On Fear ~ Fear Run Wild

Greetings Dear Reader,

One of the things I have had to master to work at loving others is my anger.  Perhaps master is too strong a word because it is always there demanding to be uncaged.  It is there wanting lease to protect me from my fears.

The difficulty is that anger feeds fear and fear summons anger.  We become angry because of hurt from others.  Instead of love and forgiveness, we deal in anger to protect us from the fear of being hurt again.  It is not wrong to feel afraid. It is wrong to let fear be in charge.  When we let fear control our thinking, we abandon faith and love. 

I am not saying this as one who has grasped it all but, rather, as one who fights it when it raises its voice.  I work to master it but find that I must count on the grace and mercy of Christ to accomplish even that.  In the last year I have gained more ground on this that I did in the previous twenty.

We hear that the first step to solving a problem is admitting that the problem exists.  Not only have I had to face the anger but the fear behind it as well.  The fear that guided so many of my poor choices was rational but also unmanageable without facing it.  Instead, I tried to use control and bravado to mask what I feared. 

It occurs to me that when people like me desperately say they are trying to protect others through controlling behaviour, they to some degree are.  Knowing the darkness that lives in me, unshared with anyone until this year, it was an erroneous but reasonable that I chose the path I did.  I was wrong but my motive was right.  It is not our intention that matters.

Fear drove me to make poor choices and try to control things I could not.  Grace, love, and mercy allow me to face the fear and kill it.  I cannot undo the damage but I can live a life without the anger and offense going forward.  It deepens my belief that all that we do wrong is connected to our fear.

I will work daily to no longer give fear a foothold or anger lease.  There are things about which we can honorably feel anger.  That anger, however, must be short-lived and discarded for nobler feelings.  If I am going to love you properly, Dear Reader, I must realize that my anger has no life at the end of the day.  It must die with the sunset and I must not resurrect it in the morning no matter how afraid I feel.  If you wish to discuss it further, your company is always valued.

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

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Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good.

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