Greetings Dear Reader,
Many things from my childhood have fallen into wretchedness
or faded to obscurity. We have seen the demise
of some very good institutions in America.
I do not think there has been a good Saturday morning cartoon line-up since
1992. It is no longer safe to do most of
the things I did as a boy. I wonder sometimes
how I survived at all.
I have expressed my horror at the demise of the Cracker Jack
prize. My feelings about the designated
hitter are out there for anyone to read.
I recently visited the summer camp I went to as a boy and there are
phone charging stations at all the activity sites. I can hear the sound of the world slowly
dying in all of these things.
This week, however, I was struck a blow from which I may
never recover. No one told me this
change was coming and I was seriously damaged by it. I went to lay in some stores for upcoming travel. One of my go-to solutions for easy use and
variety at breakfast has always been the Kellogg’s single-serving variety pack
of cereal. There are several brand
combinations and the cost is reasonable.
I have spent many traveling and camping mornings carefully
cutting the perforated lines and inner bag to form the traditional and
enjoyable cereal box bowl. I am almost
an expert at it. I can make the cuts without
perforating the lower half of the bag. I
have almost never had a leak. I was excited and invested when I went to the
grocery store to obtain my set of ten delightful breakfast box bowls.
The first wound came when the grocer only had pouches for
every brand of cereal except Kellogg’s.
Pouches! One can never make a
bowl from a foil cereal pouch. Walking
tacos I get but this is simply wrong. Pouches are right out!
I finally found the Kellogg’s boxes on the bottom shelf. It was the one I like with two boxes of Corn
Pops and two boxes of Fruit Loops.
Rounding out the ten were Coco Crispi’s, Raisin Bran, Apple Jacks,
Frosted Flakes, Rice Crispi’s, and Mini-Wheats. I knew better than to take them
in the wrapper they came in from the store.
After arriving home, I opened the package and began to place
the boxes in the food bag I would take with me.
It took me a moment to realize that something was off. Then I felt it before I saw it. The horizontal and vertical perforation lines
were not on the obverse side of the Pops box.
I checked the Mini Wheats and Fruit Loops. No lines there either. All ten boxes were barrenly smooth and free
of bowl forming access. I opened a box
of Frosted Flakes (my least favorite).
The waxed paper inner bag was gone as well. In its place was a plastic bag that serves as
a poor substitute. The death of my single
serving cereal box bowl experiences was certain. I am hurt, feel betrayed, and see little hope
for the future of children who will never know the joy of the cereal box
bowl.
I could learn to live with the plastic inner bag. Without the perforations, however, the single
serving box has no future stands as a mockery to all that is noble and good. There will be no adventurous rectangular
breakfasts in the mornings. In the death
of the simple design, the single serving cereal box is relegated to being just
an overpriced tiny box of cereal that needs a bowl. I feel so sad for America.
Wishing you joy in the journey,
Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer
who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner.
He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contacts for Aramis
Thorn:
Bookings: aramisthorn@aramisthorn.com
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