10 March 2020

The Impossible ~ Losing Oneself

Greetings Dear Reader,

Recently a coworker said, “I really need a vacation from my life.”  Given the level of pressure in her job, I can understand that need. I suppose we all reach times when we wish to live in a different place in a different way for a bit.  This is likely why destination vacations are so popular.

Then there are those events or circumstances which push us to change our lives on a larger scale.  Sometimes this is good.  Sometimes it is not.  The common denominator in all of these is the discrepancy between what is desired and what exists.  We can lose ourselves if we let that discrepancy endure for too long. 

The crux of this is that we need to lose ourselves in some ways.  Who we are outside of Christ is not something we can endure well.  I am not saying that all of us have miserable lives because we do not follow Christ.  I am saying that no matter how good or ill our lives are with Christ, it is not our first, best destiny to remain that way.  Until we lose ourselves in Jesus, we are not complete.

I realize that this sounds both simple and puerile.  In truth, it is what works.  When I gave up everything, it was because I was no longer able to sustain anything.  My fork in the road had three paths.  Two of them led only to darkness where my mind embraced the unthinkable.   The third was giving my entire being over to the impossible task of dying to self so that I could live.  A year and a bit down the road, I can see the impossible becoming the possible.

Even though I have a glimpse of this impossibility, I still have so very far to go.  Leaving my self for my better self is the hardest divorce there is.  Years of habits ingrained in my journey are hard to ignore when the call for my attention.  The more often I succeed, the easier it becomes.

There are still some parts of my heart and mind that want to reclaim their superior inferiority.  The journey gets hard and the discipline is tiresome.  I know, however, that I am being pried away from something that I wish to be free of anyway.   The peace and sweetness of being removed from those things that harm me and others is incomparable to anything that resembled home before it.

We must lose all of our natural selves in order to find our way home Dear Reader.  It is in this losing oneself that we can find our true enduring selves.  It is here that we can see the path home, walk it together, and become examples of the impossible becoming possible.  We can discuss this as much as you wish.

Home from Home - Roo Panes

Bright young sun, it looks like the morning's come,
And its all come so easy like the heavens are wishing me well.
And those dawning eyes brought forth my own sunrise,
Well, it's been a long time since the beat of my heart was a friend,
It's been a long time since I felt I was breathing again.

In you, I found my home from home,
Left all that I knew for a love that I know.

So fresh air, open ways, mild nights, wild days, wondering in wonder, pondering what wandering we'll do.
I guess I don't care about what? When? Or where? Because I'm starting to realize the question worth asking is, who?
I'm starting to realize the question worth answering is you.

In you, I found my home from home,
Left all that I knew for a love that I know

And that grip you prized me from I was already trying to lose.
It was holding me, to hold me back from you!
I guess its funny, this two-fold irony;
I guess its funny, this two-fold irony,
My greatest victory was my own defeat,
Greatest victory in my own defeat.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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