.  My pain and fear must not rule any of my responses.  My faith must rule them all.

Learn to be Still – The Eagles

It's just another day in paradise

As you stumble to your bed

You'd give anything to silence

Those voices ringing in your head

You thought you could find happiness

Just over that green hill

You thought you would be satisfied

But you never will-

Learn to be still

We are like sheep without a shepherd

We don't know how to be alone

So we wander 'round this desert

And wind up following the wrong gods home

But the flock cries out for another

And they keep answering that bell

And one more starry-eyed messiah

Meets a violent farewell-

Learn to be still

Learn to be still

Now the flowers in your garden

They don't smell so sweet

Maybe you've forgotten

The heaven lying at your feet

There are so many contradictions

In all these messages we send

(We keep asking)

How do I get out of here?

Where do I fit in?

Though the world is torn and shaken

Even if your heart is breakin'

It's waiting for you to awaken

And someday you will-

Learn to be still

Learn to be still

You just keep on runnin'

Keep on runnin'

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – Lost in Crowds

Greetings Dear Reader,

I attempt to be the same person in every venue.  I do not want the working world to see one person and the social world to see another.  I want to be genuine.  I also need to be respectful of those around me and not impose my difficulties on them.

Because I wish to be both honest and considerate I find that I am stymied at times.  I do not desire to burden others with how I feel at times.  I also do not wish to engage in the perfunctory “how are you” exchange that is the common American greeting. 

Due to this I often find that I do not engage in genuine talk about how I am at all.  Again there is a hard deck here.  On the universal scale I am just fine as frog’s hair.   God has promised this and that is enough for me.  In the current events, however, I am not fine. 

So the harried part of my heart struggles with how to express itself.   I do not want to abuse the small time I have with those who share time with me.  I need to find an outlet for the things I feel but none of the old venues are working.  So I have to simply maintain until a path is found.

For now I must look to others and be what I am meant to be to them.  There is always solace in being good to others.  There is forgetting in being kind.  There is joy in the journey even when walking in the rain.  Then again if nothing changes it may still serve the greater good.  After all, HE must increase and I must decrease.

Lost in Crowds – Ian Anderson

I get lost in crowds: if I can, I remain invisible

to the hungry mouths. I stay unapproachable.

I wear the landscape of the urban chameleon.

Scarred by attention. And quietly addicted to innocence.

At starry parties where, amongst the rich and the famous

I’m stuck for words: or worse, I blather with the best of them.

I see their eyes glaze and they look for the drinks tray.

Something in the drift of my conversation bothers them.

So, who am I? Come on: ask me, I dare you.

So, who am I? Come on: question me, if you care to.

And why not try to interrogate this apparition?

I melt away to get lost in this quaint condition.

In scary airports, in concourses over-filled,

I am detached in serious observation.

As a passenger, I become un-tethered when

I get lost in clouds: at home with my own quiet company.

Herald Tribune or USA Today. Sauvignon Blanc or oaky Chardonnay.

Asleep for the movie. Awake for the dawn

Dancing on England and hedgerows

Embossed on a carpet of green. I descend and

Forgive me I mean to get lost in crowds.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Second Thoughts – Managing Expectations

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

As a project manager it is vital that we manage the needs of our customers and their expectations.  As a parent and grandparent it is important that I not place to many expectations on my family.  As a writer I place great expectations on my own work. 

I mentioned that the Grandsons were in a wedding this past Saturday.  They were real troopers and did their very best all day in the heat and humidity.  They enjoyed the meal and danced with the girls.  They celebrated and bore the rings as good as any Halfling.

Then it was time to return home.  We were loading the boys into the car when Bastion the youngest started crying that we could not leave yet.  He was both angry and hurt.  When we inquired why he stated, “Because I did not get married yet.”

My Son and I both lost it with laughter.  Then we tried to console and overtired overstimulated three-year-old.  Fortunately he soon fell asleep.  I must learn to better manage the expectations of others at auspicious events.   After all no one told him he was not getting married.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – Solitude Unaware

Greetings Dear Reader,

At some point yesterday during my lifting and carrying I injured my already damaged shoulder.  A slip and fall on ice several winters ago has left the shoulder damaged and I pulled or pushed too hard and it is making its presence known in a very unfriendly manner.

Self & Solitude by Nathan Wirth 

When it first happened I thought that I should call one of the children and let him or her know.  It struck me like a thunderbolt that all three of them were not in town.  They are not even in Wisconsin.  The depth of my solitude enveloped me like a shroud. 

At the crux of my sorrow over this change is being alone.  I do not do well with solitude.  Since Avalon left I have not had good results even with a few days on my own.  I am working to assure that I do not do anything improper in my dealing with my fear.  I also am finding moments where the feelings overwhelm me. 

I know that my security must be found in Christ.  In most areas I can do this.   In this thing I am weak and fearful.  I am sure I will become “better” at it but I have little hope that I will get over it.  I will not violate the hard deck of my hope and faith.  I will also not fool myself into believing that there is not some great difficulty in the near future.

I find few who get how broken this part of me is.  It is at the center of my waking fear and my deepest nightmares.  As with all things this broken part of me must be entrusted to Christ.  I will do this but today I feel very little hope and most of my energy is going to fighting the fear. 

Broken – Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain(In the pain) there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House – The Final Push

Greetings Dear Reader,

Charter is revealed in so many things.  How do we handle ourselves when no one is watching or when we think we will not be found out?  How do we behave when we are hurt, angry, or broken hearted?  What is the attitude that we carry in our hearts?

I already know that the week will be trying.  Both the social and physical aspects of completing the move will be challenging.  The days for rest with my Son helped.  Other things have made it more difficult.  My friend Val observed that I seem very sad. 

I supposed that I am sad.  There is also the joy of anticipating how Christ will lead me in these new surroundings.  I admit that I hold little hope for liking it.  I have a hard deck where hope is concerned.  I refuse to lose my hope in Christ.  My hope for other things, however, is quite thin. 

My fallen nature wants me to believe this is some kind of comeuppance for the failures of my earlier life.  I realize that this is not how God deals with us but sometimes the taunting voice is quite loud.  I want to see this pain and separation as an opportunity.   I have no life experience on which to base that hope so it is hollow and unformed.

As I go back to the chore of turning home to house today I do so with a heavier heart than expected.  New sorrows have found companionship with the original ones and try to turn my efforts to lead.  In this time I will do as I must but I am struggling to find joy in the journey.

One Whit Duck  – Jethro Tull

There's a haze on the skyline, to wish me on my way.

And there's a note on the telephone --- some roses on a tray.

And the motorway's stretching right out to us all,

As I pull on my old wings --- one white duck on your wall.

Isn't it just too damn real?

One white duck on your wall, one duck on your wall

I'll catch a ride on your violin --- strung upon your bow.

And I'll float on your melody --- sing your chorus soft and low.

There's a picture-view postcard to say that I called.

You can see from the fireplace, one white duck on your wall.

Isn't it just too damn real?

One white duck on your wall, one duck on your wall

So fly away Peter and fly away Paul --- from the

Finger-tip ledge of contentment.

The long restless rustle of high-heeled boots calls.

And I'm probably bound to deceive you after all.

Something must be wrong with me and my brain ---

If I'm so patently unrewarding.

But my dreams are for dreaming and best left that Way ---

And my zero to your power of ten equals nothing at all.

There's no double-lock defense; there's no chain on my door.

I'm available for consultation,

But remember your way in is also my way out,

And Love’s four-letter word is no compensation.

Well, I'm the Black Ace dog-handler: I'm a waiter on skates ---

So don't you jump to your foreskin conclusion.

Because I'm up to my deaf ears in cold breakfast trays ---

To be cleared before I can dine on your sweet Sunday lunch confusion.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Second Thoughts – Christmas Every Day

Greetings Dear Reader,

Sometimes I will end the day with thoughts that are important to get out.  Usually I just write them and put them in my journal folder.  I have chosen that on occasion I will share them with you Dear Reader.

Whilst I have celebrated the wedding of friends today there is a single dark pixel in the screen of this bright day.  My Daughter Christmas is still hundreds of miles away.  She is on her way back but this is the first time since she came to live with us that I have not been with her on her birthday.

I am only able celebrate her in words today, so I will.  She is an amazing person.  She is strong and intelligent.  She has a heart for those in need.  Her love of children is holy and fierce.  Her love of the beauty in the world is unparalleled. 

She has whit and cheek in spades.  She works hard and reasons out better ways to do things constantly.  Christmas has a WICKED love of musical theatre.  She may know every line to every Disney movie.  Her mind is sharper than she believes.  The world is a much better place because she is in it.

I know that every day she has lived in my home I have felt something of the magic of Christmas in my life.  Her determination to have a better life shows the hope that Christmas portents.  Every time she smiles from the heart it is like opening a gift.  Each step toward Christ that she takes in her journey mirrors the beauty and grace found in redemption.  Her presence has surly provided Christmas in my home every day. 

Happy Birthday Christmas; you are loved and valued.

Butterfly Kisses – Bob Carlisle

There's two things I know for sure:

She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl.

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes

and I thank god for all of the joy in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;

sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;

"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."

"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."

Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today

She's looking like her mama a little more everyday

One part woman, the other part girl.

To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember.....

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;

sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.

"You know how much I love you, Daddy,

But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."

Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right

to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time

Like the wind, the years go by.

Precious butterfly.

Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.

She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.

Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.

She asked me what I'm thinking and I said

"I'm not sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."

She leaned over

Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."

"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.

To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember

Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses...

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Home to House - A Pause to Revel

Greetings Dear Reader,

Today I will celebrate the marriage of two friends.  Last night at the rehearsal dinner it was joyful to learn some new things about my friends.  It was good to hear people who have known the groom far longer than I speak of his good character.

I do not often attend weddings.  I take seriously the responsibility to support the marriage that I witness.  I feel right about supporting these two as they attempt to forge a life together.  I have already spent time praying for them.

So today my focus is on others.  I pray for them both for the day and the life.  I ask that the Lord of Life permeate them and draw them ever closer to him.  I ask for fair skies today and fair sailing as they set out.  I with them great joy in their journey.

The Wedding – Michael Card

Lord of light, oh, come to this wedding

Take the doubt and darkness away

Turn the water of lifeless living

To the wine of gladness we pray

Mother Mary's gently requesting

That you might do whatever you can

Though she may be impatient she loves you

And so she asks what she can't understand

Lord of light, oh, come to this wedding

Take the doubt and darkness away

Turn the water of lifeless living

To the wine of gladness we pray

So amidst the laughter and feasting

There sits Jesus full with the fun

He has made them wine because He is longing

For a wedding that's yet to come.

Lord of light, oh, come to this wedding

Take the doubt and darkness away

Turn the water of lifeless living

To the wine of gladness we pray

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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