Greetings Dear Reader,
This may be a bit raw.
It is, however, honest. It occurred
to me this morning that I have spent more time with my birth father’s ashes
than he ever spent with me when he was alive.
His absence left wounds in me that are deep and seemingly septic.
I also realized today that this may have been the Father’s
way of protecting me from abuse on a grand scale. Every interaction I had with him left me
battered emotionally in ways I have not yet fully understood.
In the midst of this I had created a situation where two of
my three children are not speaking to me.
I have failed in many ways as a father and am trying to own it all. I am also trying to learn how to let God
Father me. It all hurts so very deeply
and I do not know what to do other than try to become a better me and allow the
rest to unfold as it will.
I know that I have exasperated all of my children. I am astounded that the Father is not exasperated
with me. I watched the movie, I Can
Only Imagine again. I was deeply
struck with how much I still need to learn about how to have a father, much more
how to be one.
When even seeking forgiveness is met with anger and stress
there is so much more needed. I must go
deeper in allowing the Father to handle this situation. Those who come back from failure and shame in
the right way do not hide their failures.
They are honest so that others can learn from them. I will not try to force the situation. I can only hope that I get to see the Father ultimately
win with my children.
I cannot rewrite the past.
I can work to be someone better than I was and do so each day. I can be open about it so that perhaps other
fathers can benefit. For now, what it
would be like to be gathered with my children in harmony, I can only imagine.
I Can
Only Imagine – Mercy Me
I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Surrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah
I can only imagine yeah yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine ey ey ey
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer
who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home
owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure
store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contacts for Aramis
Thorn:
Support Page on
Patreon: www.patreon.com/aramisthorn
Bookings at aramisthorn@aramisthorn.com
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