Second Thoughts ~ Sehnsucht

Greetings Dear Reader, 

I have been searching for a word to describe the doldrums that I am in with my journey.  I wonder if doldrums is even a proper word here.  I am not discontent or even impatient.  Those bubble to the surface occasionally but not in a harmful way.  I am not discouraged or depressed. 

When Avalon and I were talking the other evening, she gave me the word I was looking for and she had no idea how deeply it would resonate with me.  I will get the academic part out of the way.  The word is Sehnsucht, a German word that is a compound of two other German words.  The literal meaning is a longing, desire, or yearning.  The applicable meaning for me is “an inconsolable yearning or wistful longing for something one cannot explain or does not know...YET.” 

That applicable meaning is the truth.  It is what both elates and troubles my soul tonight.  It is the passion behind Project Tortoiseshell.  It is the sorrow that keeps a moist spot in the corner of my eye almost all the time.  There are other places I would be were I to have all that I wish right now.  I know it will arrive when it is time but tonight, I am yearning, longing for something that does not yet exist.  I have dreamt of it so much that I have nostalgic memories of a life I have not yet lived. 

It is both a pain and a joy.  The joy is that I am not limited to the desire to be independent and on the road.  It is the desire to see it all both here and in that Undiscovered Country.  I am not lonely in the companion sense of the word.  I am lonely for the faces of those I love, the joy I can bring to others who I have not seen in years or even decades.  It is the freedom to do what I do best without the impediments of the current situation.  I am not ungrateful for what I have.  I do, however, know there is something more.  There are undiscovered paths and byways.  There people who need a kind word or just a listening loving ear.

 I know that the Father has all this in hand.  I am sure he is moving things to get me there.  Tonight, however, in the quiet dark, I am feeling that Sehnsucht for this world and what it holds for me.  My imagination tells the tales I have not yet lived and written as if they are cherished memories or stories long-ago read.  Eventually, I will travel the road home and I daily long for that journey.  Before it, however, Dear Reader, I am longing for the horizons here where I can share a bowl and a tale with you.  Please pray for me that I find the way sooner rather than later.  Forgive my longing and know that you are always welcome to journey with me. 

The Road Goes Ever On and On – J.R.R. Tolkien – Performed by CamillasChoice

 The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

 The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet. 

Roads go ever on and on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon. 

Roads go ever on and on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known. 

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,

Still, round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun. 

Wishing you joy in the journey, 

Aramis Thorn
Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, "That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a homeowner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Every human story is part of the great story that leads to the Father getting everything back to Good. 

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Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.