07 February 2019

Desperado ~ Greener Grass =

Greetings Dear Reader,

…“But you only want the ones that you can't get.”

Someone I love and respect said to me, “You gave up your career and your family for something you no longer have.”  It sunk all the way to the depths of my spirit.  When I fail, I fail big.  When I betray my faith, it is always in a way that hurts others.

In almost every case it is because I think I see something better.  It is because I want things I cannot have.  When I first arrived at this oasis in the wilderness where I currently abide, I understood that I had been trying to create something that I cannot.  I realized that I was not dealing with who I was at heart.  I was trying to create a place that insulated me from my sorrow over not having that heart. 

It is what we do.  We have fine things that can satisfy if we allow it. Instead, we convince ourselves that we have “settled” and become dissatisfied.  We begin to think about, then want, and then pursue things we cannot or should not have.  We make up all kinds of stories and excuses to justify our choice.  At the heart of it, however, is the honest truth that we just want it.

We destroy marriages, families, careers, and reputations in pursuit of what we think will make us happy.  We think that is the freedom we want when it is instead bondage to failure and shame.  We harden our hearts to the truth that once we make certain choices or commitments, other things are not allowed.

The Father makes it clear that some things are only given to us because of the hardness of our hearts.  We want things we cannot get or should not possess.  We become deaf to the truth when others lovingly try to show us our error.  We make vows and violate them in the name of what we want for ourselves.  

Here are some simple things that make this practical:

Once you make a promise you have given away your choice on the matter.
Once you make a marriage vow you have forsaken others as a pursuit.
When we commit our lives to Christ, we give up the option of not following him.
When we say we will do something for someone we transfer the power into his or her hands and must deal with it with integrity.

We will become hard-hearted and harsh to avoid fulfilling our commitments when we see something we want more.  We will also judge harshly those who do the same thing.  When we are the ones damaged by someone pursuing something he or she should not, they are wrong, hurtful, and selfish.  When we are the ones pursuing that which is forbidden, no one understands, our circumstance is different, and we are justified.

Even in the justification of pursuing the things we cannot have we lie to ourselves and say that our situation is unique.  For too long I pursued things that were not the Kingdom and the righteousness of God.  Too often I hardened my heart to the voice telling me that I was pursuing things I cannot get.  Then I was surprised when others hardened their hearts toward me.

Desperados are surprised when they are waylaid by others Desperados.  When hard hearts clash, they shatter.  My heart is broken and still beating.  I can only now pursue Christ and pray for him to heal those I have wronged.  I can only allow them to ride out their hard hearts and see that they too need a heart of flesh again. 

Your stone heart will always betray you Dear Reader.  The Father can heal the pain and give you back a heart of flesh.  I am not there yet but I am willing and working.  It is always our responsibility to see what we have that is good and not pursue the things that are not ours.  We can only do that through remaining faithful to Christ and each other.  It comes down once again to loving God and those around us with all that we are.  Are you ready to turn for home yet?

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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1 comment:

  1. <3 It is hard to share our personal shame and struggles on the journey. Your honest evaluation of your own path frees others to do the same. There is joy in the journey (despite our own failure) and grace abumdant and free.