Second Thoughts ~ Father and Children

Greetings Dear Reader,

This may be a bit raw.  It is, however, honest.  It occurred to me this morning that I have spent more time with my birth father’s ashes than he ever spent with me when he was alive.  His absence left wounds in me that are deep and seemingly septic.

I also realized today that this may have been the Father’s way of protecting me from abuse on a grand scale.  Every interaction I had with him left me battered emotionally in ways I have not yet fully understood.

In the midst of this I had created a situation where two of my three children are not speaking to me.  I have failed in many ways as a father and am trying to own it all.  I am also trying to learn how to let God Father me.  It all hurts so very deeply and I do not know what to do other than try to become a better me and allow the rest to unfold as it will.

I know that I have exasperated all of my children.  I am astounded that the Father is not exasperated with me.  I watched the movie, I Can Only Imagine again.  I was deeply struck with how much I still need to learn about how to have a father, much more how to be one. 

When even seeking forgiveness is met with anger and stress there is so much more needed.  I must go deeper in allowing the Father to handle this situation.  Those who come back from failure and shame in the right way do not hide their failures.  They are honest so that others can learn from them.  I will not try to force the situation.  I can only hope that I get to see the Father ultimately win with my children. 

I cannot rewrite the past.  I can work to be someone better than I was and do so each day.  I can be open about it so that perhaps other fathers can benefit.  For now, what it would be like to be gathered with my children in harmony, I can only imagine.

I Can Only Imagine – Mercy Me

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk, by your side

I can only imagine what my eyes will see

When you face is before me

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by You glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus

Or in awe of You be still

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes

When I find myself standing in the Son

I can only imagine when all I would do is forever

Forever worship You

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for You, Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine hey ya ah

Surrounded by Your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for You, Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in Your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine hey ya ah

I can only imagine yeah yeah

I can only imagine

I can only imagine ey ey ey

I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do

Is forever, forever worship You

I can only imagine

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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