Greetings Dear Reader,
I am quite aware today that I am single. I walk a fine line where what I desire is not
available and what is available is not meant for me. This may sound odd but it is evidence that I
have learned from my failures. Today
reminds me though, that I am a romantic with no one to romance.
This begs the question of how to fulfill that need without
leaving the path that is so vital to my journey. I have no clear and clean answer but I do
have practices that mitigate the loneliness and longing. There are things that train me to be a better
man.
Let me be clear again.
My situation is mostly my fault.
Two women have been brave enough to love me and marry me. I failed them both. I gave up on my first marriage and was so
demanding in the second. Even though all
of our commitments are our own to fulfill, I did not do what I should to love
and care for the women that loved me. I
have learned a great deal since then.
As holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day
remind me, I love someone and am not able to repair what is there. So again, it is up to me to strike the balance
of holding to my true heart and ensuring that I do not try to force or manipulate
things to my desire. There is a higher
way and I must do whatever it takes to walk it.
Being alone has worked in me to see people for what they
need. Committing my heart to love everyone
deeply and passionately helps. Seeking every
day to love the Father passionately and as my first love sustains me. The deeper I go in this the more clearly I
see that who I have been is very difficult to love.
Stripping away expectations from my interactions with others
teaches me to see them for their gifts and needs instead of a way to meet my
own needs. The loneliness is real for me
but focusing on being loving without expectations fulfills me. When my lesser self tries to assert its
desires, I can focus on genuine love instead of seeking my own interests. The gap shrinks every time I do this. I am able to refocus on that which is good and
right faster.
The other thing that occurs is that loving others first,
unconditionally, and without expectations frees me to see their needs. When we give ourselves away in the right way,
what comes out of that is richer than my selfish needs. There is a level of fulfillment in loving
others for the sake of loving the Father that I have not seen before in my
heart. I have more love to show and give. I am not setting out expectations that when
not met cause hurt and anger.
The things for which I yearn are based on that love. Power and control have nothing to do with
it. It is the freedom to love without
placing others in a box or corner. It is
seeing those I love as the Father made them and being at peace with what they
offer that contains life.
What I find myself wanting is only the Father’s best for
others. I still miss my fellow traveler. I still desire to adventure the rest of the journey
home with her. I also long to be at
peace with those I love deeply who have set me aside. The truth, however, is this: If the Father thought it best for us that
those relationships were as I wish them to be, nothing could stop it. There is great peace in yielding to this
truth and grasping firmly on the love that gives it resolve.
So, on this Single Awareness Day, I tighten my resolve to
love them as deeply as I can. I vow to
respect the boundaries they have set for me.
I will grasp any opportunity to show them the love that I have for
them. I will retire to my rest praying
for the Father to so clothe them in his love that it is all they see. I hold this same love and hope for you Dear
Reader. Perhaps we can understand that
it is pursuing this love is the thing about which we must become singularly aware. This may sound reckless but it is true and
sustainable.
Reckless
Love – Cory Asbury
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the
ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still, You give
Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the
ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still, You give
Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the
ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still, You give
Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer
who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner.
He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contacts for Aramis
Thorn:
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